Sex in Islam, - Dealing With Premature Release

In my line of work, I often get asked by people what my most
frequently asked question is. This is easy -- it is by far "How do I
solve my premature ejaculation problems?" This week, we will look at
ways to cure this problem that plagues many men.
According to University of Chicago sociologist Edward Laumann, lead
author of a comprehensive new US sex study, 31% of men and 43% of
women suffer from some form of sexual dysfunction.
The study, published last year in the Journal of the American Medical
Association, was based on data from the 1992 National Health and
Social Life Survey, a collection of interviews with 1,749 women and
1,410 men aged 18 to 59.
One-third of men said they had recurring problems with climaxing too
early, 14 percent said they had no interest in sex and 8 percent said
they regularly experienced no pleasure from sex.
Women, on the other hand, were a different story. A third said they
regularly didn't want sex, 26 percent said they regularly didn't reach
orgasm and 23 percent said sex was not pleasurable.
Same Causes
In both sexes, these problems were attributed to emotional and stress
problems including poor health, poor quality of life and prior
traumatic sexual experiences.
Although premature ejaculation is the most common sexual dysfunction,
it is very difficult for men to discuss. A man who can't get it up or
keep it up, understandably feels like less of a man. However, it
should not be this way. If more men were willing to talk about their
problem, it would be easier to accept, knowing that they are not
alone.
Often, men are not sure what is considered premature ejaculation. The
average male takes less than 3 minutes from the time of insertion till
he ejaculates.
According to the technical definition, it is ejaculation that occurs
prior to when a man wishes, or too quickly during intercourse to
satisfy the partner. This usually leads to the loss of a usable
erection for the simple reason that their discharge has temporarily
released a state of elevated sexual tension.
Although the complaint is usually stated in terms of time, this is
because it is the only way to measure and compare. The issue, however,
is really about control of the ejaculatory process and releasing when
you feel ready. Men are usually more upset about the lack of a vote or
influence over when they ejaculate.
One man might feel proud to last ten minutes, while this may be too
short for another. Like the saying goes,one man's trash is another
man's treasure.
Learned Behavior
From the point of view of reproduction, early release is not a major
problem. Lasting longer in bed serves no known genetic function. It is
something that we must learn to do, as opposed to being innate.
First, one must understand what is happening to his body when he
ejaculates. Orgasm consists of two stages. The first begins with the
prostate gland, which encircles the urethra like a tiny donut above
the base of the penis. This contracts and releases its fluids, along
with the contents of the seminal vesicle, into the urethra.
The second phase occurs when the pelvic muscle contracts strongly
around the bulb, forcing the fluid out under considerable pressure.
Men should be aware that it is possible to ejaculate without having an
orgasm and vice versa.
Therapy Helps
The good news is that this is a problem that is highly curable,
providing the man is willing to get help and invest the time and
effort needed. It is believed that 80-90% of men are able to learn
better control through therapy.
The first step to lasting longer is to become familiar with one's
self. Be comfortable with your body, its sensations and the feelings
leading up to orgasm. You should learn and be able to predict when the
orgasm will occur. This will prevent it from creeping up on you and
taking you by surprise. This will also help you do what is necessary
to prevent you from reaching that "point of no return."
The "stop and start" method involves bringing yourself just before the
point of no return, and stopping all movement before it is too late.
When the urgency to ejaculate subsides, start thrusting again, and
repeat several times.
This can also be practiced using your partner's hand, mouth or even by
yourself. It may require some trial and error, as you may pass that
point accidentally.
Breathe In, Breathe Out
Many people are not aware of it, but proper breathing can help develop
ejaculatory control. This is because taking a few deep breaths can
help you relax and calm the arousal and tension that leads to quick
ejaculations. Practice deep, easy, relaxed breathing and relax your
entire body.
Communication is another key to long-lasting sex. Let your partner
know when you are getting close and what you can and cannot handle.
This will involve the use of actual words, since non-verbal cues are
easily misunderstood. "Stop," "Hold it," "Start," and "More," are
obvious choices and anything else that's short and clear, is
acceptable.
Other causes of premature ejaculation are anxiety, fear or discomfort
with your partner. Premature ejaculation is less likely to occur if
the couple knows each other well; feels comfortable with one another;
both partners are consenting; in a comfortable, relaxed and private
setting; and after contraception issues have been discussed.
Many men can also last longer the second time around, so perhaps this
can be incorporated into your love-making. If round one is short,
please her with some extended foreplay using your mouth, or with an
erotic massage during half-time until your soldier is ready for battle
once again.
Dream Cream
Desensitizing creams lessen the sensations felt by men during
intercourse so that they can last longer. The problem that many men
feel is that these creams make intercourse less pleasurable due to the
decreased stimulation.
Condoms reduce the amount of stimulation experienced during sex. Many
men find that a condom makes them last longer because of the decreased
stimulation. As you all know, condoms provide the best protection
against STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) and pregnancy, so they
have added benefits.
The position of lovemaking may also affect a man's ability to last in
bed. The 'missionary' position, with the man on top, is not the best
position while attempting to control ejaculation. All men, however,
are different and some men find it harder to hold themselves when
their partner is in control.
Experiment and vary the positions according to what allows you to
control yourself better.
Pump It Up!
Finally, strong, well developed pelvic muscles will allow you better
control and make you more aware of what is happening in your nether
regions. Pelvic floor muscles are the ones used to stop and start
urination. Hold the muscles for three seconds, relax for three
seconds, and repeat ten times.
You can do this at anytime and in anyplace. Eventually, you should be
able to work your way up to 100 ten-second contractions per day.
Premature ejaculation can be easily countered with patience, effort
and knowledge. Informing yourself is the first step, and once you know
about the problem, you are halfway there. Overcoming the mental and
physical aspects of this problems are also much easier if both
partners are involved, aware of the situation and open to discuss it.
Once again, communication will be your strongest asset. Good luck to
you all, and the questions and answers will return next week.

Sex in Islam, - Dealing With Impotence: I Just Can't Get It Up!

Dinner was delicious, kissing was malicious, her scent was inviting,
and the foreplay was exciting. But when it came time to show her who
the man was, the little soldier stayed in hiding.
There comes a time in a man's life where he must face up to the fact
that his best friend will let him down. This is probably the time in a
man's life where his self-esteem is most vulnerable.
Impotence
When just a single incident occurs, the best thing to do is forget
about it. There is no reason for a man to worry about something that
almost all men experience a few times in their lives.
Problems arise when this difficulty starts occurring regularly. Men
afflicted with repeated impotence tend to be middle-aged and older,
with a condition most common in men 60 years of age and older.
Regardless of the age, many men who have this problem can be treated
successfully.
Causes of dysfunction
Impotence results from a wide variety of problems. As with any other
ailment, when a person begins having this problem repeatedly, he needs
to see a doctor. The doctor will want to rule out the possibility of
disease, injury, or side effects from medicine.
There are two basic causes of impotence:
*.Effects related to physically related diseases (Drugs and Diabetes).
*.Psychological
It is estimated that 50-60% of diabetic men have erectile dysfunction.
For diabetics, attention must be paid to a diabetic neuropathy - the
loss of vibratory sensations of the lower extremities.
Bladder dysfunction is correlated with erectile dysfunction.
Parkinson's disease and temporal lobe abnormalities are contributing
factors too. Men suffering from stroke and alcoholism are at very high
risk because of damage to the testicles in chronic alcoholism and the
loss of testosterone.
Aging is a tremendous factor in erectile dysfunction, often related to
a decrease in male hormones. Chronic renal insufficiency is another
potential cause. Many drugs used to treat high blood pressure that
comes with chronic renal insufficiency can cause erectile dysfunction,
and many drugs by themselves cause it.
Recreational drugs are a major cause of erection problems. The number
one drug is tobacco. Experiments show that even two cigarettes will
markedly decrease the blood flow to the penis if smoked before sex.
Marijuana and alcohol are also big causes of erection problems.
Prescription drugs are also a big culprit, especially those used for
treatment of high blood pressure. The major problem drugs include:
*.Estrogen: for men with prostate cancer.
*.Antiandrogens (flutamide): for men with prostate cancer.
*.Lupron: prostate cancer drug.
*.Proscar: for men with enlarged prostates, can decrease the volume of
ejaculate.
*.Diuretics: for men with heart disease and hypertension.
*.Methyldopa: older treatment for blood pressure.
*.Beta blockers: for heart disease and hypertension.
*.Calcium Channel Blockers: new treatments for hypertension.
*.Tranquilizers.
*.Decongestants.
*.Seizure Medications.
*.Drugs to lower Cholesterol.
*.Cimetidine: a drug for ulcers.
*.Digoxin- a drug for heart failure.
Note:DO NOT DISCONTINUE use of prescription drugs without first
verifying with your doctor.
Treatment options
Today's medical advancements have allowed successful treatments of
impotence through a variety of alternatives. A man and his partner no
longer have to deal with the void of sexual displeasures. A man that
suffers from repetitive erection loss should consult a specialist.
In general, the specialist will conduct a physical examination and
laboratory investigation. This will allow him to get a good handle on
the diagnosis, at which point he will proceed to explore the various
treatment options. The question is how should a man with erectile
dysfunction be treated in an era of vacuum pumps, penile injections,
medications and prostheses? You should consult your doctor for advice
on which treatment is best for you.
The treatment options should be specific towards the patient, his
partner, and what he wants to do about it. There are a couple of
factors that are considered when recommending a treatment. Some of
them are:
*.The patient's age.
*.The total health status.
*.Does the patient have good functioning of his lower and upper extremities?
*.Does this patient have numerous sexual partners?
*.Is the patient's partner involved in the decision making process?
*.What are the goals of the therapy?
Finding a specialist
The best way to find an impotence specialist is to look for a board
certified Urologist with an interest or additional training in
impotence. Usually, after identifying a Urologist in your area, a call
to the office will help you decide if the physician has the interest
and compassion to treat the problem.
It is important that you feel comfortable and trust your Urologist, so
don't be intimidated to ask to speak to the doctor to see if the "fit"
is right. Always ask about credentials and if the physician regularly
attends conferences to keep up on the changes. Usually, a physician
who is involved in clinical research is on the cutting edge. Here are
a couple of resources:
*.(Readers in the USA can call) Impotence Anonymous and I-ANON. Call
1-800-669-1603 for information on local support groups. Call
1-800-867-7042 for names of physicians in your area who have a special
interest in treating impotence.
*.In general, the local hospital or clinic will have a listing of the
support groups that can best provide the right sources to help the
individual suffering from impotence.
a little tip...
If your woman gives you the third degree for your erectile
dysfunction, play reverse psychology and ask her, "Why can't you get
it up for me?". Switching the roles will allow her to understand how
it feels to have her self-esteem attacked. Don't be condescending in
the process, but let her understand how you feel.

Sex in Islam, - Is Family Planning Allowed in Islam?

The question of family planning and birth control was discussed in
detail by the Majma al-Fiqh al-Islaami. They had twenty three scholars
research this topic and present their findings on this matter. The
participants involved represented many different trends and schools of
thought. Among the participants were Muhammad Ali al-Baar, Ali
al-Saaloos, Muhammad Saeed Ramadhan al-Booti, Abdullah al-Basaam,
Hasan Hathoot and Muhammad Sayid Tantaawi. Their proceedings, papers
and discussions may be found in Part One of the Fifth Volume of
Majallah Majma al-Fiqh al-Islaami (1988/1409 A.H.). These proceedings
are 748 pages all about the question of birth control and related
issues.
The following are important points related to the issue of birth
control in Islam. These were mentioned by some of the participants in
the above program:
The institution of marriage and the want to have children was the
custom of the best of creation, the prophets and messengers chosen by
Allah. Allah says about them
"And indeed We sent messengers before you and made for them wives and offspring"
(al-Raad 38)
The best example for the believers is the example of the prophet
Muhammad (saw), who married and had children. These prophets and
messengers are the people whom Muslims should look to emulate. Allah
says
"They are those whom Allah has guided. So follow their guidance"(al-Anaam 90)
They should be emulated and not the disbelievers of the West, whose
new lifestyles - mostly out of concern for enjoying this life or
obtaining as many worldly goods as possible - discourage women from
having more children.
Islam has forbidden celibacy, monasticism and castration for such
purposes. The prophet (saw) made this clear when he told those
companions who were considering acetic forms of life:"I pray and I
sleep; I fast and I break my fast; and I marry women. Whoever turns
away from my way of life is not from me."
The prophet (saw) not only encouraged marriage but he encouraged
marrying those women who are child-bearing. He stated:"marry the
loving, child-bearing women for I shall have the largest numbers among
the prophets on the day of Resurrection."(Recorded by Ahmad and ibn
Hibban.)
From the Islamic perspective, children are a gift and a blessing from
Allah. Allah mentions some of the bounties that He has bestowed upon
mankind in the following verse:"And Allah has made for you spouses of
your own kind and has made for you, from your wives, sons and
grandsons, and has bestowed upon you good provisions."(al-Nahl 72)
Allah also said:"Wealth and children are the adornment of the life of
this world."(al-Kahf 46)
The only true provider for all mankind is Allah. If Muslims follow
what Allah has prescribed for them, Allah will provide for them. Allah
has warned about killing one's children out of fear of poverty for
either parents or the child. Allah says:"Kill not your children
because of poverty - We provide sustenance for you and for
them"(al-Anaam 151)
Allah also says:"And kill not your children for fear of poverty. We
shall provide for them as well as for you. Surely, the killing of them
is a great sin"(al-Isra 31)
Hence, Muslims should never abort or kill their children out of fear
of poverty. It is Allah who provides for them.
Based on the above points and numerous others, the scholars who
participated in the research on this question came up with the
following resolution:
*.It is not allowed to enact a general law that limits the freedom of
spouses in having children.
*.It is forbidden to "permanently" end a man's or a woman's ability to
produce children, such as by having a hysterectomy or vasectomy, as
long as that is not called for by circumstances of necessity according
to its Islamic framework.
*.It is permissible to control the timing of births with the intent of
distancing the occurrences of pregnancy or to delay it for a specific
amount of time, if there is some Shariah need for that in the opinion
of the spouses, based on mutual consultation and agreement between
them. However, this is conditioned by that not leading to any harm, by
it being done by means that are approved in the Shariah and that it
not do anything to oppose a current and existing pregnancy.

Fathwa, - How to protect my reputation when people know Im not a virgin

Question:
I have had sex in the past, and I am aware that it was a sin. My
intention is to now wait until I am married before engaging in
intercourse again, but people are already aware that I am not a
virgin. Is there anything I can I can do to redeem my reputation from
an Islamic perspective, as I am worried that potentially marriageable
prospects will not consider me due to my past.
Answer:
In the name of Allah Most Merciful Most Compassionate
I pray you are well and in the best of health and iman.
You should make a sincere tawba and when the time is right Allah can
send you someone that your past won't matter to, only who you are
today and what you want to be tomorrow. So ask Allah for a righteous
husband and pray the Prayer of Need everyday until He does.
And Allah alone gives success.