i am a 26 year old girl who's been married past 15 months. I am a girl
with a mental disorder because my father used toabuse me when I was
younger.
But it is only my husband now, and he does it very rarely, but when he
does, he hurts me very badly. Hepunches me, pulls my hair,but this has
been going onsince I came here. And because of this, I am, in a way,
quite twisted.
Ever since i got married my inlaws gave me a tough time. As a child
growing, I had a tough lifeas my sister got divorced when i was still
in school, my brother had heart attacks... dad is a very violent
person very strict with us... i used to obey my father always but he
isunnecessarily strict... and orders all the time.. everyone in my
family andoutside the family is scared of my dad. but i know he's the
best when he cares..
But because of my dad's excessively violent nature and restrictions i
fell into an immature and stubborn state of emotions where i got
involved with my husbandin an affair before marriage and then
forciblyconvinced my parents to allow me to marry the guyi want...
also my dad had given up on life 10 years ago when my sister got
divorced so he was not bothered if i am going to the right house...
Therefore i felt the need toget independent and the best way out was
to get married... but unfortunately i got married into a very very
very bad family.. to a guy who's lying 24x7.. as he thinks my family
is gonna shower him with money and houses... but reality is that my
dad has no money now.. we had a huge list of troubles in ourlives... i
discontinued my bds 2nd year since i got married... as i hate my
college atmosphere which has religious differences... iuse to do hijab
and they dnt like it so i was boycotted by the staff... i thought i
will be free oncei get married to the guy who loves me... but he never
loved me he loved the money which he thought we had... and when he
found no money he along with his family started to torture me.
My husband has just finished his mis(mba) fromusa... n i live with him
alone now... earlier when icame to USA as a dependent i stayed at my
husband's sister's house for a month , god... she showed me hell in 15
days... as i didnt know cooking at all... i learned cooking as fast as
i can to keep my husband happy and healthy.. we moved from her house
after a month of fights n torture.. she is 39 years ald n compares
herself with me... i hate her and alwayslaugh at her immaturity...
anyway.. now the only way out of this trouble i thought would be to
earn money myself so that i wont be a burden on my husband as he was
counting the money whichhe spends on groceries.. my husband fights
with me all the time and warns me that he will divorce men asked me to
leave and he's creating a scene each time so that i should leavehim
myself. he's been repeating about divorce for many times now.. as he
is looking for a citizen girl who has a green card...n till then he is
using me as a slave to cook for him and earn money for him and satisfy
his needs ... ya ALLAH help me... i am in such pain...
i also was forced to have an abortion after 3 months of marriage... n
my husband is not planning to keep me as hiswife as i dnt have a green
card...
imagine, i cook, i earn money, i clean the house, iwash his clothes, i
never made anything more than a cup of tea b4 marriage nnow he made me
a servant in one year of married life.. plzz give me advice on what to
do?? i am alone in USA with my husband suffering beyond tolerance..
any advice is appreciated.. may ALLAH have mercy on
all..ameen..otherwise i will commit suicide....
I am anti-social, paranoid, angry, depressed, and I have the darkest
thoughts.I involuntarily think of ways to kill people. And they're
very imaginative... Because of my parents, I believe that there is no
good in this world, and because of my husband, I hate humans. I
honestly do.
When I am severely angry or severely upset, I am dangerous. I can
seriously hurt someone. But I reach the limit of my insanity, and I'm
someone I can't even recognize. I am suicidal. I want to drug, smoke
and drink myself todeath (but I have never done any of this).i tried
it though, I harm myself, harm others, attempt suicide, scream,
shout,abuse everyone or anyone i see but inside mybrain not on their
face,slapmyself, break things, and worst of all, I i insult ALLAH and
islam.
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