come to him and say bad things about that student. He would accuse him
of having donehorrible, mischievous acts. The student did not know
that his father-in-law would complain about him to his Shaykh. The
father-in-law would tell the scholar that he admonishes the student
very often and that he was void of goodness. Every time the student
went to see the scholar, the latter would ask him about his
relationship with his father-in-law and the student would reply that
his father-in lawwas as good as one would wish his father-in-law to
be. The student also said that he was very kind, affectionate and
dutifulto him.
Once, his Shaykh, the scholar, made him swear and asked him to tell
the truth. The student swore that he was on excellent terms with his
father-in-law, and that he had never lied about that.Then he told the
Shaykh about his dutifulness to his in-laws. Thereupon, the Shaykh was
shocked at that father-in-law's conduct and he told his student about
what his father-in-law had said. He advised his student to bekind to
his father-in-law, if that father was telling the truth, and to bear
with him if he was tellinglies. Thereupon, the student criedand swore
by Allaah The Almightythat he was truthful about what he had said.
The Shaykh then waited for the student's father-in-law. When he showed
up, the Shaykh said to him, "You have claimed such and such." The
father-in-law replied, "Indeed, by Allaah, he does that."The Shaykh
asked him, "Do you swear by Allaah?" The man replied, "Yes, I swear by
Allaah." Thereupon, the Shaykh supplicated Allaah against him tobe
punished before the advent of the evening if he was lying. Before
sunset, the father-in-law was paralyzed. We seek refuge in Allaah from
this. Injustice is like darkness.
If one's wife's father abuses and humiliates him, he should know that
by being kind to him he seeks to please Allaah The Almighty. By
returning his maltreatment with kindness he fears Allaah The Almighty
and he obeys His orders regarding being dutiful to relatives.
The wife's role:
Just as a husband is required to perform his duties towards his
parents-in-law, a wife is required to fulfill her duty towards her
parents-in-law as well. A righteous woman should understand the
parents' love for their son and she must not be the least jealous or
try to weakenthe relation between her husband and his parents. She
should also know that if she wishes Allaah The Almighty to bless her
married life and grant her happiness with her husband, she should
support him to be dutiful to his parents.
When the husband's parents are in need for him, the wife -their
daughter-in-law- should be there for them, too, to show them,
kindness, love, respect, and dutifulness.
Allaah The Almighty made the fathers-in-law Mahrams (permanently
non-marriageable) to their daughters-in-law in orderto strengthen
family ties between them, as the daughter-in-law would consider her
father-in-law to be like her own father; therefore, she would treat
him kindly, look after him and deal with him mercifully. A
daughter-in-law should be just as kind to her mother-in-law as well.
Problems with mothers-in-law:
Problems between wives and their mothers-in-law mostly occur due to a
clear reason: the mother's love for her son. A wife has to know that
the highest degree of kindness and mercy that could occur between two
humans is that between the mother and her child, and mothers should
not be blamed for this. When the Prophet wept due to the death of his
son Ibraaheem, he was asked about this, and he replied: "This is mercy
that Allaah created in Hisservants' hearts." [Al-Bukhaari]
Allaah The Almighty casts mercy into mothers' hearts. Thanks to this
mercy, mothers are compassionate and merciful to their children and
make them herfirst concern. A wife is required to understand this.
However, if the wife surrenders to jealousy, she will try to sever
kinship ties between her husband and his mother and father. By doing
so, she would incur the wrath of Allaah The Almighty. There are many
mothers whose hearts bleed due to the harm that their daughters-in-law
do to them. Allaah The Almighty knows best that there are many fathers
and mothers who weep because of the injustice and harm of their
daughters-in-law. A believing woman has to fear Allaah The Almighty
and be kind to her in-laws.
The consequence of undutifulness:
If a woman encourages her husband to act unjustly and severties with
his parents, she should know that inevitably Allaah The Almighty will
punish her as well as her husband someday. Undutifulness to one's
parents is one of the sins for which punishment is received in this
worldly life. Some scholars say that if a woman encourages her husband
to be undutiful to his parents, she commits two misdeeds:
First: she is her husband's partner in being undutiful to his parents,
and we seek refuge in Allaah from this,
Second: she severs her kinship ties.
It was related in some traditions that the misdeed which is
immediately punished in this life in addition to the punishment of the
Hereafter is severing kinship ties. Allaah The Exalted Says (what
means): {So would you perhaps, if you turned away, cause corruption on
earth and sever your [ties of] relationship? Those [who do so] are the
ones that Allaah has cursed, so He deafened them and blinded their
vision.} [Quran 47: 22-23]
Some scholars say that Allaah TheAlmighty hardens the heart of the
person who severs kinship ties. Therefore, no matter how much he is
admonished and no matter how many signs he sees, his heart is not
awakened. We ask Allaah to safeguard us from that. Even if his heart
does awaken, that will not be for long.This is why when someone
complains to scholars about hardness of the heart, they ask him about
how strong he maintains his kinship ties.
A woman who encourages her husband to sever his kinship ties severs
her own and does not obey the orders of Allaah regarding her husband
and her relatives. Rather, a woman has tobear with her parents-in-law
and seek the reward from Allaah The Almighty.
In-Laws interference:
If the husband's parents are harmful to her, she is required to
consult scholars about what should be done. Sometimes, the couple's
parents interfere in theirchildren's married life, which makes both
spouses uncomfortable. In such a case, both the husband and the wife
are required to weigh the harm against the advantages of maintaining
strong relations with the interfering parent. If theevil of their
interference is greater than the evil of keeping his wife away from
her parents, in such a case, a husband has to keep his wife away from
her parents, but allow her to visit them from time to time in order to
show dutifulness to them. Likewise, when the husband's parents
interfere in their son's marital life and cause harm, the wife in such
a case has two options, either she adopts patience and seeks the
reward from Allaah The Almighty, and this is better and closer to
perfection, or she weighs the extent of the harm. If the evils
resulting from the in-laws' interference are greater, she should ask
her husband to keep her away from his parents.
Husbands, on their part, are required to be fair to their wives. If
the husband observes that the parents' interference in the marital
affairs harms his life and his wife, who cannot be patient regarding
that, he is required to fear Allaah concerning his wife and protect
her from his family and parents. If he keeps his wife away from his
parents and lives away from them, he is not considered undutiful to
them, because he is trying to protect his home from their harm.
However, he is required to check on his parents and be dutiful to
them. A son is allowed to do this because Allaah neither commands
injustice nor is pleased with it. - - ▓███▓ Translator:->
http://translate.google.com/m/ ▓███▓ - -
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