Family disintegration – I

Allaah has bestowed upon His slaves many bounties and favors which
they cannot count. He has decreed that true Muslim communities can
only be established with the existence of families that are obedient
to Allaah and are nurtured in accordance with His commandments.
Therefore, He has provided Muslims with the elements by which the
family is created, as He Almighty Says (what means):"And of His signs
is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find
tranquility in them; and He placedbetween you affection and
mercy...."[Quran 30: 21]
Observe how Allaah constructs the family – He created companions for
men from withinthemselves so that they may attain harmony. He made the
wife the source of spiritual tranquility, but the family still needs a
tangible sort of tranquility, which Allaah describes saying (what
means):"And Allaah has made for you from your homes a place of
rest...."[Quran 16: 80] Hence, the spiritual serenity is found in the
wife and the physical serenity in one's house; together, both of these
shape the family, which forms communities.
Muslims are commanded to manage the family according to Islam and
Allaah has legislated such rules for us whereby we may acquire
prosperity and bond the family closely. This is so that the resulting
society will be righteous and one which performs Jihaad, or struggle,
for the sake of Allaah, as a result of which Islam will spread
throughout the world.
Undoubtedly, when we neglectedthe family, our communities became
corrupt and Muslim countries undeveloped, anxiety overwhelmed people
and life became intolerable.
Today, if we study the situation of Muslim families, we will see that
most of them live a miserable life, in consequence of being distant
from Islamic laws and disregarding them. I will givesome examples of
things that result in the breakdown or disintegration of families.
However, let us first cite an example of a happy, Islamic family,
which lived according to the way Allaah has prescribed. Allaah Says
(what means):"And [mention] Zechariah, when he called to his Lord, "My
Lord, do not leave me alone [with no heir],while You are the best of
inheritors."[Quran 21: 89]
Hesupplicated to Allaah and sought His help, as Allaah Says (what
means):"Kaaf, Haa, Yaa, 'Ayn, Saad. This is a mention of the mercy of
your Lord to His servant Zechariahwhen he called to his Lord a private
call [i.e. supplication]. He said, "My Lord, indeed my bones have
weakened,and my head has filled with white hair, and never have I been
in my supplication to You, my Lord, unhappy [i.e. disappointed].And
indeed, I fear the successors after me, and my wife has been
barren…."[Quran 19: 1-5]
The story goes that Zakariyyaprayed to his Lord with sincerity,
complaining that he became old and weak; he went on to acknowledge
that Allaah always responded to his invocations and never failed him.
Hethen expressed his concern that those whom he will leave behind
after his demise willnot be able to carry out the mission of conveying
Allaah's message and that his wife can nolonger give birth. At this
point, hecommenced his supplication, uttering, as Allaah Says (what
means):"…So give me from Yourself a heir. Who will inherit me and
inherit from the family ofJacob…"[Quran 19: 5-6], not to inherit
wealth, rather, prophethood.
Zakariyyacontinued in his prayer, imploring Allaah to make him (i.e.,
the child) pleasing to Himself. The angels, soon after, came to him
with glad tidings from Allaah about a boy whom Allaah named as Yahyaa
(i.e., John). So, Zakariyyawas not the one naming him or even his
mother, but it was Allaah, The One, who gave the child a name which no
human before him had.Allaah Says (what means):"And [mention]
Zechariah, when he called to his Lord, "My Lord, do not leave me alone
[with no heir],while You are the best of inheritors.So We responded to
him, and We gave to him Yahyaa (i.e., John), and amended for him his
wife. Indeed, they used to hasten to good deeds and supplicate Us in
hope and fear."[Quran 21: 89-90]
Thus, this pious family was obedient to Allaah – the father and son
were Prophets, and the wife was devout because Allaah made her so. The
entire family would rush to please Allaah, bothduring times of
prosperity and adversity; they supplicated submissively and were not
heedless nor indulged unnecessarily in this life. This is how families
used to be.
Let us examine the case of miserable families which are prevalent
amongst our societies today. There is a great danger threatening our
community, namely, the phenomenon of family disintegration, which has
become our trademark, as a natural result of shunning
Islamiclegislations and abandoning the religion.
Many families are collapsing fromthe inside even if they appear to be
cohesive, for, in reality, each individual among them lives his own
life and is in his own world. Everyone has his own concerns and
problems, which no one else shares with him, and nobody senses any
commitment towardsthe others or that he is obliged to do anything for
someone else.
Sometimes, two people within the same household may not even talk to
each other and you would find that the father sleeps in one room and
the mother in another. This is just a plain example and there are many
others of its kind, reflecting the breakdown of families within
ourcommunities.
There are reasons leading to this disintegration of families, such
aswhat the Prophetmentioned:"It is enough a sin that one neglects his
dependents (i.e., those under his care)."There are many fathers who
pay no heed totheir children and households, and do not fulfill their
due obligations towards them.
The following is an example of such negligence: a man divorced his
wife, whilst having children from her, and married another. Later, the
second wife convinced him that his sons are aiming to separate them
and are using magic to achieve this; things thenbuilt up to the extent
of accusingthem of trying to poison him, so he expelled them from the
house. After this, she gave him a choice, saying: 'Either I stay or
your daughter'; thus, he got rid of his daughter and placed her with
her other sister who was married, and although she felt very disturbed
about having to live in a house as a stranger, she had nowhere else to
go.
The father did not spend on the children whom he threw out; some lived
with their maternal grandmother and others with their maternal uncles.
As for the girl, she stayed with her sister and if she were asked
about her brothers, she would reply: 'I do not know, for my father
kicked them out a long time ago and I have no idea where they are
now'.
There is another account of one who was influenced by evil friends,
who made him spend hissalary on prohibitions. He kicked out his wife
and children and hardly ever does he go home. Some of his children are
sick and need special care; school is aboutto start and the kids need
certainthings, yet he is away. The rent is nine months past its due
and the landlord protested to the wife who is helpless and alone; he
knocked at the door requesting the payment, so some virtuous people
helped her out with somemoney, but the husband, acting like criminals,
comes once a month to seize from her whatever donations people have
offered her and leaves. He comes for a few moments each month and
never checks on his children or family.
Indeed, what the Prophetsaid is true:"It is enough a sin that one
neglects his dependents(i.e., those under his care)."
Rushing into divorcing the wife isanother cause of the collapse of the
family. These days, divorce is a widespread occurrence and for
senseless reasons. Neither the husband nor the wife are brought up
Islamically to begin with, and consequently, they fight for the
simplest of reasons and then, divorce happens on silly grounds.
The outcome is that the family falls apart, the children stay with one
of the two parents and are deprived from seeing the other, or are
incited by each of the parents against the other, and soon.
A man divorced his wife when hisdaughter was two months old; she is
now twenty-eight years and she has not seen her father except once. He
never asked about her or sustained her, yet whenever someone comes
askingfor her hand, he refuses and sets down difficult conditions.
Before one divorces, he must think about his children: how willhe deal
with them? Will he visit and watch over them or will he become busy
with his new houseand life and neglect them?