Allaah The Almighty mentioned in His Book that one of the
characteristics of the faithful believers is their refraining from
committing whatis unlawful. He Says (what means): {…And they who guard
their private parts except from their wives or those their right hands
possess, for indeed, they will not be blamed.} [Quran 23:5-6] No
doubt, a chaste noble father begets chaste noble children like him.
Let the youth remember that the most precious wedding gift is chastity
prior and concomitant to marriage, along with sincerity to the spouse
afterwards.
Although some fathers during their youth were not chaste, they now
truly aspire and sincerely wish that their children would be saved
from immorality in this age of the AIDS epidemic.
So, parents should be a good model of chastity for their children, and
should not forget to clarify that in chastity, there is a promise of
happiness for those who have maintained their purityand controlled
their desires until they got married.
Of a surety, your comments on what they see in TV programs and serials
or read in books and articles should be studied, placing emphasis,
without ostentation, on the beauty of modesty and reverence for
religious commitment, and the outcomes of adherence to praiseworthy
manners, wherewith man, first, obtains thegood pleasure of Allaah The
Almighty, and, second, maintains his health, and becomes happy inthis
world and the Hereafter.
The rein of chastity is not intended to destroy man's freedom, as
alleged by those whofollow their whims. Nay! It is rather a tool to
benefit from, anddirect it for the good of people. In the absence of
the rein of chastity, it is, most likely, that theinstinct which is
lurking in the human depths, may be unleashedat any moment until it
ruins him and others along with him.
· Fulfillment of commitment
Always remind your child of the Quranic principle referred to by the
statement of Allaah The Almighty (what means): {…And fulfill [every]
commitment. Indeed, the commitment is ever [that about which one will
be] questioned.} [Quran 17:34]
Assure yourself as well as others, that you always fulfill your
promise and thus, are reliable. If you like to be worthy of others'
confidence, start with the simplest things: be exact in your
statements: tell a friend, for instance, that you would visit him at 7
pm, instead of the unspecified statement that you would pay him a
visit in the evening.
Tell your child that you would go no matter how busy you are because
you want to be with him while delivering his speech in the morning at
school; and thus, the children would keep their promises.
· Respect
The Messenger of Allaah, , said: "He is not one of my Ummah(nation),
who does not respect the old among us, nor have mercy upon the young
among us,nor estimate the right of the learned among us."
If we want to make our children respect others, we should first treat
them with respect, and make them feel that they are respected.
Unfortunately, a lot of fathers treat their children as objects and
not people, under the pretext that as long as the young are still
young, let them remain young. A father may say, for instance, "I told
you to do such and such a thing; and I am your father: do you
understand?"
Teach your child that respect is to behave politely, talk gently, and
hasten to obtain the contentment of the people after the good pleasure
of Allaah The Almighty.
I- Affection
It is due on you, O father, to clarify to your child that your
displeasure with his bad mannersdoes not affect your love for him.
Assure your children, again and again, and on every occasion, that you
love them all unconditionally. But this should not prevent you from
punishing anyone of them who deviates (from the right course),
neglects (his duties) and harms others, keeping in mind that punishing
him is intended to depreciate his disgraceful act but not to degrade
his person or indicate that you do not love him.
j- Favoring others over oneself ( Altruism)
Teach your children the significance of the Hadeeth (narration) of the
Messenger of Allaah, : "None of you shall have his faith (complete)
until he loves for his brother the same as he loves for himself."
Remind them that the men of Al-Madeenah Al-Munawwarah (the Ansaar )
were the masters of altruism in the past and present when they gave
shelter to and supported the Muhaajiroon who emigrated from Makkah,
and let them share with them all their possessions. Thereupon Allaah
The Almighty revealed in them Quranic verses to be recited to the Day
of Judgment in which He Says (what means): {And [also for]those who
were settled in Al-Madeenah and [adopted] the faith before them. They
love those who emigrated to them and find not any want in their
breasts of what the emigrants were given but give [them] preference
over themselves, even though they are in privation.} [Quran 59:9]
Teach them to feel the others' needs and that real happiness lies in
making others happy.
· Graciousness
Remind your children, from time to time, that the gentle well-mannered
polite person is closer to people's hearts and more ready to obtain
their affection and love.
Remind them of the Hadeeth ofthe Messenger of Allaah, : "The faithful
believer is he, who has affection (towards the people), and is loved
(by others); and there is no good in a believerwho neither has
affection (towards others), nor is loved (by others)."
Remind them also of the statement with which Allaah The Almighty
addressed His Prophet, (what means): {And if you hadbeen rude [in
speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you.
So pardon them.} [Quran 3:159]
Try to be affectionate and gracious with everyone including your
children, and say often the phrases of refinement like "Thankyou", "I
beg your pardon", and soon. Seek the aid of graciousness in all your
behavior.
· Justice
Be just between your children so that they would feel they are equal
in all things: none of them should be rewarded to the exclusion of
another, nor should anyone be punished apartfrom another.
In sum, it is not enough to plant those seeds in the hearts ofyour
children once in their lifetime: on the contrary, you have to look
after those plants within your children in order thatthey would grow
as they grow, and adhere to them throughout their life, perchance
anyone of them would become a good righteous child causing his
fatherto be happy in this World and after his death.
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