Marital Life, - Entering the marital bond - I: Finding a suitable spouse

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Marriage is one of the most serious and important commitments an individual will make in his lifetime. It is a bond that once established, cannot be easily broken. It is one of the most important relationships in a society, as it is the building stone of the overall structure. Marriage is so important in Islam that the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, said:"Whoever marries has completed half of his faith. So let him have fear of Allaah in the remaining half."]At-Tabaraani[
As an act of worship, Muslims should make the intention to please Allaah, Almighty, during this process and act in accordance with His laws.
Unfortunately, in this time, more and more Muslim marriages are crumbling, primarily due to the fact that they were not in conformity with the laws established by Allaah. The intention to please Allaah was not there from the beginning.
As this is a rather immense topic, it will be spread out over several issues. Some of the initial components in the process are considered in the following, with the focus on women who are entering the marital bond.
The presence and guidance of a Wali )guardian - father or whoever takes his place( is one of the conditions required for soundness of a marriage contract. The Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, said:"There is no marriage except with a Wali."]Ahmad, Abu Daawood and At-Tirmithi[ He, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, also said:"If any woman marries herself without the permission of her Wali, then her marriage is void, then her marriage is void, then her marriage is void."]Ahmad, Abu Daawood and others[
The Wali is the one who will be responsible for finding a suitable spouse for his ward, one who is religious and an appropriate match. The Wali must be male, mature, of good moral character, and of the same religion as the woman.
In the ideal situation, the Wali should be the closest male relative of the woman, so first it has to be the father, if not then it passes to the closest male relative on the father side, her grandfather, then her son, then her full brother, then her half brother, then his sons, then paternal uncles, then their sons, then the father paternal uncles, then the Muslim Judge. For women who have entered Islam from another religion, however, it is not acceptable for her non-Muslim father or other non-Muslim relative to act as her Wali. In this case, the responsibility falls upon the leader of the community. A woman cannot choose any person for her Wali. The Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, said:"There is no marriage but with a Wali. And the ruler is the Wali for one who does not have a wali."]Ahmad and others[
A woman should never be forced to accept a marriage proposal. This is very clear in Islam. If a woman is forced to accept a marriage proposed against her will, she would have the right either to annul the marriage or accept and remain in it.
Ibn 'Abbaas, may Allaah be pleased with him, narrated that a young virgin woman came to the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, and stated that her father had married her and she disliked it. So the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, gave her the option )to annul the marriage or remain in it(. ]Abu Daawood and Ahmad[
The relationship between the woman and her Wali is ideally one of cooperation involving mutual respect and consideration.
Finding a Spouse with Faith and Piety:
The Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, said: "If someone whose religion and character you are pleased with comes to you )to marry your daughter or ward( then marry )her off to( him. If you do not do so, there will be commotion on the earth, and a great deal of evil." ]At-Tirmithi and Ibn Maajah[
The Wali should assist the woman in finding a spouse who has strong faith and piety, which is reflected in behavior.
The happiness of the marriage often rests upon this important element. One of the goals of marriage is to find comfort, repose, and security in the relationship. This goal is more likely to be achieved if each spouse has fear of Allaah and adheres to Islam.
Unfortunately, women often look for a man who has wealth and letters behind his name )M.D., Ph.D., etc.( assuming that this will bring them happiness. Although there is no harm in considering these things, yet it should not be given first priority. How helpful will that wealth and those letters be when the person is being disrespectful and uncaring towards his wife? How beneficial will he be in helping her to fulfill her obligations to Allaah?
Women should carefully arrange their priorities when it comes to selecting a spouse, for the success and happiness of the marriage may depend on this.
Payment of Mahr )dowry(:
Payment of the Mahr is also a necessary condition for soundness of a marriage contract. It is given to the wife as a way of honoring and respecting her and as a symbol of the husband's commitment to provide for and take care of his wife.
Allaah Says )what means(:"And give the women )upon marriage( their bridal gifts graciously."]Quran; 4:4[
This verse and others establish the obligatory nature of the Mahr. There is no minimum or maximum amount of Mahr stated explicitly in either the Quran or Hadeeth.
Anything of value is acceptable as Mahr, regardless of whether it is something material or something non-material )if the person lacks wealth(. The prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, said:"Search for something, even if it just be a ring made from iron."]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[ In fact, the Mahr could be knowledge of the Quran as related in a popular narration. The Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, accepted the dower of a person's knowledge of Quran. He said:"Go for I have put her under your charge )in marriage( due to what you have of the Quran."]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[
There is no maximum amount of dower as Allaah Says )what means(:"But if you want to replace one wife with another and you have given one of them a Qintaar )great amount of gold( in gift, do not take )back( form it anything."]Quran; 4:20[
A Qintaar is a very large amount of gold, which implies that it is allowed to give such large amounts. The Caliph Umar, may Allaah be pleased with him, however, did advise the people at one time not to be excessive with regard to a woman's dower. The Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, also encouraged people to be easy in this area. He, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, said:"The best Mahr is the one which is easiest )to be paid(."]Al-Haakim and Ibn Maajah[
Some women request enormous amounts of money, jewelry, and goods from their prospective husbands, oftentimes making it impossible for the men to fulfill these requests. Men are actually foregoing or postponing marriage because they are unable to pay the "going rate" or to find a woman who is willing to accept a lesser amount.
This creates a great deal of corruption, trial and temptation not only for individuals, but also for society as a whole. Women should look beyond their own personal desires and interests and consider loftier values and benefits.

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Soul Purification, - Oppression and Intrigue, and the Ultimate Punishment - II

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Meaning of the planning of Allaah The Almighty
As is common knowledge, the manner in which Allaah The Almighty plans, fits His Majesty; it indicates the way in which He inflicts punishment on those who conspire evil against His allies and Messengers, which is countering their schemes with good plans. Therefore, while their plots are most vile, the planning of Allaah The Almighty is the finest, because it constitutes justice and fair recompense. In addition, His manipulation of the disbelievers is a punishment for their deceitfulness of His messengers and allies. Verily, there is no plan or deception better than His.
Bearing in mind that the ill effects of conniving are suffered by the perpetrators, the same applies to the oppression they inflict, which is a sin that entails a swift recompense. It was said that anyone who draws the sword of injustice will be killed with it, for it afflicts its doer; therefore, one should avoid injustice.
‘Abdullaah ibn ‘Abbaas, may Allaah be pleased with them, would say, "If it happened that a mountain repressed another mountain, Allaah The Almighty would level the unfair one." The following quote is also attributed to him: "A king uttered a word of injustice while he was sitting on his throne. Allaah The Almighty then transformed him into an unknown object, perhaps a fly or something else. Most importantly, he did not have any significance after that again."
Furthermore, ‘Abdullaah ibn Mu‘aawiyah Al-Haashimi, may Allaah have mercy upon him, relates, “When he was on his deathbed, ‘Abdul-Muttalib asked his ten sons to assemble and advised them as follows, ‘O sons, do not be unjust, for, I swear by Allaah, ]He[ did not create anything more speedy in generating punishment than injustice. I have never witnessed people who continued ]to live in peace[ despite their transgression, except perhaps your relatives from Banu ‘Abd Shams.’”
Ibnul-Qayyim, may Allaah have mercy upon him, remarked, “How strange it is that the human self has the arrogance of Iblees, the envy of Qaabeel )Cain(, the insolence of ‘Aad, the transgression of Thamood, the audacity of Nimrod, the discourtesy of Pharaoh, the tyranny of Qaaroon, the ugliness of Haamaan, the fancies of Bal’aam, the deception of the people of Sabbath, the rebellion of Al-Waleed and the ignorance of Abu Jahl! It is also characterized by some beastly characteristics, such as the keenness of the crow, the voracity of the dog, the vanity of the peacock, the vileness of the scarab, the ingratitude of the Dhabb )a kind of reptile(, the grudge of the camel, the leaping of the cheetah, the hostility of the lion, the wrongdoing of the mouse, the maliciousness of the snake, the toying of the monkey, the persistent hoarding of the ant, the slyness of the fox, the lightness of the butterfly and the laziness of the hyena. However, despite all that, struggling against these bad traits, does, eventually, remove them."
Texts in the Quran vilify injustice, such as where Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}The cause is only against the ones who wrong the people and tyrannize upon the earth without right. Those will have a painful punishment.{]Quran 42:42[ In general, injustice incorporates haughtiness, arrogance, oppression, corruption and committing sins. It is one of the five things that all divine faiths prohibit, as Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}Say, "My Lord has only forbidden immoralities - what is apparent of them and what is concealed - and sin, and injustice without right, and that you associate with Allaah that for which He has not sent down authority, and that you say about Allaah that which you do not know."{]Quran 7:33[
That is why the promise of Allaah The Almighty of His support, to all those that have been oppressed should suffice them, as He Says )what means(:}That ]is so[. And whoever responds ]to injustice[ with the equivalent of that with which he was harmed and then is tyrannized - Allaah will surely aid him.{]Quran 22:60[
Moreover, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:"No sin is worthier of its doer’s punishment being hastened by Allaah in the worldly life, in addition to what is stored for him in the Hereafter, than injustice and severance of family relations."]Ahmad and Abu Daawood[ A slightly different version reads:"No act of obedience to Allaah necessitates a reward faster than upholding the ties of kinship; and nothing prompts punishment swifter than injustice, cutting off ties and the untruthful oath and empty promises.”]Al-Bayhaqi, Saheeh – Albaani[
The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, also said:"Allaah revealed to me that you should be humble such that no one boasts over another or transgresses against another."]Muslim[
If we reflect on the history of nations, we will discover that there are lessons to be learned from the stories of the tyrants among them in the past and present. We will find that their final ends affirm the fact that the norms established by Allaah The Almighty in the universe are in total conformity with what is stated in His Book.
For instance, Pharaoh persecuted others in the land without right, claimed Lordship and Divinity, and said, as cited in the verse )which means(:}Does not the kingdom of Egypt belong to me, and these rivers flowing beneath me?{]Quran 43:51[ He tried to apprehend Prophet Moosaa )Moses(, may Allaah exalt his mention, and those who believed in him among the Children of Israel. Along with his army, he pursued them out of cruelty and enmity. However, Allaah The Almighty drowned him and caused water to surge over him as an appropriate punishment. Later, the Egyptians saw his rotten corpse after they had earlier worshipped him instead of Allaah The Almighty, Who Said )what means(:}So today We will save you in body that you may be to those who succeed you a sign.{]Quran 10:91[
The Quran also relates the story of another tyrant, Qaaroon; Allaah The Almighty Says that his people advised him, saying )what means(:}And desire not corruption in the land. Indeed, Allaah does not like corrupters.{]Quran 28:76[ But when he did not heed this, Allaah The Almighty destroyed him, as He describes, Saying )what means(:}And We caused the earth to swallow him and his home.{]Quran 28:81[
The tyranny that the preceding nations practiced against the Prophets and Messengers contains many admonitions and morals for all those who have intellect, for Allaah The Almighty seized them with His might and power. The people of Nooh )Noah( and ‘Aad, and many other generations lived until they ]disbelieved in them and[ perished along with their deeds that were presented to Allaah The Almighty, Who Says )what means(:}And how many have We destroyed before them of generations? Do you perceive of them anyone or hear from them a sound?{]Quran 19:98[

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Soul Purification, - Oppression and Intrigue, and the Ultimate Punishment - I

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The tradition of Allaah The Almighty has no scope for favoritism or flattery, as He Says )what means(:}You will not find in the way of Allaah any change{]Quran 33:62[, and, in fact, stresses in another place,}You will never find in the way of Allaah any change.{]Quran 35:43[ The fair Sharee‘ah neither distinguishes between equals nor renders the unequal as equivalent.
Thus, the inevitable destruction of the evil planner, the one who breaks his word and the unjust person is only a question of time, which, in itself, is a chance for reform. However, that does not reflect a change in principles and what has been established as the tradition of Allaah The Almighty.
Muhammad ibn Ka’b Al-Qurathi, may Allaah have mercy upon him, says, “Three traits beset those who possess them: scheming, as Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}Evil plans shall not beset any save the authors of it{]Quran 35:43[; injustice, as in the verse )which means(:}O mankind, your injustice is only against yourselves{]Quran 10:23[; reneging, as Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}So he who breaks his word only breaks it to the detriment of himself{]Quran 48:10[.”
Why these attributes particularly, and others in general, affect their bearer is because consequences are closely related to the causes, as Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}Whoever does a good deed - it is for himself; and whoever does evil - it is against the self.{]Quran 45:15[ Similarly, He Says )what means(:}]And said[, "If you do good, you do good for yourselves; and if you do evil, ]you do it[ to yourselves."{]Quran 17:7[ Moreover, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said,"Do whatever you want, for you will be rewarded or punished accordingly."
He, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, also narrated that Allaah The Almighty Said:"O My servants, indeed, I enumerate and record your deeds for you, then I grant you your reward or punishment in full, correspondingly. Therefore, anyone who finds ]in life[ delight and good reward, should praise Allaah The Almighty ]for His enabling him or her to do good[. Likewise, whoever finds otherwise, should blame none but him/herself."
Once, a man went to a scholar and said, "The people of so-and-so have collaborated to harm me, as if they are a single hand." So, he read out the verse )what means(:"The hand of Allaah is over their hands."]Quran 48:10[ The man then complained, "They hatch plots", so the scholar recited )what means(:"The evil plot does not encompass except its own people."]Quran 35:43[ Then, when he said: "They are so many", the scholar recited the verse )which means(:"How many a small company has overcome a large company by permission of Allaah."]Quran 2:249[
The plots of the disbelievers destroy only them
If you want to be saved from the unbelievers and the immoral people, have faith in their inescapable destruction being caused by their scheming, oppression and betrayal. In fact, they destroy themselves with their own hands before anyone else’s weapons touch them and they alone suffer the outcome of their evil qualities. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And the disbelievers planned, but Allaah planned. And Allaah is the best of planners.{]Quran 3:45[ He also Says )what means(:}And thus We have placed within every city the greatest of its criminals to conspire therein. But they conspire not except against themselves, and they perceive ]it[ not.{]Quran 6:123[
The Noble Quran tells us of the intrigues of Thamood against their Prophet Saalih, may Allaah exalt his mention, where Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And they planned a plan, and We planned a plan, while they perceived not. Then look how was the outcome of their plan - that We destroyed them and their people, all.{]Quran 27:50-51[
Commenting on these verses, some scholars said that the phrase}while they perceived not{implies that the people of Thamood were unaware of the angels that Allaah The Almighty ordered to descend to protect Saalih, may Allaah exalt his mention, from their assassination attempt. These angels pelted every one of them with stones until they were all killed, and their Prophet, may Allaah exalt his mention, was safe from their conspiracy.
In another version, it is said that the people plotted to kill him, may Allaah exalt his mention, so, they pretended to embark on a journey, when, in reality, they hid in a cave, so as to return and murder him at night. However, Allaah The Almighty caused a rock to roll down over the mouth of the cave until it became blocked; and this was His scheme against them.
Similarly, the disbelievers hatched plots against Prophet Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, as Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And ]remember, ]O Muhammad[, when those who disbelieved plotted against you to restrain you or kill you or evict you ]from Makkah[. But they plan, and Allaah plans. And Allaah is the best of planners.{]Quran 8:30[
Thus, He saved the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, who consequently immigrated safely to Madeenah and managed to eliminate the leaders of the disbelievers, such as Abu Jahl, ‘Utbah ibn Rabee‘ah and Shaybah ibn Rabee‘ah. Later, Allaah The Almighty spread Islam among their very own after the conquest of Makkah. When the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, passed away, Allaah The Almighty had granted him victory over them and exalted him in status and reputation.
The hypocrites had also contrived evil plans against the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}But they who plot evil deeds will have a severe punishment, and the plotting of those - it will perish.{]Quran 35:10[ Therefore, their schemes were eventually thwarted and their deception was evident to all rational people. In this manner, anyone who conceals anything evil will have it divulged by Allaah The Almighty through his or her facial expressions and slips of the tongue; then, he or she will surely be affected suitably.
In addition, the Jews conspired extensively against the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, tried to assassinate him and colluded with other disbelievers against him several times. Yet, he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, managed to kill some of them and evicted others; later, he emerged victorious and his message was propagated to all. As the ultimate response to their attitude, before the end of time, the stones and trees, except the Al-Gharqad )boxthorn(, which is their shrub, will betray the Jews hiding behind them by revealing their location to the Muslims pursuing them; and, Allaah The Almighty will let the Muslims conquer the Al-Aqsaa Mosque in Jerusalem.
Therefore, beware of scheming and do not be stunned by the people who plot against you. Qays ibn Sa‘d ibn‘Ubaadah, may Allaah be pleased with him, said: "Had I not heard the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, say that plots and deception are in Hell, I would have been one of the most evil planners." ]Al-Albaani: Saheeh[

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