Milestones on the path ofdutifulness to parents

- - "Published by, M NajimudeeN Bsc - INDIA|®|- - - - * -
Translator:: http://translate.google.com/m/ - - - - > -
> There is no doubt that parents play an effective role in
preventing their children from being undutiful. As it is known that
prevention is better than cure, we advise noble parents who play the
greatest role in this important process, to prepare youth and prevent
them from beingundutiful.
The family is the first incubator where the adolescent grows up and
receives an upbringing. Hence, it has a far-reaching effect on the
upbringing of children. It is sufficient toknow that children act in a
way that conforms to their environment. So, the environment forms the
way in which the child learns his behavior. If adolescents grow up
with a sense of righteousness and gratitude, undoubtedly, this would
greatly affect them.
The following are some of the important means that parents should use
while building the wall to prevent undutifulness:
1- Extreme warning: An extreme warning lies in bringing up the
children to be undutiful. Perhaps some people wonder about this
warning. Yes, there are parents who plant the bomb which soon
explodes. For example, some families express happiness when the child
grows and is able to speak and move. Consequently, they tell him to
beat or insult one of the parents. They mix jest with seriousness
causing the disruption of the child's moral standards. They are not
aware that they are implanting in the innocent little child, at a very
young age, disrespect to parents. This is the way it has always been,
and always will be.
2- Keenness on teaching the child the parents' favors: It is a key
step on the way of preventing undutifulness. It is to raise the
children to be accustomed to respectingand realizing the status and
favor of their parents. Ignorance of thestatus of parents and
consequent punishment for being undutiful to them will lead the
children to be undutiful.
3- To be equally dutiful toyou: Some parents are trapped in
discriminationby favoring some of theirchildren to others. This is
plain injustice. Therefore, Sharee'ah (Islamic legislation) strongly
forbids this matter and warns of its bad consequences. When Basheer
ibn Sa'd cameto the Prophet, , to give his son An-Nu'maan a gift; the
Prophet, , asked: "'Did you give all your children gifts like
An-Nu'maan?' He said, 'No.' The Prophet said: 'So, look for another
witness. Do you not like them (your children) to be equally dutiful to
you?'" [Al-Albaani: Saheeh [
Steps of treatment
After dealing with the gravity of undutifulness and suggesting some
methods to prevent it, we should talk about the steps of treatment,
whichare:
1- Virtues and punishments: This is one of the foremost steps which
the person who seeks dutifulness should have in mind and realize.One
could change from one state to another if hefinds a strong motive.
Undoubtedly, knowing and remembering the fruits of dutifulness will be
one of the best incentives to practice it. Similarly, contemplating
the bad consequences of undutifulness and the resulting distress and
grief in the worldly life before the Hereafter will help one be
dutiful and keep away from undutifulness.
2- Good friends: You should have good friendswho correct your mistakes
and inform you about the consequences of your actions. If good company
is sought in the course of worldly journeys and travel, whatshould be
the case in the travel of the Hereafter where the believer is in
greater need to have a righteous helper and an agreeable companion who
would be, in relation to his friend, liketwo hands that wash the
other.
They are righteous people who guide you tothe way of righteousness and
direct you with their kind words if you commitan undutiful or a
semi-undutiful act.
Hence, it becomes mandatory to get rid of bad friends who are the
reason behind every catastrophe. You should know, especially in this
stage of adolescence, that friends are chosen by the adolescent
according to his desire and inclination. The grave problem is that
thistest often comes spontaneously where thechild grows up with a
neighbor at school or university. This friend may become the reason
behind his undutifulness through absorbing behavior due to
frequentinteraction over a period of time. So, you should select your
friends cautiously and deliberately.
3- O people of the faith: here, you should ask yourself: Are you
faithful?Perhaps, you would quickly answer in the affirmative. This is
a good reply; however, to reach such a degree of faithfulness you
should read some questions, if your answer is in the affirmative,
then, enjoy your faithfulness. Otherwise, you should doyour best to
make your answers in the affirmative.
- Do you frequently remember your parents' favors?
- Do you frequently thankthem for their care and upbringing?
- Do you supplicate AllaahThe Almighty for them in your prayers,
going, coming, with your friends and alone?
- Did you ever think about doing something for them and expressing
your love and faithfulness?
- Do you quickly blame yourself and rush to serve them whenever you
feel that you have fallen short to fulfill their rights?
This is the tip of the iceberg of questions which are well known to
faithful people. Subhaan Allaah (Glory be to Allaah!), when a friend
does us a favor, we remember it, keep treating him kindly and speaking
well of him in his absence by remembering his good qualities. How come
that we do not adopt this attitude— which we adopt towards our
friends— towards our parents who sacrifice their time so that we can
enjoy our times? They spent their money so thatwe become rich. They
spent many nights crying because of our illness. Many times they were
preoccupied from life with our needs. There are many of their
supplications for us which were answered. How many times do kind
parents sit watching their children dreaming of the day on which they
become successful Muslimyouth, with people delighting in them? By
Allaah, these are only a few matters to remember. Is it not time for
us to become faithful?
Family role
1- Understanding the stage: first, I would like to ask why do
adolescents clash with their parents. What are the reasons which drive
him to argue after he was tractable during his childhood? Why does he
tend to independence and individuality in taking decisions?
It seems that the answer is summarized in the fact that the adolescent
is living through a new stage. The more parents are able to understand
this, the more dutifulnessthey will get and vice versa. Missing
understanding between parents and children is the gravest matter that
culminates in undutifulness to parents. Children want to build their
own life according to their style and that of their friends. On the
other hand, parents look from their own point of view and through
their own perspectives of theircustoms. Hence, each party is on a
different wavelength. The deeper understanding of this stage the
parents have, the more capable they will be of dealing according to
methodology and awareness. By the permission of Allaah, it will result
in dutifulness to parents and in having good manners.
We previously clarified that the adolescent in this stage wants to
fulfill some needs such as security, acceptance, feeling responsible,
and so on. The more the parents are aware of these needs, the
strongerand more successful the relation will be. Undoubtedly, such
success is topped by dutifulness to parents. Hence, we need to read
alot on the needs of adolescents and how to deal with them.
2- Stop the conflict: it is important that parents understand that
their children during this stageneed to feel that their parents value
them highly and know that they have moved from childhood to youth. In
many cases, we find that the family's stance towards the child, which
may degrade or mock him, increases the child's tendency to resort to
his friends and compound their influence and effecton him.
3- Feeling rejected followed by loss: It is noteworthy that whenever
the adolescentfeels acceptance and esteem, he loves his parents more
and more. Therefore, the more we accept the basic personal traits of
our adolescents, the more they feel at ease with us and their desire
to spend time at home increases. Undoubtedly, such a feeling of
acceptance and esteem leads to a similar result with the children.