I have been married for 12years with two kids. I havebeen happy in my
marriage until now. Between the last few years my husband has not been
employed after he sold his business. He lost a lot of money and was
verydepressed due to this. We are both working and have been for the
last 12 years.
I have supported him in every aspect of his life, financially and
emotionally. I have alwayssaid to think of my moneyas his money. I
have helped his family numerous amounts of time with substancial
amounts of money and also I have given him money to open his business
and paid for all the household bills while he was setting himself up
and when the business was making a loss. Basically I have not saved a
penny of my money as all these years I have beenpaying all the
household bills and supporting my husband and his family financially
as I thought that was the right thing inorder to be a good wife and
daughter in law and also I love my husband very much and wanted to
help him in any way I can. Now I feel that I have made the biggest
mistake of my life by doing this.
My husband made losses in his businesses and borrowed money on
interest to recoup the losses. I have also sinned and borrowed money
to help him. We got into a lotof financial problems and in the end
lost the business and owed a lot ofmoney. He was not working for the
last three years and I was paying off all the loans and the household
bills. I did not pressure him much to get a job as I knew he was very
depressed. I allowed him to take time to get a good job. Eventually
whenhe did get a job as a self employed person he was not earning
much. He keptmaking excuses as to why he wasn't making money and kept
promising that things will get better. I amvery eager to pay off his
credit card bills as it has interest and we are comiting a grave sin.
One year later we are still in the same situation he is working day
and night and earning little or no money. I am having to payfor 90% of
the bills.
Until now he has always been a kind loving and gentle person who is
striving to be a good muslim. He always prays and read the quran and
promises that he is striving to be a better muslim and stop stop haram
things. I have been patient with him and believed him all this time
and did not pressure him about the job. Recently I have noticed that
he has become very angry and tired and does not pray allthe time and
stopped reading the quran. All he does is eat sleep and go towork.
We have no family life. I am stressed with doing allthe housework
looking after the kids and providing financially for the family. I
have told himto leave this job and get another job so that he can have
time to spend with his family. He argued with me that he will not
leave this job even if he has to do long hours and earn peanuts! He
has also insulted me and is blaming me for all his misfortunes even
though Ihave given all my money to him! He has always praised me in
the past andnow he keeps finding faults in me.
I have got his parents and my parents involved but ithas not changed
anything.Recently I have found out that he is taking drugs, but I do
not know to whatextent. I have confronted him about it but he
deniesit. I am really distressed having to do both the husband and
wife's role! I know islam teaches us to be patient. In this case am I
supposed to keep payingthe bills and wait for him to change? My family
and friends are advising me to divorce him as he will never change but
I don't want to break my marriage. I just want him to change and be a
responsible father and husband as he was a few years ago.
I am always praying day and night that he comes to his senses and
realizes his fault. I don't want my children to grow up without a
father. I would be very grateful for any advice on this and the
islamic ruling regarding this.
Thank you.
-sumaira
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