Fathwa, - Depressed with divorce

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Question:
It has been seven weeks since I have been divorced from my husband, and I feel so depressed. I don’t miss him and alhamdullilah I am so grateful to Allah swt that he took me out of the marriage. The problem is I can’t stop thinking about what I went through and I cant help feeling sorry for myself. I constantly cry remembering how he left me on my wedding day to go to his mates and how that continued every day till the day we divorced, I cant forget him hitting me, I cant forget the way he used to look at women and flirt with them in front of me. I was only 21 when I got married, I came from a well off family, and I was educated, young and pretty. My husband lived off me; he never worked, was divorced before and had a child from the previous marriage. I chose to accept him and marry him because he said he was a mareed of a Sheikh and a practicing sufi. However after marriage I realised he didn’t even pray salah. Now I regret so much getting married – ive lost all my confidence, ive put on so much weight and im consumed with hatred. I don’t want to be like this – and I seek mercy from Allah swt, I don’t want to be ungrateful but I can escape from these thoughts and feelings. A few other things that bother me that I would like to ask is, that when my nikah was done I was not formally asked if I accepted the marriage, my father said to the imam that he accepted my husband for me, also my husband said kabool to the marriage but he was only asked once and only replied once. I was under the impression that the question was meant to be asked three times and answered with a definite answer three times. I did however sign the nikah papers. Also my ex-husband doesn’t have much relationship with his six year old daughter, but when she did come over he used to kiss her (which is normal) but what I found disgusting but I don’t know the Islamic persepective to is, that he used to tell her to suck his tounge and he would suck hers. Is this haraam? As it made me feel uncomfortable for the child. Also hopefully if these questions are not published and just replied to personally in my email, I would be most grateful.
Answer:
In the name of Allah Most Merciful Most Compassionate
I pray you are well and in the best of health and iman.
You might want to read Changing Your Life and Everyone In It by Michele Weiner Davis. You need to decide are you going to go through life walking backwards and make you today miserable because of your yesterday? No changing yesterday but today is what you make it.
In regards to your ex being a murid of a sheikh, it's your responsibility to ask all necessary and appropriate question before marriage, one should not assume anything. A murid means someone wanting and working on going to Allah, how can one be a murid if they don't pray!
If your father agreed in your presence and you agreed then the marriage is valid. There is no need to ask three times or reply three times.
The behavior you describe between you ex and his daughter is haram and perverse - if reported he would busted for child molestation. You might want to tell the girl's mother what is going on, since it is your duty to protect this Muslim child if at all possible.
And Allah alone gives success.

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