Fathwa, - {Conflictsamong family members}, - Distressed over poor parental relations

Question
I would like to start off by saying how wonderful it is to have a site like this to turn to in times of distress. May Allaah bestow his blessing upon whom has created it.
I am 25-years and have recently become well acquainted with my religion. I love it. Who could ever deny such purity? However, for years I have been living in the depths of a broken home due to alcohol and neglect by my father. My mother has been abused verbally and physically left to right and so has my brother and I. We grew up seeing nothing but fighting, the police and having to bail my father out of jail )Islam has never been a real factor in our lives(. Ever since I could remember it's been this way. In the past I have broken down weeping asking my father "where have we gone wrong, can we please fix this so we can live happily. My fathers always brakes down in front of me vowing to change his life around. Recently I approached him differently, this time armed with some Islamic books I had been reading quoting some verses from the Qur'aan. He yet again broke down in tears vowing to change. This Ramadhaan he swore he would fast and keep his covenant to Allaah. I should have known it would be an empty promise like all the rest. My father is neglectful to his wife and children. He is a liar, a coward and a trader. I pray that Allaah would change him from the ignorant person that he is to a humble, understanding person. But I have come to read that the ones Allaah chooses to guide cannot be misguided and the ones he misguides cannot be guided and I am content with that. But, he is my father and I love him and I am so hurt for him and I know that it is so wrong to speak ill about my father in this way, it is against Islam. "Cherish thy mother and thy father" it says, but how can I cherish him if cares nothing for me? I have started my quest to find who I am. I know now that I am a Muslim. And no matter what, I have to keep my composure which I tent to lose easily when fights brake out, only because I am so tired of the same issue rotating year after year. It seems so played out. My mother wants to leave him. I asked her why she stayed all these years, she replied "because of you and your brother". My brother and I are now old enough to see what's been happening and we are disgusted by it. I mean I don't want to be married and living with my husband and then hearing that there has been a disaster between the two, having to drop everything in my life like I always had in the past. They are 50 and 47 years old. They fight like children using the worse language. It's just not right. I am fed up! I pray and ask Allaah to guide me in what to say. And it seems as though my words are getting to be much wiser and more profound but his heart remains still and untouched. He brings me down to my last nerves testing my tolerance with his taunting ways questioning my faith in Islam. He brings his friends over and parties in the backyard and in the house with beer and music, disrespecting any one who performs Salat in this house. How do I pray in a home where there is alcohol and filthy magazines and DVD's? My mother and I make a fuse but our arguments remain babble to him. Yet, when he sees me practising Islam he thinks he is so knowledgeable about the matter and tries to teach me a thing or two. Ya-Allaah! Won't somebody help me? I feel trapped, I feel like running away, and many times I could have but only one thing keeps me, my loving mother who has fulfilled her Deen as a mother and as a wife. I know Allaah says to have patience and Perseverance but this is just unbearable. My worse fear has eventually come true, my brother is turning into him. My brother drinks everyday to sleep and has turned into someone I don't even know anymore. My mother is always in distress and i am always crying for her. I feel so alone. When ever my mother would but up a fuse about these issues my father would empty bank accounts a take off with all the funds, leaving us high and dry. I am tired of all of this. This is just but the tip of the iceberg. I wish I could continue, but it would take days to tell it all. Please tell me what to do. I feel like there is no hope. Allaah has given us everything, a big house to live in, comfortable beds to sleep in, food and clothing, jobs, money so that we could buy whatever we desire. What else could we need? Can he not see? Even the money he uses to buy his beer. Everything is from Allaah. Can he not see? Surely there are signs for those who are wise.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammadis His slave and Messenger.
You have to know that this life is a test for us, but a Muslim should be patient about the problems that he encounters as this is the best remedy. Among the things that will help you to be patient is to remember the good outcome of patience. The Prophetsaid: "The case of a believer is wonderful; there is good for him in everything and every affair of his, and this characteristic is exclusively for a Muslim. If he comes across something pleasant, he is grateful to Allaah and that is good for him, and if he experiences some troubles and adversity, he is patient and submissive, that is also good for him."]Muslim[ Therefore, we advise you to be patient and continue to advise your father and use all permissible means in order to turn him into a righteous man. First and foremost you have to seek the Help of Allaah then the help of whomever you think could influence him especially the righteous people. If he repents, then all perfect praise be to Allaah, otherwise his sons and daughters have still to be kind to him. It is also incumbent on your mother to obey him in what is permissible. The fact that he is committing those sins is not an excuse to be undutiful to him, and you have to be polite in the way you talk about him.
It is permissible, however, for your mother to ask for a divorce if he insists on committing those sins that you have mentioned but she has to balance between the benefit of staying with him and benefit of divorcing him, as divorce could lead to a greater harm like the breaking up of the family and the like.
We advise you not to take into consideration the thoughts that come to your mind like running away from home or being unwilling to get married as this is of a greater danger for you. It could be that getting married is one of the best ways to get away from these problems.
Finally, we would like to draw your attention to two matters:
Firstly, the existence of alcohol or other prohibitions in the house does not affect the validity of your acts of worship. It is more appropriate, however, to perform your prayer in a room that is free from these prohibitions.
Secondly, it is an obligation on you and your mother to wear the Hijaab in front of the friends of your father who are marriageable men to you.
Allaah knows best.
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