Fathwa, - Misconceptions about marital rights in Islam

Question
I have been reading about the marital rights in Islam and I am
confused. Please answer my question as its taking me away from
religion and bringing evil thoughts about Islam. I understand man has
more rights over his wife but if someone is given power there should
be severe punishment if he abuses that power but it seems that if
women makes a mistake her punishment is much severe than when the man
abuses his power for instance if she refuses an intercourse without
any valid reason which from what I read are being sick, menses and
mandatory fast. But it doesn't take into consideration her emotional
circumstances.
The Prophet,said: "When a man calls his wife to his bed and she
refuses, and he went to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse
her until morning." ]Al-Bukhaari[
Where the husband beats his wife the matter is not so serious. Many
women have come to the family of Muhammad, complaining about their
husbands. Those )husbands( are not the best among you. ]Abu Daawood[
The Prophet,recommended Faatimah Bint Qays not to marry Abu Jaham
because he beat women )as for Abu Jaham, his stick never leaves his
shoulder(.
In both cases being violent to wife is not liked but not considered a
major sin but refusing intercourse is a major sin. I have also read if
wife refuses to obey the husband or have intercourse, man can stop
paying the maintenance but if the husband doesn't fulfil his
obligations like maintenance or kind treatment wife still has to obey
him and cannot refuse intercourse with him.
Similarly woman who asks for divorce without a valid reason is kind of cursed.
"Any woman who asked for a divorce for no reason, the fragrance of
Paradise is forbidden to her." ]Narrated by At-Tirmithi[
I haven't read anything which is as strict as the above regarding man.
Isn't harm caused by man divorcing wife without a reason the same as
woman asking for divorce without a reason.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify
that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that
Muhammadis His slave and Messenger.
First of all, you have to know that this religion is sent down by
Allaah, the Most-Wise, the All-Knower. He is the One Who knows what is
beneficial for His Slaves in this world and in the Hereafter. The
Words of Allaah are the Truth and All that Allaah has Legislated is
just. Allaah Says )which means(: }And the Word of your Lord has been
fulfilled in truth and in justice.{]Quran 6:115[, i.e. true in
information and just in rulings, free from all kinds of lies or
injustice. The belief of a Muslim requires that he submits himself to
Allaah's Decree. The Muslim's belief that Allaah is Perfect in his
Names and Attributes, and that he is the All-Knower, the All-Wise, the
All-Aware, and belief in His other Names and Attributes, all this
requires from him to firmly believe that Allaah does not legislate
except that which is beneficial for His Slaves, and that He does not
wrong anyone in His Rulings. It is He Who forbade injustice on Him and
made it forbidden among the people. A Muslim may not know the wisdom
and the secrets of legislation, so it is not permissible for him to
condition his belief on perceiving the wisdom, to an extent that if he
knows the wisdom, he believes and if he does not know it, he does not
believe. Therefore, you should be careful, and your slogan should be
the Saying of Allaah ]when speaking about the believers[ )which
means(: }And they say, ''We hear and we obey. ]We seek[ Your
forgiveness, our Lord, and to You is the ]final[ destination."{]Quran
2:285[. This is just an introductive answer to your misconceptions
before we proceed to answer your questions.
As regards your questions, the answer would be as follows:
1( It is not correct to say that the punishment for the woman in
most cases is more severe than that of a man. It is related that the
man is cursed and there are severe warnings against him in relation to
some of his conducts with his wife. For instance the Prophetsaid:
"Allaah cursed the husband who has sex with his wife in her anus."
]Abu Daawood[ The Prophetfurther said: "Whoever has sex with a woman
in menstruation, or has sex with his wife in her anus, or had been to
see a magician, he had indeed disbelieved in what was revealed upon
the Prophet Muhammad the Prophet." ]At-Tirmithi[ In another narration
the Prophetsaid: "When a husband has two wives and does not act justly
between them, he will come on the Day of Judgment with a side of his
body hanging down )as a form of punishment(." ]Abu Daawood[
2( It is not possible to be certain that the punishment of a
disobedient woman is less than that of a husband who hits his wife
without any religious reason. Allaah Says )which means(: }…But if they
obey you ]once more[, seek no means against them. Indeed, Allaah is
ever Exalted and Grand.{]Quran 4:34[. ImaamIbn Katheersaid in relation
to the interpretation of the above verse:'This is a threat to the
husbands if they are unjust to their wives without any valid religious
reason, as it is Allaah Who is their ]wives[ guardian and He will
avenge those who are unjust to them.' Even if we assume that the
punishment of a disobedient woman or the woman who refuses to share
the bed with her husband is more severe than the punishment of a man
hitting his wife, the harm that results from a woman who refuses to
share the bed with her husband is greater than the harm which results
from him hitting her, as the husband may resort to adultery because of
his wife refusing him to enjoy her, and other harms could result due
to her refusal. Moreover, the Prophetclarified the issue of men
hitting their wives that it is not a simple matter as he said:"The men
who beat their wives are not the best of you.",so how could it be
deduced that this is an easy matter, rather this is a severe threat.
3( It is true that Islam legislated that a husband has the right
of not spending on his wife if she is disobedient to him, but it is
not correct to say that the wife has no right if the husband does not
fulfil her rights, as in such a case Islam has given the right for the
woman to take the matter to the court in order to remove the harm off
her.
4( It is known that in general women are controlled by their
emotion, that is why Islam did not put divorce in her hand and
prohibited her to ask for divorce without a sound religious reason so
that she will not resort to divorce for trivial reasons. It is for
this reason that the stance against her is more firm than in relation
to the husband. Finally, it should be noted that Islam legislated
divorce as the last solution to clarify that it is disliked to resort
to it as a means of solving the problems. The Prophetsaid: "Divorce is
the most hated lawful act to Allaah."]Abu Daawood[ Although some
scholarsconsidered the chain of narrators of this Prophetic narration
as weak, yet its meaning is correct.
Allaah Knows best.