you, but also to truly mean it! You want him to love you with that
kind of love that can change someone; the kind of love that shuts his
eyes closed for everyone but you and puts you in a halo of light
around you. You want him to see the fire in your eyes, your eyes and
only yours. You want him to feel the softness of your hair, your hair
and only yours. You want him to seek the warmness in your arms, your
arms and only yours. You want him to look for your advice, yours and
only yours. You want him to love you and only you. You want, and want,
and want...
But all you are left with is wanting!
Why is the world like this ? You love someone, you give him
everything; your heart, your sole, your respect, your trust, you give
him your entire being and he doesn't love you back. He can't or we
doesn't want to, that's not what matters. The important thing is that
it is the reality.
You want him to confide in you about everything; to be faithful, to
spend his time with you, to be next to you, when you need him to; you
want him to need you and your affection, yours and only yours. But
there comes a point in which you realize how much you actually want.
What you want is impossible.
And of course, you start looking for the reason within yourself. You
start thinking that you are not giving everything that you possibly
can; that you are not the one that he would madly fall in love with
and you start wanting to become her; the perfect woman, the one that
he is looking for and is not finding in you. But even if he starts
loving you when you become her, he wouldn't actually be in love with
you, but with the one that you are trying to become; the one that you
actually are not. And this wouldn't constitute real love.
You are aware of this and you are trying to find an answer, a much
needed solution. How to make him love you??? Can you possibly make him
love you? No, right?! There is nothing more that you can do.
You have tried everything, but it just doesn't work. He cannot love
you. Maybe it's you or maybe he isn't capable of loving you, or maybe
you just weren't meant to be. But you love him so much that you can't
face it and you know very well that you must do so, because you are
the only one who is actually suffering! But it's all the same to you
whether you are with him or not, knowing that he doesn't love you and
that maybe he isn't even being faithful.
The only thing you want is to be with him and for him to love you.
That makes two things. Ok, then, you settle with just one of them. Why
do you do that? Because you love him. You love him more than you love
yourself, and this is the biggest mistake in the world that someone
can make, the stupidest thing, the biggest sin. But you aren't even a
believer; you are not afraid of being a sinner.
You have suffered enough and you are not afraid to sin over and over
again, while looking for your true love. You want that to be him,
because you are tired of this never ending search; you are tired of
the scheming, the hurt feelings and the broken hearts.
You are too tired to keep going, knowing that the person next to you
doesn't really love you, nor in his words, neither in his heart and he
isn't even trying to hide it. You are fed up with it, but yet you keep
going. You keep going because you want to be with him, you want him to
love you; you want this more than anything, even though you realize
how much you are missing out on; even though you realize that your
soul is rotting away, stricken by the coldness coming from his heart.
You keep going without even seeing the point; without finding any
reason to continue. But why is everyone looking for a meaning?
Sometimes love is just meaningless; ti makes us do things that make no
sense, but isn't this why it's called love!
The thing that we are always looking for; the thing that we are not
afraid to give out even to people that don't deserve it; the thing
that we so stubbornly keep blaming for every mistake that we do; the
thing that we desperately need in order to feel alive... More vital
than the air, more desired than the sun, more beautiful than life
itself... And this is why we absolutely want to have it. But can we?
Can we have love at our disposal as if it were an item, a material
thing; something that we can sell, give or exchange. We can't, but it
seems like this is exactly what we want. We are corrupting its
saintliness.
Look at how far we got, didn't we? And you simply wanted to say what
you want! What you want, but what you are not getting and what you
aren't going to get, no matter how hard you try. Simply because you
cannot have love at your disposal!
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