Common family problemsand solutions - II

·He rejects the suitors of his daughter
The problem:
A man used to reject the suitors of his daughter until she became old
and he is very regretful. He wants to know how he should deal with
this problem and whether he is sinful or not?
The answer:
There is no doubt that this fatheris sinful for rejecting the suitable
suitors of his daughter, as the Prophet,sallallaahu 'alayhi wa
sallam, said:"If someone whomyou approve of his religionand morals
proposes to you, let him marry. If you donot do so, it will be Fitnah
(trial) on earth and a widespreadcorruption."[At-Tirmithi on the
authority of Abu Hurayrahand Ibn Maajah] [Al-Albaani:Hasan]
Since it is too late now as your daughter has became old, I advise you
to offer her to a righteous man to marry her even if he has one or
two wives, because this is better than depriving her of marriage
until she reaches menopause.
And Allaah knows best.
·My husband steals my jewelry
The problem:
I am a married woman and I havechildren. My problem is that my
husband steals my jewelry, whichmy family bought me. I once pretended
that I was asleep and saw him doing so. Should I keepsilent to
protect my family or tell him?
Please advise me.
The answer:
You are entitled to keep your jewelry and possessions that you bought
or that your family bought you. If your husband hasstolen anything
from it, then show that you are very sorry for the lost or stolen
items and ask him to compensate you or searchfor it.
In my view you should tell him that you know that he is the one who
has taken the jewelry, as long as you are sure and that is for the
benefit of the family. However, you should excuse him if he took
some of your jewelry, because he may be suffering from a financial
crisisthat forces him to sell some of what he owns or what is
accessible to him inside the house, and he may bring it back to you
after overcoming this crisis.
And Allaah knows best.
·Interference of the wife's family affects the life of spouses
The problem:
I married one of my female relatives. After two years of our marriage,
her family started interfering in our life and caused many problems.
This was followed by a calm period and then things worsened. Allaah
The Almighty provided us with a child while I was absent. When Iwent
to her father to get her back, he accepted, but I found that my wise
wife has changed greatly because of her family.
I left her in her father's house for more than a year in the hope
thatshe would regain her senses and I made some attempts to get
herback but I failed. Now, I believe it is better for me to divorce
her. However, when I wanted to send her the divorce document, I
wasasked to bring the marriage contract, which was not registered
officially and was losttwo years ago. I am perplexed and do not know
what to do?
The answer:
We advise you to try again to reconcile with your wife and ask some
mediators to help you in this respect. However, if you havelost all
hope and see that separation is inevitable, then there is no harm
and you do notneed the marriage contract. You are just required to
tell her family that their daughter is divorced and then they are
free to marry her off to whoever they want. Nevertheless, it is
better for you to document the divorce in theSharee'ah-based court
and then send your wife's family the divorce document. As for the
lost marriage contract, you can go to the nearest court to ask for a
new marriage document and bring some witnesses with you.
And Allaah knows best.
·Should I ask my husband to provide me with a separate house
The problem:
My brother-in-law wants to marryand live with us, knowing that I
never uncover my face before him, sit with him, or even look at
him. He has already married and I want to ask my husband to provide
me with a separate house due to the difficulty that I will suffer as
a result of this situation. Does this mean that I am sowing dissension
between the two brothers? Is this request lawful, knowing that my
husband sees that it is better for both of them to live in separate
houses?
However, my mother-in-law, wholives with us, wants them to live together.
The answer:
If you adhere to your fullHijaab(Islamic covering) and avoid the
prohibited private meeting, then it is better to remain together to
please the mother of your husband.
However, if this is not the case, i.e., if one of the two wives
doesnot adhere to the fullHijaabor avoid the prohibited private
meeting with her brother-in-law, then it is better for you tolive in
a separate house. Living in a separate house is also better if one
of the two brothers is notrighteous or cannot be trusted toremain
with his brother's wife in the same house. For example, he may harass
her, look at her while unawares or enter upon her without permission,
and thelike.
If this is the case, we advise you to ask your husband to provide you
with a separate house to avoid hardship and discomfort.
·She deserted her husband because of hair oil
The problem:
My wife started using hair oil thatshe believes prevents the loss of
hair. However, the smell of this oil is disgusting and I asked her
not to use it because I do not like its smell.
I told her that if it was necessary for her to use something to
prevent hair loss, she may use another oil or shampoo with an
acceptable smell. My wife got angry and considered this request as
something that hurt her. Hence, she abandoned me in bed and sleeps
in another room. Please advise me. May Allaah reward you.
The answer:
The wife must obey her husband in whatever involves benefit for him as
long as it does not cause her harm. In addition, she shouldadorn
herself in such a way that increases mutual love and cordiality
between them. She should remove any disgusting smell or unclean
clothing. It is also prohibited for her to refrain from allowing her
husband to have sexual intercourse with her whenever he wants as
long as there is no harm in this for her. The Prophet,sallallaahu
'alayhi wa sallam, warned the woman who refrains from responding to
her husband when he calls herto his bed and he sleeps while he is
angry with her.
Finally, we advise the two spouses to try to increase mutuallove by
every possible means.
And Allaah knows best.