Teaching children good manners

Just as a child should be taught ritual acts of worship, he should
also be taught good habits and etiquettes until they become second
nature to him.
The Prophet said: "The believers who have the most perfect faith are
those who have the best manners." [Abu Daawood]
Good manners are an acquired trait that must be adopted from a young
age. Of such manners arethe following:
Being respectful and dutiful to parents:
The first person from whom a child learns good manners is the father.
If a child is raised in a good Islamic home, then it would be natural
for him to treathis parents respectfully.
Allaah Says (what means): "And your Lord has decreed that you worship
none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them
or both of them reach old age in your life, never say 'uff' (an
expression of displeasure), nor shout at them but address them in
terms of honour. And humble yourself to them out of mercy and say, 'My
Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercyas they did bring me up when I was
small.'" [Quran, 17:23,24]
Maintaining good relations with relatives:
Sound cultivation also stipulates teaching children to maintain good
relations with their relatives.
Allaah Says (what means): ''Worship Allaah and associate none with Him
in worship, and do good to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, the needy, the
neighborwho is near of kin, the neighbor who is a stranger, the
companionby your side, the wayfarer (you meet), and those (slaves)
whom your right hands possess. Verily, Allaah does not like such as
are proud and boastful. " [Quran, 4:36]
The fulfillment of this Divine command can be accomplished only by
sound cultivation which makes them grow attached to their relatives
out of obedience to Allaah.
Since relatives are an extension ofthe family, then strengthening ties
with them strengthens the whole family and it is like strengthening
the whole community and this reflects an Islamic community that enjoys
a cohesive structure. The Prophet said: "The example of the believers
in their reciprocal love and mercy is like a human body, when one of
its organs suffers, the rest of the body remains awake and suffers
fever." [Muslim]
Inculcating brotherly love:
Brotherly love and believers' solidarity must be embedded in
children's minds and that the believers are brothers-in-faith. For
example to follow the pious predecessors, the Muhajireen andthe Ansaar
whose brotherly love and altruism Allaah commands in His Book.
Giving a friendly gesture or a happy greeting to Muslim brothers
generates friendliness intheir hearts and, strengthens the love among
the believers. This indeed is a fine trait, which is instructed by
Allaah, the Exalted. He describes the believers by saying (what
means): "Muhammad is the Messenger of Allaah, and those who are with
him are severe against disbelievers, and merciful among themselves…"
[Quran, 48:29]
Allaah also addressed His Messenger saying (what means): "Had you been
severe and harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about you…"
[Quran, 3:159]
Guarding the tongue:
Giving a good word is a type of remembrance of Allaah, telling the
truth, guarding one's own tongue against slandering other Muslims are
good deeds. The bestMuslim, according to the Prophet is the one from
whose tongue the Muslims feel safe.
Parents should make their children aware of the gravity of abusing
others with their tongueand of the fact that the tongue is a
double-sided and dangerous weapon. Therefore, they should be warned in
particular against abusing it.
· Warning children against backbiting and slandering:
Children should be taught that backbiting is speaking slanderously
about an absent person. The Prophet said: "Doyou know what back biting
is?" They (companions) said: "Allaah and His Messenger know best." He
said: "It is to attribute to your brother what he dislikes." He was
asked: "What do you think if what I say about my brother is true?" He
said: "If what you attribute to him is true,then you have backbitten
him, and if it is not true, then you havelied about him." [Muslim]
While talebearing is to circulate slanderous rumors between two
persons to damage or sever the ties between them. The Prophet said:
"Talebearer will not be admitted to Paradise." [Muslim]
Deriding people in their presence by making negative facial
expressions or by hand gestures while they are unaware is also
forbidden in Islam.
· Warning children against lying:
Children must be taught to tell the truth and to keep away from lying,
which is the most horrible habit. The Prophet said: "There are four
traits whoever possesses them is a sheer hypocrite, and he who
possesses one of them, possesses a trait of hypocrisy unless he quits
it. They are: when he speaks, he lies; and when he enters into an
agreement, he acts unfaithfully; when he promises, he breaches his
promise; and when he litigates, he behaves treacherously. While the
liar receives the anger of Allaah on the Day of Resurrection."
[Al-Bukhaari]
Parents should not take this evil habit lightly, or consider it funny
when their children tell lies because later on, it becomes easyfor
them to lie without any compunction.
· Abusing others:
Among the worst of manners is reviling people and swearing at them. If
this bad habit is not redressed while the child is growing up, it
becomes hard for him to avoid it later on.
Islam enjoins guarding the tongues. The Prophet said: "He who
guarantees, what is in between his jaws (tongue), and what is in
between his thighs (private parts), I guarantee Paradise for him."
[Al-Bukhaari]
This means guarding one's own tongue against uttering anythingthat
displeases Allaah, and guarding one's own private partsagainst
committing illicit acts or fornication.