Before marriage I was with a girl out of wedlock, ive had two children
with the girl out of wedlock. I tried to keep it all quiet so I
couldkeep my family happy. Well eventually it all came out nd I saw no
other option to leave home. Now im with the girl out of wedlock
looking after my children. Ive become colse to the kids and I dont
want them to grow up without a dad. I am alone and without any family
or friends which I think I deserve for ehat I done. In my head the
kids shouldnt hsve to grow without me. But have I done right?? I need
advice plz
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify
that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad
isHis slave and Messenger.
With regard to your question " ….have I done right? ", if by this you
refer to your illegal relationship with that girl, then there is no
doubt that it is forbidden, and you are obligated to immediatelyand
sincerely repent and cut this relationship with her, please refer to
the conditions of repentance in Fatwa 86527 .
But if you mean leaving your marital home, then if this leads to
leaving your wife and neglectingsome of her rights, or being negligent
about the rights of your children, then this is not permissible.
'Abdullaah ibn 'Amr narrated that the Prophet said: " It is enough a
sin for a personnot to provide sustenance to those whom he is
obligated to support. " [Abu Daawood]
Besides, the child born out of Zina (adultery or fornication) is not
traced back to the adulterer or fornicator, but he should be traced
back to his mother according to the view of the majority of the
jurists and this is the view we adopt here in Islamweb. Based on this
opinion, you have no relation with these two children in principle,
but some jurists are of the view that if the fornicator/adulterer
attributes these children to himself, then they are attributed to him
(they take the same family lineage like him). For more benefit, please
refer to Fataawa 84788 and 85430 .
If that girl sincerely repents, it becomes permissible for you to
marry her provided she makes sure that she is not pregnant (by
observing three menses according to the view of the scholars, or one
menses occording to another view) and provided you are able to be just
between her and your first wife. For more benefit, please refer to
Fataawa 83769 , 183497 and 81469 .
However, we recommendthat you take the initiative to solve your
problem; as disappearingand going away from your family and friends
will not benefit you in anything; rather, it will cause you harm. In
case someone tries to blame you for what you did, then remind him that
Allaah accepts the repentance of the one who repents and He forgives
and pardons. Besides, it is not permissible to reproach aMuslim or
harm him because of a sin from which he had repented. You should
remind them of the Hadeeth in which the Prophet said: '' O you who are
Muslims by tongue but 'Eemaan (faith) has not entered your hearts! Do
not harm the Muslims, and do not reproach them (because of their
defects) and do not pursue their faults (imperfections), because if
someone pursues the faults of his Muslim brother, Allaah will pursue
his faults, and he whom Allaah pursues his faults, He would disgrace
him even in his own dwelling. " [At-Tirmithi]
Finally, if you remain steadfast on obedience and you are sincere in
doing so, then this will urge the people to respect you and refrain
from reproaching you foryour past.
Allaah Knows best.
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