1a]
- Not satisfying his need for success. It was narrated that 'Ali (may
Allaah be pleased with him) said: "I never heard the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saying 'May my
father andmother be sacrificed for you' to anyone, except Sa'd, to
whom I heard himsay, 'Shoot, may my fatherand mother be sacrificed for
you!' And I think that was on the day of Uhud." (Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, no. 6184; Muslim, no. 2411). This shows that parents
should encouragetheir children no matter what the level of quality of
their performance, so that they will motivated to do even better.
- Going to extremes in physical punishment and dealing harshly with
them. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "Whoeveris deprived of gentleness is deprived of all
goodness." (Narrated by Muslim, no. 2292).
- Difficult living conditionswhich lead the parents to vent their
anger on their children - such as a lack ofharmony between the
spouses, or the mother's work, or not being happy at work. The
Messenger ofAllaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
"The strong man is not the onewho can wrestle another to the ground,
rather the strong man is the one who can control himself at times of
anger." (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 6116).
Finally, we must point outthat this does not mean that the child
should never be afraid. Fear is necessary in some cases, because it is
essential to the child's survival. He must fear Allaah, and fear the
harm that people maydo, and fear committing sin, etc. That should be a
natural kind of fear, not too great or too small.
From Tanshiy'at al-Fataat al-Muslimah, p. 159, by Hanaan 'Atiyah
al-Toori al-Juhani.
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Sunday, July 15, 2012
1a] Dealing with a Child's Fear
Dealing with a Child's Fear
Specialists in child psychology think that in his first year a child
may show signs of fear when hearing a sudden noise, orif something
falls suddenly, and so on. A child may be afraid of strangers starting
from the age of approximately six months, and in the second year a
child may be afraid of many things such as animals, cars, slopes,
water, etc.
In general, females show more fear than males, andthe intensity of the
fear may vary according to theintensity of the child's imagination;
the more imaginative a child is, the more fearful he may be.
Several factors and reasons may increase a child's fears, such as:
- The mother scaring her child with ideas of ghosts and ghouls, or
soldiers, or shadows, or 'ifreets (jinn) or strange creatures, etc.
- Too much coddling on the part of the parents, or their being too
anxious and sensitive about him.
- Raising the child in isolation, keeping him within the four walls of
the house.
- Telling fairy stories that have to do with jinns and 'ifreets...
... and other reasons.
A child may be made susceptible to fear by picking up the fears of his
parents through what he sees. Fears acquired in thismanner are
characterized by their lengthy duration. Hence, setting a good example
plays a major role in training a child notto be afraid. What is
required here is an example of bravery in all kinds of different
situations, and not being afraid of animals that are not harmful or of
people in high positions when demanding one's rights, and generally
not being afraid for no reason.
In order to deal with a child's fears, the parents must pay attention
to a number of matters, including:
- Bringing him up from the earliest age to believein Allaah and
worship Him, and to turn to Him inall situations of anxiety and fear.
- Giving the child some freedom and responsibilities, and letting him
do things, according to his stage of development.
- Not scaring him, especially when he cries, with ideas of ghosts,
hyenas, thieves, jinn and 'ifreets, etc. This comes under the heading
of"better", as in the hadeeth: "The strong believer is better and is
more loved by Allaah thanthe weak believer." (Narrated by Muslim, no.
2664).
- Encouraging him from an early age to mix with others and giving him
theopportunity to meet themand get to know them, so that he will feel
from the depth of his heart that he is loved and respected by everyone
whom he meetsand gets to know.
What the psychologists and educationalists adviseis giving the child
the opportunity to get to know the thing that is frightening him, so
that if he is afraid of the dark, there is nothing wrong with letting
him play withthe light-switch, turning itoff and on; if he is afraid
of water there is nothing wrong with letting him play with a little
water in a small bowl, and so on...
- Parents can also tell him stories of the heroic salaf (early
generations of Islam), and train him to adopt the attitudes of the
Sahaabah, so that he will develop a brave and heroic nature.
But if the child's fear is a form anxiety, then its cause may be a
number ofinterconnected factors which according to the Sunnah of the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), should be dealt
with in a wise and careful manner. These factors include:
- Giving the child more to do than he is able, as the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "He who does not show mercy
to our young ones and acknowledge the rights ofour old ones is not one
of us." (Narrated by Abu Dawood, no. 4943; al-Tirmidhi, 1921; also
narrated in Saheeh al-Jaami' by al-Albaani, 5444).
- Not satisfying his need for success. It was narrated that 'Ali (may
Allaah be pleased with him) said: "I never heard the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saying 'May my
father andmother be sacrificed for you' to anyone, except Sa'd, to
whom I heard himsay, 'Shoot, may my fatherand mother be sacrificed for
you!' And I think that was on the day of Uhud." (Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, no. 6184; Muslim, no. 2411). This shows that parents
should encouragetheir children no matter what the level of quality of
their performance, so that they will motivated to do even better.
- Going to extremes in physical punishment and dealing harshly with
them. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "Whoeveris deprived of gentleness is deprived of all
goodness." (Narrated by Muslim, no. 2292).
--
- - - - - - -
may show signs of fear when hearing a sudden noise, orif something
falls suddenly, and so on. A child may be afraid of strangers starting
from the age of approximately six months, and in the second year a
child may be afraid of many things such as animals, cars, slopes,
water, etc.
In general, females show more fear than males, andthe intensity of the
fear may vary according to theintensity of the child's imagination;
the more imaginative a child is, the more fearful he may be.
Several factors and reasons may increase a child's fears, such as:
- The mother scaring her child with ideas of ghosts and ghouls, or
soldiers, or shadows, or 'ifreets (jinn) or strange creatures, etc.
- Too much coddling on the part of the parents, or their being too
anxious and sensitive about him.
- Raising the child in isolation, keeping him within the four walls of
the house.
- Telling fairy stories that have to do with jinns and 'ifreets...
... and other reasons.
A child may be made susceptible to fear by picking up the fears of his
parents through what he sees. Fears acquired in thismanner are
characterized by their lengthy duration. Hence, setting a good example
plays a major role in training a child notto be afraid. What is
required here is an example of bravery in all kinds of different
situations, and not being afraid of animals that are not harmful or of
people in high positions when demanding one's rights, and generally
not being afraid for no reason.
In order to deal with a child's fears, the parents must pay attention
to a number of matters, including:
- Bringing him up from the earliest age to believein Allaah and
worship Him, and to turn to Him inall situations of anxiety and fear.
- Giving the child some freedom and responsibilities, and letting him
do things, according to his stage of development.
- Not scaring him, especially when he cries, with ideas of ghosts,
hyenas, thieves, jinn and 'ifreets, etc. This comes under the heading
of"better", as in the hadeeth: "The strong believer is better and is
more loved by Allaah thanthe weak believer." (Narrated by Muslim, no.
2664).
- Encouraging him from an early age to mix with others and giving him
theopportunity to meet themand get to know them, so that he will feel
from the depth of his heart that he is loved and respected by everyone
whom he meetsand gets to know.
What the psychologists and educationalists adviseis giving the child
the opportunity to get to know the thing that is frightening him, so
that if he is afraid of the dark, there is nothing wrong with letting
him play withthe light-switch, turning itoff and on; if he is afraid
of water there is nothing wrong with letting him play with a little
water in a small bowl, and so on...
- Parents can also tell him stories of the heroic salaf (early
generations of Islam), and train him to adopt the attitudes of the
Sahaabah, so that he will develop a brave and heroic nature.
But if the child's fear is a form anxiety, then its cause may be a
number ofinterconnected factors which according to the Sunnah of the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), should be dealt
with in a wise and careful manner. These factors include:
- Giving the child more to do than he is able, as the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "He who does not show mercy
to our young ones and acknowledge the rights ofour old ones is not one
of us." (Narrated by Abu Dawood, no. 4943; al-Tirmidhi, 1921; also
narrated in Saheeh al-Jaami' by al-Albaani, 5444).
- Not satisfying his need for success. It was narrated that 'Ali (may
Allaah be pleased with him) said: "I never heard the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saying 'May my
father andmother be sacrificed for you' to anyone, except Sa'd, to
whom I heard himsay, 'Shoot, may my fatherand mother be sacrificed for
you!' And I think that was on the day of Uhud." (Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, no. 6184; Muslim, no. 2411). This shows that parents
should encouragetheir children no matter what the level of quality of
their performance, so that they will motivated to do even better.
- Going to extremes in physical punishment and dealing harshly with
them. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "Whoeveris deprived of gentleness is deprived of all
goodness." (Narrated by Muslim, no. 2292).
--
- - - - - - -
Chaining up of the Devils in Ramadan
It was proven that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "When Ramadaan begins, the gates of Paradise are opened,
and the gates of Hell are closed, and the devils are chained up."
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3277; Muslim, 1079. According to
al-Nasaa'i:"The most evil jinn are chained up."
This does not mean that the devils have no influence at all, rather it
indicates that they become weaker in Ramadaan and are not able to do
what they are able to do at times other than Ramadaan.
It may be interpreted as meaning that the ones who are chained up are
the most evil devils, not all of them.
Al-Qurtubi said: If it is said, how come we see many evil actions and
sinsbeing committed in Ramadaan, for if the devils were chained up,
that would not happen?
The answer is that (evil actions) are reduced on the part of those who
fastmeeting all the conditionsof fasting and paying attention to the
etiquette of fasting.
Or some of the devils - namely the most evil ones- are chained up, not
all ofthem, as previously mentioned in some reports.
Or it may mean that evil actions are reduced in Ramadaan, which is
something that we can see. Even though evil actions happen in
Ramadaan, they are less than at other times. Even if all of the devils
were to be chained up, that does not mean that no evil action would
happen, because there are other causes of evil action besides the
devils, such asevil souls, bad habits and the human devils.
From Fath al-Baari.
--
- - - - - - -
him) said: "When Ramadaan begins, the gates of Paradise are opened,
and the gates of Hell are closed, and the devils are chained up."
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3277; Muslim, 1079. According to
al-Nasaa'i:"The most evil jinn are chained up."
This does not mean that the devils have no influence at all, rather it
indicates that they become weaker in Ramadaan and are not able to do
what they are able to do at times other than Ramadaan.
It may be interpreted as meaning that the ones who are chained up are
the most evil devils, not all of them.
Al-Qurtubi said: If it is said, how come we see many evil actions and
sinsbeing committed in Ramadaan, for if the devils were chained up,
that would not happen?
The answer is that (evil actions) are reduced on the part of those who
fastmeeting all the conditionsof fasting and paying attention to the
etiquette of fasting.
Or some of the devils - namely the most evil ones- are chained up, not
all ofthem, as previously mentioned in some reports.
Or it may mean that evil actions are reduced in Ramadaan, which is
something that we can see. Even though evil actions happen in
Ramadaan, they are less than at other times. Even if all of the devils
were to be chained up, that does not mean that no evil action would
happen, because there are other causes of evil action besides the
devils, such asevil souls, bad habits and the human devils.
From Fath al-Baari.
--
- - - - - - -
Hadees
One of the companions of the Prophet (sallAllahu ályhi wasallam said:
'The people as long as theyare in good health, good shape, good
condition they are covered. You don't know their true character
because they arein good situation, they are in good circumstance. As
long as they are in a good circumstances they are covered. But if a
trial or difficulty or a hardship comes upon them, then you will see
their reality. They will go to their reality. The Mu'min will run to
his Imaan, the Mu'min will run to his belief, the believer will runto
his belief, his Imaan andthe hypocrite will run to his hypocrisy, and
the hypocrite will run to his hypocrisy. "Without being shaken, you
don't not know what comes to the top and what goes to the bottom.
Without being shaken you don't know a man from those who are faking;
you won't know women from those who are faking. You won't know those
who truly believe from those who don't. Those who make a claim on
their tongue andis not really in their hearts and from their limbs
from those who are willing to die for this matter. This can only be
shown by trials, the tribulations and tests and difficulties."
Imam Ahmed brought it and Sheikh Nassir brings inhis Saheehah No. 147
: Suhaib said that,
'We were sitting with the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhiwa sallam) and
suddenly he laughed. Suddenly the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhiwa
sallam) laughed. He asked his companions: 'Won't you ask me what I am
laughing about?.' So they asked the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa
sallam) 'what are you laughing about ?' So he said : 'I laughed
because I was astonished at the affair of a believer.' (Listen these
are words of Musthafa alaihi salam. He doesn't speak of his own
desires whatever he speaks it is revelation; Listen, these are words
of Rasulullah describing a believer.).
All of his affairs, all of his circumstances are good, allof it. If
something happensto him that he loves, if Allah blesses him with
something that he loves, then he praises Allaah and this is good. And
if something happens to him, if he is put into some difficulty, test
or tribulation or hardship or something that he hates, he is patient
and that is good for him. And no one's situation is totally good
except the believer. And no one else's affair, no one else's
circumstance, no one else's condition, no one else's situation is
totally good except the mu'min, except the believer.'
--
- - - - - - -
'The people as long as theyare in good health, good shape, good
condition they are covered. You don't know their true character
because they arein good situation, they are in good circumstance. As
long as they are in a good circumstances they are covered. But if a
trial or difficulty or a hardship comes upon them, then you will see
their reality. They will go to their reality. The Mu'min will run to
his Imaan, the Mu'min will run to his belief, the believer will runto
his belief, his Imaan andthe hypocrite will run to his hypocrisy, and
the hypocrite will run to his hypocrisy. "Without being shaken, you
don't not know what comes to the top and what goes to the bottom.
Without being shaken you don't know a man from those who are faking;
you won't know women from those who are faking. You won't know those
who truly believe from those who don't. Those who make a claim on
their tongue andis not really in their hearts and from their limbs
from those who are willing to die for this matter. This can only be
shown by trials, the tribulations and tests and difficulties."
Imam Ahmed brought it and Sheikh Nassir brings inhis Saheehah No. 147
: Suhaib said that,
'We were sitting with the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhiwa sallam) and
suddenly he laughed. Suddenly the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhiwa
sallam) laughed. He asked his companions: 'Won't you ask me what I am
laughing about?.' So they asked the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa
sallam) 'what are you laughing about ?' So he said : 'I laughed
because I was astonished at the affair of a believer.' (Listen these
are words of Musthafa alaihi salam. He doesn't speak of his own
desires whatever he speaks it is revelation; Listen, these are words
of Rasulullah describing a believer.).
All of his affairs, all of his circumstances are good, allof it. If
something happensto him that he loves, if Allah blesses him with
something that he loves, then he praises Allaah and this is good. And
if something happens to him, if he is put into some difficulty, test
or tribulation or hardship or something that he hates, he is patient
and that is good for him. And no one's situation is totally good
except the believer. And no one else's affair, no one else's
circumstance, no one else's condition, no one else's situation is
totally good except the mu'min, except the believer.'
--
- - - - - - -
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