Women site, - Compatibility between Spouses – I

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What does it mean?
Compatibility amounts to equality and similarity. In aHadeeth)Prophetic narration(, the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:"Muslims are equal in their inviolability of life."]Abu Daawood[
Compatibility in marriage means equality and closeness between the spouses in terms of religiosity and morality, as well as social and financial aspects. Compatibility between the spouses certainly contributes to the success of their marriage, whereas lack of compatibility causes a sort of aversion and leads to separation and discord.
Compatibility includes:
Compatibility in religion: It is considered the foundation of a marriage, and it even constitutes a condition for its validity, according to the unanimous agreement of scholars. Therefore, it is not permissible for a woman to marry a non-Muslim by consensus. A guardian should not give a righteous woman, who is in his charge, in marriage to a Muslim, yet corrupt man. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}Wicked women )are( for wicked men, and wicked men )are( for wicked women; and good women )are( for good men, and good men )are( for good women.{]Quran 24:26[
Though this condition is not a requisite for the validity of the marriage contract, it is very important to consider it. Sometimes the guardian of the woman gives her in marriage to a wicked man and prefers him to a religious man because the wicked man is wealthy or has a high position. The wicked man may work in unlawful jobs, turning away from obedience to Allaah The Almighty and neglecting His Orders. Such guardians will be held accountable before Allaah The Almighty for destroying their daughters.
It was narrated on the authority of Anas, may Allaah be pleased with him, that the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:"Allaah will ask every caretaker about everything that was entrusted to him, whether he preserved it or wasted it, and He will ask the man about his family."]Ibn Hibbaan[
InBidaayatul-Mujtahid wa Niyaayatul-Muqtasid, Ibn Rushd, may Allaah Have mercy upon him, said,"The Maaliki School of Fiqh states that when the father gives his virgin daughter in marriage to a man who consumes intoxicants )liquor( or a wicked man in general, the daughter has the right to prevent him from establishing conjugal relations with her. In such instances, the judge should investigate the case and separate them. The same ruling applies to the woman whose father gave her in marriage to a man whose money is ill-gotten or who frequently swears by divorce."
Compatibility in family background: the majority of scholars take this type of compatibility into consideration, with the exception of Imaam Maalik, may Allaah have mercy upon him.
Compatibility in wealth: Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}Men are in charge of women by ]right of[ what Allaah has given one over the other and what they spend ]for maintenance[ from their wealth.{]Quran 4:34[ This is considered by both the Hanafi and Hanbali scholars as well as in one opinion of the Shaafi‘i scholars.
Compatibility in freedom: Both the Hanafi and Hanbali scholars considered compatibility in freedom, with the exception of Imaam Maalik, may Allaah have mercy upon him.
Compatibility in work and profession: This is considered by the Hanafi, Shaafi‘i and Hanbali scholars.
Freedom from defects )intolerable defects(: This is considered by the Maaliki and Shaafi‘i scholars as well as Ibn ‘Aqeel, may Allaah have mercy upon him, from the Hanbali scholars.
However, there is a question in this regard: Is compatibility a condition for the validity of marriage? Scholars hold two opinions in this matter.
First:Compatibility is not a condition for the validity of marriage. This is the preponderant opinion, which represents the opinion of the majority of scholars, including Abu Haneefah, Maalik, Ash-Shaafi‘i and Ahmad, may Allaah have mercy upon them, in one of his two opinions. This was also reported on the authority of ‘Umar and Ibn Mas‘ood, may Allaah be pleased with them.
The following is evidence that supports this:
·The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, gave Zaynab bint Jahsh, may Allaah be pleased with her, )who was from the Banu Asad, which was one of the noblest Arab sub-tribes( to Zayd ibn Haarithah, may Allaah be pleased with him )who was an ex-slave(. The story was mentioned in the Quran. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And ]remember, O Muhammad[, when you said to the one on whom Allaah bestowed favor and you bestowed favor, "Keep your wife and fear Allaah," while you concealed within yourself that which Allaah Is to disclose. And you feared the people, while Allaah has more right that you fear Him. So when Zayd had no longer any need for her, We married her to you.{]Quran 33:37[
·The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, )who was from the Banu Haashim( gave his two daughters in marriage to ‘Uthmaan ibn ‘Affaan, may Allaah be pleased with him, )who was from the Quraysh. The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“Allaah selected Kinaanah from the sons of Ismaa’eel, and selected Quraysh from Kinaanah, and selected Banu Haashim from the Quraysh and He selected me from Banu Haashim."]Muslim[ Thus, the one who is from the Banu Haashim is higher in lineage than the one who is from the Quraysh. Nonetheless, the marriage was concluded and became valid.
·The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, gave Faatimah bint Qays, may Allaah be pleased with her, )who was from the Quraysh( to Usaamah ibn Zayd, may Allaah be pleased with him, )who was an ex-slave(. When Faatimah, may Allaah be pleased with her, came to consult the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam,about her proposals of marriage from Mu‘aawiyah and Abu Jahm, the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“As for Mu’aawiyah he is a poor man and has no property, while Abu Jahm does not put down his cane from his shoulder )i.e. frequently beats his wives(. So, marry Usaamah.”]Muslim[
·Boasting of family backgrounds is a bad habit of the pre-Islamic era. It was narrated on the authority of Abu Maalik Al-Ash‘ari, may Allaah be pleased with him, that the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:"My Ummah has four characteristics that belong to the pre-Islamic era, which they will not abandon: boasting of noble ancestries, vilifying other peoples' genealogies, seeking rain by stars and wailing."]Muslim[
·Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And marry the unmarried among you and the righteous among your male slaves and female slaves. If they should be poor, Allaah will enrich them from His bounty, and Allaah is All-Encompassing and Knowing.{]Quran 24:32[ Poverty at the time of marriage does not hinder the marriage because it is probable that money will be gained in the future.
·Abu Sa‘eed, may Allaah be pleased with him, said that Zaynab, the wife of Ibn Mas‘ood, may Allaah be pleased with them, said:"O Prophet of Allaah! Today you ordered people to give charity and I had an ornament and intended to give it as charity, but Ibn Mas‘ood said that he and his children deserved it more than anybody else.’ The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, replied:‘Ibn Mas‘ood spoke the truth. Your husband and your children have more right to it than anybody else.’"]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[ This indicates that she was wealthier than Ibn Mas‘ood, may Allaah be pleased with him. Allaah knows best. Besides, the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, concluded the marriage of a poor man, who had only hisIzaar)lower garment(, to the woman who offered herself to the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. Moreover, Bilaal, may Allaah be pleased with him, married the sister of ‘Abdul-Rahmaan ibn ‘Awf, may Allaah be pleased with him.
·Abu Hurayrah, may Allaah be pleased with him, said,"Abu Hind cupped the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, in the middle of his head. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:'O Banu Bayaadhah, marry Abu Hind )to your daughters(, and ask him to marry )his daughters( to you. '"Abu Hind was an ex-slave of the Banu Bayaadhah, not from them, and was working as a cupper. Cupping was considered the most menial profession at that time.
·‘Aa’ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, said,"I paid the price of Bareerah's manumission, but her family put the condition that her inheritance would be for them. She mentioned this to the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and he gave her the choice to leave or remain with her husband. Bareerah said, ‘Even if he gave me such-and-such )money(, I would not stay with him."]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[ In another narration on the authority of Ibn ‘Abbaas, may Allaah be pleased with him, the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:"Why do you not return to him?"She said,"O Messenger of Allaah! Do you order me to do so?"He said:"No, I only intercede for him."She said, "I do not want him."]Al-Bukhaari[ The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would not intercede to ask her to return to her slave husband unless the marriage was valid.
This is the first opinion with the proofs that compatibility is not a condition for the validity of marriage.
Second: Compatibility is a condition for the validity of marriage )the less preponderant opinion(, which represents the view of Imaam Ahmad, may Allaah have mercy upon him, in his well-known opinion, Ath-Thawri, may Allaah have mercy upon him, and some Hanafi scholars. They mentioned a list of proofs most of which are not authentic. Even the authentic proofs do not explicitly stipulate compatibility, nor do they overcome the texts mentioned above.
After a deep study of the case, Islam does not stipulate compatibility between the spouses except in terms of religion and morals. Also, compatibility requires that the spouses are free from defects which hinder the fulfillment of the purposes of marriage in Islam, such as, when the husband is impotent or abstains from intercourse with women or is bisexual. Therefore, Islam did not stipulate compatibility in family background, as we mentioned earlier.
Moreover, the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, married Safiyyah bint Huyayy, may Allaah be pleased with her, who was a Jew, and married Juwayriyyah bint Al-Haarith, may Allaah be pleased with her, while her family members were polytheists. The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, gave his daughter Zaynab, may Allaah be pleased with her, in marriage to Abu Al-‘Aas ibn Ar-Rabee‘, may Allaah be pleased with him, and Al-Hasan ibn ‘Ali, may Allaah be pleased with him, married a non-Arab woman from Persia who gave birth to his son ‘Ali Zayn Al-‘Aabideen, may Allaah have mercy upon him.

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Women site, - Make-up of a successful wife – III

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She can be grateful:
Each of us likes to be told that we are doing a good job. This is also important in a marriage. We should always tell or show our husbands that we sincerely appreciate all of their efforts. Allaah has charged them with providing for their wives and families. This job is not easy. Everyday they meet challenges and problems and they keep trying to improve and contribute for the sake of their families. Because most of us don't see their struggles all day, every day, we should regularly take time to show them that we appreciate that they work hard to overcome obstacles in order to support us.
She is beautiful:
When we marry, we come to our husbands as a precious gift. Our beauty will draw them closer to us and keep him from entertaining thoughts of other women. We must understand the significance of our physical appearance on the only Halaal intimate relationship we can experience. We must do all that we can to maintain our physical appearance as if it were a precious gift. We should consider that our husband may be looking forward to seeing us when he returns from work. We should not neglect our hair, and clothing so that our appearance is displeasing. We should take time on occasion to present ourselves in a special way to refresh his attraction to us.
Ibn `Abbaas, may Allaah be pleased with him, said: "Shall I show you a woman of Paradise? I said: `Yes.' He said: `This black lady came to the Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam, and said: `I get attacks of epilepsy and my body becomes uncovered; please invoke Allaah for me.' The Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam, said to her:“If you wish, you can be patient and enter Paradise; and if you wish, I will invoke Allaah to cure you: She said: `I will be patient,' and added, `but my body becomes uncovered so please invoke Allaah for me that I may not become uncovered.' So he invoked Allaah for her."']Al-Bukhaari[
In addition, we should show great respect for how modest, dignified and self respecting the female companions were. They used to go to great lengths to ensure that their bodies never became exposed in the presence of strangers and that their feminine charms were never put on display. Dear sisters, if we are to be pious wives then we must be as concerned about concealing our beauty as our pious female predecessors. Modesty is a part of Eemaan )faith( - it isn't just the clothes we wear, rather it must be a part of our natural disposition to go out of our way to conceal ourselves in public. We must really and truly desire to reserve our beauty for our husbands, we must train ourselves to be as shy, dignified, self-respecting and modest as the female companions of Muhammad, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam.
She is a good mother
Ibn 'Umar, may Allaah be pleased with them, related that the Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam, said:"Every one of you is a protector and guardian of his immediate charge and is responsible for the action of those persons who are committed to his charge. A ruler is also a steward )and is accountable for those who are put under his charge( a man is steward in respect of his family members of his house, a woman is a steward in respect of her husband's house and his children. In short, every one of you is a steward and is accountable for those who are placed under his care."]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[
While a wife is subordinate to her husband, she must maintain a leadership role as a mother. It is through her daily example that their children will embrace Islam and follow it by choice. The mother's responsibilities are unending. She must educate her children on everything including praying, language, table manners, and appropriate social behavior just to name a few. She should coordinate activities within the household, always emulating an Islamic lifestyle and perspective. Her children will be able to read and learn about Islam from many other sources, but if they do not see their mother practicing the same, they will not have the same strength of their religion as they would if she were.
Islam allows a woman to work outside of her home under certain conditions. Her primary role and responsibility is as a wife and mother-the role she was created to fill, the position for which she is best suited and therefore, most likely to excel. It must be the primary concern of every married Muslim woman to ensure that the rights of her husband and family are fulfilled before pursuing other aspirations. It is the husband's right to be well taken care of by his wife, and the children's right that their mother provides a pious example for them and a foundation of Islamic education. She must never allow other activities to become more important than these primary responsibilities. Islam certainly needs female doctors, nurses, educators, etc. But, what Islam needs most of all, is pious wives and mothers- women
Because we live in a predominantly non-Muslim society, the average workplace is full of potentially undesirable situations, and therefore a woman is discouraged from working if she is married, has children, and her husband's income sufficiently provides the necessities of life. If the family's financial situation does not dictate that she must work, it would be better for her, her husband, and her children, if she did not work outside the home.
A job no less than Jihaad:
Allaah Almighty Says what means: }Invite ]mankind[ to the Way of your Lord with wisdom and fair preaching, and argue with them in a way that is better. Truly, your Lord Knows best who has gone astray from His Path and He is the Best Aware of those who are guided. And if you punish ]your enemy[, then punish them with the like of that with which you were afflicted! But if you endure patiently, verily, it is better for the patient. And endure you patiently, your patience is not but from Allaah. And grieve not over them and be not distressed because of what they plot. Truly, Allaah is with those who fear Him, keep their duty unto Him, and those who are doers of good for Allaah's sake alone.{ ]Quran 16:125-128[
It is not easy to fulfill Allaah's requirements consistently. This life is filled with obstacles, injustice and temptations. We have the tools we need to succeed, we must fill our hearts with determination and live to please Allaah above anything else. Remember, everything that we experience was intended by Allaah. }Your wealth and your children are only a trial, whereas with Allaah is a great reward.{ ]Quran 64:15[ He has promised us that he will not cause us to endure any hardship that is beyond our means.
The Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam, said:"On the Day of Judgment, Allaah, the most High, will ask: ‘Where are those persons who love each other for the sake of My pleasure? This Day I am going to shelter them in the shade provided by Me. Today there is no shade except My shade.'"]Muslim[
Tools for problem-solving
Enlist help:
We all see that we could have done things differently if we had only known then what we know now. We can enlist the help of happily married Muslim couples who have withstood the test of time. It seems that they have discovered how to best deal with adverse conditions. Many times they are willing to give friendly advice on problem-solving techniques.
Overlook faults:
Allaah Almighty Says what means: }And be quick for forgiveness from your Lord, and for Paradise as wide as are the heavens and the Earth, prepared for the pious. Those who spend ]in Allaah's cause[ in prosperity and in adversity, who repress anger, and who pardon men; verily, Allaah loves doers of good for His sake alone.{ ]Quran 3:133-134[
Imagine a perfect world where no-one hurts any-one's feelings, people stay within bounds and there is no traffic. Guess what, it's not in this life. The best part about being able to overlook others faults is that they will be more likely to overlook yours. People always remember the person who insisted to the end that they were right. We should always be willing to forgive as each of us has strengths and weaknesses and thereby make mistakes.
Patience:
Allaah Almighty Says what means: }And obey Allaah and His Messenger, and do not dispute )with one another( lest you lose courage and your strength depart, and be patient. Surely Allaah is with those who are patient.{ ]Quran 8:46[
One rule of parenting is that as soon as a child's annoying habit has lasted so long you think you will die to live with it another day, it disappears. Also, one of the most common things we would choose to change about past behaviors is to be more patient. We can clearly see that a given problem would have worked itself out.
Many times people need something inside their control to happen in order realize that they are in error. When we exhibit patience, we allow people to come to their own conclusions over time, enabling them to recognize it sooner in the future. Also, we avoid the risk of making a situation worse. Allaah controls everything and we should offer advice.

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Dought & clear, - Is it permissible for people to call themselves “Ahl al-Hadeeth”

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I live in India and I embraced Islam in 2008 CE; I used to be Roman Catholic. I always go to the mosque now, and it is a mosque belonging to Ahl al-Hadeeth. The people in my neighbourhood call thselves Ahl al-Hadeeth more than they call themselves Muslims. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said that the group among his ummah who will enter Paradise is the one that follows Qur’an and Sunnah. I hope that you can tell me whether it is permissible to describe ourselves as Ahl al-Hadeeth or as Muslims?
Praise be to Allah
Firstly:
We are very happy to hear that you have become Muslim and that you always pray in congregation in the mosque. We ask Allah, may He be exalted, to increase you in guidance and steadfastness.
Secondly:
There is no reason why a group of Muslims should not call themselves Ahl as-Sunnah or Ahl al-Hadeeth, or any other names that are indicative of a Muslim’s sound methodology and following the Qur’an and Sunnah, so as to distinguish themselves from others who follow innovation. There is no doubt that the name Muslim is a good name, but… Unfortunately the Muslims have divided into various groups, so that one may be Sufi, another may be Shi‘i, and another may be”rational”.
Indeed, there are some who claim to belong to Islam but they are not Muslims, such as the Baha’is and Barelvis.
If a Muslim describes himself as belonging to Ahl al-Hadeeth, that means that he is disassociating himself from these groups and declaring that he belongs to Ahl as-Sunnah wa’l-Jamaa‘ah.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
There is no shame in declaring oneself to be a follower of the salaf, belonging to it and feeling proud of it; rather that must be accepted from him, according to scholarly consensus. The madhhab of the salaf cannot be anything but true. If a person adheres to it inwardly and outwardly, then he is like the believer who is following truth inwardly and outwardly. If he adheres to it outwardly only, and not inwardly, then he is like the hypocrite; he is to be accepted as he appears to be, and what is hidden in his heart is left to Allah (to judge), because we are not instructed to check on what is in people’s hearts.
End quote fromMajmoo‘ al-Fataawa, 1/149
Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan (may Allah preserve him) said:
Calling oneself Salafi, if it is true, is fine and there is nothing wrong with it. But if it is a mere claim, then it is not permissible to call oneself a Salafi when one is not following the way of the salaf.
End quote fromal-Ajwabah al-Mufeedah ‘ala As’ilah al-Manaahij al-Jadeedah, p. 13
It should be noted that calling themselves Ahl al-Hadeeth does not mean that they do not follow the Qur’an. Perhaps this is the reason why you are confused. Rather Ahl al-Hadeeth are those who follow both the Qur’an and hadeeth; they are the ones who adhere to the guidance of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and they are the ones who follow the Companions of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) sincerely. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And the first to embrace Islam of the Muhajiroon (those who migrated from Makkah to Al-Madinah) and the Ansaar (the citizens of Al-Madinah who helped and gave aid to the Muhajiroon) and also those who followed them exactly (in Faith). Allah is well-pleased with them as they are well-pleased with Him. He has prepared for them Gardens under which rivers flow (Paradise), to dwell therein forever. That is the supreme success”
[at-Tawbah 9:100].
Thirdly:
Allah has bestowed upon you another great blessing after guiding you to Islam, which is that you live among Ahl al-Hadeeth, Ahl as-Sunnah wa’l-Jamaa‘ah. So strive to stay close to them, follow their example and adhere to their way.
See the answer to question no. 159436for a brief discussion on Jamaa‘at Ahl al-Hadeeth in India, so that you will be more keen to stay close to them.And Allah knows best.

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