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Thursday, March 9, 2017

Psychological and Social Problems, Dought & clear, - * How should the family deal with a disobedient son?













How should a son who is disobedient towards his parents be dealt with? How should they deal with a son who threatens to kill his mother and challenges his parents, and accuses his sister of promiscuity and zina, causes scandal for his family, and always argues with guests, insulting them, reviling them and threatening them?
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Praise be to Allah.
Parents should give their children a good upbringing and take care of them so that they will be in a good state in both religious and worldly affairs.
If a child grows up disobedient and rebellious, then the parents must do more and try harder to guide him and make him righteous, by reminding him and advising him, showing patience towards him, praying for him, choosing good friends for him and choosing righteous acquaintances who can visit him, and advise him and befriend him.
His brothers, friends and neighbours should help his parents with that as much as they can.
See the answer to question no. 106443
But if the son becomes worse and the evil and trouble he causes increases, as mentioned in the question, and admonition and discipline do not succeed with him, then it is obligatory to denounce his evil by all possible means, by threatening to hit him or actually hitting him, or seeking the help of other men in the family against him, or taking the matter to the authorities, if it is not possible to stop his evil by any of the other means mentioned. His evil should not be taken lightly or be overlooked; rather it should be stopped before it goes further and causes greater harm.
So first of all they should follow the steps mentioned above of offering advice and guidance, reminding him of Allah, instilling hope and fear; telling him about the rights that his parents, his sister and his guests have over him; telling him that his committing this evil will make him hateful to his family and neighbours and the people around him, and they should persist with him in that, whilst being gentle and patient, and using wisdom and beautiful preaching.
His brothers should try hard in that regard, and use wisdom and patience with him, exhorting him gently and not being harsh towards him in speech.
But if he persists in what he is doing of severing ties with his parents and his brothers and sisters, and shunning them, then they should not speak to him or interact with him, in the hope that Allah will set him straight, and they should keep praying to Him to guide him.
But if he does not come back to his senses and he persists in his evil ways, then they should report him to the relevant authorities and the security forces who can restrain him from doing evil and deter him from what he is doing.
He should not be left to persist in this transgression, because of the severity of his evil and the harm that he may do to his family and the people around him.
Over and above all that, his parents and family members should turn to Allah, for most such calamities come about because of the sins that bring evil and corruption to the household. Ibn al-Haaj (may Allah have mercy on him) said, when speaking about matters contrary to Islamic teaching that may be done by one or both spouses:
Undoubtedly reconciling between these spouses is very rare, and even if there is harmony between them, it is not free of ills, and if they happen to have a child, he will most likely grow up disobedient and doing all manner of inappropriate things, and all of that is the result of both of them not paying attention to their duties towards Allah, may He be exalted.
End quote fromal-Madkhal(2/170)
And Allah knows best.





















PUBLISHERM.NajimudeeN. MD,IRI

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Psychological and Social Problems, Dought & clear, - * I did not let my husband read a message from my friend, and he got angry













I have none to talk to about his.
I come from a non muslim family and my husbands family doesnt live here.
It started with an argument I had with a sister and she sent me text messages that upset me. At first I reacted angry and my Iman got low. I asked my husband for advice. Then he wanted to read the messages but I realised Shaitan was playing a trick with me to make me indulge in backbiting and slander. I messaged a nice message back to the sister which the day after regretted her action and asked to be friends again. Alhamdulillah. Although my husband has turned the home upside down, behaving the worst and calling me all sorts of bad names - eventbolaget front of the children, and he does have a bad temper. All because I regretted involving him and said he does not need to read the sisters messages.
(This is not the first time he behave like this).
Does a husband have the right to read wifes messages, mails and letters from others, if he do, from who and when does he have this right? Was I wrong who did not show the message to him? He have psychically abused me for a week now, in front of the children and I have also had my period the whole time. Now I am so tired and ready to leave this marriage, please is there a solution to our problem and what does Quean and Sunnah mention about this?
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Praise be to Allah.
May Allah bless you for hastening to apologise to your friend, for this is indicative of your good character.
I ask Allah to relieve your distress and reconcile between you and your husband.
I also offer you the following advice:
Firstly:
Undoubtedly the husband has confirmed rights over his wife, so she is enjoined to obey him, treat him well and give precedence to obeying him over everything else. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means”
[an-Nisa’ 4:34].
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “If a woman offers her five daily prayers, fasts her month (Ramadan), guards her chastity and obeys her husband, it will be said to her: Enter Paradise by whichever of the gates of Paradise you wish.”
Narrated by Ahmad (1661); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani inSaheeh al-Jaami‘(660)
Secondly:
The husband has no right to enquire into his wife’s private matters or her correspondence or phone conversations with her female friends, so long as everything is normal, praise be to Allah, and there is no cause for doubt or suspicion.
But the fact is that you asked him for advice when your problem with your friend first began, which led to him asking to see the message, according to what you mentioned in your question; he would not have asked to see that message if you had not asked him for advice. Your refusing to show him the message was not appropriate, especially since you were the one who asked him for advice. Moreover he is your husband and he has rights over you.
What you should do now is be kind to him and treat him nicely, and calm his anger with nice words and good treatment. If you know that if he sees this message, it will calm him down and put an end to this matter, then there is no reason why you should not do that. In fact we advise you to let him see it, even if that is contrary to the basic principle (and proper etiquette) and even if that is part of your private matters. The interest of reconciling between you and resolving the crisis takes precedence over protecting this privacy.
Seek reward with Allah for that and seek refuge with Him, so that you may protect your family and your marriage.
Thirdly:
The problem is minor, in sha Allah, and it is not wise or reasonable – or even prescribed in Islam – to let such minor problems lead to turning the home upside down, as you say, or reaching a dead end.
Take care of your household and your family, and be patient with your husband, for this is a storm that will pass quickly, in sha Allah; it is a temporary misunderstanding that will soon end by the grace of Allah.
Be smart and wise in your interactions with him, and do not tell him about your problems with your friends again, so that this problem will not be repeated.
We ask Allah to reconcile between you and to restore your life to normal.
And Allah knows best.





















PUBLISHERM.NajimudeeN. MD,IRI

Monday, March 6, 2017

Sifat al-Hajj wa’l-‘Umrah (Description of Hajj and ‘Umrah), Dought & clear, - * How‘Umrah is to be done according to the Sunnah














I want to do ‘Umrah when my wife arrives from India. I hope you can tell me the best way to do ‘umrah and things that we should do a great deal of. May Allah reward you with good.
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Praise be to Allah.
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
(The pilgrim) should enter ihram for ‘umrah at the miqaat. When entering ihram, he should do ghusl as for janaabah. Doing ghusl is Sunnah for men and women, even those who are menstruating or bleeding following childbirth (nifaas). (A man) should do ghusl and put perfume on his head and beard, and put on the ihram garments. He should enter ihram after offering an obligatory prayer, if it is the time for an obligatory prayer, or after a supererogatory (naafil) prayer which he should intend as the Sunnah prayer following wudoo’, because there is no specific naafil prayer for entering ihram, as there is no report to that effect from the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him). Women who are menstruating or bleeding following childbirth should not pray. Then he should recite the Talbiyah for ‘Umrah, saying: “Labbayk Allaahumma ‘Umratan. Labbayka Allaahumma labbayk, labbayka laa shareeka laka labbayk. Inna al-hamda wa’n-ni‘mata laka wa’l-mulk, laa shareeka lak (Here I am, O Allaah, for ‘Umrah. Here I am, O Allah, here I am. Here I am, You have no partner, here I am. Verily all praise and blessings are Yours, and all sovereignty, You have no partner).” And he should continue to recite the Talbiyah until he reaches Makkah. When he is close to Makkah, he should do ghusl before entering it, as the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) did. He should enter al-Masjid al-Haraam with his right foot first, saying: “Bismillaah wa’l-salaatu wa’l-salaam ‘ala Rasoolillaah. Allaahumma ighfir li dhunoobi waftah li abwaab rahmatika. A‘oodhu Billaah il-‘azeem wa bi wajhihi’l-kareem wa bi sultaanihi’l-qadeem min al-shaytaan il-rajeem(In the name of Allaah, and peace and blessings be upon the Messenger of Allah. O Allah, forgive my sins and open to me the gates of Your mercy. I seek refuge in Allah the Almighty and in His noble Face and in His eternal Power, from the accursed Shaytaan).”
When he begins tawaaf, he should stop reciting the Talbiyah. He should start at the Black Stone, and kiss it if possible, otherwise he should point to it and say: ‘Bismillah wa Allahu akbar. Allahumma eemaanan bika wa tasdeeqan bi kitaabika wa wafaa’an bi ‘ahdika wa ittibaa‘an li Sunnati Nabiyyika Muhammad sall-Allahu ‘alayhi wa sallam (In the name of Allah, and Allah is most great. O Allah, out of faith in You, and in belief in Your Book, and in fulfilment of Your covenant, and following the Sunnah of Your Prophet Muhammad blessings and peace of Allah be upon him).” Then he should put the House on his left and circumambulate it seven times, starting and ending at the Black Stone. He should not touch any part of the Ka‘bah apart from the Black Stone and the Yemeni Corner, because the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) did not touch any part of it except these two corners. In tawaaf it is Sunnah for men to walk rapidly in the first three circuits, taking short steps. It is also Sunnah for them to uncover the right shoulder throughout tawaaf (this is called idtibaa‘), by baring the right shoulder and placing the two ends of the rida’ (upper garment) on the left shoulder. Every time he comes in line with the Black Stone, he should say “Allahu akbar.” Between the Yemeni Corner and the Black Stone he should say: “Rabbana aatina fi’l-dunya hasanah wa fi’l-aakhirah hasanah wa qina ‘adhaab al-naar(Our Lord, give us that which is good in this world and that which is good in the Hereafter, and protect us from the torment of the Fire).” In the rest of his Tawaaf he may say whatever he likes of dhikr (remembering Allah) and du‘aa’ (supplication).
There are no specific du‘aa’s for each circuit of tawaaf, hence one should beware of these booklets that many pilgrims carry, in which there is a specific du‘aa’ for each circuit. This is an innovation that was not narrated from the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him). The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Every innovation is a going astray.” Narrated by Muslim.
During tawaaf, the pilgrim must pay attention to a matter which many people do not pay attention to at times when it is very crowded, and you see them going in through one gate of the Hijr and exiting through the other gate, and not going around the Hijr as well as the Ka‘bah. This is an error, because most of the Hijr is part of the Ka‘bah, so the one who goes in through one gate of the Hijr and exits through the other gate has not in fact circumambulated the Ka‘bah, so his tawaaf is not valid.
After tawaaf, he should pray two rak‘ahs behind Maqaam Ibraaheem if possible. Otherwise he may offer this prayer anywhere in the mosque.
Then he should go out to as-Safa, and when he comes near it he should recite (interpretation of the meaning):“Verily! As-Safa and Al-Marwah (two mountains in Makkah) are of the Symbols of Allah. So it is not a sin on him who perform Hajj or Umrah (pilgrimage) of the House (the Kabah at Makkah) to perform the going (Tawaf) between them (As-Safa and Al-Marwah). And whoever does good voluntarily, then verily, Allah is All-Recogniser, All-Knower” [al-Baqarah 2:158], but he should not repeat this verse after that. Then he should climb as-Safa, turn to face towards the qiblah, raise his hands, magnify and praise Allah, and say: “Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah wahdahu laa shareeka lah, lahu’l-mulk wa lahu’l-hamd wa huwa ‘ala kulli shay’in qadeer; Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah wahdahu anjaza wa‘dah wa nasara ‘abdah wa hazama al-ahzaaba wahdah(There is no god but Allah alone, with no partner or associate, His is the dominion and to Him be praise, and He is able to do all things; there is no god but Allah alone, He fulfilled His promise and granted victory to His slave and defeated the confederates alone).” Then he should offer du‘aa’ after that, then repeat the dhikr a second time, followed by du‘aa’, then repeat the dhikr a third time.
Then he should come down and head towards al-Marwah, walking until he reaches the green marker – i.e., the green pillar – and running from the green pillar to the second green pillar, running fast if he is able to, provided that it is not too difficult for him and does not cause annoyance to anyone else. Then after the second marker he should walk normally until he reaches al-Marwah. When he reaches al-Marwah he should climb it, and turn to face the qiblah, raise his hands, and say the same as he said at as-Safa. This is one lap.
Then he should come back to as-Safa from al-Marwah, and this is the second lap. He should say and do during it the same as he said and did in the first lap. When he has finished seven laps – from as-Safa to al-Marwah is one lap, and from al-Marwah to as-Safa is another lap – then he should cut his hair, removing hair from all over his head, in such a manner that it is clearly obvious. A woman should cut a fingertip’s length from the end of all of her hair. Then he has completely exited from ihram and may do all the things that Allah has permitted to him of intimacy with his wife, wearing perfume, wearing ordinary clothes, and so on.
Summary of the actions of ‘Umrah:
1. Doing ghusl as in the case of janaabah, and putting on perfume
2. putting on the ihram garments, which are the rida’ and izaar (upper and lower garment) for men. Women may wear whatever they want of permissible clothing.
3. Reciting the Talbiyah and repeating it until the start of tawaaf.
4. Tawaaf or circumambulating the Ka‘bah seven times, starting and ending each circuit at the Black Stone.
5. Praying two rak‘ahs behind Maqaam Ibraaheem.
6. Sa‘i between as-Safa and al-Marwah, seven laps, starting at as-Safa and ending at al-Marwah
7. Shaving the head or cutting the hair for men, and cutting the hair for women.
And Allah knows best.




















PUBLISHERM.NajimudeeN. MD,IRI