Praised Manners, - What does self confidence mean for theMuslim, and is that contrary to his need for his Lord, may He be exalted?.

How can a muslim who is really lacking self confidence become a more
confident person? He has tried so many things but has yet to overcome
his nervousness when talking to people. May Allah reward you with good
for your effort.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
Self-confidence is an acquired characteristic that the Muslim needs to
know how to acquire so that he will be one of those who have
self-confidence. But first of all he has to differentiate between
self-confidence and arrogance. Self-confidence means being aware of
what Allah has given you of good characteristics and striving
accordingly to attain that which will benefit you. If you misuse it
you will be filled with arrogance and self admiration, which are two
destructive problems. If you deny those blessingsthat have been given
to you and the good characteristics that Allah has blessed you with,
you will become lazy and apathetic; you will let yourself down and
lose the blessings that Allah has given you. Allah says
(interpretationof the meaning):
"Indeed he succeeds who purifies his ownself(i.e. obeys and performs
all that Allaah ordered, by following the true Faith of Islamic
Monotheism and by doing righteous good deeds).
10. And indeed he fails who corrupts his ownself (i.e. disobeys what
Allaah has ordered by rejecting the true Faith of Islamic Monotheism
or by following polytheism, or by doing every kind of evil wicked
deeds)"
[al-Shams 91:9-10].
It is worth pointing out something important here, which is that for
the Muslim, having self-confidence does not mean that he does not need
the help of his Lord, and it does not mean that he does not need his
brothers and people in general to advise him and help him.This is what
the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) asked his Lord
for, whichwas: not to be left to himself (or to his own devices), not
even for the blink of an eye!
It was narrated that Abu Bakrah said: The Messenger of Allah
(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: "The supplication of
the one who is in distress: O Allaah, for Your mercy I hope, so do not
abandon me to myself even for the blink of an eye. Set all my affairs
straight, there is no god but You."
Narrated by Abu Dawood (5090); classed as hasan by al-Albaani inSaheeh
Abi Dawood.
Al-Nasaa'i (10405) narrated from Anas, in a hadeeth that was classedas
saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Nasaa'i, that these words are to be
said morning and evening.
Shaykh al-'Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked:
What is the ruling on saying "So and so has self confidence" and the
like? Is this contrary to the du'aa' narrated in the hadeeth, "do not
abandon me to myself even for the blink of an eye"?
He replied:
There is nothing wrong with that, because what is meant by saying that
somebody is self-confident is that he is certain about something and
is sure ofit. There is no doubt thatthings may sometimes be attributed
to a person on the basis of certainty, and sometimeson the basis of
probability, and sometimes on the basis of doubt, and sometimeson the
basis of what is most likely to be the case. If he says, for example,
"I certain about that" or "I am certain of myself" or "So and so is
certain of himself" or "he is certainabout what he is saying", what is
meant isthat he is confident about it. There is nothing wrong with
thatand it is not contrary to the well-known du'aa', "do not abandon
me to myself even for the blinkof an eye," because the person may be
certain ofhimself by the help of Allah, based on what Allah has given
him of knowledge, ability and so on.
Fataawa Islamiyyah, 4/480
Secondly:
Some of the things which we think will increase the Muslim's
self-confidence are:
1.
Putting his trust in his Lord, depending upon Him and seeking
supportand help from Him. The Muslim cannot do without his Lord, may
Hebe exalted. As we mentioned above, self-confidence is an acquired
characteristic, and the Muslim needs help and support from his Lord.
The more he puts his trust in his Lord, the greater his
self-confidence will grow and reach the highest level.
When Moosa and his people fled from Pharaoh and his troops, and the
two sides saw one another, we see the trust that Moosa had in his
Lord. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And when the two hosts saw each other, the companions of Moosa
(Moses) said: 'We are sure to be overtaken.'
62. [Moosa (Moses)] said:'Nay, verily, with me is my Lord. He will guide me'"
[al-Shu'ara' 26:61, 62].
2.
Finding out what his strong points are and increasing them; what he
does well and developing it; and what his weak points are and trying
to deal with them.
In order to develop self-confidence it is essential to look with
gratitude at what Allah has given you of skills and characteristics,
so that this will motivate you to strengthen your self-confidence.
With regard to your weak points, you have to try todeal with them and
develop them so that they reach the same level as your other,
goodskills and characteristics.
3.
It is very important for the Muslim who is seeking ways of increasing
his self-confidence not to repeat negative words, such as saying that
he has no self-confidence or that he will never succeed at work.
4.
The Muslim has to set specific goals for his life and check on the
outcome time after time,because the person who is self-confident will
make sure that his goal is achieved on the basis of good planning and
with the help of his Lord.
5.
The Muslim should seek righteous companions, because that will give
him a motive to succeed and encourage him to make greater efforts. The
righteous companions will not overlook their friend's weak points;
rather theywill guide him to follow the better path. Thus good
companions are one of the factors of success for the confidentMuslim.
6.
He should not be distracted by previous difficult experiences andpast
failures, because that will spoil his efforts and make him look down
on what he has achieved of success. This is not something that the
Muslim wants for himself.
Thirdly:
Controlling one's behaviour and actions is something that the Muslim
can do and it is within his capabilities. Part of that is anger; the
Muslim should be confident that he is able,with the help of his
Lord,to rid himself of the evilsand bad effects of anger and strive to
mend his ways and discipline himself to adhere to the laws of Allah.
This is something that is very easy indeed for the one who wants to
achieve it, so long as he has a greatdeal of resolve to complete what
he wantsto achieve of disciplining himself and purifying his soul.
In the answers to questions no. 45647 and 658 we have discussed some
Islamically prescribed ways of dealing with anger.
The one who wants to rid himself of anger has only to hasten to take
action. This, in fact, is what we are lacking. The words are many but
the actions are few. So let the Muslim who wants to purify his soul
train himself to take action, do what his Lord has commanded him and
refrain from what his Lord has forbidden him to do. Thus he will be
one of the successful, in sha Allah.
In the answer to question no. 22090 we have discussed how the Muslim
may train and discipline himself.
And Allah knows best.

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