Youth, - Self-Help and Recovery

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Acknowledge what is wrong
Acknowledging a problem is the first step towards finding a solution or a cure for it. Sometimes a bad habit is like a black mark on one's face, it is apparent to everybody except oneself.
Assess yourself: How often do you catch yourself using abusive words? Are there particular times when you use bad language more than others )for example if you are with friends, when you are angry with someone or frustrated over something(. Has anyone ever pointed out or taken offense at the language you use?
If you are honest with yourself and not in self-denial, you will soon realize if you have a bad language habit or not. If you do, acknowledge that it is a sin for you to abuse the gift of speech given to you by Allaah in a manner that is unbecoming for a Muslim. Muslims are seen as representative of their faith, and to use foul language even as a joke or to keep up with the crowd that you hang out with, will lead to the conclusion that Muslims swear -- even if you are just one person.
If you don't use bad language but have friends or family members who do, try to make them aware of their habit in a gentle manner.
Accept responsibility and repent
It may sound strange to repent for the use of a few stray words uttered in jest, but think about what the Quran Says )what means(:}Have we not made for him a pair of eyes? A tongue, and a pair of lips? And guided him towards the two paths )of success({]Quran 90:8-10[
Allaah the Exalted has informed us that we are responsible for whatever we say and do, and we will be asked about how we used the faculties that He gave us on the Day of Judgment. We will be rewarded if we use our organs and faculties in the best way and for the sake of Allaah. We will be penalized if we abuse them and use them to do wrong actions which are displeasing to Allaah.
We have to remember that on the Day of Judgment, our physical organs will stand as witnesses for and against us. Allaah Says )what means(:}On the Day their tongues, their hands, and their feet will bear witness against them as to their actions.{]Quran 24:24[
If we truly believe in the words of the Quran and in the Day of Judgment, we would not hesitate to repent now -- while there is time -- from all our sins and shortcomings, in order to avoid eternal punishment and humiliation.
Discourage others
Muslims have an enormous responsibility to enjoin good and forbid evil in all circumstances and in all its forms -- especially if the evil is a common failing which has the potential to spread to others. People seen as being active and practicing in the community have a great responsibility to show their disapproval of bad language and not let it pass if it happens in their presence. If Muslims allow foul language in their homes and communities to pass unnoticed, it is almost the equivalent of giving it their tacit approval, so that it slowly spreads and becomes socially acceptable. On the authority ofAbu Sa`eed, may Allaah be pleased with him, the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, said,"Whoever sees something evil should change it with his hand )i.e. physically(. If he cannot, then with his tongue )verbally(; and if he cannot do even that, then in his heart )by detesting it(. That is the weakest degree of faith."]Muslim[
Also on the authority ofIbn Mas`ood, may Allaah be pleased with him, the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam,said,"There was not a single Prophet among those who were sent before me who did not have apostles and companions and followed his way and obeyed his commands. But afterwards other generations came whose words belied their deeds, and whose deeds were not in accordance with what they commanded others to do. Whoever struggles against them with his hand is a believer. Whoever struggles against them with his tongue is a believer. And whoever struggles against them with his heart is a believer. But when none of these things are done, then not a single mustard's seed weight of faith is present."]Muslim[





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Youth, - Bad Language: A Destructive Habit

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There’s a disconcerting new trend among young Muslims: they are increasingly becoming compulsive users of bad language. A section of our youth feels that using wrong grammar or imitating aggressive ‘ghetto’ or ‘gangsta’ speech and talking in a tough manner with others makes them sound “cool”.
Almost everyone has heard young people jokingly trade insults with each other and come up with witty, sarcastic ‘putdowns’ to get the last word in a conversation. It seems as if a conversation is a verbal duel, whose aim is to leave the opponent feeling wounded and humiliated. This is only one aspect of the widespread use of bad language.
The other aspect, which is much more worrying, is the common use of abusive and obscene words in everyday conversations. Ugly words and expressions, that just a couple of years ago, were considered rude in polite company are cropping up regularly in youngsters' conversations, regardless of who they are talking to: it could be their friends and family, or strangers and co-workers.
Young people, who spend a good part of their day online, have coined a whole lexicon of impolite words which they consider humorous. These words are used in text messages and online conversations, on social networking sites and online forums, and out of force of habit even in real life conversations. And a lot of young Muslims have adopted this crude vocabulary without any second thoughts or feelings of guilt.
Reasons
How do our youth get into the habit of using abusive language and why do they use it?
One reason why youngsters are fond of using crude language is to fit in with the majority and appear smart and worldly-wise, especially in the West or in Westernized countries. Profanity is so common in films and TV programs, it doesn’t raise eyebrows anymore. Earlier, a lot of abusive language in movies used to get censored or ‘bleeped’ out on TV, but it seems that these days the tolerance level has gone up on the part of the authorities and the audience. Even though films are still graded for viewing and TV programs still silence bad language, yet it is easy to make out -- and in the case of young people -- pick up what is being said.
Most often, it is the lead characters who are portrayed using bad language. This makes young people feel it is smart and glamorous to use bad language in the course of their conversation. It is no coincidence that some of the first words learners of English as a second language pick up from watching movies or TV or listening to popular music are swear words.
These days, the use of abusive language is a problem with children as young as three and four, who pick up the words from listening to adults speaking in front of them, or from TV or radio programs that parents leave on, even when the children are within earshot. Young people are impressionable and very easily influenced by their peers and by messages in the media. They assume that it is acceptable to use bad language, because everyone around them is doing it.
Another reason why youngsters may be tempted to use abusive language is to show their "rebellion" to society and to show they don't wish to conform to their parents' cultural and religious values. Sometimes, young people use abusive language for its shock value, in order to attract attention or because they feel frustrated and to release the anger and stress within them.
Whatever the reason, using bad language can never be justified. Yet, if you point out a young person’s use of abusive language and swear words, they almost always brush it off as a minor issue, or they may justify it by saying nowadays nobody considers such language rude anymore, or they may say “Everyone is doing it, so what’s the big deal if I do it too?”
It isa major problem if a Muslim uses bad language because in doing so, they are deliberately choosing to go against the example and injunctions of the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam.
Abdullaah ibn 'Amr, may Allaah be pleased with him, mentioned that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was neither a Faahish nor a Mutafahish )person who uses bad language(. He also narrated that the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, said:“The best among you are those who have the best manners and character.”
Trying to downplay a wrong action by justifying it or belittling it is a sin in itself. Someone who has got into the habitual use of bad language will only start recovering if they first acknowledge that they are committing a sin, and then take steps to avoid repeating it.





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Youth, - Adolescence Requires Understanding

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Adolescence is the stage when the person moves from childhood to adulthood. It is considered one of the most difficult transitional stages as it is accompanied by rapid physiological changes in the physical and mental growth of the individual. It is also accompanied by many mixed psychological feelings. One of the most important manifestations of this stage is the desire to be independent and of identifying one’s self. This may reach the extent of rebelling against family rules. Usually at this stage, the girl resorts to stubbornness as she feels that she has become mature and old enough not to be treated like a little girl who is still monitored and directed by her family.
Despite her desire to be independent, she has not yet reached full maturity and lacks the necessary perception that would enable her to deal with the situations that she encounters. She is still in need of direction, but in a different manner. Thus, it is the duty of the family to react to her desire for independence, rebellion, and stubbornness by giving her a chance to express herself, and not dominate her. The mother should be by her side as if she is her friend who understands her feelings. She should not criticize her daughter too much and she should try to instruct her indirectly as this would let her feel that she is loved and appreciated. This helps in developing a sound personality for the girl. The family can also put reasonable standards and limits for the adolescent and adopt a stance that is characterized by love and understanding. This helps her attain maturity and satisfies many of her psychological needs. It helps the girl to form a positive view of herself and her status among others, which she derives from the way others regard her. She needs to know the stance of adults towards her, their satisfaction with her and their acknowledgment of her status. This makes her stable and helps her accept her role in life because lacking a clear role affects her attitude.
Finally, it is important that the parents are the role models for high values and that the girl would derive these morals from them and adopt them in her attitude.






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Dought & clear, - If the zaani(fornicator) admits to paternity of hisillegitimate child, should the child be attributed to him?

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My father accepted Islam before my birth but my claims he did not have the correct understanding of the deen and was not practicing, him and my mother were not married nor was my mother Muslim when they had me so I was born as a result of zina. My question is that since my father recognizes me as his child and he is the only male muslim in my family does that make him my wali? And if not is the choice mines to appoint whom I like to handle my affairs?.
Praise be to Allaah.
If the zaani acknowledges and admits paternity of his illegitimate child, should the child be attributed to him and regarded as a legitimate child of his, with all the attendant rulings on parents and offspring, or not?
There is a difference of opinion among the scholars concerning this issue.
The majority of scholars are of the view that the illegitimate child is not to be attributed to the zaani, even if he acknowledges him and wants to attribute the child to himself; rather the child is to be attributed to his mother only.
Some of the scholars are of the view that if the zaani wants to attribute his illegitimate child to himself, then the child should be attributed to him. This is also the view of some of the salaf (early generations) and was narrated from Imam Abu Haneefah.
This difference of opinion has been discussed previously in the answer to question no. 33591
The view that the illegitimate child is to be attributed to the zaani if he wants to acknowledge him and if the mother was not married to any other man, is more correct, and Allah knows best. It was the view favoured by Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) and his student Ibn al-Qayyim. See:al-Ikhtiyaaraat al-Fiqhiyyah(p. 477) andZaad al-Ma‘aad(5/374).
Ad-Daarimi narrated in hisSunan(3106) that Sulaymaan ibn Yasaar said: If a man claims that a boy is his son and that he committed zina with his mother, and no one else claims that boy as his, then he may inherit from him.
Ibn al-Qayyim said: Rationally speaking, the father is one of the two parties involved in the act (of zina), and as the child is attributed to his mother and she may inherit from him and he may inherit from her, and the blood relationship is established between him and the mother’s relatives, even though she bore him as the result of zina and the child was the product of the water of both parties and they both agreed that he is their child, why shouldn’t the child be attributed to him if there is no other man who claims to be this child’s father. This is based purely on rational thinking.
End quote fromZaad al-Ma‘aad, 5/374
Based on this opinion, your father is your shar‘i guardian and in that case you do not need to choose someone else to be in charge of your affairs when he is still present.
And Allah knows best.







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