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Sunday, November 10, 2013

Fathwa, - Is this divorce?

Question:
I know of a man who told his wife that if her mother came to their
house again it will be divorce, it will be divorce, it will be divorce
(three times). His wife's mother did visit them soon after. Is the
divorce final? Thereafter, the man took a fatwa from some "maulvi" who
said that it was not really divorce and that the man and his wife
could live together as a married couple. So they did. The man has been
extremely abusive, both physically and emotionally, to his wife and
three children all his life. Apart from providing financial support,
he has never really been a father to his children and from the very
first day has not been a good husband spending months and years away
from his wife in other cities and forcing her to stay at home and live
with his also-abusive parents and brother and sisters. This man leads
a wayward life (and always has) indulging in numerous extra-marital
affairs with many women at the same time ... he has been doing it
openly, in front of his wife and children from the time they were
little. The extra-marital affairs have involved physical intimacy on
many occasions as well. He also ended all physical intimacy with his
wife many years ago even though there was no legitimate reason for it.
His wife has been patient and kind throughout this time and has obeyed
him at all times even though he has always been mean to her and has
been torturing her emotionally for decades. She is a modest, righteous
woman and has done everything that a woman can do to make her marriage
work. The children are good too and they have always been respectful
towards their father even though they know what he is like. This man
has never been made to feel like he is not doing enough or that he is
a bad husband or father, yet he does not stop leading the kind of life
he does. In fact, he tries to show people that he is a religious man
when in fact he does every bad thing he says he doesn't. He says he
never lies, yet he lies all the time and also makes his children lie
to others for him. He decieves other people, is not honest with anyone
(not even his own parents) and has recently cut down financial support
for his wife and children even though he earns well and can more than
afford to continue supporting them. The wife apprised her in-laws of
the situation after tolerating him for 30 years and was hoping that
they would be able to help guide their wayward son. However, the
in-laws took their son's side. Moreover, the man is capable of harming
his wife and kids now that he knows how they feel (since the matter
came out into the open because of the in-laws). The man has a history
of taking revenge and inflicting serious wounds on other people. The
wife and children no longer feel safe in that house and they want to
leave. No rational advice has come from any quarter as yet including
from so-called ulemas. What is the best course of action according to
Shariah? Is it permissible for the wife and children to immigrate for
the sake of their religion and their safety given that the man is
refusing to be a protector of his family and in fact is perhaps the
biggest threat to them?
Answer:
In the name of Allah Most Merciful Most Compassionate
I pray you are well and in the best of health and iman.
Given the sensitivity of your situation, you should refer to a
reliable local scholar in person. However, if the wording you have
given is correct 'it will be divorce', then these words don't
constitute a divorce. As for her and her children immigrating, she
would have to discuss this with a local scholar.
And Allah alone gives success.

Fathwa, - Pregnant, not getting along with step-children

Question:
I am 20 weeks pregnant with an unplanned pregnancy. My husband and I
have a very good relationship, we seem almost perfect for each other.
The only problem is he has two very hyper, difficult children. We have
had numerous complaints from baby-sitters and teachers. The children
love me very much and I have made it my goal number one to raise them
Islamically to the best of my capability. The problem is, even though
my husband provides a nanny I feel that I can't live with them. I get
so depressed that I wish I would die at times and so stressed that I
get shaky. This happens on a near daily basis. It has been going on
for 2 and a half years with almost no improvement. I have gone to my
sheik for advice about the possibility of a divorce but he basically
said (and I agree with this) that I am being selfish and its not good
to give the ego what it wants all the time. This is true but at the
same time I wonder how much longer I can live like this. I feel like I
have no place to get away to. I am only 20 and when I married him I
had no clue what kids were like. I feel bad and just wish that my
husband could find a wife that was more capable of handling them and
giving them love. Even though it would be heartbreaking for me to
leave my husband. At what point should I go back to my sheik? I have
spoken with him about this so many times that I feel embarrassed to go
back, even though he has openly said I can call him anytime. P.S. I am
a Muslim convert and am unable to return to my parents.
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Dear Sister,
Assalamu alaikum,
I pray this message finds you in good health and spirits.
A difficult situation can seem compounded when one is pregnant.
Nonetheless, you seem to have several factors in your favor. First, as
you mentioned, the children love you. Second, you and your husband are
in love. Third, your husband has been considerate enough to provide a
nanny.
Working from this basis, you need to see what changes can be made at
home to facilitate a healthy environment. A rush to divorce is not the
wisest course of action, considering that you and your husband are
expecting your first child together. I would suggest that you consult
the literature on blended families to see how other couples deal with
the challenges of raising step-children and biological children.
You did marry young and perhaps did not have the time to spend on
yourself, in terms of achieving your personal and religious goals. Now
you have a lot of responsibility. A step in the right direction would
be setting aside relaxation time for yourself and special get-aways
just for you and your husband.
Your husband's role is of the utmost importance. These are his
children and he needs to step in and let them know when enough is
enough. Have you considered what may be the source of their behavior
problems? I suggest that you seek counseling as a family.
Please do not get depressed. There is great reward in being a mother
and, in time, you will be able to look back on this experience,
knowing that you gave it your all.
Finally, you should talk to your Shaykh to see if he can give you any
special invocations or prayers to make to alleviate your depression
and give you more patience.
And with Allah alone is success.

Fathwa, - Difference in way of life in our marriage

Question:
My problem has been hurting me since I got divorced. My husband and I
have had issues since the beginning of our marriage. We disagreed on
many things getting into the marriage like how big the wedding should
be. If getting a ring was the right thing to do. How big should the
house we're buying going to be. I know these could be very trivial
issues compared to many disasters in the world and I realize this now
but the point is we entered this marriage with many stresses. I know I
wanted more than what he wanted to give but like any girl in my
position I had many suitors ask for my hand with great offers. I
picked one and hoped he will give me what I want. We had nikah right
away after the engagement and it lasted for a year before the wedding.
I felt helpless because I was already married and I wondered had I
stayed engaged , would he have granted me my wishes with much of a
struggle. We have a beautiful child now but we are divorced. We kept
having issues from his mother--incredible interference in all of our
affairs...where we live, when we should have a kid, how much money my
husband should spend on me and so forth. My other issue with my
husband is that I put on hijab right before I met him. We met and got
married. I felt that hijab got me into this mess. Now I'm accepting
the qadar of Allah more that I ever did before and I'm hoping for a
better life. He handled his mother's issues he says but the remaining
issue is how religious I am. I don't and never smoked or drank or
dated. I alhamdullilah am very pretty and I know that I could do all
of that and have fun but I don't want to. Allah's path is better that
any other. I just can't wear the hijab anymore. I emotionally and
physically suffer when I go out with it. I tried personal and family
counseling to fix this problem but we got nowhere we got divorced at a
time of anger. I asked for the divorce and he gave it to me. Now we
both regret it and want to get back together but the deciding factor
is me wearing hijab. He says that he won't expect much from me but he
needs some minimums and hijab is one of them. I really really
understand his point of view and he has every right to feel that way
but I'm really confused. I told him that I always tried to force
myself to do things for him so we won't destroy this marriage but this
time I'm having such a hard time and I am not good at explaining my
feelings. He asked me to stay with my parents until I have figured out
what I will do about hijab and based on that he will decide whether we
should stay together or not meaning divorce if I take it off. I am
lost. I don't want to break this family and I don't want to suffer
everyday. I pray and ask for guidance believe me and I will continue
to do that but for the mean time what do I do? I think sometimes why
couldn't he be more reasonable with me. Out of all of his friends he
one of the most strict ones I've met and yet he enjoys his life too. I
feel that my decision will affect my life, his and our son's and it
won't be pretty. I know I must have confused you already and I swear
I'm much more confused than I ever was. Many women don't wear hijab
but they aren't necessarily not religious. He has no faith in me now
and doesn't trust that I can be a good wife. I went through a lot with
him and what got to me the most is how ready he was to divorce me
whenever we had an issue. I hope your answer will guide me a little.
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Dear Sister,
Assalamu alaikum,
Thank you for your question.
Given the seriousness of the situation, I strongly urge you and your
husband to seek marriage counseling.
There are only a few observations I can offer based on what I could
understand of your situation:
1.You and your husband have a child together. You owe it to your child
to consider the impact of a broken home on his future. Are your and
your husband's issues irreconcilable?
2.You seem to be very conflicted about the purpose and status of
hijab. Hijab is a command from Allah Most High. To make the hijab a
bone of contention between you and your husband is a mistake. Are you
really prepared to sacrifice your marriage over hijab?
3.There are obviously deeper issues than whether or not to wear hijab.
You and your husband appear to have some compatibility issues that
absolutely must be resolved before you go any further.
4.There are valuable lessons that can be learned from this situation.
You and your husband need to decide if you can make a fresh start.
(I'm assuming the divorce is non-finalized). You both need to make the
Guidance Prayerand mutually agree to seek marriage counseling to help
you work through these issues.
5.You both need to change the way you handle conflict. Threatening
divorce every time an issue crops up is unhealthy and, from a fiqh
perspective, risky.I pray you can work things out.

Knowledge of Unseen (Ilm ul Gaib)

We, The Ahle As Sunnah, believe that Allah has given the knowledge of
the Ghayb (unseen), to the Prophet [May Allah bless him and grant him
peace], and that it is also permissable to say that our Prophet [May
Allah bless him and grant him peace] knows the knowledge of the Ghayb.
However, it is not possible, nor permissable to say that the Prophet's
[May Allah bless him and grant him peace] knowledge of the Ghayb is
equal to that of Allah - or even like the knowledge of Allah, since
Allah's knowledge is His own and the Prophet's [May Allah bless him
and grant him peace] knowledge has been given to him by Allah.
There are some people, who say to hold such beliefs will render that
person a Kafir or an unbeliever. We will prove, with the help of
Allah, that such a notion is not one of kufr.
Belief of the Ahle Sunnah about 'ilm of the Ghayb
Mufti Ahmad Yar Khan(Allah have mercy on him) states:-
"Allah has informed His Prophets about certain things from the Unseen.
The knowledge of the Prophet (May Allah bless him and grant him peace)
is more than anyone else's. Nobody can be equal to the knowledge of
the Prophet (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) knowledge in the
world. The five special things of the Unseen, Allah has informed some
of these parts to the Prophet (May Allah bless him and grant him
peace)".
(See book Ja-alhaq, chapter Masa'la Gaib by Mufti Ahmad Yar Khan.)
Proof from the Qur'an that the Prophet Muhammad [May Allah bless him
and grant him peace] has been given the knowledge of Ghayb
Allah says in the Qur'an,
"These are the tidings of Unseen that We reveal to you in secret".
Surah-Ale-Imran, verse 44.
"Nor will He disclose to you the secrets of the Unseen. But He chooses
of His Apostles (For the purpose)"
Surah-Ale-Imran, verse 179.
"The Knower of Unseen reveals not His secret to anyone. Except to His
chosen Messengers".
Surah-Al-Jinn, verse 26.
"…Allah has sent down to you the Book and Wisdom and has taught to you
what you did not know, and great is the grace of Allah upon you."
Surah Al-Nisa, Verse 113.
Imam Tabari writes under this verse:
Allah TA'ALA has told the Prophet (May Allah bless him and grant him
peace), you must thank Allah TA'ALA Who has informed you of what has
already happened and what will happen in the future and this is a
great grace of Allah upon you.
(Tafsir Tabari under verse 113 of Surah Al-Nisa).
The above Qur'anic verses prove that Allah TA'ALA has given Muhammad
(May Allah bless him and grant him peace) the knowledge of the Ghayb.
Proofs from the Ahadith that Prophet Muhammad [May Allah bless him and
grant him peace] had the knowledge of the Ghayb
We find in a narration from the collection of Imam Bukhari :
Prophet Muhammad (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) stood up in
one meeting and he started to tell us about events from the beginning
of this world to the end and he told us about heaven and hell and
about the people who were going to hell and who were going to heaven
and what will be their places in heaven and hell. Of course, some
people remember what he told us and some people have forgotten.
(Bukhari, Chapter Bada-Ul-Khalq.)
Imam Muslim writes that:
The Prophet Muhammad (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) led the
Fajr prayer and then sat on the pulpit, and until Zuhr he told the
people of the things about the Unseen. After Zuhr, he sat on the
pulpit and continued until Asar, then sat on the pulpit and continued
until Maghrib prayer. He even informed of the dwellers of Paradise and
Hell.
(Muslim chapter on Fadial).
Hafidhh ibn Hajar Asqalani in his famous commentary to Sahih Bukhari
writes that:
What Prophet Muhammad (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) told
in that one meeting is a miracle of the Prophet and this should not be
doubted.
(Fathul Bari chap on Bada-Ul-Khalq).
Imam Bukhari writes:
The Munafiqs (hypocrites- those who were outwardly Muslims but
inwardly unbelievers) made an objection to the knowledge of the
Prophet (May Allah bless him and grant him peace). The Prophet (May
Allah bless him and grant him peace) stood on the pulpit and said,
"Ask me what you will".One person stood up and asked, "What will be my
place in the Hereafter?" The Prophet replied, "Hell". Another person
whose name was Abdullah bin Huzaifa, (people doubted whether he was a
legitimate child), stood up and asked, "Who is my Father?" The Prophet
(May Allah bless him and grant him peace) replied, "Your Father is
Huzaifa". (The accusation on Abdullah bin Huzaifa was cleared.) The
Prophet (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) repeated, "Ask me,
ask me".
[Bukhari Kitab-ul-I'tisaam Muslim chap on Fadial].
It is evident from this Hadith that the only people who objected to
the knowledge (Ilm-e-ghaib) of the Prophet (May Allah bless him and
grant him peace) were the Munafiqs (hypocrites), and the belief that
Allah informed His Prophet (May Allah bless him and grant him peace)
of more knowledge than any one else is the belief of the blessed
companions of the Prophet.
Imam Ahmad bin Hanbal quotes the following narration which provides
more evidence on the Prophets knowledge :
The Prophet (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) stated, "I have
seen my Lord, He put His hands upon my chest, after which everything
appeared before me and I recognized everything.
[Musnad Ahmad Ibn Hanbal, vol 5, page 243]
Hafidhh Ibn Kathir writes:
A shepherd was with his goats. Upon which a wolf came and grabbed one
goat and ran. The shepherd then chased after the wolf to get the goat
back. The wolf then spoke to him and said, "Why do you take what food
(rizq) which Allah has provided for me?" The shepherd was astonished
that the wolf spoke. The wolf again said, "If you are so surprised
that I can talk then go to Madina. You will find the last of the
Prophets, and he can inform you of the Past and the Future". The
shepherd left his goats and went straight to the Prophet (May Allah
bless him and grant him peace) and mentioned his experience. The
Prophet (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) replied, "The wolf
spoke the truth" Isnad (chain of narrators) for this hadith is (Jayid)
Authentic.
[Taareekh: Chapter of Miracles of Prophet [May Allah bless Him and
grant Him peace].
We also find the following clear cut hadith without any ambigious
meanings from Sahih Muslim:
The Prophet (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) stated, "Allah
put the earth before me and I saw it from the East to the West"
[Muslim (Chapter of Excellence of the Prophet (May Allah bless him and
grant him peace]
This Hadith is a proof that the Prophet (May Allah bless him and grant
him peace) was bestowed with the knowledge of the whole world.
Hafidhh Ibn Kathir and Ibn Muhammad bin Abdul Wahhab al Najdi write:
Suad bin Qarib recited a poem in front of the Prophet (May Allah bless
him and grant him peace), "I bear witness that there is none worthy of
worship except Allah. Allah has made you the trustee over all the
ghaib.
[Sirat-un-Nabi and Mukhtasar Sirat ul Rasool, Storey on Swad bin Qariq
by Hafidhh ibn Kathir and Ibn Muhammad bin Abdul Wahhab al Najdi]
Shaykh-ul-Islam, al-Hafidhh Ibn Hajar Asqalani writes that:
One of the qualities bestowed upon a Prophet is the quality that he
knows what has already happened in the past and what will happen in
the future.
(Fathul Bari chap on Anbiya).
From all the above Ahadith it is proven that the Prophet (May Allah
bless him and grant him peace) was bestowed with more knowledge, than
any other in the creation by Allah Almighty. It is also clear that he,
(May Allah bless him and grant him peace), has been bestowed with the
knowledge of the past and future and it is therefore permissible to
say that Prophet Muhammad (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) is
the trustee of the knowledge of Ghayb.
It is proven from the above narrations that Allah Almighty bestowed
(that is gave) our Prophet (May Allah bless him and grant him peace)
the knowledge of the Ghayb, so it is permissible to say that he, (May
Allah bless him and grant him peace) knows the Ghayb. Hence if someone
says that they hold the Prophet to know the Ghayb(unseen), he is not
committing Kufr or Shirk by holding such a belief.
Sayyedina Khidr (Alay hissalaam) also knew the Ghayb?
Imam Tabari, Imam Qurtabi and Qadi Shawkani quote the following narration:
Ibn Abbas reported that Khidr was a man who did all his work with the
knowledge of the Ghayb because he knew the Ghayb.
[Tafsir Tabari, Tafsir Qurtabi, Tafsir Fathul Qadir, by Imam Tabari,
Qurtabi and Qadi Shawkani].
The above statement proves from a narration from a Sahabi, which is
accepted by leading and reputable classical authorities, that it is
permissible to say about Khidhr that he knew the Ghayb, so how can it
possibly be wrong to say that Prophet Muhammad (May Allah bless him
and grant him peace) also knows the Ghayb.
Hafidhh ibn Kathir and Muhammad bin Abdul Wahhab al Najdi wrote;
Malik Bin Aouf Nazri has written a Poem about our Prophet (May Allah
bless him and grant him peace) and has written
I have not seen any one like you in this world that I can compare with.
Who always fulfill all that he promises.
There is no one more generous than him,
When you ask him some thing he will inform you of what is going to
happen tomorrow.
[Sirat an Nabi Ibn Kathir and Muktasar Sirat al Rasool chapter Gazwa
Hawazan by Hafidh ibn Kathir and Ibn Shaykh Najdy]
We will now examine some doubts that are raised by the opponents of
the above Qur'anic and Ahadith based beliefs, and then by the grace of
Allah, will answer their doubts so that the truth may become clear,
Insha'allah.
Q) How can you say that Muhammad (May Allah bless him and grant him
peace) has been given the knowledge of the Ghayb when Allah Almighty
says in the Qur'an that there are five things of which no one has any
knowledge about?
The relevant verse of the Qur'an is as follows:-
"Undoubtedly, Allah has the knowledge of the Hour, and He sends rain
and knows what is in the wombs of the mothers and no soul knows in
what land it will die. Undoubtedly, Allah is the Knower, All Aware".
(Surah Luqman Verse 34)
There are two answers to this:
The word used in this verse in Arabic is Adri, which refers to that
knowledge which someone can attain by guessing. Of course the
knowledge of the Unseen of the Prophet (May Allah bless him and grant
him peace) was not by guessing. Allah informed this to him.
Hafidhh Ibn Kathir (who met and briefly studied with Ibn Taymiyya) has
written in his famous commentary to the Qur'an, 'Tafsir Ibn Kathir',
the meaning of this ayaat, namely, that no-one can find the knowledge
of these things on there own endeavor. Only Allah can give this
knowledge, for example Allah gives knowledge to the Angels whose
duties are to control rain, and therefore on the command of Allah it
rains.
Also Allah commands an Angel who goes into the mother's womb and hangs
a record around the child's neck what he/she will do in their
lifetime. This knowledge is not attained by the Angel but rather it is
given by Allah Himself.
If the literal and direct meaning is taken from the above quoted
ayaat, then it will mean that only Allah knows what is in the mothers
womb but today, we can discover quite easily if the child is a male or
female by modern scanning techniques.
If the Angels have some knowledge on the five Unseen things - given to
them by Allah, why is it strange if the Prophet (May Allah bless him
and grant him peace) also has some of this knowledge - again bestowed
by Allah.
During the battle of Badr, the Prophet mentioned the names of the
kafirs that were to die the next and also described the manner in
which the companions would achieve martyrdom.
These are clear and authentic examples of the Prophet, (May Allah
bless him and grant him peace), informing his ummah about future
events, hidden from all else (ie ghayb), [Taken from Sahih Bukhari
chapter on the Battle of Badr and also Tafsir Ibn Kathir on Surah
Luqman Ayaat 34.]
(Q) Did Prophet Muhammad (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) not
stop people from saying that he [May Allah bless him and grant him
peace] had the knowledge of tomorrow?
On one occasion our Prophet (May Allah bless him and grant him peace)
went to a wedding. There, the girls were singing about the battle of
Badr. When they saw the Prophet (May Allah bless him and grant him
peace) coming they stopped singing about Battle of Badr and started to
sing that: "There is a Prophet amongst us that knows about tomorrow".
The Prophet (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) said carry on
singing what you were singing before. [Miskat chapter Nikah]
If he [May Allah bless him and grant him peace] knew about tomorrow,
then why did he stop them from singing it?
The Answer to this is:
These poems were written by a Companion [Sahabi], and had it been
incorrect, he [May Allah bless him and grant him peace] would have
instructed them to stop immediately and not to repeat.
This means the poem was right. The reason he told them to stop singing
was because a wedding celebration was taking place and he wanted them
to sing the poem that they were singing before, and secondly he did
not want them to praise him in the presence of himself. That was one
of the beauties of our Prophet (May Allah bless him and grant him
peace), that he didn't like to be praised.
Everyone knows that our Prophet (May Allah bless him and grant him
peace) did know about the future events up to the Day of Judgment and
even after, how else could he have told us about the Mahdi, the
Dajjal, the second coming of Jesus, the questions to be asked in the
grave, the bridge over Hell which everyone will have to cross to get
to Heaven, the Meezan (scales) where everyone's actions will be
weighed etc etc.
There are countless more proofs which show without a shadow of a doubt
that the Beloved Messenger of Allah, (May Allah bless him and grant
him peace), had been given the knowledge of the Ghayb (Unseen) and
ALLAH is the knower of all things!