Engagment, - Dought & clear, - * He loves a girl and her father agrees to them marrying but her mother refuses

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I love a girl who is related to me but her mother does not agree to giving her to me in marriage, but her father agrees to everything. What is your answer? I am still keeping her picture.
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Praise be to Allaah.
What counts in order for a marriage to be valid is the consent of the woman’s wali (guardian), which is her father in this case. As for the mother, it is not essential that she give her permission or consent, but it is recommended for the father to consult her as a sign of respect towards her.
Based on this, if the father of the girl agrees, then he can arrange the marriage contract with you, but is it right to go ahead with this marriage? That depends. If the girl is religiously committed and of good character, and the mother’s refusal is based on minor reasons or something that can be rectified in the future, then there is nothing wrong with going ahead with this marriage. But if her refusal is based on something that cannot be rectified soon, then it is better not to go ahead with this marriage, because the mother’s attitude may affect your married life.
Determining what is best in this case needs an examination of the details of the matter. But in general terms we may say that it needs you to weigh up the pros and cons, and to look at the nature of the girl and how much she is influenced by her mother’s attitude, if she will put pressure on her or tell her to go against you. As for your saying that you are still keeping her picture, if what you mean is that you have a photo of her, this is not permissible for two reasons:
1 – She is a stranger (non-mahram) to you, so it is not permissible for you to look at her. This looking is one of the doors that lead to fitnah. Hence Islam enjoins lowering the gaze, as it says in the verse (interpretation of the meaning):
“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them. Verily, Allaah is All‑Aware of what they do”
[al-Noor 24:30]
2 – It is not permissible to keep photos for memories, even if they are pictures of one's sons and daughters or mahrams, because of the general meaning of the evidence which indicates that making images is haraam, and the stern tone of that evidence. It is not permissible to take pictures of animate beings except in cases of necessity and urgent need, such as ID photos and pictures of criminals and so on.
Based on this, you have to get rid of this picture and understand that Allaah is watching you and can see you, so fear Allaah and fear His punishment, and conceal the ‘awrah of believing women, and wish for them what you would wish for your own family of concealment and well being.
Do not marry until you ask Allaah for guidance (istikhaarah).
We ask Allaah to guide you.
And Allaah knows best.

PUBLISHERM.NajimudeeN. MD,IRI

Between man and wife, Dought & clear, - * Ruling on one who has intercourse with his wife in her back passage during the day in Ramadaan

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In Ramadaan I was newly married, and I could not keep away from my wife. I used to be intimate with her during the day in Ramadaan without having intercourse, but I feel that even though I was trying to be very careful I penetrated the back passage and ejaculated. What is the ruling on that?.
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Praise be to Allaah.
Having intercourse with one’s wife in her back passage is a major sin, which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) mentioned in conjunction with going to fortunetellers, and he described it as kufr. He (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever has intercourse with a menstruating women, or with a woman in her back passage, or goes to a fortuneteller, has disbelieved in that which was revealed to Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 135; Abu Dawood, 3904; Ibn Maajah, 639. classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani inSaheeh al-Targheeb, 2433.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) cursed the one who has intercourse with a woman in her back passage and said: “Cursed be the one who has intercourse with his wife in her back passage.” Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2162; classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani inSaheeh al-Targheeb, 2432.
These ahaadeeth indicate that it is haraam to have intercourse with a woman in her back passage. This is an action which goes against the fitrah (sound human nature) and incurs the wrath and anger of Allaah, and is also a cause of disease.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked about what a man who has had intercourse with his wife in her back passage should do. Has this been permitted by any of the scholars?
He replied:
Praise be to Allaah, the Lord of the Worlds. Intercourse in the back passage is forbidden according to the Book of Allaah and the Sunnah of His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and according to all the leaders and imams of the Muslims, including the Sahaabah, the Taabi’een and others. Allaah says in His Book (interpretation of the meaning):
“Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth (i.e., have sexual relations with your wives in any manner as long as it is in the vagina and not in the anus) when or how you will, and send (good deeds, or ask Allaah to bestow upon you pious offspring) for your ownselves beforehand”
[al-Baqarah 2:223]
And it is narrated inal-Saheehaynthat the Jews used to say that if a man had intercourse with his wife in her vagina from behind, the child would be born with a squint. The Muslims asked the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) about that, then this verse was revealed (interpretation of the meaning):
“Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth (i.e., have sexual relations with your wives in any manner as long as it is in the vagina and not in the anus) when or how you will, and send (good deeds, or ask Allaah to bestow upon you pious offspring) for your ownselves beforehand”
[al-Baqarah 2:223]
The wordharth(translated here as tilth) refers to the place where one sews seed, and the seed for a child is planted in the vagina, not in the anus.
Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 32/267
See also the answer to question no. 1103, where the ruling on having intercourse with a woman in her back passage and the bad psychological and physical effects of that are discussed.
See also the answer to question no. 6792, which discusses the ruling along with the evidence for it.
In the answer to question no. 49614we have explained that a husband may be intimate with his wife whilst he is fasting, so long as he does not have intercourse or ejaculate; intercourse with one’s wife in her vagina is haraam during the day in Ramadaan, so how about if he has intercourse in the back passage and ejaculates?!
Secondly:
With regard to the effect on the fast you were observing at the time you did what you did: the fast is undoubtedly invalid, but you must still refrain from eating and drinking for the rest of the day. The majority of scholars stated that the day must be made up, as well as offering expiation for having intercourse in the wife’s back passage, regardless of whether he ejaculated or not.
This ruling also applies to your wife – she must also make up that fast and offer expiation, because it seems that she was a willing participant.
Ibn Qudaamah said:
It makes no difference if one has intercourse in the front or back passage of a male or a female. This is the view of al-Shaafa’i…. Because he broke the Ramadaan fast by having intercourse so he must offer expiation.
Fromal-Mughni, 3/27.
In the answer to question no. 38023it says:
Whoever has intercourse during the day in Ramadaan deliberately and of his or her own free will, in which the two circumcised parts meet and the tip of the penis disappears in either of the two passages, has invalidated his fast, whether he ejaculates or not. He has to repent, complete that day (i.e., not eat or drink until sunset), make up that day’s fast later on and offer a severe expiation.
The Muslim should strive to fear Allaah and avoid that which He has forbidden, especially during this month which Allaah has enjoined us to fast so that we might attain piety. Allaah says:
“O you who believe! Observing As-Sawm (the fasting) is prescribed for you as it was prescribed for those before you, that you may become Al-Muttaqoon (the pious”
[al-Baqarah 2:183]
And Allaah knows best.

PUBLISHERM.NajimudeeN. MD,IRI

Between man and wife, Dought & clear, - * Does a wife have the right to refuse intimacy with her husband during Ramadaan for the purpose of worship?

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What is the ruling on a wife who refuses intimacy with her husband during Ramadaan because she is preoccupied with worship and drawing close to Allaah?.
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Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
The month of Ramadaan is an important occasion for worshippers to increase their worship and for sinners to give up their ways and reconcile themselves with their Lord by giving up their sin and doing more acts of worship and obedience, so that they may turn over a new leaf and start a new life.
There are saheeh ahaadeeth which speak of the virtue of fasting, praying qiyaam and observing i’tikaaf. And in Ramadaan there is a night – Laylat al-Qadr – which Allaah has made better than a thousand months.
Based on this, the one who wants to spend the days of this month in worshipping his Lord cannot be denounced. People are psychologically prepared to read Qur’aan and obey the Most Merciful, whether they are men or women.
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever spends the nights of Ramadaan in prayer out of faith and in the hope of reward, his previous sins will be forgiven.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (37) and Muslim (760).
Secondly:
Women should understand that their husbands have great rights over them. It is not permissible for a woman to refuse her husband these rights, or to refuse them for the sake of naafil acts of worship.
It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Abi Awfa (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “By the One in Whose hand is the soul of Muhammad, no woman can fulfil her duty towards Allaah until she fulfils her duty towards her husband. If he asks her (for intimacy) even if she is on her camel saddle, she should not refuse.” Narrated by Ibn Maajah (1853); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani inSaheeh al-Targheeb, 1938.
What this means is that women are urged to obey their husbands, and that they should not refuse them even in this situation, so how about in other situations?
Haashiyat al-Sindi ‘ala Ibn Maajah.
Because of the importance of husbands’ rights, women are enjoined to ask their permission before doing some acts of worship which may conflict with their rights, such as the following:
1 – Observing naafil fasts.
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No woman should fast when her husband is present except with his permission. Narrated by al-Bukhaari (4896) and Muslim (1026).
Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: This is to be understood as referring to voluntary and recommended fasts for which there is no specific time. It is understood as meaning that this is haraam, as our companions stated. The reason for that is that the husband has the right to intimacy with his wife on all days, and his right is to be implemented immediately, and cannot be deferred because of voluntary acts of worship or because of an obligatory deed that may be done at any time. End quote.
Sharh Muslim, 7/115.
2 – Going out to the mosque
It was narrated from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When the wife of any one of you asks for permission to go to the mosque, do not forbid her.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (4940) and Muslim (442).
Thirdly:
The husband has to fear Allaah with regard to his wife, and not burden her with more than she can bear. Many men keep their womenfolk busy all day with cooking, and at night with making sweets, so the woman’s days and nights are wasted and she cannot make the most of her fasting days or her nights by doing acts of worship. One of the wife’s rights over her husband is that she should have a share of the worship of this month. So he should not prevent her from reading Qur’aan, or praying qiyaam. There should be understanding between them so that there will not be any conflict between his rights and her worship of her Lord. This, of course, has to do with naafil acts of worship; with regard to obligatory acts of worship, the husband has no right to stop his wife doing them.
The way of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) with his wives was to encourage them to worship and obey Allaah, especially in the last ten days of Ramadaan.
It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: “When the (last) ten nights began, the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would tighten his waist-wrapper (i.e., strive hard in worship or refrain from intimacy with his wives), stay awake at night and wake his family.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1920) and Muslim (1174).
If both husband and wife understand their rights and duties, they will avoid difficulties and arguments in most cases. If they understand that such occasions will only recur a few times during their lives, this should make them keener to make the most of the days and nights of Ramadaan.
We ask Allaah, may He be blessed and exalted, to reconcile your hearts and to help you to obey Him and worship Him properly.
And Allaah knows best.

PUBLISHERM.NajimudeeN. MD,IRI