Subject: Re: Sexual Relations Between Husband & Wife
Question:
XXXX wrote: : Hello: : As a recently married Muslim, I was hoping
someone could refer me to : sources which can guide me as to what is
permissible in Islam between a : man and his wife. I once heard of an
Islamic book called "Perfumed : Garden"? Is there such a publication?
Or could someone suggest other : sources. In particular, I needed to
know what the five schools of thought : advised on oral sex or
fellatio. Please email or post responses. Thank you.
Answer:
alssalaamu 3alaykum
May Allah bless you and your wife with his blessing and unite you in
harmony and happiness.
The book you mentioned (The Perfumed Garden) was written in Tunisia in
the 16th century A.D. by Cheikh 'Omar bin Sidi en-Nefzawi. It is a
sort of marriage manual written in a rather provocative and lewd
style. Even the author himself acknowledges its lascivious nature by
ending it with these words: "I have indeed committed a sin by writing
this book. Forgive me O Thou to whom we call not in vain. O Allah, do
not confound me for this on the Day of Judgment. And you, O Reader, I
beg you to say 'Amen'." The book is an interesting historical and
cultural oddity; but it is not to be recommended as an educational
manual for married couples.
The principles of conjugal love in Islam are few and uncomplicated.
1. Sexual relations are for the pleasure of both the husband and the
wife and for the procreation of children. Sexual intercourse is not
limited to vaginal penetration but includes other forms of sexual
caressing, such as kissing and fondling of various kinds.
2. Nothing should be done that is offensive or harmful to either
person. Each has a duty to be sexually available to the other, but
neither has the right to disgust or injure the other.
3. With a few exceptions, the couple can engage in any activities that
they like, in any manner and in any position. Allah rewards such
activities as surely as he punishes sinful activities. The Qur'an
says, "Women are your fields. Go then into your fields as you please."
(2:223)
4. It is forbidden to have vaginal intercourse while a woman is
menstruating (Qur'an 2:222). According to the Sunnah of the Prophet
(God's grace and peace be upon him), a man and his menstruating wife
can however give one another pleasure so long as the woman's genitals
are avoided.
5. There are ahadith that forbid anal intercourse and scholars
generally agree that it is not permissible. However, in his tafsir
(commentary) Tabaari (3d century A.H.) while forbidding sodomy, says
that earlier authorities were divided on the question.
6. The Qur'an and the Sunnah are generally silent as to the various
forms that sexual relations may take. Most authorities consider that
it is up to the husband and wife in love and mutual respect to decide
how to physically express their sexual desires.
7. What goes on in bedroom, is a private matter and should not be
discussed or revealed to other persons unless there is some necessity,
such as health or safety. Abu Hurairah narrates that the Prophet
(pbuh) said this about people who reveal and discuss openly their
sexual practices: "Do you know what those who do this are like? Those
who do this are like a male and female devil who meet each other on
the road and satisfy their desire while the people look on."
Therefore, in Islam the husband and the wife choose their sexual
activities according to the sure teaching of the Qur'an, in the light
of the Sunnah as we are able to understand and appreciate it, in
mutual respect for one another and knowing that the only witness to
the expression of their desires will be Allah the Exalted, who will
judge them according to their deeds and their heartfelt intentions.
The question of the lawfulness of oral-genital contact is difficult
because there are many opinions. For some, it is forbidden. For
others, tolerated. For some it is lawful. Some consider it to be
lawful as long as the couple use such contacts as foreplay and
conclude their love-making with vaginal intercourse.
I believe that this is a matter to be decided by the husband and wife
together after seeking the guidance of Allah, who alone knows best.
Peace to all who seek God's face.
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