Sex in Islam, - Part 2 - Sex in Islam: Its Role and Purpose

(Part 1 continued ....)Appendix B
Excerpt from: "Introduction to Islam" by Dr. M. Hamidullah
402.It is true that Islam permits polygamy, but on this point Muslim
law is more elastic and more in harmony with the requirements of
society than the other systems of law which do not permit polygamy in
any case. Supposing there is a case in which a woman has young
children, and falls chronically ill, becoming incapable of doing the
household work. The husband has no means of employing a maid-servant
for the purpose, not to speak of the natural requirements of conjugal
life. Supposing also that the sick woman gives her consent to her
husband to take a second wife, and that a woman is found who agrees to
marry the individual in question. Western law would rather permit
immorality than a legal marriage to bring happiness to this afflicted
home.
403.In fact, Muslim law is nearer to reason. For, it admits polygamy
when a woman herself consents to such a kind of life. The law does not
impose polygamy, but only permits it in certain cases. We have just
remarked that it depends solely on the agreement of the woman. This is
true of the first wife as well as the second one in prospect. It goes
without saying that the second woman may refuse to marry a man who has
already one wife; we have seen that no one can force a woman to enter
into a marriage tie without her own consent. If the woman agrees to be
a "co-wife" it is not the law which should be considered as cruel and
unjust with regard to women and as favouring only men. As to the first
wife, the act of polygamy depends on her. For, at the time of her
marriage, she may demand the acceptance and insertion, in the document
of the nuptial contract, or the clause that her husband would practise
monogamy. Such a condition is as valid as any other condition of a
legal contract. If a woman does not want to utilize this right of
hers, it is not legislation which would oblige her to do that. We have
just spoken of exceptional cases; and the law must have possible
remedies. Polygamy is not the rule, but an exception; and this
exception has multifarious advantages, social as well as other - the
details would be burdensome here - and Islamic law need not be shy of
this elasticity.
404.In the religious law of antiquity, there is no restriction to the
number of wives a man may have. All the Biblical prophets were
polygamous. Even in Christianity which has become synonymous with
monogamy, Jesus Christ himself never uttered a word against polygamy;
on the other hand, there are eminent Christian theologians, like
Luther, Malanchthon, Bucer, etc., who would not hesitate to deduce the
legality of polygamy from the parable of the virgins spoken of in the
Gospel of Matthew (25:1-12) for Jesus Christ envisages there the
possibility of the marriage of one man with as many as ten girls
simultaneously. If the Christians do not want to profit by the
permissions (which the founder of their religion seems to have given
them), the law is not changed for all that. This is true of the
Muslims also, whose law is moreover the only one in history which
expressly limits the maximum permissible number of polygamous wives.
(For Christian theory and practice, as well as for general discussion,
cf. alsoEncyclopedia Britannica, under the
articles,Marriage,andPolygamy; Westermarck,History of Human Marriage,
3 Vols.)
***
In a delightful report about how Imam Abu Hanifah received his name
(his original name was Numan bin Thaabit bin Zuta bin Mah), an account
of why the wife is forbidden to take more than one husband is
recounted.'Abu Hanifah' is an unusual name because it means 'the
father ofHanifah', and Hanifah was his daughter. It was not the custom
in those days to do this. Normally, the name would be 'the father
ofthe name of a son.'How this came about is quite edifying. One day
the great Imam Abu Hanifah was asked a question that, for the first
time in his illustrious career, he was unable to answer. The question
was,"Whywere women forbidden to marry more than one husband at a
time?"To make a long story short, Abu Hanifah's daughter said that she
knew the answer and would solve this question if her father would make
a promise to her that if she succeeded in solving this problem, he
would then assure her a place in history. Abu Hanifah agreed. So she
gathered a group of women together and gave each of them a cup. Then
she brought in a large bowl of milk and asked each of them to dip
their cups in the milk and to fill their cups. They did so. She then
asked them to pour back the milk into the bowl. They did this too. She
then asked them to re-fill their cups taking back only their own milk
that they had poured into the bowl. This, obviously, was impossible to
do. Hanifah had clearly demonstrated the kind of predicament that
would be created if a woman had several husbands. With more than one
husband, if she were to become pregnant, she would have exceptional
difficulties determining who the actual father was. Identifying
parentage and lineage would then be insurmountable for the
offspring.Imam Abu Hanifah was so pleased with her answer that he took
the name 'Abu Hanifah', 'the father of Hanifah', so his daughter did
indeed earn a place in history.
Appendix C
This is a grammaticallyeditedexcerpt from the chapter 'Adab an-Nikah'
from Imam Ghazzali's'Ihya Ulum-id-din' translated by Fazlul-Karim.
Also blended with this translation is an excerpt from 'The Proper
Conduct of Marriage in Islam' and this is a translation of the same
chapter by Muhtar Holland.
Benefits of marriage
There are five benefits: (1) to beget children, (2) to control sexual
urges, (3) to obtain peace of mind, (4) to increase divine service,
and (5) to gain rewards for duties to family. [Item (4) and (5) are
not dealt with in this Appendix.]
(1)To beget children.This is the main purpose for marriage. The aim is
to engender and preserve the human race. Four objectives are
accomplished through procreation: - (i) to increase mankind (ii) Islam
is propagated by increasing the number of followers of the Prophet,
p.b.u.h. (iii) parents will hope to leave behind children who will
pray for them (iv) and if a child dies before the parents, the prayers
of the child in Paradise will be very beneficial for the parents.
The first objective is very subtle and not easily comprehended by man.
It is a natural truth and the following is its proof. Take for example
a landowner who has generously given a servant a large amount of seed
and the tools for cultivation, and who has also given this servant
land for cultivation. Now if the servant refuses to till this land and
instead allows it to remain uncultivated, useless and dormant, and
furthermore, if he also carelessly destroys the seeds, it is clear
then that this servant will become an object of wrath by the
landowner. Similarly God has created man and woman with the
wherewithal to produce and raise children. The uterus is the fertile
field and both the male and female organs are the tools for
cultivation. He also created sexual passion in both the male and
female for the bearing of children through the use of these organs.
This is proof of God's design. The Prophet has clearly substantiated
this when he said "Marry and keep a family". He who does not marry,
destroys these seeds and allows these tools to lie useless and dormant
and he thereby goes against God's wishes. Infanticide has also been
prohibited by God for this reason.
From Muhtar Holland's Translation:[Pages 17 & 18 ]
If the sole motive for marriage were to ward off lust, the
plague-stricken Mu'adh would hardly have cried: "Find me a wife, lest
I meet Allah as a celibate!" You might perhaps object: "Surely Mu'adh
had no expectation of children at that moment, so how do you explain
his desire for marriage?" but to this I would reply as follows: The
child is produced by sexual intercourse. Intercourse is brought about
by the prompting of sexual appetite, which is an involuntary impulse.
The only voluntary contribution a man can make is to procure the
stimulus to sexual desire, and this can normally be anticipated. One
who has contracted a marriage has therefore performed his duty and
done what he had to do; the rest is beyond his own volition.
That is why marriage is recommended even for the impotent, for the
stirring of desire is hidden and not susceptible to observation.
Indeed, the recommendation to marry extends even to the totally
castrated person who can never expect children, in much the same way
as a bald man is recommended to pass the razor across his pate as
others do (on Pilgrimage), following the example of the righteous
ancestors. In the same vein, the practices known asramalandidtibaare
still recommended during the Pilgrimage. The original purpose of these
was to demonstrate stamina in the face of the unbelievers, the
imitation of this display of fortitude became the model conduct for
later generations.
Such are the considerations in forming their severe disapproval of
abstinence from marriage, even in cases were sexual appetite is
enfeebled. [end of Muhtar Holland's translation]
(2)The second benefit of marriage
The second benefit of marriage is to be safe from the machinations of
the devil and to satisfy lust and hence protect the private parts. The
Prophet said: "If a man marries, half of his religion is saved. Fear
God for the remaining half." The Prophet said: "Whoever among you is
able to marry, should marry, and whoever is not able to marry, is
recommended to fast, for fasting diminishes his sexual power." The
pleasure which lies within sexual intercourse is an example of
happiness in the afterlife. There is no benefit derived from a thing
in which there is no pleasure.
(3)The third benefit of marriage
Marriage brings peace of mind as love grows between the couple. Peace
of mind is necessary for divine service. God says:"It is He Who has
created you from a single person, and He has created from him his
wife, in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with
her."Hazrat Ali said: "Give peace to the mind because it becomes blind
when it becomes disturbed." There is a Hadith which says that there
are three special times for a wise man: - he speaks secretly with his
Lord at one time, he takes account of his actions at another time, and
he occupies himself with food and drink at another time. In another
narration, a wise man is not desirous except in three matters: to earn
his livelihood for the next world, to earn his livelihood for this
world, and to taste the pleasure of lawful things. The Prophet said:
"There is effort in every action and there is struggle in every
effort. He who adopts struggle goes towards mySunnahand guidance. The
Prophet said: Upon complaint to Gabriel about the lessening of my
sexual passion, he advised me to take Harisah. The Prophet said: Three
things are dear to me among earthly matters - perfume, woman and
prayer, the latter is coolness to my eyes. This comfort is necessary
for peace of mind.
From Muhtar Holland's translation:[Pages 20-22 . . . Conclusion]
He who obeys his master out of the desire to please Him is not the
same as one who obeys merely in quest of deliverance from the perils
of this agency.
Passion and procreation are both divinely ordained, and there is a
link between the two. It would be wrong to say that the purpose is
pleasure and the child is a necessary by-product (as, for instance,
relieving oneself is a necessary consequence of eating, but not an end
in itself.) No, the begetting of children is the aim of nature and the
divine Wisdom, while sexual appetite is merely an incentive thereto.
By my life, there is in sexual appetite yet another dispensation,
apart from the impetus to procreate, namely the joy experienced in
satisfying it. If only that delight were lasting, it would be
unparalleled by any other joy. It gives a foretaste of the delights we
are promised in Paradise, for the prospect of a bliss we had never
tasted would fail to impress. The prospect of sexual intercourse would
hardly stimulate the impotent, nor would the pleasures of kingship and
dominion serve to excite the interest of the very young. One advantage
of worldly pleasures is that the hope of enjoying them permanently in
Paradise can act as a spur to the worship of Allah.
Consider this Wisdom, this Mercy, this divine Providence! See how two
lives derive benefit through this one appetite: an outer life and an
inner life. The outer life is the life a man leads through the
continuance of his line, which constitutes a kind of survival, while
the inner life is the Otherworldly life. The bliss [of sexual
satisfaction], deficient because it is so ephemeral, thus stimulates a
desire for perfect bliss, for bliss everlasting, and serves as an
incentive to the worship which lead to its attainment. Desiring this
so ardently, the creature finds it easier to persevere in the course
that will bring him to such felicity in Paradise.
Relaxation and recreation for the soul[pg. 27 Muhtar Holland's Translation]
This [third benefit of marriage] is obtained by enjoying the company
and sight of one's wife, and by shared amusement, whereby the heart is
refreshed and strengthened in worship; for the lower self (nafs)is
prone to boredom and inclined to shun duty as something unnatural to
it. If constrained to persevere in something repugnant, it jibes and
backs away, whereas if revived occasionally by pleasures it acquires
new strength and vigor. In familiarity with women, one finds the
relaxation to banish cares and to refresh the heart.
The souls of the pious need legitimate recreation, which is why the
Exalted One said:
"That he may rest with her."[Qur'an 7:189]
[end of Muhtar Holland's translation]
Sexual etiquette in marriage
At the beginning of sexual intercourse, pronounce the name of God by
reciting "Bismillah" and recite theTakbirandTahlilafter Chapter Ikhlas
and say 'O God, if Thou takest out semen from my back, make it a good
issue.' The Prophet said: 'In the name of Allah. O Allah! Protect us
from Satan and also protect what you bestow upon us (i.e. the coming
offspring) from Satan, and if it is destined that they should have a
child then, Satan will never be able to harm that offspring." The
result is that the devil will not be able to injure a child that is
born from this intercourse.
Don't face the Ka'bah at the time of intercourse and cover your body
and the body of your wife. The Prophet used to cover his head, close
his mouth and say to his wife, 'Take peace.' There is a Hadith which
says: When anyone of you comes to his wife, let him not fall suddenly
upon her, but let him speak words of love to her and then kiss each
other. The Prophet said: Let none of you fall suddenly upon his wife
like a lower animal. Let him send the Envoy before cohabitation.
Someone asked 'What is the Envoy O Prophet?' He said, 'kisses and
words of love.' The Prophet said: In three matters, the weakness of a
male is disclosed. Firstly if a lover meets his beloved, and then they
separate without enquiring into their mutual condition and health;
secondly, rejecting the honour which someone wishes to pay him [i.e.,
by rejecting a gift which was offered]; thirdly to engage in sexual
intercourse with the wife or the female who is legally permitted,
without talking to her or kissing her or by being unable to restrain
the ejaculation of semen before that of his wife.
It is not commendable to cohabit with the wife on the first, middle
and last days of the lunar month. It is commendable to cohabit on a
Friday evening. After ejaculation, the husband should let his body lay
some time upon his wife until she climaxes, as she is slower to
climax. It is painful for her to be separated from her husband once
her sexual passion has been aroused.
A young husband should enjoy sexual intercourse with his wife once
every four days. To preserve the character of the wife, this may be
increased or decreased. Sexual intercourse with the wife at the time
of her menstruation is unlawful. However, it is lawful to enjoy her
without sexual intercourse e.g. enjoy the region beneath the
petticoat, or if there be such a need, even use the wife's hand for
his ejaculation and stop short of actual copulation [in Arabic
terminology, this is known asjima' bil yad, which means 'intercourse
by hand.'] God says: "Your wives are a tilth unto you; so go to your
tilth when and how you will." A man may keep company with his wife
during her menstrual period for eating, resting/sleeping [without
copulation] or other purposes. He is not obliged to avoid her.
Appendix D
An excerpt from"Introduction to Islam" by Dr. M. Hamidullah
108. Speaking of a strictly temporal act, such as a tax or a war, one
pays taxes to the government. It should not be astonishing that Islam
considers this act as one of the five basic elements of Faith, as
important as belief, worship, fasting and pilgrimage! The significance
is deep: One unites the spiritual and the temporal in a single whole,
and one pays the tax not as a corvee or even as a social duty, but
solely for the sake of God. When this duty of paying taxes becomes
fixed in the mind as something sacred, a duty unto God from Whom
nothing can be concealed and Who is, moreover, capable of
resuscitating us and demanding our account, one can easily understand
with what care and scruple a believer will pay his dues in the
performance of this obligation. Similarly, ware is forbidden in Islam
except in the way of God; and it is not difficult to understand that
such a soldier is more apt to be humane and will not seek any earthly
gain in the course of risking his life. By spiritualizing the temporal
duties, Islam has had no other motives but strengthening the spiritual
side of man, who in, this manner, far from seeking the material
advantage of the material thing, aspires thereby to obtain only the
pleasure of God. The Prophet has said: Ostentation is a sort of
polytheism (shirk); and the reason as explained by Al-Ghazzali, is the
following: if somebody worships or fasts for ostentation, it
isshirk(polytheism), a worship of one's self, not of God Almighty; on
the contrary, if one even cohabits with one's own wife - not for the
carnal pleasure, but for performing the duty imposed by God, then that
is an act of piety and devotion, meriting the pleasure of and reward
from God, as the Prophet has observed (cf. Ibn Hanbal, V, 154, 167,
187, etc.)
Endnotes
1.p.b.u.h.is the short form for "peace be upon him" which is an
expression used by Muslims to indicate reverence towards the holy
Prophet Muhammad.
2. The tomb of the Prophet Zakariyaalaihi-salam(may Allah be pleased
with him), is located in the great Omayyad Mosque in Aleppo which is a
city in northern Syria.
3. From "The Sayings of Muhammad" by Allama Sir Abdullah Al-Mamun
Al-Suhrawardy, pg 41. Charles E. Tuttle Company, Boston 1992.
4.Ibid, pg. 42
5.'The Proper Conduct of Marriage in Islam' (ChapterAdab-an-Nikah)from
Book 12of Ihya'ulum ad-dinby Imam al-Ghazzali. This is an English
translation from the original Arabic by Muhtar Holland and published
byAl-Baz Publishing Inc.