Women site - Wife Discipline

Allah, the Exalted, stated in the Glorious Qur'an:
(... As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish
them (first), (next,) refuse to share their beds, (and last,) beat
them (lightly, if it is useful). But if they return to obedience, seek
not against themmeans (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is Most High, Most
Great.)
[4:34]
Islam forbids beating women and warns strictly against it. The Prophet
(Peace be upon Him) never beat any of his wives or servants, as his
wife Aishah (may Allah exalt their mention) reported in an authentic
tradition(Bukhari #2328). Women are, in general, weaker than men in
their physique and stamina. Women are often unable to defend
themselves against violence. Although beating of women is generally
forbidden, Islam permits the beating of wives in a restricted and
limited sense only as a final solution and acceptable valid reason
when all else fails. This is analogous to spanking children when all
else fails and they must learn a lessonin obedience for their own
protection and success.
In the verse we quoted, Allah deals with the case of a wife whobehaves
immorally towards her husband's rights. The treatment of this
extremely sensitive issue comes in gradual stages, as we have noticed
from the verse. Medicine, or treatment of any ailment, can be very
bitter at times. But an ill person will take the remedy gladly and
bear the bitterness of the medicine in order to be cured from his
illness.The remedy to treat a wife blameworthy of immoral behavior, as
we have noticed, comes in three gradual stages:
1. First stage: The stage of advice, counseling and warning
againstAllah's punishment. A husband must remind his wife of the
importance of protecting his rights in Islam. This stage is a very
kind and easy one. But, if this treatment does not work and proves to
be ineffective, then the husband may resort tothe next stage.
2. Second stage: To leave the wife's bed. Or, if one sleeps in the
same bed with her, he will turn his back to her, not touch her, talk
to her or have intercourse with her. This stage, as noticed, combines
both strictness and kindness, although it is a very harsh practice on
both. But, if this treatment does not work, then the husband may
resort to the final stage of discipline explained below.
3. Third and final stage: Beating without hurting, breaking a bone,
leaving black or blue marks on the body, and avoiding hitting the face
or especially sensitive places at any cost. The purpose of beating her
is only to discipline and never retaliation or with desire to hurt by
any means. Islam forbids severe beating as punishment.
The Prophet (Peace be upon Him) said:
"None of you should beat his wifelike a slave-beating and then
haveintercourse with her at the end of the day".
[Bukhari #4908]
This treatment is proved to be very effective with two types of women,
as psychologists have determined:
The first type: Strong willed, demanding and commandeering women.
These are the type of women who like to control, master and run the
affairs of their husbands by pushing them around, commanding them and
giving them orders.
The second type: Submissive or subdued women. These women may even
enjoy being beaten at times as a sign of love and concern.
G. A. Holdfield , a European psychologist, in his book Psychology and
Morals states the following:
"The instinct of submission strengthens at times, in the human being
so much that a submissive person will enjoy seeing someone
overpowering him, over-ruling him and being cruel to him. Such a
submissive person bears the consequences of his submission due to the
fact that he enjoys the pain. This is a wide spread instinct amongst
women, even if they do not realize it. For this very reason, women are
well known for bearing more pain than men. A wife, from this type of
women, becomes more attracted and admiring of her husband when he
beats her. Nothing, on the other hand, will sadden some women, as much
as a soft, very kind and very obedient husband who is never upset
regardless of being challenged!"
Beating, according to the Islamic teachings, is listed as the last
andfinal stage of disciplining methods. Islam does not permit, allow
or even condone beating unless the first two stages are proven to be
ineffective. Moreover, beating must not be employed as a remedy, if a
wife prefers to be divorced.
The three stages of discipline stated in the verse of the
GloriousQur'an are only meant to be a means of discipline for the
protection of the family unit. One form of destruction of a family is
when the wife becomes a victim of divorce. Islam aims to relieve
unnecessary pains, problems and conflicts.
The practice of beating wives is inother non-Muslim societies is far
more brutal and frequent. Wife beatings in theses societies are often
with intent to inflict pain and harm to the wife; something strictly
prohibited in Islam as mentioned previously. Recent statistics show
that in Britain, the number of wives who have been brutally beaten by
their husbands has risen from 6,400 in 1990 to 30,000 in 1992. This
number jumped to 65,400 women in 1995. Statisticians expect this
number to double 124,400 towards the end of the twentieth century!
These statistics, as the report says, were based on information
gathered from the police department. But, what about theunreported
cases of wife beating,and the beating of women in general, which are
not reported!
Mrs. Annie Besant compared Islamic Laws and Western legislation on
women's rights and said:
"Islamic Laws are among the best laws known to the world, insofar as
woman is concerned. Itis the most fair and just legislation. It
exceeds the Western legislation concerning real estate, inheritance
and divorce laws. It acts as a guardianfor women's rights. Phrases
such as One Wife is Sufficient for a man, and Polygamy, mystified
people and turned them away from the real misery which Western women
suffer from and live through. Many husbands left their wives after
they got what they wanted from them. In fact such men show no care,
concern or mercy for their wives."

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