Sex in Islam, - How to Lower Our Gazes

"If I were not a Muslim, I would have contracted AIDS," proclaimed my friend.
"The ayats in Sura Nur about lowering our gazes doesn't affect me
anymore," expressed another youth, talking about the intense
temptations felt by today's young. Difficulty in lowering the gaze by
both the young and old is readily perceived on the street, weddings,
parties and even in the mosques.
What has gone wrong? How can Muslims, called by Allah, our Creator the
model community, the custodians of Truth and the upholders of morality
behave this way? Why are we adopting the attitudes and routes of the
kuffar? How can we rectify ourselves? What follows is a series of
practical, though graphic advises which can work for us and set us
free from Satan's stronghold, Insha`Allah.
Prophet Muhamad (pbuh), by way of warning and as a reminder
said,"There is nothing left after I go more dangerous to men than the
temptations of women."Being optimistic, a ray of hope was also wisely
provided during the prophet's Last Sermon:"If the Ummah holds on to
the Qur`an and Sunnah, it will never go astray."
When Allah created humans with all our desires and urges, he also
revealed to us sufficient and complete guidance to properly channel
these desires, both in the midst of Dar-ul-Kufr or Dar-ul-Islam. All
we need to do is seek it, contemplate on it and pursue it."This day I
have perfected your deen for you, completed my favors upon you and
chosen Islam as your deen."(Maida 3)
We should realize that the fact the great sahabas were human beings
also. Biologically there were no different from us. They had desires
and temptations but yet, they controlled themselves in the best of
ways. We can do the same, Insha`Allah. To possess sensual passions is
human, to control them is Muslim.
When confronted with an alluring situation like passing by a
non-mahram on the street, office or school, Satan is constantly
tempting us to glare at her/him with evil thoughts. Satan is probably
excitingly saying, with a big smile, 'yes, yes, yes,' when we steer
into the bait he is setting. During these situations, immediately and
consciously realize that when we give a second or following glances,
we are obeying Satan."O you who believe, follow not the footsteps of
the devil "(24:21). By immediately averting our gazes and disobeying
Satan, we are giving him a one-two punch in the face and leaving him
frustrated and accursed.
Satan rebelled and was expelled by Allah, so let's all rebel against
Satan and expel him from our hearts. Satan intends to fight a war
against Muslims, so let's gather our forces behind the Qur`an and the
Sunnah and defeat him. Remember that even if no human eye is watching
us, the Ever-Watchful Allah is constantly monitoring the innermost
regions of our hearts. Our eyes, limbs, tongue and private parts will
be witnesses on the Judgment Day and not an atom's worth of deed will
remain unexamined.
Our minds are conditioned to associate thoughts of stealing clothes
from a store to being in handcuffs and hauled into a police van.
Likewise we should condition our minds to bring the verses of Surah
Nur in front of our eyes during any tempting situations and imagine
that Allah is speaking to us directly"Say to the believing, men that
they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty .O you believers!
Turn you all together towards Allah that you may attain
success"(24:30-31) If the Qur`an contained only these two ayats, it
would be enough to convince me that it is the book of Allah.
With practice, these associations and the remembrance of Allah during
tempting situations will prevent us from getting stuck by devilish
arrows. Successfully controlling our gazes also deadens our avoidance
of sinful situations. An Islamic idiom says,"Anything that leads to
haram is haram in itself."To do a pious deed is a reward; to avoid a
sin is a reward too.
One of the biggest culprits in this class is movies. In the name of
entertainment, to please our peers and children and an excuse to do
something together as a family, we astonishingly allow un-Islamic
pictures and dialogues in front of our eyes and ears. Can we ever
imagine (aozubillah) any sahaba renting the latest hit from
Blockbuster Videos, or listening to music with alluring lyrics at high
volume?
Likewise we watch news on TV and stare at the anchor women, adorned in
heavy make-up, scanty clothing and seductive smile. Prophet Muhammad
(pbuh), was once approached by a woman with a proposal for marriage.
He took a single glance at her face and turned his face away. Jabir
bin Abdullah reported: "I asked Allah's messenger about the sudden
glance on the face of a non-mahram. He commanded me that I should turn
away my eyes." (Muslim) Thus, we are not supposed to stare at faces of
non-mahrams, be they are our fellow students, our elders, saleswomen
or someone on TV.
Pious ladies of the prophet's household were ordered to observe purdah
(separation) in front of a blind sahabah. Asking the curious questions
as to why cover/separate when the blind sahabah could not see them,
the prophet (pbuh) wisely answered, "But you could see him."
In our wedding ceremonies and parties and even in many Islamic
fundraising dinners, there is heavy free-mixing between brothers and
sisters. Often the chairs of males and females are arranged facing
each other, knowing that about 90 percent of our sisters do no wear
hijab. It is often noticeable to see males and females peeking glances
at each other from the opposite ends of the hall. A big curtain is not
my intention, but a big iman and befitting Islamic manners is.
"A woman who applies perfumes and goes to a gathering is like an
adulteress"the Prophet Muhammad said. Compare this with our sisters
who clad themselves with expensive perfume, one kilogram of makeup,
and then come to mixed gatherings. Will this not attract the attention
of males? Let's be real. We have lowered our moral guards so low that
a humble word of truth often seems so awfully strange.
Let us contemplate the above humble advices and constantly make the
supplication,"O Allah help us control our sensual desires until we get
married, and even after we marry, let our desires be only towards our
spouses."
At the time of this article's writing, Sabeel Ahmed was is at the
final stage of his medical programme in Ross University, New York. He
is the Co-chairman of the Da'wa Committee and Board of Director at the
Muslim Community Center Masjid (the largest mosque in the Illinois
state). He is also a member of the Islamic Circle of North America
(ICNA) where he is actively involved in the 'toll free da'wa hotline'
1-800-662-islam, having first hand experience in handling calls by
non-Muslims. He was a student of Shaykh Ahmed Deedat and his main
field of interest is in comparative religion.