Fathwa, - Education and Family life

Question:
If a woman is married while she was studying in a professional college
and by the blessings ofAllah she becomes a mother, what is she
supposed to do regarding her education? Her family is pressuring her
to go back to college. However, her husband wants her to be a
housemaker and just relax at home and takecare of the household, baby
and him. She feels bad when people ask her about her degree; she has
to tell them that because of marriage and the new baby she had to
discontinue school. She doesn't even have a bachelors degree yet.How
does she deal with uncertainties about the future and the importance
of a Muslim woman supporting herself in case of divorce, death, or
husband's unemployment.
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful
Dear Sister,
Assalamu alaikum,
I pray that you and your family are doing well.
A nice reminder to your family is in order here. It's fine for them to
offer advice; however, it's another thing entirely for them to
pressure you.You have a baby to care of, a husband to look after, and
a home to run.This, in itself, is a full-time job and then some. Your
family needs to learn to accept the fact that you are a wife and
mother. You have entered a different phase of your life. Consequently,
they need to be informed, in a nice way, that pressuring you to go
back to school is simply not what you need right now. What you do need
is for them to be supportive of where you are, right now.
Second, you need to put a stop to these corrosive thoughts which are
damaging your self-esteem.. The worth of a human being is not in her
college degree. I realize that finishing school would give you a sense
of achievement. However, you need to focus on what you have already
accomplished. Alhamdulillah, you are a mother, which is one of the
highest stations a woman can achieve in this world and the next. You
are a wife. Your husband sounds like a dependable, responsible man.
These are all things to be grateful for. So please spend more time
focusing on what you have, not what you lack.
Third, going back to school has many benefits. If you would like to
pursue your goal of school in the future, then by all means, start
planning for it. If you think you'd like to go back to school now,
that's fine as well. However, you need to include your husband in your
decision. He is entitled to ask you to stay home while the baby is
still a baby. However, it is also prudent to complete your education
so that you have the skills to take care of your family. I am firm
believer that a woman should be equipped to provide for herself and
her children. I would suggest drawingup a plan to see how youcan meet
these goals. Forexample, you and your husband might decide that you
will go back to school once your baby is weaned. Or you might decide
to wait until your child is ready for preschool. Again, this decision
has to be made by both you and your husband, taking into account the
baby's best interests. It is possible to finish school, even while
your children are young, provided that you have agood support system.
Don't forget to pray Salat al-Istikhara, no matter what you decide.
May Allah Ta'ala guide you to what is best.