Fathwa - Complaints of a second wife

Question
Salam alaykoum, ive been married for 10 months now as a second wife
(in a non-muslim country). my husband is often abroad, but when he is
in the country, he lives with his 1. wife and their children in a
house, in another city, then he comes to me (but its very seldom, in
these 10 months we only spent 7 weeks together). he asked me if i
would moveto their house as there is one floor, which is free
(separate entrance). i rejected, as i dont want to be forced to be in
contact with the 1. wife - i dont feel confident withpolygamy - i
tolerate it, as long as im not faced with the 1. wife and theirlife
together. it would be no problem for my husband to rent or even to buy
a flat for us, he is wealthy enough, but he says im disobedient to him
and since weve beenmarried, he refuses to provide means of sustenance
to me. he alsouses condoms - against my will - so i cant get pregnant,
but he claims he wants to have children with me. few days ago he told
me, we could have children, if i say "yes" to the next wife, he is
going to take. what do you think about all this situation? im pretty
confused. i consider to ask him for khul, because in my eyes, he
doesnt give me my rights (maintenance & children) - am i right or
wrong? his mahr for me was omra. what should i give him back? jazak
Allahu Kheir salam alaykoum
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify
that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad
isHis slave and Messenger.
If your husband is not just between you and his other wife with regard
tostaying overnight equallywith each of you, then heis wrong and is
against the order of the Sharee'ah because a husband is obligated to
be just between his wives even if they are in different countries as
stated by the jurists . For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 90663
.
The wife has the right upon her husband for a separate residence and
for him to spend on her as we clarified in Fataawa 85012 and 84608 .
Therefore, if the house which your husband asked you to move into has
separate facilities, then it is an obligation on you to obey him,
because it is an obligation on the wife to obey her husband in what is
permissible and reside with him wherever he resides. If you refuse,
then you are disobedient and being disobedient makes you lose your
right upon him in spending on you and being just with you and his
other wife in regard to staying overnight withyou.
However, if he refuses to spend on you without a sound reason, and you
find any money of his, then it is permissible for you to take from it
(according to your need) without his knowledge. If you are not able to
do so, you are permitted to take the matter to the authorities that
are specialized in dealing with the personal matters of the Muslims,
such as Islamic Centers, sothat they would oblige him to spend on you
or oblige him to divorce youif he refuses to spend on you while you
want divorce.
On the other hand, your husband is not permittedto prevent you from
having children without a sound excuse as havingchildren is the right
of both spouses. Besides, heis not permitted to use a condom without
your consent as, in this case, he is preventing you from having
children andfrom full enjoyment. For more benefit, please refer to
Fataawa 163651 and 195927 .
As regards him marrying a third wife in case he is able to be just
between all of you (i.e. his wives), then this is permissible for him
and it does not depend on your permission for him to marry.
Accordingly, he has no right to make your consent to his third
marriage a condition for having children with you,because having
children is your right as a wife as we have already mentioned.
For more benefit on the wisdom and conditions of polygamy, please
referto Fataawa 81469 , 90132 and 86818 .
Finally, if a wife is harmed by staying with her husband, she has the
right to seek divorce or Khul'; the compensation for Khul' could be
any money that is agreed upon by both spouses and it does not
necessarily have to be (returning) the dowry. - - ▓███▓
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