Islamic Articles, - The girl is like the boy: A slogan often raised but not applied - II

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A.S., a 25 year-old woman who was divorced two years ago, says, “One of the main reasons behind my divorce was my husband’s inability to depend on himself for anything. He would refer to his mother in every single issue in our life to know how to handle it. The parents’ continuous interference brings problems that the house cannot bear.”
Ideal examples
However, there are ideal examples of husbands who help their wives with the housework and children who are taught to participate in all the chores. For example, there is a family where a mother of four, all sons, works until late. She has taught all of them to do a certain task inside the house: one cleans the house, another prepares the food and another washes the dishes, such that they all finish the housework by the time she arrives home. Despite this, these youth are successful in their work and studies. How rare are families like this one in society!
A doubled responsibility
Dr. Nasr Ad-Deen Shihaab, professor of Special Education at Helwan University, says: To bring the children up to bear responsibility and to depend on themselves, is dependant on several factors. The responsibility of upbringing is not shouldered by the family alone; rather, there is a type of challenge and participation in the process of upbringing on the part of the school, faculty, or institute or education, and also the media plays a role in this process. From all these institutions, the children acquire attitudes, whether they are good or bad. Consequently, the responsibility of the family is doubled for it is no longer the only factor that influences the children. The parents’ mission has become greater. Hence, considerable care should be given to the children from their birth and the parents should pay great attention to their growth as well as the characteristics of each stage of their life. It is easy to talk about this; however, applying it is difficult because when we allow our children to have some independence, there is usually confusion between freedom and immorality. Freedom means to be independent but still restricted by certain regulations; on the contrary, immorality has no restrictions. Freedom means preserving the components of something to perform its functions away from any pressure; however, immorality means dissociation and disintegration.
A philosophy of upbringing
Imaam ‘Ali, may Allaah be pleased with him, put forward a philosophy of upbringing that is considered a very profound and wide-ranging educational system. It depends on dividing the stages of the lives of children into three stages, and each stage has its own characteristics and ways of dealing with it. ‘Ali, may Allaah be pleased with him, said:“Play with your child for seven years, then discipline him for seven years, then be his friend for seven years, then give him free rein.”During his formative years, the child must feel all the meanings of goodness in order to be a positive member of the society, form a correct idea about the world around him and have no fear when dealing with others. Then, the next stage in the child’s life depends on his upbringing in terms of reward and punishment. The punishment should be clear if the child makes a mistake. Moreover, the parents should bring their child up on carrying responsibility for his actions. All this turns into an attitude that becomes part of his character. This education, way of time management, independence and participating with others in good works will be inculcated in him.
Intellectual nature
Dr. Nasr adds:Then, we move to the next stage, which is the stage of youth, ripeness and understanding of life’s affairs. We need to guide the child during this stage to have a sincere intention in all his acts and behave correctly. In this stage, talking with him should be done in an intellectual way. This stage is based on discipline, for the child learns here how to honor and respect elders. We should also entrust him with tasks pointing out to him the reward if he accomplishes them and the punishment if he proves to be negligent. In this way, he moves from the small sphere to the larger one and so on. The parents should accustom their son to bear responsibility inside and outside the family. They may, for example, let him know the financial situation of the family, participate in thinking of ways of spending and saving and they may even let him shoulder the responsibility of the house one day in the week in order to accustom him to shoulder his responsibilities when he is married.
The role of the media
Dr. ‘Arafah ‘Aamir, a professor of Broadcasting at Al-Azhar University, agrees with Dr. Nasr on many points. He says that Islam pays great attention to the children’s upbringing, even before they come into existence, for it urges the husband to choose a righteous wife who is religious and of good morals. Islam is also keen on choosing a good name for the child which conveys good meanings. Islam appreciates the males and females equally in terms of what affects their future life. It also acknowledges the importance of the children’s upbringing since the beginning of their speech and understanding. The following was narrated in a tradition,“The first thing you should introduce to your children is ‘la ’ilaaha illa Allaah’ )None is truly worthy of worship but Allaah(.”During that stage, the child stores information and hears what is good and bad. When the stage of output comes, he starts to utter what he has heard. Hence, we should pay great attention to him and look after him. The process of upbringing extends throughout one’s life. It begins from his birth or even before it and lasts for ever for it is an accumulative upbringing.
Prevention of discrimination
Islam has severely warned against discrimination between the male and the female. It is a mistake in upbringing when we discriminate between the male and the female and prefer the former. If we do so, we are planting selfishness and egoism in the male. If he continues to grow up without ever being entrusted with anything, he will grow into a fragile person who is unable to bear responsibility. Life is full of experiences and trials; hence, he will not be able to deal with them properly. It is wrong to throw all the responsibility onto the female’s shoulder inside the house. Rather, there should be a distribution of roles so that every member of the family knows his duties. There are things that are done by the fathers, things that are done by the mother and other things that are done by the children. Islam preferred men to women with one degree only, namely, the right to be in charge. Unfortunately, there are men who fail to be in charge.
The house is like a ship that needs a leader who can make the right decision at the right time and be responsible for his family before Allaah The Almighty, the people and the law. This family is what gives the country its valued members, who could either be good members and building factors or destructive tools. We should not discriminate between children in terms of treatment, giving gifts and in anything else, even affection, in order not to make them feel jealous and fill their hearts with hatred towards their parents or siblings; consequently, they will have a contrary reaction.
Both the man and the woman have their special roles that fit their nature. Strength and forbearance are part of man’s nature; hence, he should bear the burdens of work outside the house. On the other hand, the woman is responsible for the work inside the house, and outside it only in what conforms with her emotional and kind nature. However, if the man becomes absorbed in women's work, his character will disintegrate and he will lose his manhood. By the same token, if the woman becomes absorbed in men’s work, she will lose her femininity and her nature will be affected.
We are not calling man to refrain from helping his mother, sister or wife with the housework, but he should also not be completely overcome with women's work. Moderation should be observed in everything. This does not prevent the existence of harmony and a mixture of mercy and cooperation inside the family between the father, the mother and the children. The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would be at the service of his family. He would buy what they needed from the market and help his wives with the housework.
Hence, when a man helps his wife with the housework, he is only following the example of our noble Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, especially if the wife is preoccupied with the children or if she works outside the house. The man should not sit with his legs crossed and say, ‘I am the man’ and leave his wife overwhelmed by housework from A to Z. Mercy, cooperation and participation are the ingredients of a happy Muslim






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Islamic Articles, - The girl is like the boy: A slogan often raised but not applied - I

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work or to get something for the house, she directs her advice to her daughter, or perhaps even commands her, to prepare the breakfast for her brothers, tidy up the house, and look after the young siblings, in addition to a list of commands. The mother never thinks of directing even a single command to her son. She continues to do so and the boy grows up with this incorrect concept in his mind; that he is not responsible for anything, whether inside or outside the house. Afterwards, the suffering of the mother starts; however, neither advice nor guidance can be of any benefit at this time because it will be too late. This is because whoever grows up on something will continue to have it all his life.
Mothers: We made a mistake from the outset by not accustoming our sons to depend on themselves and help their sisters with the housework.
Wives: Pampering the boy during his childhood makes him grow into a husband who is unable to shoulder the responsibilities of his house and children.
Dr. Nasr Ad-Deen Shihaab says that dividing the upbringing of children into three stages is an educational philosophy, while Dr. ‘Arafah ‘Aamir says that if the children are not brought up to bear responsibility, this will make them unable to deal with the trials and experiences of life.
The result of indulgence
A. A., an employee in a company, complains about her 25-year-old son whom she used to spoil excessively and respond to all his requests. She did not accustom him to depend upon himself until he got used to this treatment and now, as a result, he has no desire to work. Although he was offered suitable opportunities to work, he refused them all. Now she has become old and she needs rest, care and help because she is no longer able to do everything; however, he does not even fetch himself a glass of water. She says that she is extremely regretful that she did not accustom him to work and depend on himself. He also prefers relaxation and laziness to the extent that he does not search for work, despite his high skills and qualifications. He is used to comfort and is not accustomed to enduring hardships. Hence, he is waiting for work that does not have any hardship and does not require any effort. However, where will he find such work?
F.M., a housewife, says: Unfortunately, it is wrong to make the boy accustomed to being obeyed by his sisters, who fulfill all his requests even if they are older than him; and it is also wrong to entrust all the housework to the girl without asking the boy to help her, for that is a great pressure on her. This custom is not found in the countryside because the boy there gets used to hard work from his young age, and depends upon himself so that he grows up as an assistant to his father on the farm or in his profession. Unfortunately, we teach our sons that this is their right and that they should only command while we have to obey. Hence, the husband depends on his wife in all affairs. If she gets tired or needs some rest, everything in the family life changes and there is no one who can do her job. This is a grave mistake in upbringing that we should avoid in the forthcoming generations.
Sheereen Kamaal, a wife who works as a social specialist in a school, says, “Normall, the wife should do the housework and the day-long hardship is enough for the husband. Sometimes, he also works at night to provide for his family. However, because of my work, I need my husband’s help at home sometimes. Unfortunately, he insists that he does not have the time to help me. The husband always feels that his wife is responsible for all the housework even if she is a working woman because he had been accustomed to this in his parents’ house before marriage. He would see his mother and sisters doing all the housework.”
Her mother confirms this saying: From the outset, the mother is responsible for this. My son, Muhammad, used to do some simple tasks like preparing breakfast or dinner because he used to do so from the time he was young. On the other hand, my other son, Ahmad, does not even tidy up his room and throws his belongings all over the house. I admit that this is my fault. Had I accustomed them to help with the housework from their childhood, this would not have happened. They also used to see me and their sisters doing all the housework. Now, their sisters are married, I have become old and need their help. However, they leave everything to me.
A society that prefers males
Shaadiyah Sa‘d, a newly-married housewife, says: The girl is like the boy in everything. Both of them have duties that they should fulfill and rights that they should have. However, in our eastern society, we discriminate between the boy and the girl. The boy, from a young age, dominates his sister and believes that she has to do all the housework and fulfill his requests. We live in a society that prefers males and recognizes them before the females. If we overburden the girl with tasks that she can not do, we are unfair to her. Had the mother distributed the responsibilities between the boy and the girl from their young age, the boy would have grown up depending on himself and able to bear







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Islamic Articles, - Women's Rights of Inheritance in Islam - II

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that are granted by the IslamicSharee‘ah)Islamic legislation( to women in all fields of life and despite the fact that most of these rights were not granted to women all over the world except after great efforts exerted globally, many of those whoare prejudiced againstIslam use the rule of inheritance“for the male, what is equal to the share of two females”to criticize Islam.
They say:This rule boosts the idea of discrimination against women and it oppresses women and harms them as the male inherits what is equal to the share of two females.
One such oft-repeated criticism is, “The issue of inheritance and the share of females that is half of what the male takes is undoubtedly the reason for the inferiority of Muslim women.”
Such criticism is leveled by non-Muslims and some groups of Muslims who are ignorant of the rulings of the religion and its honorable purposes. Such groups ask for this rule to be amended so that both males and females receive an equal share in inheritance.
To those people we say:
The rule of inheriting what is equal to half a male’s share is not an invariable rule in all cases that pertain to women. There are different cases where males and females take an equal share of the inheritance.
For instance, both the father and the mother take the same share of their son’s inheritance. Also, the share of the brother and the sister whena man or woman leaves neither ascendants nor descendants, both the sister and brother would take one sixth.
·The ruling of inheriting a share that is equal to half a male’s share only applies to the shares of inheritance and not to all the property that is inherited. The amount taken by women from the entire estate may be more than that taken by men. For instance, if a man died and left a wife, three daughters and a son, the portion inherited by women is larger than what the son inherits.
·This rule does not apply to gifted property, as it is permissible for the father to gift his daughter an equal share to what he gifts to his son during the father’s lifetime. It is prohibited to favor a son over a daughter. The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“Treat yourchildren fairly regarding gifts. If I were to favor someone, I would have favored women.”]Baihaqi[
·Moreover, it is permissible for a person to write a will to bequeath equal shares to their heirs )males and females(, or to bequeath to a female heir a share that is equal to half a male’s share, if he/she wishes to.
·The rule of giving females half of what a male takes does not apply when distributingstate landsas these lands are divided equally between men and women.
The wisdom of theSharee‘ahbehind this rule:
Differentiating between sons and daughters is not meant to humiliate women or belittle them as what some people claim. This share was determined by the IslamicSharee‘ahaccording to the responsibilities and economic burdens that each one of them has to shoulder.
Islamic scholars believe that giving women half of the share that is given to men should be seen along with theSharee’ah-stipulated responsibilities of men; such as their obligation to provide for the women for whom they are responsible, whether she is a wife, a daughter, a mother, a sister or a relative. Thus, differences of financial responsibilities lead to differences in inheritance shares.
The fact that men are obliged to abide by their responsibilities, and fulfill them as duties, not as acts of courtesy, is what made IslamicSharee‘ahprescribe for a woman to inherit what is equal to half a man’s share. If we consider the financial support that men are obliged to provide, we would realize that women are the beneficiaries as a man is required to provide for his mother, father, sisters and younger brothers and his close relatives if they are insolvent. Women are exempted from such responsibility. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}They ask you, ]O Muhammad[, what they should spend. Say, "Whatever you spend of good is ]to be[ for parents and relatives and orphans and the needy and the traveler. And whatever you do of good - indeed, Allaah is Knowing of it."{]Quran 2:215[
It is worth mentioning that the IslamicSharee‘ahwas the first to institute rights of inheritance for women fourteen centuries ago. Islam also took many steps to eliminate all forms of discrimination against women as it granted them many financial rights that are more than whatwomenworldwide aspire for, even today, in the fields of finance and family rights. This is what is stated in Article 13 and Section H of Article 16 in theConvention on the Eliminationof all Forms of Discrimination Against Women )CEDAW(.
Moreover, the Muslim woman can save her inheritance so that she can live off it if she does not get married, or if her husband dies and does not leave ]an inheritance[ what would suffice for her and her children. Thus, the money that women inherit is just a reserve and she can use it to support herself or her family.
It is noteworthy that a woman can support her husband financially if he is insolvent or if the standards of living increase or for any other reason, but she does so voluntarily and seeks the reward from Allaah The Almighty for what she does. Umm Salamah, may Allaah be pleased with her,said,“O Messenger of Allaah! Shall I receive a reward )in the Hereafter( if I spend on the children of Abu Salamah and do not leave them like this and like this )go here and there to earn their bread(, for indeed they are my sons after all?”The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam, said:“Yes, you will be rewarded for that which you spend on them.”
Besides, a man has to provide for his wife and children and secure for them a house, food, drink, clothing and all other needs such as medication, education and means of recreation, but women are not bound by such responsibilities.
A man also provides financial maintenance for the divorced wife during her ‘Iddah)waiting period( and this‘Iddahmay be longer if the wife was pregnant as the husband provides for her until she delivers the child. The husband is also asked to provide the fees for nursing if the wife refrains from nursing the child. Women are also free from such responsibilities. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:
§}Upon the father is the mothers' provision and their clothing according to what is acceptable. No person is charged with more than his capacity.{]Quran 2:233[
§}And if they should be pregnant, then spend on them until they give birth.{]Quran 65:6[
§}…but if you are in discord, then there may breastfeed for the father another woman.{]Quran 65:6[
A man also pays dowry to his bride whether this amount is large or small, but women do not have to pay anything. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And give the women ]upon marriage[ their ]bridal[ gifts graciously.{]Quran 4:4[
Thus, the financial burdens that are incurred by men according toSharee‘ahare the reason behind differences in inheritance. It could be said that men and women are different regarding ]in their capacity to[ maintaining property and expenditure. Thus, it is clear that there is no oppression against women regarding inheritance as is claimed by biased people.
When comparing what Muslim women can own by virtue of inheritance with what non-Muslim women have, according to what was mentioned in the report of the Program of Action for the Second Half of the United Nations Decade for Women, in the 1980s,we realize the falsehood of such claims. The report states that although women represent 50 percent of the adults and one- third of the official labor force, they work nearly two-thirds of the working hours and receive one-tenth of the international income; they own only one percent of property all over the







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