Islamic Marriage Articles, - Tips to a Better Marriage

Share::-

- - -



"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts). Verily in that are Signs for those who reflect."(30: 21).
I have listed some rules that may benefit those seeking an Islamic marriage, as well as those who are already married. I do not pretend to be an expert of any kind. I have learned what I know through marrying at the early age of 18, just 9 months after embracing Islam. I muddled my way through much of my 14 years of marriage, and consider myself a graduate from the 'school of hard knocks'. The rules are:
1. Be conscious of your physical appearance.
No one was more conscious of this than the Prophet. His Sunnah reflects keen attention to personal hygiene and good grooming. He kept himself strong and muscular. Most likely the first aspect of you that attracted your mate was your appearance, so don't think that simply because you are married the task is over. You can't hide a weight problem under Thawbs' (dress) and long Khimars' (veils). Your mate knows. Be aware that you live in a society that places a high premium on physical appearance. It flaunts the shapely female and her muscular counterpart. Temptations that beckon non-Muslims beckon Muslims as well. Don 't allow your mate to get side-tracked by the likes of a 'Raquel Welch or an Arnold Schwarzenegger'. Jog, join a gym, roller skate, swim and stay in shape. Insha' Allah, you will be more vibrant, more radiant, and more attractive to your mate.
2. Be aware of your role, but do not fall into role-playing.
Muslim spouses sometimes experience difficulties because they are trying to do things 'by the book' without giving due consideration to the conditions prevailing in their country. For example, most female converts are taught that the role of the Muslim woman is to be at home raising her children. Supposedly, it is the man who works outside the home to maintain the family. She may have read about birth control and assumed that it has no place for the Muslimah; yet, it is worth noting that the Prophet himself allowed coitus interruptus. If ideal Islamic conditions prevailed, there would be no reason for a sister to worry about her financial situation interfering with her right to bear children. However, without an Islamic society, needy Muslim families may have to resort to welfare and food stamps rather than Zakaah and Sadaqah. This creates a feeling of dependence and humiliation that can place extreme stress on a marriage. In this ease, it may be helpful for the Muslim couple to delay having children, or for the wife to work while the children are young and until the couple 's financial situation improves. Islam gives you this flexibility. Don't be afraid or ashamed to use it.
3. Be a companion to your mate.
Try to show enthusiasm for your spouse's interests and hobbies. It is well-known that the Prophet would run races with 'Ayesha. By all means try to involve your mate in your interests.
4. Be active in Islamic community life.
This will strengthen your commitment to Islam while providing you wish a wholesome social outlet. Encourage your spouse to engage in activities that promote Islam. Have dinners at your home for Muslims as well as non-Muslims, and don't neglect your relatives. These activities will indirectly enhance the quality of your marriage through widening your circle of activity and contacts.
5. Admit your mistakes and have a forgiving, generous attitude when your mate errs.
This country is a difficult place to live in. Most Muslims fall short of the Islamic ideal. Contradictions abound. Be quick to admit your shortcomings and work to amend them. Be understanding when your mate does not live up to the Islamic ideal and gently try to motivate him or her in the right direction.
6. Have a sense of humour.
Be able to chuckle at life's minor aggravations.
7. Be modest when around members of the opposite sex.
Do not try to test your spouse's affection by feigning interest in another. This will only cause dissension and bad feelings.
8. Share household duties.
Brothers, take note. This is especially important these days when women work outside the home. The Prophet always helped his wives around the house and even mended his own clothes. Who knows? You might find you actually like preparing the evening meal or taking care of junior so your wife can have the afternoon off. The Messenger of Allah said,"The most perfect of the believers in faith is the best of them in moral excellence, and the best of you are those who are kindest to their wives."(at-Tirmidhi).
9. Surprise each other with gifts.
Treat her to an evening out alone, away from the children. There are no words to describe the lift this can give to a marriage.
10. Communicate your feelings to one another, good and bad.
Tell him how handsome he looks. Where there is disagreement, have an open discussion. Don ' t collect red stamps. Nip it in the bud .
11. Live within your means.
Stay away from credit cards if you can. Sisters, take note. Don't envy the possessions of your friends, and don't belittle your husband because he can't provide them for you. Muslim couples will do well to stay away from ostentatious living. The Prophet did not live luxuriously, and neither should you.
12. Respect your mate's need for privacy.
A quiet time to oneself each day, either at home or away from home, can make a disagreeable person agreeable.
13. Don 't share personal problems with others.
There are a few exceptions to this rule, but if you must discuss personal problems, make sure it is with a person in whom you have the utmost confidence. If you have a learned Muslim brother or sister in your community, seek him or her out first.
14. Be sensitive to your mate's moods.
If you want to share a personal achievement, don't do it when your spouse is 'down in the dumps.' Wait for the proper time.
You may be saying to yourself, "All This is easier said than done." Well, you're right. A successful marriage doesn't just happen. It's not simply a matter of luck or finding the right person. It takes hard work and determination. It means being selfless and making mistakes. It means having vengeance on your mind but forgiveness in your heart. But, then, its perfection is "half of faith."
"And those who pray, 'Our Lord! Grant unto us spouses and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous.'"Qur'an 25:74
"The whole world is an asset and the best asset is a good wife."(Muslim)
"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts). Verily in that are Signs for those who reflect."(30: 21).

PUBLISHERNajimudeen M

google.com/+NajimudeenM

Islamic Marriage Articles, - Intimate Relations

Share::-

- - -



Hello: : As a recently married Muslim, I was hoping someone could refer me to : sources which can guide me as to what is permissible in Islam between a : man and his wife. I once heard of an Islamic book called "Perfumed : Garden"? Is there such a publication? Or could someone suggest other : sources. In particular, I needed to know what the five schools of thought : advised on oral sex or fellatio. Please email or post responses. Thank you.
Answer:
alssalaamu 3alaykum
May Allah bless you and your wife with his blessing and unite you in harmony and happiness.
The book you mentioned (The Perfumed Garden) was written in Tunisia in the 16th century A.D. by Cheikh 'Omar bin Sidi en-Nefzawi. It is a sort of marriage manual written in a rather provocative and lewd style. Even the author himself acknowledges its lascivious nature by ending it with these words: "I have indeed committed a sin by writing this book. Forgive me O Thou to whom we call not in vain. O Allah, do not confound me for this on the Day of Judgment. And you, O Reader, I beg you to say 'Amen'." The book is an interesting historical and cultural oddity; but it is not to be recommended as an educational manual for married couples.
The principles of conjugal love in Islam are few and uncomplicated.
1. Sexual relations are for the pleasure of both the husband and the wife and for the procreation of children. Sexual intercourse is not limited to vaginal penetration but includes other forms of sexual caressing, such as kissing and fondling of various kinds.
2. Nothing should be done that is offensive or harmful to either person. Each has a duty to be sexually available to the other, but neither has the right to disgust or injure the other.
3. With a few exceptions, the couple can engage in any activities that they like, in any manner and in any position. Allah rewards such activities as surely as he punishes sinful activities. The Qur'an says, "Women are your fields. Go then into your fields as you please." (2:223)
4. It is forbidden to have vaginal intercourse while a woman is menstruating (Qur'an 2:222). According to the Sunnah of the Prophet (God's grace and peace be upon him), a man and his menstruating wife can however give one another pleasure so long as the woman's genitals are avoided.
5. There are ahadith that forbid anal intercourse and scholars generally agree that it is not permissible. However, in his tafsir (commentary) Tabaari (3d century A.H.) while forbidding sodomy, says that earlier authorities were divided on the question.
6. The Qur'an and the Sunnah are generally silent as to the various forms that sexual relations may take. Most authorities consider that it is up to the husband and wife in love and mutual respect to decide how to physically express their sexual desires.
7. What goes on in bedroom, is a private matter and should not be discussed or revealed to other persons unless there is some necessity, such as health or safety. Abu Hurairah narrates that the Prophet (pbuh) said this about people who reveal and discuss openly their sexual practices: "Do you know what those who do this are like? Those who do this are like a male and female devil who meet each other on the road and satisfy their desire while the people look on."
Therefore, in Islam the husband and the wife choose their sexual activities according to the sure teaching of the Qur'an, in the light of the Sunnah as we are able to understand and appreciate it, in mutual respect for one another and knowing that the only witness to the expression of their desires will be Allah the Exalted, who will judge them according to their deeds and their heartfelt intentions.
The question of the lawfulness of oral-genital contact is difficult because there are many opinions. For some, it is forbidden. For others, tolerated. For some it is lawful. Some consider it to be lawful as long as the couple use such contacts as foreplay and conclude their love-making with vaginal intercourse.
I believe that this is a matter to be decided by the husband and wife together after seeking the guidance of Allah, who alone knows best.
Peace to all who seek God's face.

PUBLISHERNajimudeen M

google.com/+NajimudeenM

Soul Purification, - A lesson in pain

Share::-

- - -



Michelle Al-Nasr
Allaah Almighty Says what means:"Say,'O My servants who have transgressed against themselves )by sinning(, do not despair of the Mercy of Allaah. Indeed, Allaah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.'”]Quran 39:53[
Sometimes it takes a lot to make us wake up.... to make us reset our priorities... to make us think about what really matters.
I am certainly no exception. In fact, as of late, I am a prime example.
Today I received a phone call. It was from my daughter, she had been staying with some relatives over the weekend after an emotionally exhausting previous week-long ordeal.
Her voice on the phone, quiet and unsure, asked, “Can you walk now Momma?”
My answer, thanks to Allaah, was “Yes, Alhamdulillah, I am getting around a little now.”
This past week, she witnessed what was the most fragile she had ever seen her Mom.
Laid up in bed with a back injury, I literally could not move. No pulled muscles here, this was the big-time stuff — acute herniated discs were pinching down nerves on, not one, but both sides of my body, one down my left side and another down the right, I was paralyzed for a few days.
This was a result of a botched steroid injection procedure to correct )what was originally( the pain on only my left side. I can walk now, but my right leg is numb. The pain was so intense I thought I may go into shock, and then it was turned off like a light-switch…and just went totally numb. My neurosurgeon informed me that even with surgery, it may stay that way. So now, I get around with a cane.
Everything happens for a reason and it took me some time to realize what that reason was, but it finally dawned on me during that awful and painful time.
This is a test... one of my personal life tests.
Before I go on, let me first provide a little synopsis of my life for the past few years:
I have been extremely career-driven. I started off as a business-owner with wonderful success as freelance writer and project manager that is, until the economy slowed down. Then, I found a position as a project manager for a well-respected national corporation complete with my own spacious office on the 10thfloor.
It took some time, but I gained the respect )or possibly the apprehension, not sure which( of fellow management and co-workers who thought this Muslim girl would be a push-over…but little did they know my character, Al-Hamdulillaah )praise be to Allaah(.
I have surpassed the achievements of many men at my corporate offices— accomplished goals that they were unable to do. I had, in addition to my primary responsibilities, taken over aspects of advertising and most recently had been handed a large-scale project spearheading management and developmental processes for a newly acquired retail chain.
And this was in addition to my at-home business, of primarily, freelance writing... no, I never gave that up. I do not think I could ever, not write; it has always been my first love.
A friend recently asked me in regard to my work schedule, “What are you trying to do, are you trying to prove something?”
I gave that a lot of thought because they really hit the nail on the head…yes, I was trying to prove something to someone - myself, my family and everyone on the face of the earth too, I suppose.
Yes, I can be a Muslim woman - I can dress modestly - I can wear Hijaab - I can have my Islamic values — I don’t have to shake your hand to earn respect and YES I can work in corporate environment and be successful. YES I CAN!
So, I did it. I have lived like a robot. Wake up, go to work, eat, sleep... and achieved success in my career…and lately, I realized I had become increasingly unhappy.
Because, So what?
And, right before all of my medical problems came to the surface, I recognized why.
It was because what I have been doing with my life was not fulfilling…it was not meaningful to me.
It was because I have been lacking something that is worthwhile in my life—truly worthwhile projects-—like helping someone who is needy or teaching a child to read.
My Eemaan )faith( has suffered and my heart was aching because of that emptiness.
This last episode with my back was the last straw for me it was what I needed to realize my priorities had shifted. It forced me to put into perspective everything all over again and understand how to mend my heart so it can become whole again.
The Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, once visited a young Companion who was breathing his last, and asked him how he was feeling. He replied, “O Messenger of Allaah, I am hopeful of the mercy of Allaah, and yet I am afraid of my sins.” Thereupon the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu alayhi sallam, said,“When the heart of a believers filled with these two feelings of hope and fear, Almighty Allaah fulfills his hope and saves him from what he fears.”]Ibn Maajah[
The pain was also a cleansing for me. We should never, ever forget that. Pain is not a punishment for a believer, but a cleansing.
It was narrated from Abu Sa'eed al-Khudri and Abu Hurayrah, may Allaah be pleased with them, that the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, said:“No tiredness, exhaustion, worry, grief, distress or harm befalls a believer in this world, not even a thorn that pricks him, but Allaah expiates some of his sins thereby.”]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[
Also, a hardship is not a penalty, but a chance…an opportunity.
Abu Hurayrah, may Allaah be pleased with him, narrated that the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, said:“When Allaah wants to be good to someone, He tries him with some hardship.”
Although my pain was miserable and I am sure my ordeal with it is not over, I am thankful for it; thankful that it cleared my mind and woke up my heart, my Eemaan )faith(, and shocked it into a healthy beat again.
It was a reminder to me that only Allaah can provide true happiness and contentment.
Allaah Almighty Says what means:“Is He )not best( who responds to the desperate one when he calls up on Him and removes evil?”]Quran 27:62[.
Finally, I want to share with all of you something I have always found amazing.
Honestly, sometimes, it just takes my breath away...
Since I have become a Muslim, I have had a game I guess you could call it. I would go pick up the Qur’an and just flip the pages back and forth and with no reason, without thinking of the chapter or place and just indiscriminately open it to any page. It is nothing scientific, there are no rules to it —I just randomly open it to whichever page it happens to land.
After my hectic lifestyle, then my ordeal with my back, as I sat down to write this article I realized that it had been a while since I opened up the Quran…so I ventured with my system to see where I would be taken today.
By Allaah, the following verse is what I randomly landed on:
Allaah Almighty Says what means:“O you who have believed, fear Allaah and believe in His Messenger; He will )then( give you a double portion of His mercy and make for you a light by which you will walk and forgive you; and Allaah is Forgiving and Merciful.”]Quran 57:28[
Right now, I can hardly type this through my tears. I have had to stop writing so many times...
But my tears are not tears of sadness that I may never walk as I once did, they are tears of hope because Allaah blessed me and opened my heart again. I knew my heart was so hard for so long . . . but nothing I did seemed to remedy it.
It took a hard lesson in pain to make me remember that this life is just a test.
I make Du'aa )supplication( that you too can open the Quran and find that special passage that will serve as your personal inspiration.
I make Du'aa that it will touch your heart and remind you of the Infinite Mercy of Allaah.
And, I make Du'aa that gives you the extra Eemaan that you need to endure your own life test.

PUBLISHERNajimudeen M

google.com/+NajimudeenM