Soul Purification, - Grave Consequences of Bad Manners

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The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, guided his Ummah )nation( to everything good and warned them against everything evil, and bad morals are among the things which the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, warned against. They are detestable and indicate an unrighteous demeanor that usually arises from unsoundness of the heart.
Pillars of Bad Morals
Ibn-ul-Qayyim, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said,
Bad manners are established and constructed upon four pillars: ignorance, injustice, desires and anger.
Ignorance makes a person see beauty in an ugly image and ugliness in a beautiful image, and the perfect thing as deficient and the deficient as perfect.
Injustice motivates one to put things in an inappropriate place, and, therefore, he gets angry when he should be pleased and satisfied when he should be angry. He also becomes rash when he should be deliberate, stingy when he should be charitable, and generous when he should be miserly. He retreats when he should be courageous, and advances when he should retreat.
He becomes lenient when he should be tough and severe when he should be lenient, humble when he should be proud and arrogant when he should be humble.
Desires urge one to be miserly, stingy, unchaste, greedy, gluttonous, and lowly… to the end of all evil attributes.
Anger drives one to be ostentatious, spiteful, envious, aggressive and foolish.
Any two of these evil morals form other bad morals. The fundamental causes behind these four bad morals are two: excessive weakness and excessive power.
Excessive weakness leads to humiliation, miserliness, meanness, ignobility, baseness, stinginess and fanaticism on trivialities.
Excessive power leads to injustice, anger, stiffness, foulness and indiscretion.
When two bad morals mingle, many more evil morals ensue. The human soul may be weak and strong at the same time, and the person hence becomes the haughtiest when he is powerful and the most humiliated when he is subdued. He is aggressive and tyrannical, but, when subdued, may become weaker than a woman. He is gutless in the face of the powerful, and audacious towards the weak.
Consequently, bad morals generate more bad morals, and good morals generate more good morals.
Could Good Morals Turn into Bad Ones?
Bearing in mind that bad morals could turn into good ones by following the Sharee‘ah and training the self upon good manners, we now wish to ask whether it is possible that good morals turn into bad ones?
To answer this question, we will mention a digest of what Al-Maawardi, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said. He mentioned that good morals and leniency may turn into rough demeanors and obscenity due to accidental causes that render gentleness into harshness, leniency into roughness and cheerfulness into scowling. Here are some causes for this.
1- One's position of presidency or administration may alter his morals and incite him to keep away from his old friends. This usually comes from ignobility.
2- Removal from office, which may develop bad morals and hopelessness owing to extreme sorrow or lack of patience.
3- Wealth: when a person feels that he is rich, his morals may change and he may become haughty.
4- Becoming poor may change one's morals, either because he fears being described as needy or because he feels sorrow over lost richness.
5- Concerns can also distract one's mind and cause anxieties, and consequently, one could no longer endure. It is said that concerns are like poison and that sadness is like a disease concealed in the heart of the depressed.
6- Diseases also change one’s character just as they affect his body, so neither do morals become moderated and nor can a person bear such diseases.
7- Aging, as it affects the organs and also affects man's morals. Just as it weakens the body beyond tolerating physical weight, old age also weakens the soul beyond bearing what it used to bear of opposing desires, anger and the like.
These were seven causes that may result in bad manners.
Also, hatred is a particular cause of a specific bad manner. A person avoids the one whom he hates and would treat him in a particularly bad way. If the bad manner is caused by something, it ends only when its cause comes to an end.
Scholars and the Righteous Predecessors Warn Against Bad Morals
Al-Fudhayl ibn ‘Iyaadh, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said, “Do not socialize with a person who has bad morals, for he calls to nothing except evil.”
He also said, “Accompanying a good-mannered man with no religious practice is better for me than accompanying a worshipper who is bad-mannered.”
Al-Hasan, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said, “The ill-mannered person is a self-tormentor.”
Yahya ibn Mu‘aath, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said, “Being bad mannered is an evil deed with which a lot of good deeds would ]nevertheless[ not be beneficial. Having good manners is a good deed with which a lot of evil deeds would not be harmful.”
Imam Al-Ghazaali, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said, “Bad morals are deadly poisons, massive destruction, disgraceful ignominy, flagrant vices and wicked attributes that keep one away from Allaah The Almighty. Bad manners cause one to sink into the company of the devils and lead to the kindled fire of Allaah which leaps up over the hearts.”
He also said, “Wicked morals are the diseases of hearts and illnesses of the inner-selves; they would make man miss the everlasting life.”
He also added,
A Muslim ought tosocialize with others. However, he should warn himself of and keep away from any bad manner existing among them. A believer is the mirror of his fellow believer and he sees his own defects through the defects of others. He also recognizes that dispositions are close to one another in following desires. If a peer has a certain attribute, his counterparts inevitably have the origin of this attribute, something greater, or at least something of it. So a person should examine and purify himself from any moral defect. This would indeed be an excellent means of self-discipline.
He also said, “Good manners represent faith and bad manners represent hypocrisy.”
Ramifications of Bad Manners
Ill-mannered persons are spoken of badly and they are detested in the sight of Allaah and in the sight of His Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. Also, all people, irrespective of their attitudes, dislike them.
It was narrated on the authority of Jaabir ibn ‘Abdullaah, may Allaah be pleased with him, that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“And the most detested to me and farthest from me in the Hereafter will be those of the worst manners.”]Ahmad, Al-Albaani - Hasan[
The ill-mannered person is the one whom people dispraise a lot and which he himself hears. It was narrated on the authority of Ibn ‘Abbaas, may Allaah be pleased with them, that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“The people of Paradise are those whom Allaah The Almighty fills their ears with people's praise while they hear it, and the people of Hell are those whom Allaah The Almighty fills their ears with people's dispraise while they hear it.”]Ibn Maajah, Al-Albaani - Saheeh[
Ill-mannered people cause troubles, grief, distress and poverty to themselves as well as suffering to others.
Abu Haazim Salamah ibn Dinaar, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said, “Wretchedness due to ill manners afflicts the ill-mannered person himself the most, then his wife, and then his children. When he enters his house while his children are happy, they would rush away out of fear at the sound of his voice. His riding animal would even swerve from his way because of the stones that he hurls at it. His dog would bounce against the wall upon seeing him and even his cat would escape from him.”
Dear Muslim, monitor yourself and let no bad manner penetrate your heart. Treat yourself from the very outset, and the matter will be easy; when the disease deepens, it may lead one to destruction. May Allaah The Almighty help all of us avoid bad manners.

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Soul Purification, - Severity and Violence Lead to Remorse

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In a Hadeeth on the authority of ‘Aa’ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, it was mentioned that some Jews came to the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and said, “As-Saamu 'Alaykum ]death be on you[.” ‘Aa’ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, therefore said )to them(, “]Death[ be upon you, and may Allaah curse you and inflict His wrath upon you.” The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“O 'Aa’ishah! Be calm. You should be kind and lenient, and beware of severity and bad words.”She said, “Did you not you hear what they said?” He, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, replied:“And did you hear what I said ]to them[? I said the same to them, and my supplication against them will be accepted while theirs against me will be rejected.”]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[
This is how the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, taught us to avoid severity and resort to easygoingness in all matters; he said:“Leniency adorns anything that contains it, while anything that it is void of is distorted.”
The Meaning of Severity
Leniency means moderateness and kindness while severity is the absence of these qualities in dealing with any matter. In other words, it is extremism and exaggeration that are accompanied by stiffness and rudeness when dealing with others, even if they have behaved impolitely.
Treating people severely creates a desire for retaliation when there is a chance to do so, while kindness reconciles the hearts and makes people obedient.
Deprived of Goodness
The one deprived of leniency and who lives among people and treats them violently would be deprived of goodness, as the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“The one who is deprived of leniency would be deprived of all goodness.”
Severity is a disgraceful and evil phenomenon that leads to the spreading of grudges and enmities among people. It creates a desire for challenging others and stubbornness that in turn leads to disobeying orders and directives, even if they are good. Severity in attempting to fix any mechanism leads to its breakage, while severity when facing calamities destroys one’s power and energy.
Violence, Severity and the Mass Media
Many studies and seminars have tackled the effects of violence and severity propagated by the mass media on the behavior of its audience, especially youngsters.
Unfortunately, many of the programs and series that are broadcast today represent the oppression that people suffer at others’ hands, beginning from snubbing, neglecting and ridiculing them up to hitting, cursing, or even committing crimes against them such as assault or murder. This, undoubtedly, affects young people and this effect appears later on in life, as some studies have revealed.
Violence and Severity with Servants and the Weak
An aspect of violence that people see in some communities is that practiced against servants and other weak people, in addition to despising them and burdening them with unbearable hard work, some people may even hit them and abuse them physically and mentally. This is something that should not, for any reason, be spread in Muslim communities. Here is an incident that took place at the time of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam:
Abu Mas‘ood Al-Badri, may Allaah be pleased with him, said: “Once, I was beating my slave with a whip when I heard a voice behind me saying,‘O Abu Mas‘ood, you ought to know.’I did not recognize the voice because of my severe anger. When he ]who had spoken[ approached me, I found that it was the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and he was saying:‘O Abu Mas‘ood, you ought to know that Allaah has more dominance over you than you have over your slave.’I ]then[ said, ‘I would never ever beat a servant again in future.’” The wording of another narration of this incident reads, “Abu Mas‘ood, may Allaah be pleased with him, said ‘He is free for the Sake of Allaah.’ The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said,‘If you had not have done that, you would have been burnt by the Fire.’”
Violence and Severity Against Women
Statistics show that violence against women has become a widespread phenomenon in western countries, which may be due to the corruption and deviation of the methods of upbringing there. There is no doubt that our societies are not free from such strange cases where women and children are exposed to violence. In spite of the fact that these cases are limited in our societies, we should remind people that this is something that is despicable and contradicts the Islamic Sharee‘ah and its moral system.
The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“I forbid the ]usurping of the[ right of two weak people: orphans and women.”When the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was informed that some men hit their wives, he said:“They are not the best among you.”
If women or children needed to be reformed, physical punishment should be the last resort. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}Men are in charge of women by ]right of[ what Allaah has given one over the other and what they spend ]for maintenance[ from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in ]the husband's[ absence what Allaah would have them guard. But those ]wives[ from whom you fear arrogance - ]first[ advise them; ]then if they persist[, forsake them in bed; and ]finally[, strike them gently. But if they obey you ]once more[, seek no means against them. Indeed, Allaah is ever Exalted and Grand.{]Quran 4:34[
Even if it reaches this extent, the Sharee‘ah rules that guarantee the safety of the soul and the body and that allow no harm to be done should be observed.
Violence with Animals
Some people who have a corrupt disposition find pleasure in tormenting animals and use violence against them. Islam forbids this. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, once entered an orchard that was owned by one of the Ansaar and found a camel in it. When the camel saw the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, it shed tears, so the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, wiped his tears and asked about his owner. A man from the Ansaar said that it was his, so the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said to him:“Will not you fear Allaah with regards to the animal that He has granted you? It complained to me that you keep it hungry and exhaust it.”
In conclusion, it has to be remembered that the lenient person gains safety, while violence and severity only leads to remorse.

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Soul Purification, - Gossip: Sisters, beware!

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Gossip is perhaps the main menace responsible for the biggest volume of lies. Gossip, including, backbiting )gheebah(, slander, and more precisely calumny, )buhtaan(, sows the seeds of unending dissension and pain in many Muslim communities. Our communities are festering with this disease. A student of mine, a Muslim girl who recently had become religious and joined the company of Muslim girls, told my class roughly the following: "My non-Muslim friends gossiped and lied too, but that was a rare annoyance. But when I began to hang out with Muslim girls, gossiping, lying, and belittling others were at a totally different level.
It is hard to get through one conversation with a friend without engaging in some kind of gossip about someone."
The Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, said:"To convey all that one hears to others is sufficient to make one a liar."]Muslim[
Solution? Worry about the accuracy and impact of every word you utter—specially if you have friends in whose company you tend to engage in gossip, or who have a habit of gossiping with you. Be extra careful, and remind them again and again not to talk about others at all.

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