Question:
I have received a marriage proposal from an excellent practicing and
knowledgable muslim brother, Alhamdullillah. The only hinderance in
making any decision isthat he and his family (including his younger
brother) want to live together in one house, meaning everyone living
on the same floor, sharing one bathroom and so forth.This is going to
be a very difficult situation for me regarding privacy and parda. i
will have to be in hijaband proper outfit while performing house
chores around the house. This brother agreed earlier that they
understand this situation and are planning to move into a different
house where this won't be a problem (maybe makeseparate portions).
However, now this brother and his family have changed their plan and
have decided to live the way they are living now (everybody living
together and i will only have a bedroom) and will live the same way
anywhere they move. I would like to know what is the Islamic teaching
on this. The brother is really nice and religious , mashallah but
living together is the only problem that is hindering me from making
any decision.
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.
Dear Sister,
I apologize for taking so long to reply.
Choosing a spouse is one of the most important decisions you'll ever
make. Looking for someone with good religion and character is
foremost. However, this is not the only consideration. Women should
also look for men with stable and lawful incomes, and the ability to
support them adequately.
Please see Ustadha Hedaya Hartford'sIslamicMarriageat a lmuhajabat.com
for more details on choosinga spouse.
At the very least, a man has to provide his wife with her own separate
apartment, even if it's within the confines of his family's home. The
wife should have her own living area, bedroom, bathroom, andkitchen.
Please think long and hard before you put yourself in a situation
where you have no privacy. You deserve your own space. This is not a
luxury, but a religious obligation upon your husband.
And Allah knows best.
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Islam is a religion of Mercy, Peace and Blessing. Its teachings emphasize kind hear tedness, help, sympathy, forgiveness, sacrifice, love and care.Qur’an, the Shari’ah and the life of our beloved Prophet (SAW) mirrors this attribute, and it should be reflected in the conduct of a Momin.Islam appreciates those who are kind to their fellow being,and dislikes them who are hard hearted, curt, and hypocrite.Recall that historical moment, when Prophet (SAW) entered Makkah as a conqueror. There was before him a multitude of surrendered enemies, former oppressors and persecutors, who had evicted the Muslims from their homes, deprived them of their belongings, humiliated and intimidated Prophet (SAW) hatched schemes for his murder and tortured and killed his companions. But Prophet (SAW) displayed his usual magnanimity, generosity, and kind heartedness by forgiving all of them and declaring general amnesty...Subhanallah. May Allah help us tailor our life according to the teachings of Islam. (Aameen)./-
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Friday, August 16, 2013
Fathwa, - Marriage and islamic teachings about living with in-laws
The problem of lust )a dad-son dialogue( – I
According to the teachings Islam, the desires and lusts play a vital
part in the makeup of every human being; they cannot be ignored.
Humans, unlike the angels, have to face the challenge in this life of
mastering these forces within us. If we fail to do so, then we become
enslaved by our desires and thus fall below the level of the animal
kingdom.
The keys to a happy and fulfilled life are to be found in the guidance
contained in the Quran and in the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammadwhose
lifestyle embodieda perfect balance between permissible enjoyment and
abstention from what is forbidden.
In this article, we will talkabout the dangers of yielding to the
unrestrained cravings of the soul through highlighting the problemof
lust. Although man could be afflicted by lust at any age, young men
are more susceptible. That is because between adulthood and
childhoodis adolescence, where a person undergoes great physical and
psychological changes. During this stage, one's decisions and
experiences determine, to a great extent, the type of adult one will
become. So, if a person succeeded in curbing his desires during this
period, it would be easier for him to curb it for the rest of his
life.
Sometimes, our children who are on the thresholdof adolescence receive
scant attention from parents regarding this matter; so, we preferred
to tackle the issue of lust in the form of dad-son dialogue:
Son:Dad! You've told me alot about the advantages and bright aspects
of the period of entering manhood. Can you tell me about its problems
and difficulties?
Dad:This is a crucial question. You know that Satan is eager to tempt
and seduce human beings. Allaah Says in the Noble Quran )what
means(:"]Satan[ said,"Because You have put me in error, I will surely
sit in wait for them on Your straight path. ThenI will come to them
from before them and from behind them and on their right and on their
left, and You will not find most of them grateful ]to You[."
]Quran 7: 16-17[
Therefore, the fight between Satan and a young man reaches its climax
when the young man reaches the age of religious obligation.
Allaah made the way to His Paradise hard and difficult, and the way to
the Hell full of desires for a certain wisdom, namely, to test people.
In other words, the road to Hell is closer than that toParadise. The
Prophetis reported to have said:"Hellfire is surrounded by all kinds
of desires and passions, whileParadiseis surrounded by all kinds of
disliked undesirable things."]Al-Bukhaari[
Thus, desires and lust start to appear in this stage of someone's life
inorder to distinguish those who can resist the temptation from those
who cannot. If the ways toParadisewere furnished with flowers,
everybody would take it.
Son:Can you tell me more about these desires, Dad?
Dad:Well! They are so many, varying in strengthand scope. Allaah
Says)what means(:"Beautified for people is the love of that which they
desire – of women and sons,heaped-up sums of gold and silver, fine
branded horses, and cattle and tilled land. That is the enjoyment of
worldly life, but Allaah has with Him the best return."]Quran 3: 14[
As for their varying nature, they differ from one person to another
and from one environment to another. However, the influence of sexual
desire on youngpeople is the strongest and most dangerous, especially
in the present time. The Prophetwarned us against that when hesaid: "I
am not leaving behind a more harmful trial)cause of mischief(for men
than women."The Prophetalso said:"A person who gives surety to
)safeguard( what is between his jaws )tongue( and what is between his
two legs)private organs(, I guarantee his entrance into
Paradise."]Al-Bukhaari[
Abu Hurayrahnarrated that the Prophetwas asked about the things which
cause most people to enterParadise. Heanswered: "Being carefulabout
one's obligations to Allaah, and good behavior". Then, hewas asked:
"What are these things which would lead a person into Hellfire?"
Heanswered:"His mouth and genitals )i.e., misusing
them(."]Al-Bukhaari[
Son:You have come close to home when you spokeabout this desire. May I
ask more questions about it?
Dad:Go ahead, son.
Son:Some young people say that Allaah is All-Knowledgeable and
All-Wise, so they wonder if there is any apparent wisdom that a Muslim
can see behind afflicting people with such a strong desire?
Dad:You should know, myson, that a Muslim is not allowed to question
or object to the commandments of Allaah.He must submit to whatever
comes from his Lord and believe in it whether or not he knowsthe
wisdom behind it. However, if he knows thewisdom, his Faith will
become more firm.
One wisdom behind sexual desire is to sustainthe human race by meansof
reproduction. Therefore, the two sexes are attracted to each other in
order to achieve this end. Again, as mentioned earlier, one ofthe
greatest pieces of wisdom is affliction and trial. If the way of
obedience is hard, it will not be taken except by honest and pious
people who are characterized bypatience and fortitude, or else it will
be open to everybody.
Son:I think the first step a wise young man should take is to know the
temptations that may enkindle such a desire so that he may avoid them.
Am I correct, Dad?
Dad:Certainly. One should avoid the things that maystir up desires and lust.
To be followed…
part in the makeup of every human being; they cannot be ignored.
Humans, unlike the angels, have to face the challenge in this life of
mastering these forces within us. If we fail to do so, then we become
enslaved by our desires and thus fall below the level of the animal
kingdom.
The keys to a happy and fulfilled life are to be found in the guidance
contained in the Quran and in the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammadwhose
lifestyle embodieda perfect balance between permissible enjoyment and
abstention from what is forbidden.
In this article, we will talkabout the dangers of yielding to the
unrestrained cravings of the soul through highlighting the problemof
lust. Although man could be afflicted by lust at any age, young men
are more susceptible. That is because between adulthood and
childhoodis adolescence, where a person undergoes great physical and
psychological changes. During this stage, one's decisions and
experiences determine, to a great extent, the type of adult one will
become. So, if a person succeeded in curbing his desires during this
period, it would be easier for him to curb it for the rest of his
life.
Sometimes, our children who are on the thresholdof adolescence receive
scant attention from parents regarding this matter; so, we preferred
to tackle the issue of lust in the form of dad-son dialogue:
Son:Dad! You've told me alot about the advantages and bright aspects
of the period of entering manhood. Can you tell me about its problems
and difficulties?
Dad:This is a crucial question. You know that Satan is eager to tempt
and seduce human beings. Allaah Says in the Noble Quran )what
means(:"]Satan[ said,"Because You have put me in error, I will surely
sit in wait for them on Your straight path. ThenI will come to them
from before them and from behind them and on their right and on their
left, and You will not find most of them grateful ]to You[."
]Quran 7: 16-17[
Therefore, the fight between Satan and a young man reaches its climax
when the young man reaches the age of religious obligation.
Allaah made the way to His Paradise hard and difficult, and the way to
the Hell full of desires for a certain wisdom, namely, to test people.
In other words, the road to Hell is closer than that toParadise. The
Prophetis reported to have said:"Hellfire is surrounded by all kinds
of desires and passions, whileParadiseis surrounded by all kinds of
disliked undesirable things."]Al-Bukhaari[
Thus, desires and lust start to appear in this stage of someone's life
inorder to distinguish those who can resist the temptation from those
who cannot. If the ways toParadisewere furnished with flowers,
everybody would take it.
Son:Can you tell me more about these desires, Dad?
Dad:Well! They are so many, varying in strengthand scope. Allaah
Says)what means(:"Beautified for people is the love of that which they
desire – of women and sons,heaped-up sums of gold and silver, fine
branded horses, and cattle and tilled land. That is the enjoyment of
worldly life, but Allaah has with Him the best return."]Quran 3: 14[
As for their varying nature, they differ from one person to another
and from one environment to another. However, the influence of sexual
desire on youngpeople is the strongest and most dangerous, especially
in the present time. The Prophetwarned us against that when hesaid: "I
am not leaving behind a more harmful trial)cause of mischief(for men
than women."The Prophetalso said:"A person who gives surety to
)safeguard( what is between his jaws )tongue( and what is between his
two legs)private organs(, I guarantee his entrance into
Paradise."]Al-Bukhaari[
Abu Hurayrahnarrated that the Prophetwas asked about the things which
cause most people to enterParadise. Heanswered: "Being carefulabout
one's obligations to Allaah, and good behavior". Then, hewas asked:
"What are these things which would lead a person into Hellfire?"
Heanswered:"His mouth and genitals )i.e., misusing
them(."]Al-Bukhaari[
Son:You have come close to home when you spokeabout this desire. May I
ask more questions about it?
Dad:Go ahead, son.
Son:Some young people say that Allaah is All-Knowledgeable and
All-Wise, so they wonder if there is any apparent wisdom that a Muslim
can see behind afflicting people with such a strong desire?
Dad:You should know, myson, that a Muslim is not allowed to question
or object to the commandments of Allaah.He must submit to whatever
comes from his Lord and believe in it whether or not he knowsthe
wisdom behind it. However, if he knows thewisdom, his Faith will
become more firm.
One wisdom behind sexual desire is to sustainthe human race by meansof
reproduction. Therefore, the two sexes are attracted to each other in
order to achieve this end. Again, as mentioned earlier, one ofthe
greatest pieces of wisdom is affliction and trial. If the way of
obedience is hard, it will not be taken except by honest and pious
people who are characterized bypatience and fortitude, or else it will
be open to everybody.
Son:I think the first step a wise young man should take is to know the
temptations that may enkindle such a desire so that he may avoid them.
Am I correct, Dad?
Dad:Certainly. One should avoid the things that maystir up desires and lust.
To be followed…
The problem of lust )a dad-son dialogue( – II
Son:What are the most dangerous of such temptations?
Dad:On top of such temptations is looking boldly at a woman as an
object of sexual desire. This serves as a stimulus that may lead to an
unlawful response. Also, it is the first step towardsmajor sins.
Allaah warns us against such a forbidden look; He Almighty Says )what
means(:"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their
private parts. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allaah is Acquainted
with what they do."]Quran 24: 30[
Because of its dangerous consequences, the Prophetwarned his
companions against looking at forbidden things. Hesaid:"Refrain from
sitting on the sidewalks of the streets."The companionssubmitted: 'O
Messenger of Allaah, we have no other alternative, there isno other
place where we can sit and discuss things.' Hesaid:"If that is so,
then observe your responsibilities due to the street."The
companionsasked as to what was due to the street? Hesaid:"lower your
gaze, clear thestreet off obstacles, reply to greetings, and enjoin
virtuous deeds and forbid evil ones."
Son:I can gather from thisthat a Muslim should be on his guard and
keep away from places where he would look at forbidden things. Is that
right?
Dad:Yes, my son, in the previous saying, the Prophetordered them not
only to avoid lookingat forbidden things, but also to avoid sitting on
the sidewalks. The Prophetsaid so although the streets of Madeenah
then were different from the streetsnowadays. Nowadays, the streets
are full of unveiled women, who tend to display their charm. The women
then were veiled and showed signs of modesty; and so they would stick
themselves to the walls while walking without a legal escort as
bashful as they were.
Son:Why is looking at a woman so dangerous?
Dad:This is because it is oftentimes followed by serious consequences.
When someone looks at awoman, he pictures her as an object of sexual
desire. And the image develops in his mind. Satan, then, beautifies
this image and brings it back in his mind with all sorts of desirable
animation. When this is repeated, it develops intoan obsession; and
one may be haunted by such an image in his prayers.
When someone is obsessed by a certain idea, there is always the
possibility that such an idea might materialize into tangible action.
The whole thing starts with an intention perceived, then the intention
develops into determination, followed by vicious scheming, which
eventually results in committing adultery. Ifthis were not the
outcome, thinking wouldlead to masturbation which is forbidden.
Son:Dad, I have an important question about masturbation, but Iwill
put it off until later. For now, I have another important question
about looking at women.What would you say to those young men who watch
actresses in moviesor view pictures of women in magazines or on the
Internet; and theirexcuse is that there is no harm in just doing that
since they are not looking at the real woman body but rather an image
of her?
Dad:This is the same as looking at women in person; there is no
difference, since both actions will lead to the same result.
Son:What if the whole matter is confined to a mere thought, I mean no
action is taken. Would you say something like 'it's the thought that
counts'?
Dad:One of the Attributes of Allaah is "The Merciful"; and so He
Almighty does not punishHis slaves except for the sins that they
actually commit. The Prophetisreported to have said: "Allaah forgives
my followers for evil deeds their ownselves may suggest to them as
long as they do not act upon them." But, thinking about women in a
persistent way may lead to the unlawful act of adultery. I would
advise you and every young man to engage yourselves in things that
will benefit you in this world and in the Hereafter. Be careful when
such thoughts cross your mind; try to stop them right away and replace
them with better thoughts.
Son:Dad, how can I put a curb on my desires?
Dad:The best thing to do is to maintain a strong Faith in Allaah. This
is the most effective weapon against desires. I am telling you this
because the Prophetis reported to have said that there would come a
time when Faith would become dear and rare to found. Mu'aathused to
call one of his friends and say to him: "Let's sit and spend some time
increasing our Faith!"
Son:Dad! What are some of the things that one does to increase his faith?
Dad:Faith increases with submission to Allaah. Good deeds, like
reading the Noble Quran and reflecting on its meanings, remembering
Allaah, and contemplating His creation, also increase faith.
Then you have to fear Allaah in the most appropriate manner,
andobserve your duties to Him wherever you are. That is because a true
believer should know that Allaah encompasses everything and that
nothing is hidden from Him. Not even an atom escapes His knowledge.
Allaah Says of Himself in the Noble Quran )what means(:"And with Him
are thekeys of the unseen; none knows them except Him. And He knows
what is on the land and in the sea. Not a leaf falls but that He knows
it. And no grain is there within the darknesses of the earth and no
moist or dry ]thing[ but that it is ]written[ in a clear
record."]Quran 6: 59[
Allaah Almighty also Says)what means(: "Allaah knows what every female
carries and what the wombs lose]prematurely[ or exceed. And everything
with Him is by due measure. ]He is[ Knower of the unseen and the
witnessed, the Grand, the Exalted."]Quran 13: 8-10[
Allaah knows whoever commits unlawful acts in broad daylight and
whoever commits them behind closed doors. If a believer is well-aware
of this fact, he will fear Allaah. Do you remember that Hadeeth in
which the Prophetnamed the types of believers that will be under the
Shade of the Throne of Allaah on the Day of Judgement? One of them is
a man who was seduced by a beautiful woman, but he said: "I fear
Allaah."
To be concluded…
Dad:On top of such temptations is looking boldly at a woman as an
object of sexual desire. This serves as a stimulus that may lead to an
unlawful response. Also, it is the first step towardsmajor sins.
Allaah warns us against such a forbidden look; He Almighty Says )what
means(:"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their
private parts. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allaah is Acquainted
with what they do."]Quran 24: 30[
Because of its dangerous consequences, the Prophetwarned his
companions against looking at forbidden things. Hesaid:"Refrain from
sitting on the sidewalks of the streets."The companionssubmitted: 'O
Messenger of Allaah, we have no other alternative, there isno other
place where we can sit and discuss things.' Hesaid:"If that is so,
then observe your responsibilities due to the street."The
companionsasked as to what was due to the street? Hesaid:"lower your
gaze, clear thestreet off obstacles, reply to greetings, and enjoin
virtuous deeds and forbid evil ones."
Son:I can gather from thisthat a Muslim should be on his guard and
keep away from places where he would look at forbidden things. Is that
right?
Dad:Yes, my son, in the previous saying, the Prophetordered them not
only to avoid lookingat forbidden things, but also to avoid sitting on
the sidewalks. The Prophetsaid so although the streets of Madeenah
then were different from the streetsnowadays. Nowadays, the streets
are full of unveiled women, who tend to display their charm. The women
then were veiled and showed signs of modesty; and so they would stick
themselves to the walls while walking without a legal escort as
bashful as they were.
Son:Why is looking at a woman so dangerous?
Dad:This is because it is oftentimes followed by serious consequences.
When someone looks at awoman, he pictures her as an object of sexual
desire. And the image develops in his mind. Satan, then, beautifies
this image and brings it back in his mind with all sorts of desirable
animation. When this is repeated, it develops intoan obsession; and
one may be haunted by such an image in his prayers.
When someone is obsessed by a certain idea, there is always the
possibility that such an idea might materialize into tangible action.
The whole thing starts with an intention perceived, then the intention
develops into determination, followed by vicious scheming, which
eventually results in committing adultery. Ifthis were not the
outcome, thinking wouldlead to masturbation which is forbidden.
Son:Dad, I have an important question about masturbation, but Iwill
put it off until later. For now, I have another important question
about looking at women.What would you say to those young men who watch
actresses in moviesor view pictures of women in magazines or on the
Internet; and theirexcuse is that there is no harm in just doing that
since they are not looking at the real woman body but rather an image
of her?
Dad:This is the same as looking at women in person; there is no
difference, since both actions will lead to the same result.
Son:What if the whole matter is confined to a mere thought, I mean no
action is taken. Would you say something like 'it's the thought that
counts'?
Dad:One of the Attributes of Allaah is "The Merciful"; and so He
Almighty does not punishHis slaves except for the sins that they
actually commit. The Prophetisreported to have said: "Allaah forgives
my followers for evil deeds their ownselves may suggest to them as
long as they do not act upon them." But, thinking about women in a
persistent way may lead to the unlawful act of adultery. I would
advise you and every young man to engage yourselves in things that
will benefit you in this world and in the Hereafter. Be careful when
such thoughts cross your mind; try to stop them right away and replace
them with better thoughts.
Son:Dad, how can I put a curb on my desires?
Dad:The best thing to do is to maintain a strong Faith in Allaah. This
is the most effective weapon against desires. I am telling you this
because the Prophetis reported to have said that there would come a
time when Faith would become dear and rare to found. Mu'aathused to
call one of his friends and say to him: "Let's sit and spend some time
increasing our Faith!"
Son:Dad! What are some of the things that one does to increase his faith?
Dad:Faith increases with submission to Allaah. Good deeds, like
reading the Noble Quran and reflecting on its meanings, remembering
Allaah, and contemplating His creation, also increase faith.
Then you have to fear Allaah in the most appropriate manner,
andobserve your duties to Him wherever you are. That is because a true
believer should know that Allaah encompasses everything and that
nothing is hidden from Him. Not even an atom escapes His knowledge.
Allaah Says of Himself in the Noble Quran )what means(:"And with Him
are thekeys of the unseen; none knows them except Him. And He knows
what is on the land and in the sea. Not a leaf falls but that He knows
it. And no grain is there within the darknesses of the earth and no
moist or dry ]thing[ but that it is ]written[ in a clear
record."]Quran 6: 59[
Allaah Almighty also Says)what means(: "Allaah knows what every female
carries and what the wombs lose]prematurely[ or exceed. And everything
with Him is by due measure. ]He is[ Knower of the unseen and the
witnessed, the Grand, the Exalted."]Quran 13: 8-10[
Allaah knows whoever commits unlawful acts in broad daylight and
whoever commits them behind closed doors. If a believer is well-aware
of this fact, he will fear Allaah. Do you remember that Hadeeth in
which the Prophetnamed the types of believers that will be under the
Shade of the Throne of Allaah on the Day of Judgement? One of them is
a man who was seduced by a beautiful woman, but he said: "I fear
Allaah."
To be concluded…
The problem of lust )a dad-son dialogue( – III
Son:Dad,were there more things that help increase one's faith?
Dad:One has to remember that he will stand before Allaah on theDay of
Reckoning when all secretsare disclosed. Nothing will be hidden from
Him, and the mouths of the disbelievers will besealed and their limbs
will testify against them. Allaah Aays )what means(:"Until, when they
reach it, their hearing and their eyes and their skins will testify
againstthem of what they used to do."]Quran 41: 20[
Now, let me ask you if it is possible for a person todo wrong without
his limbs being present with him? Allaah answers this question in the
Noble Quran )what means(:"And you were not covering yourselves, lest
your hearing testify against you or your sight or your skins, but you
assumed that Allaah does not know much of what you do."]Quran 41: 22[
Son:Is there any thing else?
Dad:Yes, son, a believer has to remember what Allaah has in store on
the Day of Resurrection for those who obey His commandments and keep
away from what He has forbidden.
Son:You mean the maidens ofParadise?
Dad:Exactly! These are thechaste women of Paradise whom Allaah
describes in the Noble Quran )what means(:"Indeed, We have produced
the women of Paradise in a ]new[ creation, and made them virgins,
devoted ]to their husbands[ and of equal age, for the companions of
the right ]who are[."]Quran 56: 35-38[
The Prophetis reported to have described them saying:"The first group
)of people( who will enterParadisewill be)glittering( like a
full-moon. They will neither spit therein nor blow their noses nor
relieve nature. Their utensils therein will be ofgold and their combs
of gold and silver; in their censers the aloes wood will be used, and
their sweat will smell like musk. Everyone of them will have two
wives; the marrow of the bones of the wives' legs will be seen through
the flesh out of excessive beauty. They )i.e. the people ofParadise(
will neither have differences nor hatred amongst themselves; their
hearts will be as if one heart, and they will be glorifying Allaah in
the morning and in the afternoon."]Al-Bukhaari[
Son:What else, dad?
Dad:You have to turn to Allaah, following the example of the Prophet
Yoosuf )Joseph(whenthe woman whom he worked for tried to seduce him.
The Noble Quran gives an account of him, saying:"He said, "My Lord,
prison is more to my liking than that to which they invite me. And if
You do not avert from me their plan, I might incline toward them and
]thus[ be of theignorant'."]Quran 12: 33[
My son! Turn to your Lord, raise your hands with humbleness to Allaah
in supplication, and realize that Allaah will not turn away those who
ask Him.
Besides, you have to strengthen your will. You have to train yourself
to bridle uncontrollable desires; you must never surrender to them.
But you have to know that this requires a tremendous amount of
training, because you arestruggling against your vicious instincts,
which are amplified and supported by the accursed Satan.
Son:Is that all?
Dad:No, son, there remains an important issue that was always
highlighted by the Prophet.
Son:You mean marriage, don't you?
Dad:Of course, son, may Allaah grant you success in your life.
Marriage enables one to enjoy what Allaah has made lawful for him.
This will surely prevent him from indulging in forbidden pleasures. If
a person of your age cannot afford to get married, he has to observe
fast on those days which were favoured by the Prophetsuch as Mondays
and Thursdays, or whatever ismost convenient. Fasting,as you know,
infuses piety in the heart. Allaah Says )what means(:"O you who have
believed, decreed uponyou is fasting as it was decreed upon those
before you that you may become righteous."]Quran 2: 183[
Moreover, fasting strengthens the will and determination, and
qualifies you to defeat your vicious instincts.
Son:Dad, what about masturbation?
Dad:O my son, it is a filthy and blameworthy habit. Moreover, it is
forbidden according to the Noble Quran and the authentic Sunnah.
Allaah Says)what means(:"And those who guard their private parts.
Except from their wives or those their right hands possess, for
indeed, they are not to be blamed."]Quran 70: 29-30[
These two verses indicatethat true believers shouldguard their private
parts from illegal sexual activity. There are two permissible outlets
for satisfying sexual desire. These are one's wife and one's slave.
Therefore, noway besides these two is permissible.
Also, practicing this blameworthy habit adversely affects the health
and leads to health problems. Moreover, masturbation is a main cause
of psychological disturbances, like depression and anxiety.
Ejaculation of sperms dueto masturbation is usuallyfollowed by fits of
remorse, which develops later into a sense of indifference. What is
worse is that one may practice this habit in a place where he cannot
remove his ritual impurity by taking a shower, causing him to either
miss the prayers intheir appointed time, or perform them in a state of
ritual impurity; and in either case, he will be sinful.
Son:So dad, how can one quit this filthy habit?
Dad:In order to quit this habit, one has to practisea few things.
First, one should strengthen his belief in Allaah. Second, one should
lower his gaze and avoid thinking about lust. Third, one should avoid
being alone. Fourth, one shouldkeep himself busy with beneficial
activities such as reading, useful sports and the like.
Dad:One has to remember that he will stand before Allaah on theDay of
Reckoning when all secretsare disclosed. Nothing will be hidden from
Him, and the mouths of the disbelievers will besealed and their limbs
will testify against them. Allaah Aays )what means(:"Until, when they
reach it, their hearing and their eyes and their skins will testify
againstthem of what they used to do."]Quran 41: 20[
Now, let me ask you if it is possible for a person todo wrong without
his limbs being present with him? Allaah answers this question in the
Noble Quran )what means(:"And you were not covering yourselves, lest
your hearing testify against you or your sight or your skins, but you
assumed that Allaah does not know much of what you do."]Quran 41: 22[
Son:Is there any thing else?
Dad:Yes, son, a believer has to remember what Allaah has in store on
the Day of Resurrection for those who obey His commandments and keep
away from what He has forbidden.
Son:You mean the maidens ofParadise?
Dad:Exactly! These are thechaste women of Paradise whom Allaah
describes in the Noble Quran )what means(:"Indeed, We have produced
the women of Paradise in a ]new[ creation, and made them virgins,
devoted ]to their husbands[ and of equal age, for the companions of
the right ]who are[."]Quran 56: 35-38[
The Prophetis reported to have described them saying:"The first group
)of people( who will enterParadisewill be)glittering( like a
full-moon. They will neither spit therein nor blow their noses nor
relieve nature. Their utensils therein will be ofgold and their combs
of gold and silver; in their censers the aloes wood will be used, and
their sweat will smell like musk. Everyone of them will have two
wives; the marrow of the bones of the wives' legs will be seen through
the flesh out of excessive beauty. They )i.e. the people ofParadise(
will neither have differences nor hatred amongst themselves; their
hearts will be as if one heart, and they will be glorifying Allaah in
the morning and in the afternoon."]Al-Bukhaari[
Son:What else, dad?
Dad:You have to turn to Allaah, following the example of the Prophet
Yoosuf )Joseph(whenthe woman whom he worked for tried to seduce him.
The Noble Quran gives an account of him, saying:"He said, "My Lord,
prison is more to my liking than that to which they invite me. And if
You do not avert from me their plan, I might incline toward them and
]thus[ be of theignorant'."]Quran 12: 33[
My son! Turn to your Lord, raise your hands with humbleness to Allaah
in supplication, and realize that Allaah will not turn away those who
ask Him.
Besides, you have to strengthen your will. You have to train yourself
to bridle uncontrollable desires; you must never surrender to them.
But you have to know that this requires a tremendous amount of
training, because you arestruggling against your vicious instincts,
which are amplified and supported by the accursed Satan.
Son:Is that all?
Dad:No, son, there remains an important issue that was always
highlighted by the Prophet.
Son:You mean marriage, don't you?
Dad:Of course, son, may Allaah grant you success in your life.
Marriage enables one to enjoy what Allaah has made lawful for him.
This will surely prevent him from indulging in forbidden pleasures. If
a person of your age cannot afford to get married, he has to observe
fast on those days which were favoured by the Prophetsuch as Mondays
and Thursdays, or whatever ismost convenient. Fasting,as you know,
infuses piety in the heart. Allaah Says )what means(:"O you who have
believed, decreed uponyou is fasting as it was decreed upon those
before you that you may become righteous."]Quran 2: 183[
Moreover, fasting strengthens the will and determination, and
qualifies you to defeat your vicious instincts.
Son:Dad, what about masturbation?
Dad:O my son, it is a filthy and blameworthy habit. Moreover, it is
forbidden according to the Noble Quran and the authentic Sunnah.
Allaah Says)what means(:"And those who guard their private parts.
Except from their wives or those their right hands possess, for
indeed, they are not to be blamed."]Quran 70: 29-30[
These two verses indicatethat true believers shouldguard their private
parts from illegal sexual activity. There are two permissible outlets
for satisfying sexual desire. These are one's wife and one's slave.
Therefore, noway besides these two is permissible.
Also, practicing this blameworthy habit adversely affects the health
and leads to health problems. Moreover, masturbation is a main cause
of psychological disturbances, like depression and anxiety.
Ejaculation of sperms dueto masturbation is usuallyfollowed by fits of
remorse, which develops later into a sense of indifference. What is
worse is that one may practice this habit in a place where he cannot
remove his ritual impurity by taking a shower, causing him to either
miss the prayers intheir appointed time, or perform them in a state of
ritual impurity; and in either case, he will be sinful.
Son:So dad, how can one quit this filthy habit?
Dad:In order to quit this habit, one has to practisea few things.
First, one should strengthen his belief in Allaah. Second, one should
lower his gaze and avoid thinking about lust. Third, one should avoid
being alone. Fourth, one shouldkeep himself busy with beneficial
activities such as reading, useful sports and the like.
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