Engagment, - Dought & clear, - * He lives in America and has done the marriage contract with her; can she travel to join him?

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I am a young woman living in Jordan, and I got engaged on the basis of a contract to a young man who is religiously committed and fears Allah, and he lives in America. We have been engaged for a year and a half, and he is still studying. My question is: is it permissible for me to travel to be with him and his mother until he finishes his studies, then we can go to where he is going to work? Please note that until now there is no place where we can get married and live together. In other words I would stay with him until he finishes his studies. Please note that I cannot stay away from him more than that, and my being with him will help him to keep away from the fitnah that surrounds him.
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Praise be to Allaah.
If you mean that the marriage contract has been done for you and there remains nothing but consummation of the marriage, and that he wants to consummate the marriage with you there, then there is nothing wrong with that; rather it is something good and we encourage you and advise you to go ahead, because it is better for you to be with your husband and it is more chaste for you and for him, and will keep both of you further away from fitnah.
Your family and his should announce news of the consummation of the marriage everywhere and publicise it in the place where you are. It is not essential for the consummation to actually take place in the country where you are; rather that may be easier for you and it may be more affordable to get married this way in the beginning, then after that you can prepare your home gradually.
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
It is better for a woman to travel overseas with her husband than to stay in her country; that is better for her and for him too. I do not see anything wrong with it.
End quote fromLiqa’ al-Baab al-Maftooh, 81/17
See also the answer to question no. 3477
In that case he has to come and travel with you, or one of your mahrams should travel with you to take you to him, because a woman can only travel with a mahram. See the answer to questions no. 316and 34380
If you mean that you will travel to him without that which is customarily called consummation, meaning that you would be travelling to him thinking that you are married in the sense that a marriage contract has been done but the marriage has not been consummated, in spite of all that you mention, and that the actual consummation of the marriage will come after he finishes his studies and gets a house and a job, when he can afford the expenses of marriage and the consequences and costs thereof, this is a kind of messing about and fooling oneself, and that is something that is not acceptable at all.
This idea of yours seems to be based on the way you phrased your question, “I got engaged on the basis of a contract” i.e., a marriage contract, as some people call this period an engagement period, even if the shar‘i marriage contract has been done.
But if that does not mean a marriage contract, then it is not permissible for you to travel to him and none of the aims of marriage result from that. Rather you should look at what your words really mean.
It says inFataawa al-Lajnah ad-Daa’imah(18/69): Mere engagement between a man and woman does not mean that it is a marriage contract. Both the man and the woman may change their minds if they see fit during that period, whether the other party agrees or not.
And Allah knows best.
























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Engagment, - Dought & clear, - * His father chose a wife for him who he does not want

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After being convinced for years by my parents to marry my cousin, I finally agreed last year and got engaged. I would however admit that I had no special liking for her and before I took the final decision, I also performed Istikharah but didnt seem to get a proper answer or direction and remained confused. I finally thought that since my parents are happy with this marriage I would go for it. I study in another country and after we got engaged I started talking to her on phone and among other things got to know that she has a problem of falling hair and due to that her hair has thinned a lot. I asked her to visit some doctors and she has started to take medications but not of any great help as of now. After knowing all this I am very upset with myself and also with her although I have not told anything like that to her that might hurt her in anyway. I really feel very upset all the time now as you would understand that I also have some feelings and wishes about how my future wife should look like. Right now I am always in distress and feel like that this is my destiny to marry her which cannot be changed as doing that would severly damage the relations in our family. I don't know what to do and can't stop thinking about this. This has now started to affect my studies also. I can't talk about this to anyone not my parents or friends. Thinking about this is always keeping me disturbed. I have agreed to marry her next year after my parents told me so. I don't know what to do now or how things would go after that. I would like to have your suggestions and guidance in this regard.
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Praise be to Allah.
Firstly:
Istikhaarah is mustahabb and is prescribed in Islam, but one does not necessarily see a dream after it or get an answer as you described. Rather its effects appear in the matter being made easy. If the matter is made easy and goes ahead, this is an indication that it is good, in sha Allah.
Secondly:
The son is not obliged to obey his parents with regard to marrying a particular woman, but if he does that to please his parents and make them happy, he will be rewarded for that, so long as the woman is religiously committed and of good character.
If he gives the matter some thought and decides that the woman is not appropriate for him, and is afraid that he will develop resentment towards her or that he will later be forced to divorce her, then it is better for him to tell his parents frankly about what he feels and to apologise to them for cancelling his engagement. This is better than going ahead with something he does not really want.
We advise you to think long and hard and to examine your fiancée’s characteristics, both positive and negative, before taking the decision to cancel the engagement. If she is religiously committed and of good character, and has no faults other than what you mention about her hair, then this can be dealt with. And a woman may be beautiful or acceptable despite that problem.
But we also think that you should delay going ahead with the marriage until you have put your mind at rest about that decision.
You should offer a lot of du‘aa’ (supplication) and ask Allah to guide you to that which is best in this world and in the Hereafter.
And Allah knows best.









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