When I reverted to Islam over 10 years ago, I received mixed reactions
from my friends and family. While attending my first family gathering
wearing Hijaab, I was eyed very curiously at first, but with time they
have come to accept my choice.
Now, no one even seems to notice much except for the occasional
complement on my choice of scarf. Most of my relatives accepted my new
faith kindly with respect and made efforts to accommodate me, and my
family. When holidays rolled around, my relatives would sometimes find
it difficult to purchase gifts for other children in the family while
"leaving mine out." When I patiently explained why it was important to
me that they respect my decision, they did just that. There were a
couple of times where my new faith was "challenged" )luring intense
discussions about religion, or world events, but we have all learned
to respect one another's choices and continue to love and support one
another as a family. In many ways, Islam helped me improve my family
relationships since I began taking seriously the instruction to
maintain family ties. Alhamdu Lillaah )praise be to Allaah(, it has
been a pretty easy transition.
Establishing boundaries
Even the most pleasant visit with non-family members can present
challenges and tests. Some things are easy to navigate, like avoiding
alcohol or dishes with non-halal meat at a family event. Others are
more difficult. One area that can be challenging is family gossip.
Many relatives delight in sharing family secrets when they come
together. It can be difficult to resist the urge to listen,
participate and comment about the juicy details of another's life, but
this is considered backbiting, and participating in it, is likewise
forbidden and should be avoided.
Spreading malicious gossip about others is condemned in the Quran;
Allaah Says )what means(:}… And do not spy or backbite each other.
Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead? You
would detest it. And fear Allaah; indeed, Allaah is Accepting of
repentance and Merciful.{]Quran 49:12[ If you are part of a family
whose favorite pastime is dishing on one another, you may have to get
creative when attempting to avoid this kind of activity. When you
notice that the conversation is taking a turn to gossip, try gently
steering the conversation to another topic instead.
Another challenge specific to women is the issue of Hijaab. Some
non-Muslim family members do not understand the purpose of Hijaab and
may try to discourage a Muslim relative from wearing it. Some Muslim
women recall being pressured to remove their scarves when running
simple errands, or while attending a large event with family and
friends because it was considered "embarrassing". This could be a real
conundrum for a revert who has her own struggle with the issue of
wearing Hijaab. This could be an opportunity to educate your family
about the benefits of Hijaab. Enlighten them to the fact that covering
has been an integral part of maintaining modesty in other religions as
well –including Christianity and Judaism. Ultimately, we seek to
please Allaah and have to make decisions that complement that goal.
Balancing religious obligations and family
Muslims can maintain their identity and religious obligations while
keeping family ties by beingpatient, compassionate and kind to
non-Muslim relatives even when they are critical, or negative:
Remain humble.Don't treat others as if you are superior to them. Be
polite. Accept invitations from family that are within religious
principles. This is an opportunity to strengthen family ties. Refuse
to be a part of bad behavior, or create dissention.
Be cheerful and pleasant to everyone.We all prefer the company of
someone pleasant and happy. A positive attitude is infectious. The
Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, was known for being cheerful,
smiling pleasantly to everyone. Anyone who spent time with him felt as
though he liked him or her best. Our families deserve to know that
feeling.
Show mercy to others.Allaah Says )what means(:}So by mercy from
Allaah, ]O Muhammad sallallaahu ''alayhi wa sallam[, you were lenient
with them. And if you had been rude ]in speech[ and harsh in heart,
they would have disbanded from about you. So pardon them and ask
forgiveness for them and consult them in the matter. And when you have
decided, then rely upon Allaah. Indeed, Allaah loves those who rely
]upon Him[.{]Quran 3:159[
Many Muslims with non-Muslim family members may be confronted with
challenges, but they should be considered as opportunities to grow,
increase in faith and ultimately earn the pleasure and rewards of
Allaah Almighty. When you are attempting to establish good habits and
find yourself surrounded by those whose principles are different from
yours, you must establish a delicate balance between monitoring your
own behavior, and allowing others the freedom to choose their behavior
and way of life. As long as their decisions do not directly affect
you, it may be best to let things go in the interest of maintaining
peace and harmony.
Allaah Almighty Says )what means(:}Say: O disbelievers, I worship not
what you worship, nor will you worship that which I worship. And I
shall not worship that which you are worshipping. Nor will you worship
that which I worship. To you be your religion, and to me my
religion.{]Quran 109:1-6[
For reverts, accepting Islam can be an exciting experience filled with
lots of change. Many new Muslims often place lots of pressure on
themselves to do everything "right," and may make drastic changes in
their lives. Some of these decisions may be necessary, but it is a
good idea to remember that Islam calls for moderation in all things.
Islam has turned many wayward lives around, bringing an end to
lifestyles that included drinking, drugs, promiscuity and even
criminal activity. Even though you may never hear it directly, some
non-Muslim families may be so impressed by the positive behavior of a
Muslim family member, that they may start holding a much higher regard
for Islam. We should always strive to exemplify the positive
characteristics of our faith. We have an opportunity to show our
non-Muslim family members the true, compassionate representation of a
Muslim. So give others the freedom to see the benefit of Islam for
themselves. Make time to visit and keep in touch with relatives.They
are the people closest to us in this life, and can be our greatest
allies and support.
'' Our Lord ! grant us good in this world and good in the hereafter and save us from the torment of the Fire '' [Ameen]
-
{in Arab} :->
Rabbanaa aatinaa fid-dunyaa hasanatan wafil aakhirati hasanatan waqinaa 'athaaban-naar/-
(Surah Al-Baqarah ,verse 201)
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