The Almighty has made obligatory for spouses. Muslim homes cannot be
reformed and love and affection cannot prevail in them unless this
duty is perfectly fulfilled in a way that satisfies Allaah. Allaah The
Almighty instructs His slaves to fear Him and to cherish kinship ties
so as to avoid His punishment; He Says (what means): {And fear Allaah,
throughwhom you ask one another, and the wombs [kinship]. Indeed
Allaah is ever, over you, an Observer.} [Quran 4: 1]
The Arabic word for 'kin' is 'Ar-Rahim', which also means 'womb'. If a
person maintains kinship ties, Allaah maintains tieswith him; and a
person who severs them, Allaah severs ties with him, and therefore he
experiences loss and evil consequences. We seek refuge with Allaah
from this.
It is the duty upon both the husband and the wife towards their
parents, in-laws and other relatives. Allaah The Almighty ordains on
the believers to fear Him regarding kinship ties. If a husband wishes
that Allaah The Almighty would bless his marriage with success and
happiness, he is required to be dutiful to his wife's relatives.
Likewise, it is obligatory for everywife who truly believes in Allaah
The Almighty and the Last Day to fear Him regarding her
husband'srelatives. It was narrated that theProphet said: "A person
who believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him maintain his kinship
ties."
In this Hadeeth, the Prophet made maintaining kinship ties a part of
faith and belief in Allaah The Almighty. This is because either of the
spouses would not maintain their kinship ties unless motivated by
faith in Allaah. The Prophet fulfilled this right - the right of
kinship ties, in the best and most perfect way. He would maintain
kinship ties with his wives' relatives. It is reported that once the
Prophet was sitting with the Mother of the Believers, 'Aa'ishah and he
heard the voice of a woman seeking permission to enter. The Prophet
suddenly stood up. An old woman came in and he remarked: "This is
Haalah. It is Haalah, Khadeejah's sister." She reminded him of his
relationship with his beloved late wife.
A husband is required to be dutiful to his wife's family and hewould
not be able to maintain that right unless he has a serene heart, is
able to fulfill his promiseand has a sense of justice.
Duty towards one's father-in-law:
The first thing that a husband should remember is his duty towards his
father in-law, because his father in-law is the one who chose him from
among all people to be his daughter's husband who would protect her,
be generous to her, and honor her. A person who is most similarto a
father is his daughter. It is even said that the eldest daughter takes
after her father. Itwas narrated that 'Aa'ishah said, "Faatimah once
came to theMessenger of Allaah . By Allaah, she walked in the same way
as the Messenger of Allaah did." [Muslim]
When a father chooses his daughter's husband and approves their
marriage, this expresses his good intention and faith. In return, a
husband is required to be dutiful and grateful to him. There was a
wiseman whose wife kept on harming him, yet, he never complained to
her father. When her harm increased and she became extremely terrible,
he was advised to complain to her father. He argued, "Her father
married her off to me and honored me. Therefore, I would be too
ashamed of myself to go to him and complain."
A magnanimous, noble man values the kindness that he received from his
father-in-law and, further, he returns it in a similar, and even
better way, and this is the custom of the noble. When a man remembers
that his wife's family chose him, he meetsthis with the best reward
and gratitude; and this is a part of faith as the Prophet said:
"Gratitude is from faith." [At-Tabaraani]
Moreover, a husband is required to fear Allaah The Almighty regarding
the rights of his wife's parents; he has to maintain kinship ties with
them and be dutiful to them. Maintaining kinship ties with the wife's
familyis obligatory upon the husband, just as it is obligatory on the
wife. Therefore, he should visit them, show love and affection, and
make his visit a confirmation of the ties between him and them. Allaah
The Almighty will bepleased with that person and willbless his marital
life. The wife willbe delighted when she sees her family being honored
by her husband and this will have a positive effect on how she treats
his family.
A husband should follow Sharee'ah-approved etiquettes. So, when he
visits them, he has to choose convenient times; he has to ask for
permission; and he has to observe customary manners while being there.
His visits should not be too long and should not violate the privacy
of each person in the house. He should adopt decent, modest manner
that reflect his piety, because this is the conduct that pleases
Allaah The Almighty. A man should show utmost respectto his
father-in-law, just as he does with his own father. Also, he has to
show gratitude to him. A man has to smile to his father-in-law. In
most cases, the wife's father should be treated as one's own father,
either due to old age or due to his great right, for he isthe
grandfather of the man's children. Therefore, a husband should honor
and respect him. A man should observe decency regarding what he says
in front of his father-in-law. It was narrated that 'Ali said, "I
would frequently discharge pre-ejaculatory fluid, and therefore I
would frequently perform Ghusl [ritual bathing] such that [the skin
on] my back became cracked. However, I was too shy to ask the
Messenger of Allaah due to his daughter's relation with me. Therefore,
I requested Al-Miqdaad to ask him for me" [Muslim]
'Ali was too shy to ask the Messenger of Allaah about what afflicted
him, even though it was a necessity and the matter was related to
religion and worship. This tells us that a man has to observe modesty
when speaking to his father-in-law.
Sadly, some men are not ashamed to say embarrassing things in front of
the father-in-law, which is considered a form of showing disrespect to
him. Some scholars judge such behavior to be a form of verbal abuse to
the father-in-law. Such etiquettes should be observed especially with
one's father-in-law.
It is the right of the father-in-law that his son-in-law should
support him in times of need. Scholars say that the command to
maintain kinship ties, be dutiful to them and frequently visit
relatives is not aimless. Rather, there are underlying meanings and
purposes includingchecking on their condition and supporting them as
much as possible. If one's kindred are in need of moral support, as
when they are in need of someone to console them because of a disaster
or calamity, one should be there for them. The husband should visit
his sick relatives, relieve distressed relatives, and advise them to
endure their calamity patiently and wait for the reward from Allaah
The Almighty. The husband should doall he can to support his relatives
during hard times.
The husband's most perfect behavior is to be the first to support his
wife's relatives during times of affliction. The husband's most
perfect behavior is to be the first to support his wife's father in
times of need. A husband should do that because he realizes that this
pleases Allaah The Almighty and knows that when he maintains kinship
ties with his father-in-law, Allaah The Almighty maintains ties with
him, and when he gives, Allaah The Almighty makes it up for himin his
religion, in his life's affairs and in his Hereafter.
Bad relatives:
It is better for the husband to seek perfection and exert his
besteffort in sacrificing and acting nobly which indicates the
nobilityof his character, purity of soul, willingness to do good as
well as his wishing well for his wife's family. When he fulfills these
rights and his wife's family are grateful to him as he expected, he is
required to praise Allaah The Almighty and thank Him for this.
However, if they show ingratitude, let him not forget that Allaah The
Exalted Says (what means): {We will not allow to be lost the reward of
anyone who did well in deeds.} [Quran 18:30]
The most perfect reward will be attained when the husband is afflicted
with kindred with whomhe maintains kinship ties and they sever them.
His reward will be the most perfect if he is generous to them and they
are stingy to him; and if he esteems them and they undervalue him. In
such a case, according to the Hadeeth of the Prophet it will be as if
he feeds them ashes [Muslim]. Charity, kindness and dutifulness to
one's relatives will be greatly rewarded when they are met by enmity,
evil and harm.
Allaah The Almighty rewards abundantly those who maintain ties with
unkind relatives. A person who maintains relations with relatives who
are unkind to him does so only for the sake of Allaah The Almighty. A
husband should know that any good deed he does is for the sake of
Allaah The Almighty, not for the sake of anyone else. He should also
knowthat it is his duty to support his in-laws. Therefore, if the
in-laws neglect the husband's right, he should not neglect theirs. It
was narrated that the Messenger of Allaah said: "Pay back the trust to
him who entrusted it to you, and do not betray him who betrays you."
[Ahmad].
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