For children, - Is it too easy to blame others, rather than take responsibility for our own actions?

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How do you react when things go wrong? Do you feel a sense of shock, a sense of 'how can this happen to me?' Do you find yourself getting angry? Do you immediately start identify someone to blame for the problem even before you have clearly established what exactly has happened?
If this describes your typical response to difficulties that you encounter on daily basis then you are not alone.
Human beings have understood that there is no effect without a cause and we are always looking for the cause behind the phenomena that we experience. Our search is not always rational, however. When things happen that we don't like, we become emotionally involved. This is not surprising, but it can mislead us.
When we are emotionally aroused, it's hard for us to think clearly. Our 'fight or flight' responses are activated, whether we like it or not. We see things in black and white way, with no room for shades of gray. This makes us feel very certain of our own view of things and unable to admit alternative explanations. We feel 'under attack' and so are on the look out for an 'enemy'. Who has done this to me?
If we do find someone on whom we can pin the blame for a problem we are facing, it's very tempting to go right ahead and lambaste them without looking into the matter any further. This is because; blaming someone can feel immensely satisfying.
In your calmer moments, you can probably easily see why the blame game is a fool's game. The hunt for scapegoats can distract you from the real issue - which is finding the real root cause of a problem so that you can address it properly. You may find your scapegoat, and totally miss the root cause. Which means your unresolved problem is likely to return to haunt you.
In such cases, looking for someone to blame is completely inappropriate. Repeated instances of blaming can seriously corrode your relationships with colleagues, friends and family.
You will have understood from the above that the essential ingredient in adopting a new way to handle difficulty and disappointment is emotional control. To avoid blame seeking, you need a calm and dispassionate mind. If your emotions become aroused, you need to be able to calm down again and see the bigger picture.
When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don't blame the lettuce. You look into the reasons it is not doing well. It may need fertilizer, or more water, or less sun. You never blame the lettuce. Yet if we have problems with our friends or our family, we blame the other person. But if we know how to take care of them, they will grow well, like lettuce. Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason and arguments. That is my experience. No blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding. If you understand, and you show that you understand, you can love and the situation will change. - Thich Nhat Hanh
All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won't succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy. - Wayne Dyer
Every man is the architect of his own life. He builds it just the way he wants it. However, after he has built what he wants, he sometimes decides that he doesn't like what he has built and looks for someone or something to blame instead of changing himself. - Sydney Madwed
Your life is the fruit of your own doing. You have no one to blame but yourself. - Joseph Campbell
People who are out to find fault seldom find anything else. It is a waste of time, no matter how much you find fault, it is not going to change anything. It's better to find a remedy. - Dye James
The first step in solving any problem is recognizing there is one. When you blame others, you give up your power to change. When you blame others, you give up your power and responsibility in a situation. You are making yourself the victim. In general, victims have no control over their situations, therefore no power to change anything.
"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness" is a Chinese proverb meaning better to do something about a problem than just complain about it. Further, a candle is a small answer to a large problem, but it is still a worthy step in the right direction, rather than just bemoaning the problem of darkness.
People who continually "pass the buck" or blame others suffer usually from a sense of worthlessness or low self esteem.
Ninety-nine percent of all failures come from people who have a habit of making excuses. - George Washington Carver
A bad workman always blames his Tools: A bad workman will never find a good tool. Even If a bad workman is given good tools he will not be able to make use of them because he lacks the basic skills and is inefficient. The sad part is that he is never prepared to accept his own deficiency in training, drawbacks and blemishes. He invariably attributes the poor workmanship to the tools. The carpenter was angry that the piece of wood was cut too short and was an example of the saying that a bad workman always blames his tools. Similarly, a student who is not prepared for the examination tries to get away by saying that the paper was tough.
The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely the one who dropped it. - Lou Holtz
Blame, complain and making excuses are what will make us lose control over our own life and destiny. To take back control, we must stop blaming, complaining and making excuses and assume 100% full responsibility for everything we do and experience in our lives. I am amazed at people who say 'I am late because of traffic'. These people can never be on time, because they don't take responsibility.
Have you ever heard the saying that when you point a finger at someone else, you have three fingers pointing back at you? In fact it's impossible to point a finger of blame at anything or anyone else without pointing three fingers at yourself.
Similarly, pointing the thumb and not the finger means to accept responsibility for your actions. It's so easy to blame someone else or other circumstances for your failures or lack of results. Take ownership of your own future; write your own book of business!
No more external excuses; exercise personal accountability! The true professional takes his hand and closes the four fingers leaving only the thumb extended and points it directly at himself. The thumb naturally points that way. Try pointing your thumb at someone else. It's not natural and very difficult! It's almost as difficult as pointing your finger at someone else and expecting that to solve the problem. Point the thumb and not the finger and you will be better off for it.

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Prayer, - (Striving and migrating for the sake of Allaah), Dought & clear, - * Is his father regarded as a martyr if he died on the job?

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My father died when he was working. He worked as a taxi driver and his income varied and was modest, and he suffered many illnesses. Is working regarded as jihad for the sake of Allah? There are some people who say that he is a martyr. What is the ruling?
Praise be to Allah.
Undoubtedly the efforts of fathers to earn a living in order to spend on their children and make them independent of means so that they will not have to ask of people is something for which they will be rewarded if they seek reward with Allah for that. Al-Bukhaari (56) narrated from Sa‘d ibn Abi Waqqaas (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Verily, you will never spend anything, seeking thereby the Countenance of Allah, but you will be rewarded for it, even (the food) that you put in your wife’s mouth.”
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “A dinar that you spend for the sake of Allaah, a dinar that you spend to free a slave, a dinar that you give in charity to a needy person and a dinar that you spend on your family – the greatest of them in reward is the one that you spend on your family.”
Narrated by Muslim (995).
Al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar (may Allah have mercy on him) said: In the hadeeth of Abu Qilaabah from Abu Asma’, from Thawbaan, who attributed it to the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), it says: “The best dinar that a man spends is a dinar that he spends on his dependents, a dinar that he spends on his mount (for jihad) for the sake of Allah, and a dinar that he spends on his companions (in jihad) for the sake of Allah.” Abu Qilaabah said: He started with dependents, and what man will earn a greater reward than a man who spends on his dependents, to preserve their dignity, and Allah benefits them through him?
At-Tabari said: It starts with spending on dependents, which includes one’s own self, because a man’s own self is among his dependents; indeed, it has a greater right over him than the rest of his dependents, because no one can keep others alive by neglecting and destroying himself. Then comes spending on dependents.
End quote fromFath al-Baari, 9/499
For more information, please see the answer to question no. 69960
Based on that, your father died doing a good deed, for which we hope that he had a good end and acceptance with Allah, may He be exalted. But that does not necessarily mean that he was engaged in jihad in the specific sense of fighting the mushrikeen for the sake of Allah.
With regard to jihad in a general sense (which means striving), which includes every act of obedience to Allah, there is no reason not to say that in general terms. But this does not mean that he died as a martyr either, because not everyone who dies doing a righteous deed dies as a martyr.
And Allah knows best.

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Prayer, - (Striving and migrating for the sake of Allaah), Dought & clear, - * Should he stay in the disbelievers’ land in order to take care of his son from his apostate ex-wife, or should he go back to his Muslim country?

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Previously I was married to a French woman who had become Muslim, and she gave me a son approximately 3 years ago, but one year ago this woman apostatised from Islam, and I repented to Allah and became religiously committed, and I started to look for a righteous wife who wears the niqab in Morocco, not France (with the intention of leaving the land of the disbelievers), where I currently live and my son lives with his mother. Then I found a girl in Morocco and I proposed to her (with the approval of my parents) on the basis that we would live in Morocco, and this girl agreed, but recently my mother pointed out to me that I should not leave my son on his own in France to be brought up by his mushrik mother and her Christian family, and that I should stay near him in France, to bring him up in an Islamic manner, and she does not agree with me going to Morocco.
My question is: what should I do? Should I be patient and stay near my son here in France, even though I no longer want to stay in the disbelievers’ land? If I do that, what about getting married? (Niqab is banned here and I cannot marry a woman who does not wear niqab). What about the girl I proposed to in Morocco? Can I suggest that she should come to France? What about her niqab? Or should I move to the Muslim land and make frequent visits to France in order to check on my son and how he is being brought up? (For example, I could open an import-export business which will allow me to visit France often) Or is there another solution by means of which I may please Allah?
Praise be to Allah
Firstly:
It is not permissible for you to leave your son to be easy prey for the disbelievers. You have to do your utmost to take him away from his mother and her country, so that he can live with you in your country. This is your right according to sharee‘ah, and he should follow you in your religion and be in your custody; that apostate woman has no right to him. If you can give them money to let the boy be with you, then do so; if you can refer the matter to their courts so that he can be in your custody, then do so. In all of these matters, you should consult Islamic centres whose staff you trust in that country, and consult trustworthy lawyers. If you can find a suitable way to take him and bring him to your country, then do so.
If your attempts to keep your son with you now do not succeed, but the law will allow you to have custody of him within a short period of time, then there is nothing wrong with staying there for the duration, so that you can be near him and in constant contact with him, until you are able to have custody of him. At the very least, you can frequently visit that country in order to see him and take care of him as much as you can, within time constraints. Perhaps your frequent visits will be a cause of his mother coming back to Islam and being saved from eternity in the Fire, and it may be a cause of your son bonding with you and loving Islam. At the same time you should do whatever you can to make sure that he is in a clean environment, whether in the place where he is living or in school. We know how difficult that is, but whoever fears Allah, may He be exalted, is sincere in his intention and does his utmost, there is the hope that the difficulties will be reduced for him and his good wishes will be fulfilled.
Secondly:
If your staying in France will increase the likelihood of your son being with you and keeping his religion, and that his apostate mother will not make him into a Christian or turn him away from your religion, then stay close to him until you are able to take custody of him, as mentioned above. If you think that there is no benefit in your staying there, and that you will never be able to take custody of him within a short period of time, then what we think is that you should move to your country Morocco, and start a new life there, but that is on condition that you can frequently visit the place where your son lives, as we mentioned above. Do not cut off your ties with him and keep in touch with him as much as you can.
And Allah knows best.






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Never Forget, - Dought & clear, - * The prostration of everything in the universe toAllaah

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It says in Soorat al-Hajj 22:18 that the dawaab (moving living creatures, beasts, etc.) prostrate to Allaah. What is the nature of this prostration?
Praise be to Allaah.
Note that this universe and all the created beings in it is in thrall to Allaah, whether by choice or by force. The believer worships Allaah by choice and is rewarded for his worship. Even though the kaafir may be alienated from his Lord and failing to worship Him, the atoms of his body and everything in him is worshipping Him and glorifying Him, but because our understanding and perception are limited, we are unaware of that tasbeeh (glorification of Allaah) and unable to understand its nature. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“The seven heavens and the earth and all that is therein, glorify Him and there is not a thing but glorifies His Praise. But you understand not their glorification. Truly, He is Ever Forbearing, Oft-Forgiving”
[al-Isra’ 17:44]
What this means is that every created being is in a state of submission to Allaah and worships Him in a manner appropriate to its situation. The sun, moon, stars, trees and animals are all in a state of subjugation to Allaah and prostrate to Him, and all of them worship Him in an appropriate manner. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“See you not that whoever is in the heavens and whoever is on the earth, and the sun, and the moon, and the stars, and the mountains, and the trees, and Ad-Dawaabb [moving (living) creatures, beasts], and many of mankind prostrate themselves to Allaah. But there are many (men) on whom the punishment is justified. And whomsoever Allaah disgraces, none can honour him. Verily, Allaah does what He wills”
[al-Hajj 22:18]
“Have they not observed things that Allaah has created: (how) their shadows incline to the right and to the left, making prostration unto Allaah, and they are lowly?
And to Allaah prostrate all that is in the heavens and all that is in the earth, of the moving (living) creatures and the angels, and they are not proud [i.e. they worship their Lord (Allaah) with humility]”
[al-Nahl 16:48-49]
Imaam Ibn Katheer said: Allaah is telling us of His Might, Majesty and Pride, for everything submits to Him and all things and creatures humble themselves before Him, inanimate objects and animals, and those which are accountable among mankind and the jinn, and the angels. Allaah tells us that everything that has a shadow that inclines towards the right and towards the left – i.e., morning and evening – prostrates to Allaah. Mujaahid said: When the sun passes its zenith everything prostrates to Allaah.
Allaah has confirmed that all beings prostrate to Him, and He has explained how some of them prostrate, which is by the inclining of its shadow towards the right and the left. It does not mean that everything prostrates on seven parts of the body; that applies only to the Muslims. The prostration of all other beings is in accordance with their nature. The fact that this prostration is prostration in the real sense is indicated by the apparent meaning of the text, because there is no valid reason for not interpreting the text as it appears to be, so we must accept it. That is also supported by the fact that the prostration of the sun, moon, stars, trees and animals is mentioned in conjunction with the prostration of the angels and humans, which indicates that this is prostration in a real sense for all the entities mentioned. Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
Prostration is a form of humility, so the prostration which includes all creatures implies the utmost submission and humility. For every created thing submits to His greatness and humbles itself before His might and power. This does not mean that everything prostrates like human beings do, on seven parts of the body, putting the forehead on the ground. This kind of prostration is only for human beings. Some other nations bow but do not prostrate, and that is their prostration. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
‘and enter the gate in prostration (or bowing with humility) and say: “Forgive us”’
[al-Baqarah 2:58]
It was said that this means enter it bowing, and some of them prostrate on their sides like the Jews. Sujood (prostration) is a generic term but because the way in which Muslims prostrate is so well known, many people think that this is how everything prostrates.
Jaami’ al-Rasaa’il, 1/27
And he said:
It is known that everything prostrates according to its nature, and the prostration of these created entities does not mean that they put their foreheads on the ground.
Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 21/284
This prostration includes the submission and humbling of these created entities to Allaah and their surrendering to His Lordship, Might and Sovereignty. Imam Ibn al-Qayyim said:
“It is the prostration of humility and submission, for everything submits to His Lordship, humbles itself before His Might and is subject to His Sovereignty.”
Madaarij al-Saalikeen, 1/107
The prostration of these created entities is a prostration in a real sense as befits each of these entities. So man prostrates in the manner that suits him, in the manner that is well known, on seven parts of the body. The sun prostrates in the manner that suits it, as mentioned in the saheeh hadeeth of Abu Dharr (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said: “The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to Abu Dharr when the sun had set, ‘Do you know where it went?’ I said, ‘Allaah and His Messenger know best.’ He said, ‘It has gone to prostrate beneath the Throne, then it asks for permission to rise, but soon it will prostrate and its prostration will not be accepted, and it will ask for permission to rise and that will not be granted to it, and it will be said to it, “Go back from whence you came,” and it will rise from the west. This is what Allaah says:
“And the sun runs on its fixed course for a term (appointed). That is the Decree of the All-Mighty, the All-Knowing”
[Yaa-Seen 36:38].’”
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3199)
So it prostrates in a real sense, as is suited to the sun, but how does it prostrate to Allaah beneath the Throne? Allaah knows best how this prostration happens. The apparent meaning of the hadeeth proves that what this prostration means is not simply submission to the command of Allaah and obedience to Him. Indeed, it is submission, humility and surrender by prostrating in a real sense, but we do not understand how it happens. Similarly it is said that the moon, the trees, the animals and all other entities prostrate in a manner that suits them. What the believer should do is not to let the fact that he does not know how some entities prostrate prevent him from believing in this prostration, rather he must believe in what Allaah has told him about other entities prostrating to Him.
And Allaah knows best.

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For children, - Rewarding Responsibility: An Insignificant Task

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The day when the jobs were handed out was one of the most exciting for all the children in the class. It took place during the first week of the term. On that day, every boy and girl was given a job for which they would be responsible for the rest of that school year.
As with everything, some jobs were more interesting than others, and the children were eager to be given one of the best ones. While handing the jobs out, the teacher took into account like which children had been most responsible during the previous year, and those children were the ones who most looked forward for this day. Among them Rita stood out. She was a kind and quiet girl; and during the previous year she had carried out the teacher's instructions perfectly. All the children knew Rita was the favourite to be given the best job of all: to look after the class Dog.
But this year there was a big surprise. Each child received one of the normal jobs, like preparing the books or like preparing models for the lessons, telling the time, cleaning the blackboard, or looking after one of the pets. But Rita's job was very different. She was given a little box containing some sand and one little Ant. And even though the teacher insisted that this Ant was a very special Ant, Rita could not help feeling disappointed. Most of her classmates felt sorry for her. They sympathised with her, and remarked at how unfair it was that she had been given that job. Even her father became very angry with the teacher, and, as an act of protest, he encouraged Rita to pay no attention to this insignificant pet. However, Rita, who liked her teacher very much, preferred to show the teacher her error by doing something special with that job of such little interest.
"I will turn this little task into something great," Rita said to herself.
So it was that Rita started investigating all about her little Ant. She learned about the different species, and studied everything about their habitats and behaviour. She modified the little box to make it perfect for the Ant. Rita gave the Ant the very best food, and it ended up growing quite a bit bigger than anyone had expected.
One day in spring, when they were in the classroom, the door opened, revealing a man who looked rather important. The teacher interrupted the class with great joy, and said,
"This is Doctor Martinez. He has come to tell us a wonderful piece of news, isn't that right?"
"Exactly", said the Doctor Martinez. "Today they have published the results of the competition, and this class has been chosen to accompany me, this summer, on a journey to the tropical rainforest, where we will be investigating all kinds of insects. Among all the schools of this region, without doubt it is this one which has best cared for the delicate little Ant given to you. Congratulations! You will be wonderful assistants!"
That day the school was filled with joy and celebration. Everyone congratulated the teacher for thinking of entering them in the competition, and they thanked Rita for having been so patient and responsible. And so it was that many children learnt that to be given the most important tasks you have to know how to be responsible even in what are apparently insignificant tasks. And without doubt, it was Rita who was most pleased at this, having said to herself so many times "I will turn this little task into something really great".
So what have learned from this insignificant task story? Responsibility is to be measured by how we approach the seemingly less important tasks in life.
Life consists of each and every day. Not just the big events sometime in the future. So don't forget to take responsibility for the little things today too. Don't postpone it. Taking responsibility for your life can be hard on you. It's not something you master over the weekend. So you might as well get started with it right now.
I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble. - Helen Keller
A sign of wisdom and maturity is when you come to terms with the realization that your decisions cause your rewards and consequences. You are responsible for your life and your ultimate success depends on the choices you make. - Denis Waitley
Peak performance begins with your taking complete responsibility for your life and everything that happens to you.

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Never Forget, - Dought & clear, - * Is it permissible to work as a butcher in a non-Muslim country where they do not slaughter the meat in the manner prescribedin Islam?

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I work as a butcher in France. Please note that they do not slaughter the meat in the manner prescribed in Islam. What is the ruling on this work?
Praise be to Allah.
Firstly:
What is required is to denounce evil and combat it, and not approve of it, and to prevent people from getting involved in it or falling into it, because of the general meaning of the verse in which Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Help you one another in Al‑Birr and At‑Taqwa (virtue, righteousness and piety); but do not help one another in sin and transgression. And fear Allah. Verily, Allah is Severe in punishment”
[al-Maa’idah 5:2].
And because the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Whoever among you sees an evil action, then let him change it with his hand [by taking action]; if he cannot, then with his tongue [by speaking out]; and if he cannot, then with his heart – and that is the weakest of faith.” Narrated by Muslim (49).
An-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
The words of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), “… let him change it”, form a command which indicates that it is obligatory according to the consensus of the ummah; the proof for the obligation to enjoin what is good and forbid what is evil is based on the Qur’an, Sunnah and scholarly consensus. End quote.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said: If a man helps others in disobeying Allah, he is sinning, because he is helping in sin and transgression. Hence the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) cursed alcohol, the one who presses (the grapes, etc), the one for whom it is pressed, the one who carries it, the one to whom it is carried, the one who sells it, the one who buys it, the one who pours it, the one who drinks it and the one who consumes its price. Most of these people, such as the one who presses it, the one who carries it, and the one who pours it, are helping in drinking it. Hence it is forbidden to sell weapons to one who will use them in a forbidden fight, such as fighting the Muslims or fighting in the event of fitnah (turmoil, civil war). (22/141-142)
Once this is understood, then slaughter in a manner other than that which is prescribed in Islam is haraam, so it is not permissible for the Muslim to do this himself, and it is not permissible for him to help others in it, whether that is by doing the slaughtering or disposing of the meat after it has been slaughtered by selling or buying and so on.
Al-Bukhaari (2236) and Muslim (1581) narrated from Jaabir ibn ‘Abdullah (may Allah be pleased with him) that he heard the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) , during the year of the Conquest when he was in Makkah: “Allah and His Messenger have forbidden the sale of alcohol, dead meat, pork and idols.”.
Al-Haafiz ibn Hajar (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
Ibn al-Mundhir and others narrated that there was consensus on the prohibition on selling dead meat (that which died without being slaughtered in the manner prescribed in Islam), but they made an exception from that in the case of fish and locusts.
End quote fromFath al-Baari(4/424).
Anything that has not been slaughtered in the manner prescribed in Islam comes under the heading of “dead meat”, such as that which died of natural causes and was not slaughtered properly.
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
With regard to the prohibition on selling dead meat, that includes everything that may be called dead meat, whether it died of natural causes or was slaughtered in a manner that does not make it permissible..
And Allah knows best.

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Never Forget, - Dought & clear, - * Ruling on shaking hands with and kissing mahrams

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What is the ruling on greeting mahrams by kissing and shaking hands? If that is permissible, then who are the relatives who are mahrams? Does the ruling on shaking hands and kissing include mahrams through breastfeeding?
Praise be to Allah.
There is nothing wrong with a man greeting his mahrams, or with a woman greeting her mahrams, by shaking hands or by kissing. There is nothing wrong with that. The mahrams are the ones who are mentioned in the verse in which Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“…and not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands fathers, their sons, their husbands sons, their brothers or their brothers sons, or their sisters sons, or their (Muslim) women (i.e. their sisters in Islam), or the (female) slaves whom their right hands possess...”
[an-Noor 24:31].
So mahrams include maternal uncles, paternal uncles and others.
The following are the mahrams: her father, her grandfathers, her mother’s father and grandfathers on the mother’s side, her sons, the sons of her daughters and the sons of her sons. The woman’s brothers and the sons of her brothers are also her mahrams, as are her maternal uncles and paternal uncles; all of them are her mahrams. The same applies to her husband’s father, her husband’s grandfather, her husband’s son, his son’s sons and the son of her husband’s daughters; all of them are mahrams to her.
There is nothing wrong with a man kissing his mahram - his paternal aunt, his maternal aunt, his mother, his grandmother and his sister. There is nothing wrong with him kissing them, but it is preferable for him to kiss her on the head, especially if she is an adult, or on the nose or on the cheek. The majority of scholars regard it as makrooh to kiss on the mouth except the husband; it is better for that to be with the husband, not with mahrams. In the case of mahrams, kissing should be done on the head, the nose or the cheek. This is what is preferred and is appropriate.
It is all the same whether the mahrams are mahram by blood or through breastfeeding.
The mahrams through breastfeeding are the woman’s father through breastfeeding, her paternal uncle through breastfeeding, her maternal uncle through breastfeeding, her husband’s son through breastfeeding, her husband’s father through breastfeeding. They are like blood relatives because the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “What becomes mahram (forbidden for marriage) through breastfeeding is that which becomes mahram through blood ties.” This is what he (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said. So blood ties are like ties through breastfeeding. The same also applies to ties through marriage (in-laws), as mentioned above. The husband’s father is a mahram by virtue of ties through marriage. The husband’s grandfather and the husband’s son are also mahrams by virtue of ties through marriage. Whether (the mahram relationship) is through ties of blood or through breastfeeding, shaking hands is more appropriate.
End quote.
Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allah have mercy on him).

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Never Forget, - Dought & clear, - * Should she refuse to go to Hajj because shewill go back to sin after Hajj?

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I am a young woman, twenty-four years old. I want to go for Hajj, but my relatives told me: You will inevitably fall into sin, such as going to wedding parties, where of course there is music and mixing between men and women.
Therefore, after coming back from Hajj, can I go to places where there is mixing between men and women? Is it permissible for me to go with my paternal uncle for Hajj?
Praise be to Allah.
Firstly:
We would like to congratulate you for your intention and decision to do Hajj, for at this young age, and in that country that is far away, it is very rare to find anyone who thinks of performing this great obligatory duty. Perhaps that is because they are distracted by worldly concerns and eagerness to acquire wealth, and to follow in the footsteps of the people of that disbelieving land. It is for these reasons that Islam advises us not to live among them, and repeatedly warns us against doing that. We ask Allah, may He be exalted, to enable you and your family to live in a Muslim country.
Secondly:
You should understand that sins incur the wrath of Allah, may He be exalted, and the one who does them is deserving of punishment. It makes no difference whether those sins occur before or after Hajj. Imam Ibn al-Qayyim wrote in his bookal-Jawaab al-Kaafi li man su’ila ‘an ad-Dawa’ ash-Shaafiabout a number of the effects that sin has on the one who does it. We have quoted that at length in the answer to question no. 23425. Among the things he (may Allah have mercy on him) said was that sin creates alienation between a person and his Lord, and it is the cause of loss ofbarakah(blessing), a bad end, things becoming difficult, and scarcity of provision.
By Allah’s grace towards this ummah, He has ordained for it occasions of good, of which the Muslim may avail himself to expiate his sins and increase his reward. So fasting the day of ‘Arafah bring expiation for two years, fasting the day of ‘Ashoora’ brings expiation for one year, and so on.
One of the greatest occasions of good and opportunities for doing acts of worship and obedience is Hajj. It is narrated in the saheeh Sunnah that “Whoever does Hajj and does not utter any obscene speech or do any evil deed, will go back as his mother bore him.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1683) and Muslim (1349).
The wise Muslim takes advantage of such opportunities, not in order to go back to committing sin again after that, but in order to turn over a new leaf and reconcile with his Lord, may He be blessed and exalted. If the Muslim understands that he no longer has any sins on his record, he will give thanks to his Lord, may He be exalted, and part of giving thanks is that he does not go back to doing that which incurs His wrath. This does not mean that the one who does Hajj will never sin again; rather what it means is that it is a characteristic of acts of worship in general that they form a barrier to sin, by the grace of Allah. Another of their characteristics, especially Hajj, is that they take away from a person the consequences and shame of sin.
For that reason, the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Make the Hajj and ‘Umrah follow each other closely, for they remove poverty and sins as the bellows removes the dross of iron, gold and silver, and an accepted Hajj brings no less a reward than Paradise.”
Narrated and classed as saheeh by al-Tirmidhi (810); al-Nasaa’i (2631). Classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani inal-Silsilah al-Saheehah(2901).
This indicates that the Muslim may commit sins before and after Hajj, for no one is infallible and immune from falling into sin. But if he does Hajj and ‘umrah a great deal, his sins will be expiated by these repeated actions.
We do not mean to say that a person has a concession allowing him to sin after Hajj or before it – Allah forbid – not at all. There is no concession whatsoever allowing anyone to disobey Allah. Rather what we mean to say is that if every person who committed a sin refused to go on pilgrimage to the House of Allah, no one would ever go on pilgrimage to the House of Allah, and no one would ever perform the rituals ordained by Allah.
The same would be true if everyone who was afraid of sin refused to go on Hajj. Pilgrimage to the sacred House of Allah would cease, for there is no believing slave who can guarantee that he will never fall into sin at some point. The most that we can say is:
Allah has instructed His slaves to repent, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):“And all of you beg Allah to forgive you all, O believers, that you may be successful” [an-Noor 24:31].
Part of repenting properly is training oneself not to go back to any of that sin, minor or major. If one is overcome by one’s nafs and goes back to any of that sin, then he must hasten to repent once more, and to do a lot of good deeds.
Falling into sin requires us to hasten to do acts of worship and obedience, and to do a great deal of such acts at all times and on all occasions, not to neglect a significant act of worship, such as pilgrimage to the sacred House of Allah, for fear of falling into sin once more. This is contrary to the nature of things.
Thirdly:
With regard to going with your paternal uncle, yes it is permissible for you to go with your paternal uncle, because he is one of your mahrams. If this is the obligatory Hajj, then going with him is obligatory for you, not merely permissible.
So seek the help of Allah and hasten to do Hajj, and strive hard to repent to Allah and express your need for Him to protect you from sin and error.
And Allah knows best.

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Never Forget, - Dought & clear, - * Ruling on wearing ordinary clothing over the izaar and rida’ [ihram garments] before starting the rituals

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I am going to travel for ‘umrah next week – in sha Allah – and I intend to enter ihram from my house in Cairo, because it is difficult to do ghusl and change my clothes when passing the miqaat in the plane. But the weather is cold, and wearing the ihram garments that are relatively light may cause me to become sick en route to the airport, especially since my immune system is weakened due to the chemotherapy that I am undergoing.
Can I start the steps of ihram at home by doing ghusl, putting on perfume, wearing the ihram garments and praying, but deferring saying “Labbayka ‘umratan (Here I am for ‘Umrah)” and reciting the Talbiyah, then put on warm tailored garments over the ihram, then take off the tailored garments and say “Labbayka ‘umratan” and the Talbiyah later on, in the airport or on board the plane? This is so that I will not put on any tailored garments after completing the first steps of entering ihram.
Praise be to Allah.
It is permissible for the one who wants to do Hajj or ‘umrah to do ghusl, put on perfume and whatever garments he wishes over the ihram garments, and to do any of the things that are prohibited when in ihram, so long as he has not formed the intention to actually begin the rituals. This is indicated by the report narrated by an-Nasaa’i from ‘Aa’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her), who said: I put perfume on the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) with my own hand, when he entered ihram – when he wanted to enter ihram (and before he did so) – and when he exited ihram – before he completely exited ihram (in the case of Hajj). Classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani (may Allah have mercy on him) inSaheeh Sunan an-Nasaa’i.
Al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
This report is quoted as evidence that it is mustahabb (encouraged) to put on perfume when wanting to enter ihram, and that it is permissible to leave is there after entering ihram, and that it does not matter if its colour or fragrance remain; rather what is prohibited is to put it on anew when in ihram. This is the view of the majority of scholars.
End quote fromFath al-Baari(3/390)
Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allah have mercy on him) said: There is nothing wrong with doing ghusl, putting on the ihram garments and putting on perfume at home, because they are close to the miqaat by means of vehicles. But what is prescribed for them is not to enter ihram except at the miqaat. Ihram means forming the intention to begin the rituals. This is what ihram means. Then it is prescribed for them when forming the intention to utter the ritual intended, so one should say: “Labbayka ‘umratan(Here I am for ‘umrah)” or “Labbayka Hajjan(Here I am for Hajj).”
End quote fromMajmoo‘ Fataawa Ibn Baaz(17/52)
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) said inash-Sharh al-Mumti‘(7/69): The words “his intention is a condition” refer to the intention to begin the rituals, i.e., forming the intention to begin the rituals is a condition; it is essential to form the intention to begin the rituals. If a person recites the Talbiyah without intending to start the rituals, then he does not enter ihram merely by reciting the Talbiyah. If he puts on the ihram garments without intending to begin the rituals, then he has not entered ihram just by wearing the ihram garments. The Talbiyah may be recited by the pilgrim and others, and wearing the izaar and rida’ is for the pilgrim in ihram and others. End quote
Based on that, it is permissible for you to wear tailored clothes, and to wear whatever you want, to protect yourself from cold, over the ihram garments (the izar and rida’), and to do everything that the person who is not in ihram does, of the things that are prohibited whilst in ihram, even if you have done ghusl and put on the ihram garments in your home, so long as you have not formed the intention to begin the rituals. This intention – as stated above – is an essential condition, but it does not have to be done until you come in line with the miqaat. It is permissible to enter ihram before reaching the miqaat, but this is contrary to what is preferred.
And Allah knows best.

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Acts of Worship, - Dought &clear, - * Ruling on customs and traditions that go againstsharee’ah or cause embarrassment

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There is a tradition some people observe during funerals. When someone who relates to two villages dies, they do the funeral then visit the relatives of the dead person. Then they quickly return to their village without any delay, they do not accept to stay at the relatives for hospitality because they think they it is not permissible for them to delay returning in this occasion.
Note that all of them in the two villages Muslims, most or all of them follow the Hanafi School of thought. They all hold same nationality and they may have womb relations.
My question is: has this habit any basis in Islam? I hope you give me a detailed full answer. Because this habit sometimes causes embarrassment and other social problems.
Praise be to Allaah.
There is nothing in sharee’ah that points to the customs you mention in your question. It seems that these are things that people have become accustomed to in their lives and they do not attribute them to religion. It also seems that they have to do with psychological and social matters.
Whatever the case, since these customs have no basis in sharee’ah and especially since you mention in your question that the hospitality asked about is not offered by the family of the deceased, which is what is not allowed, then the people should not regard this as a sacred law that cannot be changed or altered. That is because this custom represents a shortcoming – of whatever extent – in the upholding of family ties and visiting family and brothers. There is no real reason for falling short in upholding these ties, especially since the problem may be caused when the family’s relatives come to the village without coming to visit them. That may be a reason for the resentment and suspicion.
Customs and traditions that clearly go against sharee’ah, or which go against the general aims of sharee’ah, or which may lead to misunderstandings and shortcomings, should be shunned and efforts should be made to change them, which needs some wisdom and gentleness.
Shaykh al-Sa’di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said inRisaalah fi Usool al-Fiqh(7):
The basic principle with regard to customs is that they are permissible, unless it is narrated in sharee’ah that they are forbidden.
Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) said inMajmoo’ al-Fataawa(6/510):
What every Muslim must do is not accept customs blindly, rather he should measure them against sharee’ah. Whatever is approved of is permissible for him to do, otherwise he should not do it. The fact that people are accustomed to something is not evidence that it is permissible. All the customs that people are used to in their lands or tribes must be measured against the Book of Allaah and the Sunnah of His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Whatever Allaah and His Messenger have permitted is permissible, and whatever Allaah has forbidden must be abandoned, even if it is the people’s custom. End quote.
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said inTafseer Soorat al-Baqarah2 (299):
Tradition does not make something that is not prescribed permissible, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):“It is not Al‑Birr (piety, righteousness) that you enter the houses from the back” [al-Baqarah 2:189], even though that was their custom and they regarded it as righteousness. The one who takes something as a custom and regards it as righteousness has to measure it against the laws of Allaah. End quote.
The scholars regarded adherence to customs and traditions that cause hardship for people and lead to some evil consequences or hardship and disputes and difficulty as blameworthy extremism, and as the kind of affectation and going to extremes that is forbidden in Islam.
It was narrated from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“Those who go to extremes are doomed.” He said it three times. Narrated by Muslim (2670).
Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said inSharh Muslim(16/220):
i.e., those who go to extremes and exaggerate in their words and deeds. End quote.
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said, speaking of different types of extremism inMajmoo’ al-Fataawa(7/7):
The fourth category is going to extremes in customs, which is adhering too strongly to ancient customs and not turning to that which is better than that. But if the customs are equal to others in serving a valid purpose, then adhering to one’s own customs is better than turning to foreign customs. End quote.
And Allaah knows best.

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