Kind Treatment of Spouses, - Dought & clear, - * She recently became Muslimand she has nofriends and herhusband does not let her go to the mosque

mwb

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I am in such pain and misery in my life and I do not know who to turn to for answers. I must start from the beginning for you to understand my problems. In August 2008 I met a man on the internet that was Muslim from Egypt. I was Catholic and I tried to convince him that he was on the wrong path in life. In October he convinced me to go and get a Qur’an to read and learn from. I started reading but still could not accept Islam as being the truth. I was married for 22 years to a man that I didn’t love and in January 2009 this man convinced me that if I truly believed in God that I could divorce this other man in my heart and I would not have to be with him any longer. I did this and then he told me that he wanted to marry me. He had me say that I such and such take this man such and such as my husband. I believed truly in my heart that he was now my husband in the eyes of God. I divided my first husband’s house in two. His house is very large and we could live under the same roof and not see each other. I have a daughter with him and I thought that I could have my house in two apartments so that she could still have a stable life. We talked as husband and wife and he talked with me still about Islam. I asked my first husband for a divorce and then I decided that I would say the shahada on June 2, 2009 for this man that I took as my husband in the eyes of God. At that time I really don’t think I truly believed in Islam but I did this for my new husband. After I said the shahada something in me changed. I had to find out more about Islam and I started to feel that Islam is the right path for me. I started to feel that what this man and I had was not a real marriage and I talked to him about this and he said he would send me a marriage contract and I must have it signed by two Muslim men. In January 2010 he sent me a marriage contract signed by him and I searched for two Muslim men that would sign it. I live in the United States in what is known as the Bible belt of America. It took me a long time to find two Muslim men that were willing to sign this paper. My entire family has turned their backs to me for choosing Islam. My brother calls me a Muslim terrorist and will not speak with me. My oldest sister calls me a sand monkey lover and my other sister says that I worship Satan because I pray in a strange language and have a ritual prayer as she calls it. My own mother will not allow me in her house wearing hijab and puts me down always. The only reason any of my family still talks with me is because of my daughter. I have lost all of my family and all of my friends except one friend who we have been friends for more than thirty years. She is the only one to accept me for me. My husband in Islam told me a long time ago not to go to the mosque for prayer, (there is a mosque in my city, and it is a very long ways from me). So I have always prayed at home in my bedroom. Everyday I pray and do duas. Everyday I read my Qur’an and hadiths. I am trying to learn Arabic so that I can read and pray in Arabic. I have joined a women’s class online to learn Tajweed, fiqh, and the history of Islam. I am trying to be the best Muslim woman, but everything seems so hard for me to deal with. My Muslim husband does wrong and I do cover his sins by not saying what he does. But the things he does hurt me very much. I feel lost in this world filled of hate. I live in constant pain from an injury from long ago and now I am having emotional pain as well. I have three questions and I do not know if you will answer all three, but all are very important to me. First, do I need to resay the shahada? Second am I truly married to this man from Egypt? Third what duas do I need to say to take this physical and emotional pain away from me?.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
We praise Allah for opening your heart to Islam and filling it with faith; we ask Him to make you steadfast and to help and guide you.
Secondly:
You are a Muslim now and you do not need to repeat the Shahaadah. Even if we assume that the first time you said it, it was not with full conviction of Islam, there is no doubt that you have said it many times after you became fully convinced and accepted this great religion.
Thirdly:
Your marriage that was done in January 2010 is a valid marriage.
Fourthly:
We advise you to pray a great deal and read Qur’aan, because these are among the greatest means of finding peace of mind. You should also try to convince your husband of the importance of going to the mosque and meeting Muslim women and looking for righteous friends who can help you in righteousness and good. The husband does not have the right to prevent his wife if she asks him for permission to go to the mosque, so long as she goes out observing proper etiquette and shar‘i rulings, and her going out does not result in any negative consequences or fitnah (temptation). That is because of the report narrated by al-Bukhaari (900) and Muslim (442), according to which the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Do not prevent the female slaves of Allah from going to the mosques of Allah.”
For more details concerning that please see the answer to question no. 49898.
Fifthly:
You have done well to join a class on the Internet to study tajweed, fiqh and Islamic history. This is making good use of time and acquiring knowledge by means of which Allah raises people in status and makes their deeds weigh heavily in the Balance.
You should remember that the believer will not be free of trials which will erase his sins and raise him in status. So be patient and seek reward with Allah, because what is with Allah of joy and blessing is worth that and more.
We ask Allah to take away your pain and relieve you of distress, and to grant you happiness in this world and the Hereafter.
And Allah knows best.

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Kind Treatment of Spouses, - Dought & clear, - * Problems caused by wife’s illness

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My brother married a woman who suffers from retinal atrophy, and he did not know anything about her sickness until two months ago. All he knew was that her vision was weak, and he got married to her. Now he is wondering whether he should separate from her because he feels that she will not be able to raise his children properly if she has children.
He is always arguing with her mother because she speaks badly to him and he thinks that she bewitched him to make him marry her daughter. Now he cannot control his anger most of the time and he beats his wife, and he insults her in horrible terms. I hope you can suggest what is best for them.
Praise be to Allaah.
What you have mentioned about her suffering from retinal atrophy is not one of the faults which the fuqaha’ have stated give the husband the choice of annulling the marriage. But some scholars, such as Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah, and Ibn al-Qayyim – and Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen who regarded it as being the correct view – narrated that every fault which puts the other spouse off, so that the purposes of marriage, namely compassion and love, cannot be achieved, mean that the spouse has the choice of annulling the marriage. (Zaad al-Ma’aad, 5/163)
Based on this, the choice of annulment is given in every case where there is a fault that affects the purposes of marriage, namely love, intimacy, bearing children, etc.
But your brother came to know of this fault after that, and he did things which indicate that he accepted that, namely continuing to be intimate with her and not hastening to annul the marriage. According to the fuqaha’ this indicates that he accepts it, and that he does not have the right to annul the marriage.
But as you know, divorce is the man’s right and he may divorce his wife if he thinks that he cannot live a good life with her and that he cannot feel love for her and feel at ease with her, which is the basis of marriage.
What we advise in such situations is to be patient with this wife and try to solve the problem. If her mother is the main reason for the problems, then it is better to keep a distance from her and to live in separate accommodation. If your brother lives in the same house as her or nearby, then it is sufficient to keep in touch by phone and pay brief visits, etc. If the wife’s bad attitude is the reason for the problem, then your brother should check himself and how he treats his wife, for the way he treats her, beating her and calling her names, may be the reason for her bad attitude. He should seek the help of people who have experience in dealing with such problems, and try different ways of finding a solution to each problem.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good”
[al-Nisa’ 4:19]
If it is too much for him and he finds that there is no way to solve the problem or to live peacefully with his wife, then there is no sin in divorcing her; in this case she is entitled to the mahr because the marriage has been consummated. And Allaah knows best.

- PUBLISHERNajimudeeN M

Manners of Greeting with Salaam, Dought & clear, - * Ruling on greeting with a gesture

mwb

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What is the ruling in Islaam on greeting by means of gesture with the hands. One usually does this if the person is afar. Is this permissible or does it have no basis?
Praise be to Allaah.
Al-Tirmidhi narrated inal-Sunan(5/56) from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “He is not one of us who imitates others. Do not imitate the Jews or the Christians, for the greeting of the Jews is a gesture with the fingers and the greeting of the Christians is a gesture with the hand.” Al-Albaani said: (it is) hasan.
The words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) “he is not one of us” means he is not one of those who follow the same path as us and pay attention to doing things our way. “Who imitates others” means, he imitates those who are not of our religion. The meaning is: do not imitate them at all in any of their deeds, especially in these two characteristics. They would only give or return a greeting by means of a gesture, without speaking the words of salaam (peace), which is the way of Adam and his descendents among the Prophets and awliyaa’ (close friends of Allaah). Al-Nasaa’i reported with a jayyid isnaad from Jaabir, attributing it to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “do not give the greeting of the Jews, for they greet by means of a gesture of the head and hand.” Note: al-Nawawi said: this (the hadeeth of Jaabir) does not contradict the hadeeth of Asmaa’ bint Yazeed: the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) passed through the mosque where a group of women were sitting, and he greeted them with a wave of his hand. This hadeeth is to be interpreted as meaning that he greeted them with both a gesture and the words of greeting. Abu Dawood also reported this hadeeth from her, saying, “and he greeted us.” The prohibition on greeting with a gesture only is limited to those who are able – both physically and within the limits of sharee’ah – to speak the words of greeting. Otherwise it is permissible for the one who is doing something that prevents him from speaking to respond to a greeting with a gesture – such as when one is praying, or when one is far away; it is also permissible to use gestures if one is unable to speak (“dumb”), or when greeting the deaf.
Greeting with a gesture and without speaking is an imitation of the Jews or Christians. The same applies to many military salutes. The scholars have stated that it is bid’ah to greet with a gesture and without saying the words of greeting (i.e., “al-salaamu ‘alaykum”). See:al-Lama’by al-Turkmaani, 1/285, 282.
And Allaah knows best.

* TO EXPAND OUR " DAWA WORK, IN INDIA" - WE NEED 'FINANCIAL HELP' FROM PUBLICS. - JOIN & HELP OUR WORK! - DONATE ANY AMOUNT - through - BANK-(OR) -CREDIT, DEBITE CARDS to - IFSC : IOBA0002580- * Name :- > M NAJIMUDEEN,- Bank Name: Indian Overseas Bank,
- SB A/C . 258001000004928- THANKING YOU! -
{MAY OUR CREATOR BLESS YOU AND US!!}
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(Alhamdulillaah/) - ▌▌

Regards,



NAJIMUDEEN M
* CONTACT- aydnajimudeen@gmail.com