The Islamic Sharee'ah (Islamic legislation) came to direct peopleto
the most upright way, and guide them to the straight path, which
conveys them to the happiness of both the World and the Hereafter. The
good manners mentioned and referred to by theQuran are beyond
calculation. Allaah The Almighty described HisMessenger Muhammad, , by
saying (what means): {And indeed, you are of a great moral character.}
[Quran 68:4]
It is out of His wisdom that Allaah The Almighty made Muhammad, , the
last of His Messengers, in this high rank of moral grandeur, for noble
humanmanners are the fruits of the faith in Allaah The Almighty, faith
in the resurrection and the Last Day. That is the significance of the
statement of the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa salam : "I indeed
have been sent (as a Prophet) to perfect the noble manners."
Since this is the greatest attribute with which Allaah The Almighty
favored His Messenger, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sal l am it becomes
incumbent upon us, as parents, to implant noble manners within our
children, andbring them up in accordance with these manners. We should
instruct them all the time and be good examples for them to follow.
But even then, there is no way to implant those virtues to be a part
of our children's conduct unless they are put into practice.
· Honesty
A parent should be fully truthful with his children: he has to answer
all their questions simply and truthfully. When watching a scene on
TV, clarify toyour children the consequences of deception, cheating
and stealing.
Remind your children of the statement of the Messenger of Allaah, :
"He has no faith who does not keep a trust, and he hasno faith who
does not respect hispledge." And the other statementof the Messenger,
: "Give back the trust to him who has entrusted you, and betray not
him who has betrayed you."
· Bravery
Praise your children for any attempt revealing praiseworthy enterprise
or courage, and reward the least initiative to bravery taken by anyone
of them,even if it appears during the first years (of childhood).
Demonstrate bravery in front of your children, and talk a lot about
it, and make your personality a model for them to imitate. It is good
to tell your children about the difficulties youhave faced throughout
your life, but not boastfully in so much as honestly in a way that
gives themthe impression that even older people face difficulties.
Teach them that bravery is to do what is correct and necessary, to
hasten to help others, to be careful to make the correct decision
before you confront any situation, and to seek the aid of Allaah The
Almighty before you start any task.
· Good treatment
Remind your children of the Quranic principle: {Repel [evil] by that
[deed] which is better; and thereupon the one whom between you and him
is enmity [will become] as though he was adevoted friend.} [Quran
41:34]
Teach them that had peopleadopted this principle, there would have
been neither disputes nor oppression, neither conflict nor quarrels
between them.
Teach them how to deal with people humbly and according to the basis
of forbearance and self-control; thatto behave humbly indicates power
rather than humiliation; and that the Messenger of Allaah, , commanded
us to behave humbly towards each other with neither mortification nor
transgression. He said: "Verily, Allaah revealed to me that 'You
should behave humbly, and transgress not against each other.'"
Furthermore, we should be lenient in all matters. In confirmation of
that, the Messenger of Allaah, , says: "No doubt, Allaah is lenient,
and He likes lenience, and Gives (as reward) for it what He does not
give for harshness."
Both quietness and self-control are among the supreme virtues, as
confirmed by the Messenger of Allaah, , in his statement: "Should I
not tell you from whom fire would be forbidden? The fire would be
forbidden from every tractable, well-mannered, lenient and easygoing
person." Teach them also that the Muslim, therefore, isloving and
loved by others.
By no means should the faithful believer be rude in speechand harsh in
heart, since Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {And if you had
been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded
from about you.} [Quran 3:159]
Teach them, from their earlychildhood, that good treatment is
practical and real. If your child makes noise in front of you, or
raises his voice while asking you for anything pressingly, tell him to
keep quiet first, and beware ofyielding to his anger. Control
yourself, and keep quiet. Then, take him somewhere and make him sit on
a chair. If you are convinced that his anger has calmed down, then,
give him the thing he asked for, while telling him that it is good
treatment andpeacefulness, and not noise which helped him get what he
wanted, and that noise brings about no good, and has no benefit.
· Independence
Teach your children that it isdue upon a man to work earnestly, as
Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {"Do [as you will], for Allaah
will see your deeds, and [so, will] His Messenger and the believers."}
[Quran 9:105] The Messenger of Allaah, , says in this respect: "No one
ever eats anything betterthan what he eats from the laborof his
hands."
Instruct them that children have to work seriously and energetically
in their study in order to depend on themselves when they grow up and
thus, be able to eat from the labor of theirown hands. Be a good
example for others to follow, and give them the impression that you
always seek to be better and higher not only in your work, but also in
all affairs of life.
Scrutinize your children and acknowledge their talents, and help them
detect their own selves. There is a fact admitted bythe educators, "
The children are not elastic dough which we couldmolded in anyway we
will." It is more correct to say that they are"but seedlings", which
have their characteristic properties: we can not transform the seed of
an oak tree into a pear tree, but we haveto endeavor to help each tree
grow according to its own properties.
Let your children break theirown records instead of comparing
themselves with others. For example, encourage them to get a higher
rank in theirschool year and be better than their achievement the year
before.
Praise every effort they exert, and teach them to say whenever they
fail to do a thing :"I am unable to do such and such; but I can do
such and such."
Make suggestions to your children more than commands asmuch as you
can, and ask whether they need your help, butdo not impose your help.
Try to make fewer decisions and give more encouragement toyour
children to help their talentsblossom. Do not tell your child,
atfirst, what to do, but let him know by himself what to do, and
remind him of what he could do, since reminder also benefits the
faithful believers.
Ask your child about his greatest point of weakness, and about his
biggest problem. Help him know that for every matter that worries him,
there is a certain solution, given the statement of Allaah The
Almighty(what means): {For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.
Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.} [Quran 94:5-6]
· Moderateness and temperance
Allaah The Almighty described the Muslim Ummah (nation) by saying
(what means): {And thus We have made you a just community.} [Quran
2:143]
Teach your children to be moderate in everything permissible as
regards food, drink, speech, sport, and pocket money. Teach them to
know the limits of the body and mind, and how to avoid extremism and
imbalance. Tell them the following:
- excess in eating makes you more fat.
- excess in playing may exhaustyou and tire your body.
- excess in watching TV may hinder you from study, let alone its other
negative effects.
- allow your children to spend their money by themselves.
- encourage your children to give in charity, even a small percentage
of their money to the poor and indigent.
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