Family, - Rights of the Husband - I

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Allah The Almighty enjoined obligations and duties, clarified rights and responsibilities, and then ordered the believing men and women to carry them out and made them a Sharee‘ah )Law( for all His slaves. There will be no happiness for a believer except by carrying out and fulfilling these obligations and duties properly, so that he would be entitled to gain the pleasure of Allah The Almighty. Allah The Almighty Says )what means(:}Indeed, We offered the Trust to the heavens and the earth and the mountains, and they declined to bear it and feared it; but man ]undertook to[ bear it. Indeed, he was unjust and ignorant. ]It was[ so that Allah may punish the hypocrite men and women and the men and women who associate others with Him and that Allah may accept repentance from the believing men and believing women. And ever is Allah Forgiving and Merciful.{]Quran 33:72-73[ The believer shouldered the trust which Allah The Almighty will account him for on the Day of Resurrection.
Among the rights and duties that Allah The Almighty enjoined upon the believing men and women are the rights of husbands and wives. Allah The Almighty made these rights a trust tied to the neck of every man and woman, and He assigned them responsibility. Allah The Almighty enjoined these rights in the Quran and through the words of His chosen and trustworthy Messenger, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. Allah The Almighty ordered people to fulfill these rights from above the seven heavens; His Messenger, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, ordered them, as well as the scholars, the righteous and the pious who ordered these every time and place, as they knew that the happiness of the marital home would be contingent on fulfilling these rights and duties.
If one looks at the Muslim home where the spouses fulfill the rights of one another, fear Allah The Almighty regarding one another and observe their duties, rights and trusts, he will surely find happiness, tranquility, affection and mercy dominating it about which Allah The Almighty spoke in the Quran. Allah The Almighty conferred happiness on the homes that are founded on observing rights and fulfilling the trust. He also conferred it on every spouse who fears Allah The Almighty and remains watchful of Him regarding what He made obligatory on them. This is not strange because obedience to Allah The Almighty brings about every goodness and blessings, and commands every mercy and favor. Thus, Allah The Almighty promised every believing man and woman, who fulfilled His rights, to grant them happiness and a blessed life. Allah The Almighty Says )what means(:}Whoever does righteousness, whether male or female, while he is a believer - We will surely cause him to live a good life.{]Quran 16:97[ Allah The Almighty tells us here that He decrees a good life for the person who observes his religious duties, which includes fulfilling trusts and responsibilities.
When either or both spouses neglect marital rights, being unaware or negligent of them, life becomes miserable, embittered and unbearable. In this case, the husband would enter his house with a broken heart - neither hearing nor seeing what pleases him or comforts his eyes. Also, the wife would live a miserable life with her rights and property lost. This is a depressed life which is full of suffering that Allah The Almighty promises those who deviate from His path and swerve from the guidance of the Quran.
Fulfilling the rights of the spouses is a great trust and a huge responsibility. The Muslim Ummah )Nation( maintained these trusts when fathers and mothers were doing their duties towards their children, by informing them of their rights and duties. Thus, the couples entered their new marital home with the desire to fulfill these rights and duties properly and warned against neglecting them. When spouses and parents took care of the process of instruction and guidance, Muslim homes were stable. In recent generations, however, when ignorance has prevailed among many Muslims - except for few whom Allah The Almighty has saved - people have neglected the rights of spouses and marital life runs according to their whims and desires. Accordingly, problems have increased; spouses became disunited; calamities, and disputes appeared and aggravated; and it is the children that reaped the evil consequences. For this reason, it is very important to explain the rights of the spouses and what each of them should do for the other.
There are two major matters that help in fulfilling and observing spousal rights correctly:
First: Fearing Allah The Almighty which is no longer present in the hearts of the spouses. The pious man and the pious woman fulfill these rights in the most perfect manner. A man asked Al-Hasan Al-Basri, may Allah have mercy upon him, “O Imaam, I have a daughter. To whom should I give her in marriage?” He, may Allah have mercy upon him, said, “Give her in marriage to a pious man. If he is to keep her, he will treat her kindly; if he is to divorce her, he will not oppress her.”
Thus, if the spouses fear Allah The Almighty in their hearts, stand in awe of Him and remain watchful of Him, their rights are most likely to be fulfilled properly. This is known as religious instinct and it is Allah The Almighty Who casts the light of piety into the hearts and reforms them through it from the evildoings people might intend to commit. The Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“Indeed, there is a piece of flesh in the body which, if it is sound, the whole body is sound, and if it is corrupt, the whole body is corrupt. Indeed that is the heart.”
Second: The environment and one's companions. The environment greatly influences the process of fulfilling man's rights. Look at every husband who was brought up in a righteous environment where he grew up following the Quran, the Sunnah and the guidance of the righteous predecessors, may Allah have mercy upon them. You will find him observing the rights of his wife and carrying out the duties that Allah The Almighty obligated him to do in his house. Also, when the righteous woman grows up in a righteous environment, it helps her fulfill the rights of her husband.
These two matters are very important in reforming and correcting the Muslim homes and fulfilling the rights of the spouses. In this article, we will talk about the right of the husband over his wife, if Allah wills. This right is divided into two parts: intangible and tangible rights.
To be continued









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Family, - Rights of the Husband - II

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Intangible Rights
In the first part we mentioned that being watchful of Allah and having the right environment and company are two essential matters in reforming and correcting the Muslim homes and fulfilling the rights of the spouses. In this article, we will talk about the right of the husband over his wife, if Allah wills. This right is divided into two parts: intangible and tangible rights.
Intangible rights: Allah The Almighty gave the man the role of being in charge of his wife, and Muslim homes will not become stable or run properly unless the wife respects this right. Allah The Almighty distinguished man with qualities that are not in women, such as strength, patience and endurance. The man is more capable of leadership, shouldering responsibility and carrying out tasks. Allah The Almighty has favored men over women for that reason, as Allah The Almighty made prophethood exclusive to men and this is the best favor that Allah may give to people. Scholars have stated that Allah The Almighty has distinguished men in this regard due to the physical strength He gave them, which requires the woman to be under their charge, not the opposite, and that she does not try to be equal to him or compete with him in this respect. The husband's role of being in charge is founded upon two important factors:
1- Managing matters and affairs through endeavoring and reasoning, so he is more entitled to decide what is more beneficial and more appropriate for his home, family and children.
2- Carrying out what he has decided and found appropriate.
Allah The Almighty gave men some distinguished qualities in thinking and awareness that are not in women since men mix with people more widely than women, and even when the woman mixes with men, it is limited regardless of what she does or she becomes, for a human’s innate nature does not change. Scholars say that the role of being in charge implies instructing, guiding and teaching, not tyranny, exclusion, limitation, coercion or inflicting harm on women. Allah The Almighty mentioned this role in the Quran Saying )what means(:}Men are in charge of women by ]right of[ what Allah has given one over the other.{]Quran 4:34[
Obedience:
When the woman acknowledges this right for her husband and submits in the affairs of the house to the opinion, reasoning and management of the husband, all matters will be reformed. This does not mean that the woman should not contribute with her opinion. What is not acceptable here, however, is that the woman tries to impede everything, whether it is a major or minor matter, significant or insignificant, and that her opinion must be taken by and imposed.
Sometimes, she may try to tempt her husband to approve her opinion, and were he to reject it, she would harm him and embitter his life. She may incite his children against him to change his mind or accept her opinion. If the woman ruins the role of the husband being in charge with such behavior, she would make their life miserable and she will be the first one to taste its evil consequences. If a woman spoils her children and damages her husband by neglecting this right, this would be a great catastrophe as the husband would feel he is deficient and wronged, and that his rights are being violated. This takes place especially when his children are spoilt and he is no longer able to make a decision on an issue or a problem, but his wife negatively interferes until he hates dealing with his own affairs.
In some cases, particularly when the man grows old, he may despair and abandon the reins of power due to the harm and destruction she entails. Maintaining and observing the man's role of being in charge brings about reform in the home, and neglecting and spoiling it brings about destruction and misery. Therefore, if the woman is used to interfering excessively in the affairs of her husband, she will behave like a man. The Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, indicated the consequences of neglecting this right, saying:“Allah curses women who behave like men.”
The woman who interferes excessively in the affairs of her husband and pokes her nose into his orders, conclusions and views, has acquired some manly qualities, and refuses to be under his charge. In doing so, she seeks to be equal to him or to show that she is more knowledgeable, wiser and more experienced than him. The role of a man being in charge of his wife implies the obligation to obey him. Some scholars consider obedience the second right of the husband, with the first right being the right of managing the house affairs, as management without obedience is fruitless. Thus, the woman is commanded to obey her husband and be under his charge. This is the basic rule because Allah The Almighty favored the man over her. However, this is contingent on the fact that his order or prohibition conforms with the Sharee‘ah of Allah The Almighty. The right of obeying the husband requires the wife to obey her husband and abide by his orders and prohibitions. The husband's order may be obligatory if he orders his wife to do an obligatory act. Allah The Almighty mentions this, Saying )what means(:}And enjoin prayer upon your family ]and people[ and be steadfast therein.{]Quran 20:132[ Allah The Almighty entitles the man the right to give orders and instruction to his wife. Allah The Almighty praised one of His prophets, may Allah exalt his mention, Saying )what means(:}And mention in the Book, Isma‘eel ]Ishmael[. Indeed, he was true to his promise, and he was a messenger and a prophet. And he used to enjoin on his people prayer and Zakaah ]obligatory charity[ and was to his Lord pleasing.{]Quran 19:54-55[
Thus, the wife must obey her husband. It is very important that the woman obeys her husband to fulfill his right, particularly if he calls her to maintain her chastity and guard himself against what is unlawful.
)To be continued(








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Dought & clear, - RelationshipWith Female Colleague: MustHe Marry Her?

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I have a son who was religious. He worked in a mixed place. He knew a girl and had a haram (unlawful) relationship with her. Should we stop him marrying her, or let him? We fear for him, knowing that her morals are just like any girl who knows men. Nothing has happened with any man apart from my son. He loves her a lot. Should we let him marry her to divorce her later? The intention of divorce in this case, does it invalidate the contract of marriage? I fear Allah.
Praise be to Allah
Firstly:
We have mentioned in many fatwas (verdicts) that unrestrained mixing, which is not controlled by the guidelines enjoined by shariah (Islamic law) such as proper hijab (dress code for Muslim women) and proper etiquette of interaction, is haram. We have also stated that it is haram to work and study in mixed places. We are saddened by the fact that there are muftis (scho;ars) who take this matter lightly and approve of this chaotic situation in schools and workplaces. It is as if they are living in another world, where they do not see the effects of haram mixing such as heartbreak, loss of sanity and destruction of religious commitment.
This has been discussed in the answer to question no. 1200.
No one is safe from these effects. Chaste women have fallen into the foul swamp of mixing and been affected by its filth, ugliness and stench. The same may be said about righteous young men who used to obey Allah – how they were and what they have become.
Allah has created in men an inclination towards females, and He has created in women an inclination towards men. But Allah has not permitted relationships between those who are not mahrams (those may not marry one another Islamically) to one another, except through marriage. Hence in shariah there are many rulings which block the way to immorality. It is haram to look at a non-mahram woman, and it is haram to shake hands with her, or be alone with her. It is haram for a woman to travel on her own, and there are other rulings which prevent the shaytan (devil) from making the Muslim fall into the sin of zina (fornication/adultery).
Secondly:
You say “there was a haram relationship with her” but we do not know what this means. It may be interpreted in two ways:
1. Zina – Allah forbid.
2. Becoming friends and being alone with her, but without zina.
If the first meaning is what happened, then they have committed a grave sin. Allah has ruled that the unmarried man and woman who commit zina are to be given one hundred lashes, and that those who are married and commit this sin should be stoned to death. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) has told us that the zani (fornicator/adulterer) has lost his faith, and in a dream he saw men and women who had committed zina in an oven in the Fire of Hell.
One of the rulings that applies to those who commit zina is that it is haram for the zani to marry the zaniyah, and it is haram for her to marry him, because marriage of the zani and zaniyah is haram, unless they have repented sincerely from the grave sin that they have committed.
If they repent sincerely, and the woman observes an ‘iddah (waiting period) of one menstrual cycle, then it is permissible for them to marry, and we ask Allah to forgive them and bless them.
For more information please see the answers to questions no. 14381, 85335, 96460, 87894.
If the second meaning is what happened – as is usually the case in such relationships, especially when he wants to marry her – then there is no reason why he should not marry her in the sense that the marriage contract will not be invalid, but it may be disallowed because she is not religiously committed or of good character, and she is not qualified to be a wife who will help him to protect his religious commitment and raise his children. But we cannot say this in your son’s case. If she is negligent then he is the same, and every fault that we think is present in her is to be found in him too.
If Islam tells him to look for a pure, righteous woman, then it enjoins her likewise. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Bad statements are for bad people (or bad women for bad men) and bad people for bad statements (or bad men for bad women). Good statements are for good people (or good women for good men) and good people for good statements (or good men for good women).”
[al-Noor 24:26]
“And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a man who has no wife and the woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the Salihoon (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid‑servants (female slaves).”
[al-Noor 24:32]
But let us be realistic, and fair. When comparing between them, do not look at how your son used to be, rather look at how he is now.
Then you will see that each of them has become attached to the other and they both want to get married, and the best way to set them straight and put an end to the evil in their relationship, is for them to get married. Ibn Majah (1847) narrated that Ibn ‘Abbas said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “There is nothing like marriage for two who love one another.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albani inSaheeh Ibn Majah.
Perhaps this will be a good opportunity to encourage them to repent and set their affairs straight, before they get married.
Thirdly:
Getting married with the intention of getting divorced is haram. It is not permissible for a Muslim to have this intention before getting married.
See the answers to questions no. 27104and 91961.
We are with you and we urge you to fear Allah in such matters. If this was your daughter, would you be happy for someone to marry her with this intention?!
Is it befitting for you to think of your son’s interests, and look for what is good for him, even if it is at the expense of other people?
It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘As (may Allah be pleased with him) said: We were with the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) on a journey and he said: “Whoever would like to move away from Hell and enter Paradise, let him reach his end when he is believing in Allah and the Last Day, and let him treat people the way he likes to be treated.” Narrated by Muslim, no. 1844.
And Allah knows best.










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