Kind Treatment of Spouses, - Dought & clear, - * Her husband refuses to let her help him with household expenses

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Recently I could find a good way to earn experience at working as I dont know what could happen to me if my husband died while I dont have a complete education and I never worked before.
Obviously, I can earn money with that work, which is revising translations. I work at home and I don't have a fixed schedule, I can have work at any time but I can do it while my husband is not present.
My question is: Can my husband control the way I spend my money? He doesn't let me buy anything for the house with my own money, he doesn't even let me buy something I want to buy, he says he can buy it for me another time and he doesn't like me to spend any of my money, although it could make things easier for him and for me. I'm living with my parents-in-law for more than a year now and we are joining money to rent a house soon, inshaAllah. But he doesn't let me help him to join money to buy the things for the house like fridge, washing machine, etc.
I know it's his responsibility to take care of these things, but can't I help? What am I supposed to do with the money I may earn except giving in charity? I could do a lot of things and take a lot of weight from my husband's shoulders if I helped him with my income.
Is it permissible if I put some of my money with the savings we have without his knowledge as sadaqah?
Please advise me.
Praise be to Allaah.
We congratulate you for having this virtuous husband who is a man of good character and high integrity. There are very few men like him who refrain from taking their wives’ wealth and insist on keeping away from it and not touching it so that they will not undermine their wives’ rights or fall into dubious matters. This is part of the kind and honourable treatment that Allah enjoins, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And live with them honourably”
[al-Nisa’ 4:19].
It was narrated from Hakeem ibn Mu‘aawiyah al-Qushayri that his father said:
I said: O Messenger of Allah, what are the rights of the wife of one of us over him? He said, “That you feed her when you feed yourself and clothe her when you clothe yourself or when you earn some income, that you do not hit her in the face, you do not say ‘May Allaah make your face ugly’ and you do not forsake her, except in the house.”
Narrated by Abu Dawood inal-Sunan, 2142
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
What this means is: do not buy clothes or food only for yourself and not for her; rather she is your partner and you have to spend on her as you spend on yourself.
End quote fromSharh Riyaadh al-Saaliheen, 3/131.
Your husband is obeying the command of the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) by spending fully on your maintenance; in fact he is going over and above that by spending on extras from his own money and refusing any financial help on your part.
Hence we advise you to respond to this kindness with kindness and do not give up trying to help financially, even if that is by depositing some of your money in his account without him realising, because it is not essential for him to know about that. Or you could buy things that your husband needs or that the house needs before he realises it, or buy him a valuable gift, especially something that is important to him, or keep the money to give to him at the time of need, and other kinds of beneficial spending.
Then whatever is left over of your money, after you have helped him in whatever way you can and put whatever you can give in your joint account and given in charity, you can save it in your own personal account, because perhaps you will need it for both of you, or your children may benefit from it.
And Allah knows best.

- PUBLISHERNajimudeeN M

Kind Treatment of Spouses, - Dought & clear, - * How should she deal with her husband who gets angry quickly if she islate in responding to his requests?

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My husband fails to consider me when assigning me to do things for him. He gets angry whenever he asks me to do things for him and i fail to do them in time due to my working schedules.I bothers me alot.
Praise be to Allaah.
There is no doubt that kind and good treatment of one’s spouse and life partner is the most important means of maintaining a good relationship between the spouses. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “The best of you is the best of you to his family, and I am the best of you to my family.”
Narrated by at-Tirmidhi, 3895; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani
But you should also understand that there is no one who is free of mistakes, faults or shortcomings. If we want to interact with people in this life, then we have to put up with some of what they have of faults of which no one is free. Mistakes and shortcomings are human characteristics. If this person is your husband, then the issue is more serious and more important for you, because he is your life partner and the person who has the greatest rights over you, and because the issue in this case will have a huge impact on both of your lives.
If you do not like the attitude or nature of a friend of yours, you could always leave her and find another friend to make up for that. But in the case of your husband, not understanding this matter in your interactions with him and not putting up with his faults and shortcomings will lead to serious bad consequences. Hence the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) warned that focusing on the wife’s faults and shortcomings makes marital life difficult and may lead to grudges between the spouses.
Muslim narrated in hisSaheeh(1467) that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him): The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “No believing man should hate a believing woman. If he dislikes one of her characteristics, he may be pleased with another.”
We are certain that you will find good characteristics and positive features in your husband and your household and your family that will motivate you to put up with this fault, which we agree with you is a fault, but it is possible to live with it and put up with it, and try to remedy it with good treatment and wisdom.
You can give precedence to what he asks you to do – as much as you can – over your other tasks.
You can apologise to him if you are late, even if you have an excuse and the matter was beyond your control. If you apologise to him and put his mind at rest, it will not cost you anything you will gain a great deal, in sha Allah.
We ask Allah to reconcile between you and your husband.
And Allah knows best.

- PUBLISHERNajimudeeN M

Commentary on Hadeeth, - Dought & clear, - * Meaning of the hadeeth: "The Shaytaan has despaired of ever being worshipped by the worshippers in the Arabian Peninsula"

It is narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "The Shaytaan has despaired of ever being worshipped by the
worshippers in the Arabian Peninsula." In another hadeeth it says:
"Night and day will not cease until al-Laat and al-'Uzza are
worshipped." And in another hadeeth it says: "Until the buttocks of
the women of Daws bump into one another going around Dhu'l-Khalasah."
My question is: from the first hadeeth it may be understood that no
shirk will ever be committed in the Arabian Peninsula. Whereas the
second hadeeth indicates that it will be committed.
Praise be to Allaah.
One of the things that are established by the scholars is that shirk
will take place in the ummah as is indicated by the sound texts, and
reality confirms this.
Many of the Arabs apostatized after the death of the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and many of them went back to
worshipping idols.
The mujaddid (renewer of the Faith) Muhammad ibn 'Abd al-Wahhaab said:
"Chapter: Reports that some of this ummah will worship idols", then he
mentioned some ahaadeeth which indicate that.
With regard to the hadeeth: "The Shaytaan has despaired of ever being
worshipped..." the scholars have interpreted it in several ways:
1 - That the Shaytaan has despaired of ever getting all worshippers to
unite on kufr.
This view was favoured by the great scholar Ibn Rajab
al-Hanbali.Al-Darar al-Sunnah, 12/117.
2 - That this is a report of the despair that befell the Shaytaan when
he saw the conquests and how the people entered the religion of Allaah
in crowds. So the hadeeth is telling us what the Shaytaan thought and
he expected to happen. Then what really happened was something other
than that, for a reason decreed by Allaah.
This view was favoured by Shaykh Ibn 'Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy
on him).Al-Qawl al-Mufeed, 1/211.
3 - That the Shaytaan despaired of the believers whose faith is
complete, because the Shaytaan has no hope that they will worship him.
This view was favoured by al-Aloosi. SeeDa'aawa al-Munaawi'een, 224.
4 - That the "al-" in the word "al-musalloon" (worshippers) refers to
a specific group of worshippers, and that what is meant is the
Sahaabah.
All of these interpretations are close in meaning, and the most likely
is the second. And Allaah knows best.

Commentary on Hadeeth, - Dought & clear, - * The story of magic against the Prophet (peaceand blessings of Allaah be upon him) and its meaning

Is the hadith about the magic on Prophet (PBUH) authentic? i've heard
alot about this.
Praise be to Allaah.
The hadeeth of magic against the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) is a saheeh hadeeth which was narrated by
al-Bukhaari, Muslim and other imams of hadeeth. Ahl al-Sunnah accept
this story and no one denies it except an innovator. There follows the
text of the hadeeth, its source, its meaning and the refutation by the
scholars of those who deny it.
It was narrated that 'Aa'ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said:
A spell was put on the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) until he imagined that he had done a thing when he had not done
it. One day he made du'aa' then he said: "Do you know that Allaah has
shown me in what lies my cure? Two men came to me and one of them sat
at my head and the other at my feet. One of them said to the other,
'What is ailing the man?' He said: 'He has been bewitched.' He said:
"Who has bewitched him?' He said: 'Labeed ibn al-A'sam.' He said,
'With what?' He said: 'With a comb, the hair that is stuck to it, and
the skin of pollen of a male date palm. He said: 'Where is it?' He
said, 'In the well of Dharwaan.'" The Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) went out to the well, then he came back and said
to 'Aa'ishah when he came back: "Its date palms are like the heads of
devils." I said: "Did you take it out?" He said: "No. Allaah has
healed me, and I feared that that might bring evil upon the people."
Then the well was filled in.
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3268; Muslim, 2189.
'A comb
and the hairs stuck to it and.' The first one asked, 'Where is that?'
The other replied, '(That is) in the well of Dharwan.' " So
Allah's Apostle along with some of his companions went
there and came back saying, "O 'Aisha, the color of its
water is like the infusion of Henna leaves. The tops of
the date-palm trees near it are like the heads of the
devils." I asked. "O Allah's Apostle? Why did you not
show it (to the people)?" He said, "Since Allah cured me,
I disliked to let evil spread among the people." Then he
ordered that the well be filled up with earth
Al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
Al-Maazari said: The innovators rejected this hadeeth and claimed that
it detracted from the status of Prophethood and cast aspersions upon
it. They said: Everything that leads to that is false. And they said
that accepting that meant that we could not be sure of the laws that
he prescribed, because it is possible that he imagined that he was
seeing Jibreel when he was not there, and that something had been
revealed to him when nothing had been revealed. Al-Maazari said: All
of this is to be rejected, because the evidence that the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was truthful in what he
conveyed from Allaah and that he was infallible in conveying it is
well established. The miracles bear witness to his truthfulness and
accepting something when there is evidence to the contrary is false.
With regard to some worldly matters for which he was not sent and
which have nothing to do with his message, then he was exposed to the
same as all other human beings, such as sickness. It is not
far-fetched to say that he could be made to imagine something with
regard to worldly matters that was not true, whilst at the same time
he was protected against such things with regard to matters of
religion.
Some people said that what is meant by this hadeeth is that he (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) imagined that he had had
intercourse with his wives when he had not done so. This is something
that people frequently imagine in their dreams, so it is not
far-fetched to say that he could have imagined that when he was awake.
I - Ibn Hajar - say: This is what is stated clearly in the report of
Ibn 'Uyaynah that is narrated by al-Bukhaari, which says: "until he
thought that he had had intercourse with his wives when he had not
done so."
'Iyaad said: Thus it is clear that the witchcraft prevailed over his
body and physical faculties, not over his discernment and beliefs...
Al-Mahlab said: The protection of the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) against the devils does not mean that they would
not try to harm him. Inal-Saheehit is narrated that a devil wanted to
spoil his prayer but Allaah protected him against him. The same
applies to witchcraft; the harm that affected him did not have any
impact on his conveying of the message, rather it was akin to any
other kind of sickness that afflicted him, such as having difficulty
in speaking or doing certain things, or experiencing illusions that
did not last. Rather it passed and Allaah foiled the plots of the
devils. End quote.
Fath al-Baari, 10/226, 227
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
How the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was guided
to treat the spell which Jews cast on him:
This has been denied by some people who said that this could not have
happened to him, and they thought that it was a shortcoming and a
fault. But it is not as they think, rather it comes under the heading
of sickness and pain that befell him; it is a kind of illness which
befell him just as he was also affected by poison - there is no
difference between the two. It is proven inal-Saheehaynthat 'Aa'ishah
(may Allaah be pleased with her) said: "The Messenger of Allaah (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was bewitched until he thought
that he had had intercourse with his wives when he had not done so,
and that is the worst kind of witchcraft." Al-Qaadi 'Iyaad said:
Witchcraft is a kind of sickness which happened to him like other
kinds of sickness. That cannot be denied and it does not detract from
his Prophethood.
With regard to his imagining that he had done something when he had
not done it, that does not have any impact on his truthfulness,
because of the evidence to that effect and the scholarly consensus
that he was protected from that. Rather it was one of the matters of
this world which are not the reason for which he was sent, and which
are not the basis of his virtue and in which he was like all other
human beings. It is not far-fetched to say that he might imagine some
things that were not real, then things became clear to him later on,
as indeed happened. End quote.
Zaad al-Ma'aad, 4/124
So it is clear that the hadeeth is saheeh, and that it does not
detract from the status of Prophethood. Allaah, may He be glorified
and exalted, protected His Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) and made him infallible before this spell was cast, during
it and afterwards. The spell did no more than make the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) think that he had had intercourse
with his wives when he had not done so; it had to do with a purely
worldly matter, and had nothing to do with his conveying of the
message at all. The words of the scholars quoted above are sufficient,
and whoever wants to know more may refer toFath al-BaariandZaad
al-Ma'aad.
And Allaah knows best.