Family, - Rights of the Husband)Intangible rights( - III

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Sexual fulfillment:
The Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, stressed that the woman's negligence in obeying her husband when he calls her to bed to maintain his chastity incurs the curse of Allah upon her; He, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“For the woman whose husband calls her to bed ]i.e. invites her to have sexual intercourse[ and she refuses and he spends the night angry with her, the angels will keep cursing her until morning.”]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[ This indicates that it is not permissible for the woman to disobey the orders of her husband, particularly when his orders conform with obedience to Allah The Almighty, such as ordering her to carry out the obligations of Allah or to fulfill his right regarding maintaining his chastity. Jurists made an exception when there is an excuse for the woman which prevents her from fulfilling his right when he calls her. For instance, if the woman is sick and cannot carry out his order or that her fulfilling his right will harm her, she may excuse herself. Scholars have stated that she should excuse herself in a nice way that makes the husband feel that the matter is out of her hands.
Going out:
Obeying the husband implies that the woman should not go out of the house without his permission. The Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, mentioned this, saying:“If your wives ask permission to go to the mosque ]Masjid[, give them permission.”Scholars argued that since the woman could not go to the mosque for prayer, which is the greatest ritual of Islam after The Two Testimonies of Faith, except with the permission of her husband, then she, with greater reason, should not go out for worldly matters except with his permission. Scholars stated that it is not permissible for the wife to go out of her house without the permission of her husband, and if she goes out without his permission and becomes used to that, this behavior is considered arrogance, disobedience and rebellion. This becomes more serious when the wife claims that she is free to do whatever she likes, implicitly declaring her defiance to the orders of Allah The Almighty to obey her husband and contradicting the Sharee‘ah of Allah to abide in her house. Thus, it is not permissible for the woman to leave her house without the permission of her husband.
This issue leads to another issue, which is, if the woman leaves the house of her husband and remains in her parents’ house without his permission, she would lose her right to financial maintenance. Scholars, may Allah have mercy upon them, unanimously agreed that if the woman refused and remained at her parents’ house without the permission of her husband and insisted on staying outside her house, she would have no right to financial maintenance.
Honesty:
The husband's rights over his wife includes that she should be honest and observant of his rights. Honesty is one of the greatest qualities of the believers. In an authentic Hadeeth, the Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was reported to have said that on the Day of Resurrection when the Siraat )bridge( is stretched over Hell, honesty and kinship ties will stand on the two sides of Hell. Some scholars said that the betrayer of a trust or a severer of kinship ties will never be saved from the Siraat. A woman’s honesty requires some matters:
1. For instance, she should not let anybody in the house of her husband unless he previously gave her permission to let that person in. In the Khutbah )sermon( of the Farewell Pilgrimage, the Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said that it is not permissible for the wife to let anybody in the house of her husband except with his permission. Scholars said that if the woman violated this right, she would not be secure from the evil consequences. That is when the woman lets a man enter her house while her husband did not give him permission, she would not be secure from his ill-thoughts of her. Accordingly, huge problems and unfavorable consequences may emerge.
2. Also, observing this honesty requires that she protects the money of her husband and does not waste it or spend it extravagantly. When the husband entrusts his money to his wife, she should deal with it wisely and rationally, properly estimate the matters and not waste it according to her whims and desires.
3. Also, she should observe the right of her husband in his bed by not betraying him. Betrayal contains an element of unfaithfulness. Thus, when the husband trusts his wife, he makes Allah The Almighty watchful over her, sufficient for him in knowing her hidden matters. Once she betrays him, she breaks the covenant that Allah The Almighty took from her, in addition to her disobedience to Allah The Almighty. The woman should guard her private parts, because Allah The Almighty entrusted her to preserve the sperm, honor and offspring of her husband. A woman, who neglects this matter and indulges in it or opens the door for temptation until she commits adultery, has ruined the offspring of the husband and brought him someone who is not his child to eat from his food, drink from his drink, see the women of his house and inherit his wealth falsely without right.
It was narrated that when the Prophet, sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam, saw a man who wanted to have intercourse with a pregnant woman taken as a captive in the battle of Awtaas, he, sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam, asked:“Does he want to nourish the baby in his hearing and vision?”This means that he wanted to have intercourse with this captured woman who was pregnant from another man, so that the hearing and vision of her baby would be, so to speak, nourished with his sperm. The Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, added:“I was about to incur a curse upon him that would accompany him in his grave.”
Scholars have said that this warning was given in the case of the creation of the fetus being completed or about to become complete, because the woman is already pregnant. Thus, what about the woman who illegitimately brings a child who does not even belong to her husband? This is indeed a very serious matter. Therefore, Allah The Almighty praises the righteous women who guard themselves and are devoutly obedient. Allah The Almighty Says )what means(:}So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in ]the husband's[ absence what Allah would have them guard.{]Quran 4:34[ When the husband is absent, his wife has to guard his honor; and when she asks permission to go somewhere, she has to be truthful and trustworthy, being watchful of Allah The Almighty. She has to guard the honor of the husband because she is weak and is not secure from falling into what is unlawful when exposed to temptation, especially when people are corrupt and she cannot be sure of guarding herself among them. It is the right of the husband over his wife to guard his honor against prohibition.
4. Honesty also requires the woman to keep the secrets of the husband and his private matters hidden, particularly the things that happen between them alone. If the woman reveals the things that exclusively take place between them, Allah The Almighty would be angry with her. The anger of Allah falls on the man who reveals what happens between him and his wife, and on the woman who reveals what happens between her and her husband even if they do that for the purpose of joking, playing or entertainment. Allah The Almighty Says )what means(:}You thought it was insignificant while it was, in the sight of Allah, tremendous.{]Quran 24:15[ The woman should keep these secrets hidden, and always remember Paradise and Hell regarding all the private things that take place between her and her husband.
Also, she should keep hidden everything she knows about his actions, or of his words, manners and behavior. It becomes more serious when he asks her to keep some secrets hidden. She is not allowed to disclose his secrets; surely, Allah The Almighty reckons and watches her in what she says and discloses.
Among the mistakes that women do and that leads to neglecting the rights of their husbands and betraying the trust is that when a small dispute or a small quarrel erupts between her and her husband, she goes to complain to her family and discloses all the secrets, faults and private matters she knows about her husband. This is certainly a misdeed and some scholars consider it a major sin. This is because betraying the trust and disclosing secrets are only permissible in real necessity. This belongs to the right that Allah The Almighty obliged the woman to observe, and she is not permitted to disclose it except with the permission of the husband or there is a Sharee‘ah-based need permitting her to mention or reveal it.
)To be continued(









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Family, - Mutual Rights-Good Companionship - I

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The mutual rights that Allaah The Almighty has enjoined on both the spouses represent His utmost justice. There are two major rights. There are two main rights: the right to good companionship, and the right to overnight stay and equal distribution. In this series we will address the first of these rights.
First: The right to good companionship
Muslims will never find happiness or tranquility in their homes unless they live together in a kind manner. Allaah The Almighty enjoined the right of good companionship because it helps maintain the affairs of the spouses and brings them happiness. Moreover, it was set to serve as a real test for the spouses. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And live with them in kindness.{]Quran 4:19[ This is a command from Allaah The Almighty, which implies a sense of obligation. Scholars said that living in kindness is an obligatory right whose violator bears a sin while the one who fulfils it deserves reward. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}Either retain them in kindness or part with them kindness.{]Quran 65:2[
Good companionship requires essential matters that appear in a person’s heart, which is only known to Allaah The Almighty, in his speech and words and in his behavior and actions.
Intention:
Good companionship has three aspects, the first and foremost of which is the intention and what is hidden in the hearts of the spouses. The husband cannot live in kindness with his wife, nor can she live in kindness with him unless each has a good intention towards the other. This is what Allaah The Almighty means by his Saying )what means(:}And do not keep them, intending harm, to transgress ]against them[.{]Quran 2:231[ If the husband wants to keep his wife, he should have a good intention towards her. Therefore, scholars have said that Allaah The Almighty reveals whatever man conceals in his heart, good or bad, in the slips of his tongue. For the man who intends good when marrying a woman or bringing her into wedlock with the intention to treat her kindly and live with her in kindness, Allaah will guide him and grant him success in his life. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}If Allaah Knows ]any[ good in your hearts, He Will Give you ]something[ better.{]Quran 8:70[
When Allaah The Almighty finds good intentions in the hearts of the spouses, He will grant them success in their apparent behavior and actions and bring about goodness through them.
Thus, the first advice given to the person who wants to live in kindness is to have good intention. Some scholars said that the husband has to renew his intention every day so that Allaah The Almighty would increase his reward, particularly when his wife is righteous or has an extra right over him, such as being his relative. He should have in his heart a good intention towards her, and in this case, Allaah The Almighty would reveal this intention through his sayings and actions. Similarly, the woman should have in her heart good intention towards her husband. Once this intention changes, Allaah The Almighty will change the conditions of the spouses. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}Indeed, Allaah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.{]Quran 13:11[
When the spouses change their good intentions, Allaah The Almighty will consequently change their conditions from good to evil, and from better to worse. Thus, every husband should consider his intention and look into his heart when he suffers troubles with his wife. In principle, good companionship emanates from good and righteous intention, and from a heart that harbors goodness. The effects of these things are reflected on a person’s actions. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“Indeed, there is a piece of flesh in the body which, if it is sound, the whole body is sound, and if it is corrupt, the whole body is corrupt. Indeed, that is the heart.”
Speech:
The second point related to good companionship in one's speech is that just as man should have good intention in his heart in order to live in kindness, his speech should also be in accordance with the Pleasure of Allaah The Almighty. Some scholars said regarding}And live with them in kindness{that kindness is everything that is in accordance with the Sharee‘ah of Allaah The Almighty, and that evil is everything that contradicts the Sharee‘ah of Allaah The Almighty. Thus, the husband, who wants to live on good terms with his wife, should fear Allaah The Almighty regarding what he say, and likewise for wife. The principle that the Book of Allaah and Sunnah of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, have affirmed is that every believing man and woman should preserve his/her tongue and utter good words. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“Whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him say something good or keep silent.”
The signs of belief in Allaah The Almighty include controlling one's tongue from saying anything but good to people in general and the family in particular. Allaah The Almighty enjoined the believers in the past, addressing us as well, Saying )what means(:}And speak to people good ]words[.{]Quran 2:83[ Allaah The Almighty ordered us to say good words that please Him, because good words benefit the person who says them both in this world and in the Hereafter. On the other hand, bad words harm the speaker in this life and in the Hereafter. When words emerge from the tongue, they never return, and when hurtful and harsh words are uttered, they break hearts, ruin them and alter affection and love to an extent that only Allaah Knows. Allaah The Almighty therefore enjoined preserving the tongue in the Quran and through the words of His Messenger, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam.
Scholars listed the situations in which living in kindness through speech occurs between the spouses:
1- When the spouses call one another.
2- When they request something from one another.
3- During discussion, conversation and jesting.
4- In disputes and arguments.
1- When the woman calls her husband or when he calls her, it should be done in a nice manner. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would call 'Aa‘ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, saying: “O 'Aa‘ish, O 'Aa‘ish.” Scholars said that this manner of calling his wife showed how the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, honored, jested and fulfilled his role as a good husband to his wives. This is a method for Muslim husbands - to use words of love and kindness when calling their wives. Harsh and coarse addressing, which involves a coercive and forceful style on the part of the husband or mockery and sarcasm on the part of the wife, ruins love and severs ties of intimacy between the spouses. Thus, the wife should call her husband by the best names and so should her husband.
‘Umar, may Allaah be pleased with him, said that affection and love increases when a Muslim calls his Muslim brother with the best of his names. This is one of the three factors that strengthen intimacy among Muslims, so what would be its effect on the spouses? It is a mistake when the husband chooses for his wife a name that embarrasses her or exposes her to ridicule or belittlement. The same thing applies to the wife with her husband. Some scholars would say that it is preferable that the spouses do not call one other by their names; it is most honorable that they call each other by their nicknames )i.e. father of so and so or mother of so and so(. This is the best manner to adopt. Scholars have also said that when a husband is used to calling his wife affectionately, she does the same or even better since women were created inclined to affection and love for gentleness, mercy and intimacy. So, when the husband treats his wife on that basis, she would react with him in a better way.
2- When the man requests something from his wife, he should ask her in a manner that does not give her the feeling of servitude, humiliation, contempt or belittlement. Similarly, when the woman requests something from her husband, she should not overburden, hurt or harm him, nor should she use troublesome words. This behavior helps to preserve one's tongue and fulfill living equitably through speech. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, once asked ‘Aa‘ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, while he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was in the mosque )Masjid(:“Give me the straw mat.”She, may Allaah be pleased with her, said, “I am menstruating.” The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“Your menstruation is not in your hands.”]Muslim[.
Just look at how the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, asked a Mother of the Believers for something, and when she declined, she mentioned her Sharee‘ah-based excuse. She, may Allaah be pleased with her, did not say no or that she could not without a justification; rather, she, may Allaah be pleased with her, said that she was in her menstruation, awaiting instructions on what to do. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, replied:“Your menstruation is not in your hands,”meaning that she could simply hand it over since entering a hand into the mosque is not like entering the whole body.
The lesson we learn here is kindness in calling or requesting something. Marital problems may arise due to frequent requests. Scholars mentioned that when a man burdens his wife with many demands and his manner of demanding is bothersome, this would be one of the major reasons that ruin affection and love. A woman in this case feels as if she is a humiliated servant in her husband's house.
Wise men, with the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, before them, advised giving reward upon request, at least with kind words. For example, when the husband asks his wife to do something, and she does it, he should say kind words to her, such as supplicating to Allaah The Almighty to grant her goodness and bless her. Once the wife realizes that her favor and goodness are appreciated, thanked and not denied, she will appreciate this from her husband and will actively do good to him and fulfill his needs. This will greatly help them live equitably together.
3- In conversations and jesting. The spouses should not talk to one another at inappropriate times. Some scholars said that it is harmful that a woman talks to her husband when he is tired and exhausted or that a man talks to his wife when she is tired and exhausted. This entails boredom and contradicts living in the kindness that Allaah The Almighty enjoined. They added that when a man jests with his wife, he should use the best words, and when he relates something to her, he should select the best event that positively and fruitfully affects her.
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Family, - Rights of the Husband)Tangible Rights( - IV

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)Continued(
Tangible Rights:
The second section is the tangible rights of the husband on his wife, which include the wife serving her husband. Allah The Almighty created the woman and equipped her with characteristics that qualify her to carry out housework, manage her house and take care of its affairs. When the wife does the work of the marital house properly, she will comfort her husband. He will be pleased with her and feel that the rights of his house are fulfilled and its interests are considered, which satisfies his heart. Allah The Almighty mentioned this right in general, Saying )what means(:}And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable.{]Quran 2:228[ It means that the wives owe some rights as men owe them rights, and the husbands owe some rights as women owe them rights – all in accordance with what is reasonable. What is reasonable in the verse, according to the majority of scholars, may refer to people's customs, which are the criteria that people refer to in this issue. The customs of the righteous Muslims at all times and everywhere require the woman to serve the house of her husband.
Just look at the Mothers of the Believers, may Allah be pleased with them! They served in the house of the Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. Mother of the Believers, ’Aa‘ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, said, “We would prepare Siwaak ]a tooth stick[ and water for ablution for the Messenger of Allah, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam; he would wake up at night ]to pray and use them[.” ]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[ Mother of the believers Maymoonah, may Allah be pleased with her, said, “I prepared water for the Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, ]to make ritual bathing[ wherewith he purified from Janaabah ]post sex impurity[.” Thus, scholars unanimously agreed that women should serve their husbands. This is the opinion of the majority of scholars, except for very few scholars whose opinion is weak, who said that a woman is not obligated to serve and look after her husband. This is certainly is a weak opinion, as there are no women who are better than the Mothers of the Believers, may Allah be pleased with them, who would serve their husband.
Even the noble daughter of the Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, Faatimah, may Allah be pleased with her, served her husband until her hands swelled up due to grinding date stones. Scholars said that hands of Faatimah, may Allah be pleased with her, were scratched because of her frequent grinding of date stones to provide fodder for animals. Therefore, how would she have served her husband? Scholars also said that a woman should even take care of her husband's mount if custom requires that.
It was authentically narrated that Asmaa‘, may Allah be pleased with her, served Az-Zubayr, may Allah be pleased with him. She would go out on foot to his farm which was two-thirds of a Farsakh )one Farsakh is about 5 km(, carrying date stones on her back.
It was commonly known among the women of the believers throughout the history of Muslims that women serve and look after the houses. This service never belittles the status of the woman or decreases her position. This is the nature upon which Allah The Almighty has created all people. No change should there be in the creation of Allah The Almighty.
Some people may deem serving in the house an insignificant matter, but it brings about appreciated results in the psychology of the husband when he leaves his house, feeling that his wife has taken care and looked after it. So, he enters his house with his affairs set right, his soul is calm and his heart is assured. He will not find things that confuse him or embitter his life or create trouble between him and his family. When women deviated from this sound nature, the houses of the Muslims looked antiquated where the husband finds unpleasant scenes to the extent that he is obliged to sweep it himself, do the laundry and cook the food.
Imaam Ibn Al-Qayyim, may Allah have mercy upon him, said, “When the woman lives in luxury and her husband sweeps the house, cooks the food, kneads the dough and bakes the bread, this will be evil.” This means that this state is the evil that Allah The Almighty never ordained. The woman should do what Allah The Almighty created her for and the man should do what Allah The Almighty created him for. Allah The Almighty did not create the man to do the housework. Thus, it is an evil word that a woman may utter when she asks her husband to serve himself or do for himself what he wants. In doing so, she contradicts her nature.
The woman who mistreats her husband and loses his pleasure, which is the cause of her entering Paradise, will be in great loss. The Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“A woman whose husband dies while he is pleased with her will enter Paradise.”
When the woman overburdens her husband to accomplish the housework, whereas she lives in luxury and comfort, or that she asks him to bring someone to serve him and manage his affairs in a manner that sometimes causes temptation, all these things contradict the Fitrah )innate nature(. Only when it is necessary is the woman allowed to ask her husband to bring someone to serve her. One day, Faatimah, may Allah be pleased with her, asked the Messenger of Allah, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, to bring her a servant, but he, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, replied:“Shall I guide you to something better than a servant…?”This indicates that there is no blame on the woman to ask for a servant, but only when necessary and needed. However, when she asks for a servant out of her desire to lead a luxurious life and out of arrogance or believing that she was not created for these matters and they are not her duty, this is against the Fitrah that Allah gave her and the good companionship that a woman should give her husband.
The woman should observe these things for her husband, and the righteous woman fully knows that there is nothing more perfect than the Sharee‘ah and religion of Allah The Almighty. Surely, whoever accepts the Sharee‘ah of Allah, Allah will be pleased with him and make him pleasant. When the woman responds to the calls or the customs and habits that contradict the Sharee‘ah of Allah and turns away from the Fitrah, she will not be sure to be saved from their evil consequences. They may apparently sound good, but in fact, they bring about unappreciated ends. The duty of the woman is to abide by the matters that she has perceived in her innate disposition and guidance of the righteous women from among the righteous predecessors, who looked after their husbands and fulfilled their rights in a manner that pleased Allah The Almighty. A woman cannot fulfill these rights properly unless she prepares herself in the following way:
First: She should ask Allah The Almighty to help her fulfill the rights of her husband and to guard her against negligence or failure. Allah The Almighty approves that she fulfills her duties toward her husband and disapproves of her neglecting them. So, she should frequently ask Allah The Almighty to help her fulfill her husband's rights.
Second: She should prepare herself psychologically to submit to the orders of Allah The Almighty, knowing that she is commanded by the Sharee‘ah of Allah to obey her husband, respect his role of being in charge and live with him equitably, which implies serving him, seeking his permission before leaving the house and observing his rights, trusts and secrets. Once she assuredly knows these things, she will respond according to her level of faith. A believing woman is expected to obey the orders of Allah The Almighty. Therefore, scholars said that Allah The Almighty began the Quranic verses which state these rights by saying:}O you who believe{because no person responds to the Commands of Allah The Almighty perfectly like the believer.
Third: She should firmly believe that she fulfills these rights without expecting compensation or reward from the husband. Rather, her main concern and great reward she focuses on would be the pleasure of Allah The Almighty. No believing woman seeks the pleasure of Allah except one would find her mostly obedient to her husband and observant of his rights in the most perfect way.
A righteous man said that he married a woman who would not find happiness or comfort except in fulfilling his rights. He added, “I might do wrong to her and become displeased with her, but she would spend the night weeping, asking me to forgive her even though it was my mistake.” This is the effect of strong faith. When the soul of the believing woman is purified, refined and responds to Allah The Almighty, she becomes fearful and keen to please her husband in all of her behavior, feelings, emotions and sayings. It is neither a shame nor a fault nor humility nor disgrace that a woman obeys her husband. Instead, it is perfection, superiority and success that Allah The Almighty grants her. Obedience to the husband by no means blemishes the perfection of the woman because this is the Fitrah that Allah The Almighty created people on. When the woman feels that this is not a defect, but is rather perfection, she will not only submit and find rest and reassurance, but she will also take the initiative and be vigorous enough to respond to the order of Allah The Almighty to fulfill these rights.
Also, the woman should exhaust the means that help her respond to the orders of Allah The Almighty, mainly by reading the biography of the female Companions, may Allah be pleased with them, and the women of the righteous predecessors as well as their state of being good wives to their husbands. She should also reflect on the Hadeeths of the Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, which endear fulfilling the rights of the husbands to the women and encourage them.
Fourth: She should look at the good consequences that she will have in this life and in the Hereafter. Her house will be stable; she will find rest and reassurance; and her husband will also find rest and reassurance. On the other hand, she should look at the bad consequences that she might have if she neglected the husband's role of being in charge. As a result, the husband will soon feel that he is inferior, and if he gets this feeling, he would try to sap the strength of the woman. If she behaves haughtily and the husband persists, he may break her by divorcing her – Allah forbid! He may hit her in order to make her feel that he is more capable of fulfilling these rights than her. The woman should know that neglecting rights always produces the most evil results. Evil is not assuaged with evil, nor is a bad action encountered with a bad action. A bad action is encountered by a good one. Pondering on these matters greatly helps the woman to correct herself and correct her conduct with her husband.
Fifth: The last advice given to the Muslim woman is that she should not allow a third party to interfere in her affairs with her husband, because some women incite the wife against her husband and urge her to rebel against him, disobey him and neglect his rights. A bad companion causes unwelcome consequences. Thus, the wife should avoid talking with other women about the affairs of her house and the private matters she has with her husband. This would more probably guarantee her safety and a happy ending.









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