Plural marriage and fair treatment of co-wives, Dought & clear, - * He has two wives and he does not allow one of them go out or to receive visits from her family except with his permission

Share ::-

Is permissable for a man who has two wives to request from the first one to seek his permission everytime she leaves the house and when someone is coming to the house even if it were one of her family member and not request it from the second wife?.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
One of the rights that the husband has over his wife is that she should not go out of his house except with his permission or let anyone into his house except with his permission.
The evidence for the former is the report narrated inal-Saheehaynabout the slander incident (al-ifk), in which ‘Aa’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) said to the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him): “Will you give me permission to go to my parents?” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4141; Muslim, 2770.
Al-Iraqi said inTarh al-Tathreeb(8/58): Her saying, “Will you give me permission to go to my parents?” indicates that the wife should not go to her parents’ house except with the permission of her husband. End quote.
See also question no. 87834
The evidence for the latter is the words of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him): “No woman should fast when her husband is present without his permission, and she should not allow anyone to enter his house when he is present without his permission.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4899; Muslim, 1026.
The correct view is that the husband does not have the right to prevent his wife’s parents from visiting her unless he thinks it most likely that their visit will result in trouble and harm. See question no. 112048.
Secondly:
It is not obligatory to treat co-wives the same with regard to what is mentioned above. In the case of one of them going out of his house without his permission there may be the possibility of harm or trouble or temptation, or he may be very protectively jealous for her, or there may be other reasons that make the man resort to such a thing, so he makes her ask permission before going out, but he does not require that of the other wife. The same may be said concerning the issue of visits.
What matters is that the husband should not seek thereby to harm his wife or hurt her and make things difficult for her, because that is contrary to the good treatment that he is enjoined to give her.
And Allah knows best.

- PUBLISHERNajimudeeN M

Plural marriage and fair treatment of co-wives, Dought & clear, - * If a man is absent on the night of one of his wives with or without an excuse, he has to come back and make up that night

Share ::-

My husband travelled before the end of his three nights in my house (as we both agreed). Does he have to come back as soon as he returns to complete the remaining two nights, or can he choose where he wants to stay for the next three?.
Praise be to Allaah.
If the husband divides his time between his wives, spending one night or two nights or three nights with each in turn, then it is the right of each of his wives that he should stay overnight with her on the nights that are allocated to her, because she is entitled to that. If circumstances dictate that he should be absent on the night of one of his wives completely or for a long time, such as if he is imprisoned or is travelling or is getting married, then the right of the wife whose turn it was is not waived; rather when he comes out of prison or returns from his travel or the time allocated to the new wife ends, he has to go back to the wife whose turn it was and stay overnight with her, or complete what is left of her night. This is what is required to be just and fair.
Al-Shaafa‘i (may Allah have mercy on him) said: If he allocated time to a wife then he went away then he returned, he should start dividing his time with the one whose turn comes next.
Similarly, if he is not travelling but he is distracted from staying overnight with her, he should resume dividing his time as if he had returned from being away, so he should start with the one whose turn it was.
And he said:
If he was with her for part of the night, then he went away then he came back, he should start by making up to her what is left of the night, then he should go to the one whose turn comes next at the end of the night, so that he is being fair to them with regard to dividing his time.
Al-Umm(5/281).
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
If he leaves one of his wives during her time, if that is during the day or at the beginning or end of the night, when it is customary to leave the home and go out to pray, that is permissible, because the Muslims go out to pray ‘Isha’ and Fajr before dawn breaks, and with regard to the day, it is the time when people go out and about to earn a living.
But if he goes out at some other time and comes back quickly, he does not have to make it up for her, because there is no benefit in making that up. But if he stays out for a long time, he should make it up to her, whether his staying out was for an excuse such as work or being detained, or there was no excuse, because her rights were denied by his being away from her. And if he wants to make up for that by staying away from the other wife for as long as he stayed away from this one, that is permissible, because equal treatment is attained by doing that, and because it is permissible for him to stay away for a full night if he does the same to each of his wives; so by analogy it is also acceptable with regard to part of the night.
Al-Mughni, 8/145
Another issue with regard to the rights of the wife over the husband, which supports what is mentioned above, is that if the husband wants to travel and draws lots between his wives, and one wife’s name is drawn, then she still has the right to her night after he comes back from his journey, and the fact that he took her with him on his journey does not mean that her right to her night or nights is waived.
Shaykh al-Khateeb al-Sharbeeni al-Shaafa‘i (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
Al-Bulqayni said: If the name of the one whose turn it is is drawn, her turn is not included in the period of travel; rather, when he returns, he should still give her her right to a share of his time. In the text ofal-Ummthere is that which confirms this.
Mughni al-Muhtaaj, 3/258
Shaykh Mansoor al-Bahooti al-Hanbali (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
The husband should still allocate the rightful share of his time to the one he takes with him after choosing her by drawing lots, when he returns from his journey and he should not regard the time spent travelling as part of her share of his time, because of the hadeeth of ‘Aa’ishah quoted above, as she did not mention making up the time, and because the one who travelled with him was the only one to undergo the hardships of travel.
Kashshaaf al-Qinaa‘, 5/201
To sum up:
When your husband comes back from his trip, he has to make up the rest of your three nights, and thus he will attain the justice that Allah has required of him. He does not have to start dividing his time anew, because he still owes you some time that he has to make up for you.
And Allah knows best.

- PUBLISHERNajimudeeN M

Plural marriage and fair treatment of co-wives, Dought & clear, - * Ruling on kissing and embracing one wife in front ofher co-wives!

Share ::-

Is it lawful to kiss and embrace (wives) in front of other wives. Is it haram if the other wife can see when having intimacy (not intercourse) with them with clothes on?.
Praise be to Allaah.
Allah has prescribed the rulings of sharee‘ah as guidance for mankind, and there is nothing in them that is off-putting or shameful. Rather it is guidance to the best of conduct. The one who ponders these rulings and understands them will not need to think hard in order to work out that what is mentioned in the question about the husband kissing and touching his wife in the presence of his other wives is undoubtedly an abhorrent and off-putting action which is contrary to sharee‘ah, decency and modesty.
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
If a person is uncertain about the ruling on something, whether it is permissible or forbidden, he should look at where it leads to and whether there are any bad consequences. If there are any clearly negative consequences that outweigh anything else, then it is impossible for the Lawgiver to have enjoined it or permitted it; rather it is definitively known that it is forbidden, especially if it is something that leads to that which incurs the wrath of Allah and His Messenger. Those who have insight will not doubt that this is haraam.
End quote fromMadaarij as-Saalikeen, 1/496
The basic principle concerning marital relationships is that they remain private and do not include anyone other than the husband and his wife. Hence we may understand why Allah, may He be exalted, forbade children who have reached the age of discernment from entering their parents’ rooms at times of sleep, rest and siesta. The only reason for that is the fear that the child’s gaze may fall upon some ‘awrah, kissing or intercourse, which is the most serious of the three. Hence too we may understand the reason why Allah, may He be exalted, forbade spouses to speak of what happens between them in the marital bed. Were it not that it is not permitted to speak of what happens between the spouses of their intimate relationship, it would not be forbidden for children who have reached the age of discernment to enter at times of privacy or for the spouses to tell people about what happens between them in the marital bed.
We think that what we have said is completely clear. If we add to that what you have mentioned about this taking place in front of the co-wives of that wife, that is more emphatically prohibited and forbidden, because of what it causes of jealousy, severing ties between co-wives, and resentment against the husband. All of these are things that sharee‘ah dislikes to exist in the lives of Muslims and there is no way that Islam could allow that.
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
He should not have intimate relations where anyone can see them or hear them, and he should not kiss her or touch her in the presence of other people.
Ahmad said: I do not like any option except concealing that completely.
Al-Hasan said, concerning a man who has intercourse with one wife where the other can hear it: They used to disapprove of any sound of intimacy being audible to others.
And he should not speak of what happens between him and his wife. End quote fromal-Mughni, 8/136
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked about the ruling on kissing one’s wife in front of other people.
He replied:
Some people -- Allah forbid -- who are badly behaved may kiss their wives in front of other people and so on. This is something that is not permitted. End quote.
Fataawa ash-Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem, 10/277
The husband should develop the attitude of modesty and instil that in the hearts and minds of his wives and children.
And Allah knows best.

- PUBLISHERNajimudeeN M