Engagment, - Dought & clear, - * Advice on Marrying Daughter to New Revert

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My daughter is in university, in the seventh year of medicine, and she is twenty-five years old. She has a friend who is married to an Algerian in Germany; they are both Algerian. This couple met a German businessman who said that he had become Muslim. He is fifty-one years old, divorced with two children, and he is looking for a religiously committed Muslim woman. He asked this couple for help and advice, and my daughter’s friend told him about my daughter. He contacted her via the Internet and tempted her with the offer of everything she is looking for, including completion of her specialised studies overseas. My daughter was impressed with this idea, and hastened to suggest it to the family. After studying the matter, we – her family – found the following problems:
- We do not know anything about whether his Islam is genuine.
- We do not know anything about his character.
- We do not know anything about his true origins.
- We do not know anything about his true intentions.
- There is no compatibility in age.
- There is no compatibility in social environment.
- Our daughter’s children will not be Arabs.
- He can find what he wants in Germany.
This is as far as he is concerned; as far as our daughter is concerned, we can sum it up as follows:
- There is no worry about the girl’s future, seeing that she is a doctor.
- Alternatives are available in her own country, as there are plenty of young Algerian men
- Preservation of Islamic and Arabic values is a religious obligation.
Hence our family decided to seek your advice so that you can give us the shar‘i (religious) opinion on this matter; perhaps we have neglected some shar‘i aspect of the matter.
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Praise be to Allaah.
Although we appreciate your daughter telling her family about this man’s offer and what he has promised her, we do not approve of her corresponding with and talking to a man who is not her mahram (close relative who one may not marry). Although she may have been wise and mature – praise be to Allah – there are many other girls who have fallen victim to such correspondence.
After thinking about what you have told us about your daughter and about that German man, we strongly advise you not to accept him as a husband for your daughter. The points you have listed are sufficient for a ruling of this type. The shar‘i prescription that the guardian should play a fundamental role in the marriage contract is supremely wise, lest the girl follow her whims and desires and accept any sweet talk that may make her build up false hopes. The proof of that is that you did not want to base your judgement solely on what you felt about this man; rather you also hastened to submit a question to this website. This indicates – in sha Allah – that you are a family that is fit to be in this position of responsibility, as you are trying sincerely to protect your daughter.
The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) advised guardians to choose those who are good and righteous to marry the females under their guardianship, namely those who are pleasing in terms of religious commitment and character. It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one with whose attitude and religious commitment you are pleased, then marry (your daughter or female relative under your care) to him, for if you do not do that there will be fitnah (tribulations)in the land and widespread corruption.”
Narrated by at-Tirmidhi, Ibn Maajah, and classed as hasan (sound)by al-Albani inSaheeh at-Tirmidhi.
A man said to al-Hasan: I have a daughter; to whom do you think I should give her in marriage? He said: Give her in marriage to one who fears Allah, may He be exalted, for if he loves her he will honour her, and if he resents her he will not mistreat her.
How can you find out about this man who wants to marry your daughter? Here we should point out that he may really be a Muslim, and he may be sincere in his wishes, but you do not know any of that, or anything else, about him. If we assume that it has been confirmed to you that he is a sincere Muslim, the other things that you mention after his being Muslim are also sufficient to rule that he is not suitable to marry your daughter. And among these things, it is sufficient that she would be living in a non-Muslim country, and she would be studying and working in their environment and in their country, which gives rise to fear for her religious commitment and morals. Usually the differences of environments, languages and natures has a negative impact, which leads to failure of the marriage in many cases.
Hence we agree with you completely that you should reject this marriage, and we advise your daughter to forget about accepting this man as a husband. She should understand that the opinion of her family and those who have more knowledge than she does about men and environments should, beyond any shadow of a doubt, take precedence over her opinion. She should ask her Lord to choose for her the best of righteous men to be her husband, so together they can establish a family based on obedience to Allah and raise – in sha Allah – righteous children.
We ask Allah, may He be exalted, to guide her to the best of words, deeds and attitudes, and to bless her with a righteous husband and righteous offspring.
And Allah knows best.

Engagment, - Dought & clear, - * She has received a marriage proposal from a young man who suffers from social phobia

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I am a young woman, twenty-five years old. I have received a marriage proposal from a young man who is religiously committed and respectable, and is one and a half years younger than me, but he suffers from social phobia and extreme shyness, to the point that he told me frankly that he cannot imagine himself with a woman in a closed room. He told me that he is going to seek treatment and that he will get better after he has been married for a while. The problem is that I am very shy and I would like my husband to have a strong character, especially in sexual relations. I also suffered from waswaas with regard to purification, but I have been healed from that, praise be to Allah.
My question is: should I accept this young man? Could our psychological problems affect our children in the future and cause them to inherit these mental illnesses?.
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Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
We praise Allah for your recovery from waswaas, and we ask Him, may He be glorified, to complete His blessings and grace to you.
Secondly:
Social phobia is a kind of psychological disorder, that has its causes and ways of treating it; it varies in its degree and intensity.
What this suitor has mentioned about difficulty in being alone with a woman and so on, all comes under the heading of the symptoms of this phobia.
Our advice to you is not to go ahead and marry this suitor until he has recovered from this illness, or it is apparent that he is only suffering mildly from it. This can be found out by asking his friends and neighbours, and the people at his mosque. Your guardian should ask about him and find out about that, and also ask this suitor about the stages of this illness and his treatment, and he should also check with the doctor who is in charge of his treatment, if possible.
It is important that his looking to get married be based on his desire and need, and it should not be in response to pressure from his family or anyone else.
We ask Allah to decree happiness, guidance and well-being for you.
And Allah knows best.

General, Dought & clear, - * Books that speak about the rulings on marriage, women, and ways of making the marriage successful

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I am pursuing a marriage is the particular books or lectures I can benefit from which will cover the ruling of marriage and other topical areas which will bring about a successful marriage.In addition a book which is exclusive for sister so that my intended spouse can learn fatwa of women.
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Praise be to Allah
The Islamic texts encourage marriage and state that it is the way of the Prophets and Messengers. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And indeed We sent Messengers before you (O Muhammad (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him)), and made for them wives and offspring”
[ar-Ra‘d 13:38]
“And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a man who has no wife and the woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the Salihoon (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female slaves). If they be poor, Allah will enrich them out of His Bounty. And Allah is All-Sufficent for His creatures’ needs, All-Knowing (about the state of the people)”
[an-Noor 24:32].
As-Sa‘di (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
“If they” that is, married people or those who want to get married “be poor, Allah will enrich them out of His Bounty”. So you should not let what you imagine – that if he gets married, he will become poor because of having too many dependents – prevent you from getting married.
This offers encouragement to get married, and is a divine promise to the one who gets married that he will become independent of means after having been poor. {And Allah is All-Sufficent for His creatures’ needs} that is, He is very kind and bestows much bounty
“All-Knowing” – He knows who deserves His grace and bounty in both religious and worldly terms, or in one of them, and who does not deserve that. So He gives to all in accordance with His knowledge and wisdom.
End quote.
Tayseer al-Kareem ar-Rahmaan(p. 567)
For more information, please see fatwas no. 136885and 220841, which discuss the virtues of marriage.
With regard to books that speak of the virtues of marriage, the rulings thereon and ways of making marriage successful, there are many such books, including the following:
Tuhfat al-‘Aroosby Mahmoud Mahdi al-Islambooli. This is a very useful book in which the author speaks of proposals and the rulings thereon, the essential parts and conditions of the marriage contract, the rights and duties of both spouses, and rulings on intimacy.
[Translator’s note: This book is available in English under the title:The Bride’s Boon]
Az-Zawaaj fi Zill al-Islamby Shaykh ‘Abd ar-Rahmaan ‘Abd al-Khaaliq, in which the author discusses the rulings on marriage in Islam, how to choose a life partner, rulings and conditions of the marriage proposal, impediments and outcomes of the marriage contract , ways to guarantee family stability, and ways of dealing with disputes between the spouses; then he speaks of the end of the marriage, either through death or separation during life by means of talaaq, khula‘ or annulment of the marriage.
Az-Zawaaj al-Islami as-Sa‘eedby Mahmoud al-Masri Abu ‘Ammaar
[Translator’s note: other books available in English include the following:
A Gift for a Muslim Brideby Muhammad Haneef Abdul Majeed
Secrets to a Successful Marriageby Afshan Khan
Traversing the Highs and Lows of Muslim Marriageby Sadaf Farooq]
With regard to books that speak about rulings having to do with Muslim women, there are also many such books. By way of example we may mentionJaami‘ Ahkaam an-Nisa’by Shaykh Mustafa al-‘Adawi andFataawa al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, compiled by Ashfraf ‘Abd al-Maqsood
And Allah knows best.





















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