spouses represent His utmostjustice. There are two major rights. There
are two main rights:the right to good companionship, and the right to
overnight stay and equal distribution. In this series we willaddress
the first of these rights.
First: The right to good companionship
Muslims will never find happinessor tranquility in their homes unless
they live together in a kindmanner. Allaah The Almighty enjoined the
right of good companionship because it helps maintain the affairs of
the spouses and brings them happiness. Moreover, it was set to serve
as a real test for the spouses. Allaah The Almighty Says(what means):
#{And live with them in kindness.}## [Quran 4:19] This is a command
from Allaah The Almighty, which implies a sense of obligation.
Scholars said that living in kindness is an obligatory right whose
violator bears a sin while the one who fulfils it deserves reward.
Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): #{Either retain them in
kindness or part with them kindness.}## [Quran 65:2]
Good companionship requires essential matters that appear in aperson's
heart, which is only known to Allaah The Almighty, in his speech and
words and in his behavior and actions.
Intention:
Good companionship has three aspects, the first and foremost ofwhich
is the intention and what is hidden in the hearts of the spouses. The
husband cannot livein kindness with his wife, nor canshe live in
kindness with him unless each has a good intention towards the other.
This is what Allaah The Almighty means by hisSaying (what means):
#{And do not keep them, intending harm, to transgress [against
them].}## [Quran 2:231] If the husband wants to keep his wife, he
shouldhave a good intention towards her. Therefore, scholars have
saidthat Allaah The Almighty reveals whatever man conceals in his
heart, good or bad, in the slips ofhis tongue. For the man who intends
good when marrying a woman or bringing her into wedlock with the
intention to treat her kindly and live with her in kindness, Allaah
will guide himand grant him success in his life. Allaah The Almighty
Says (what means): #{If Allaah Knows [any] good in your hearts, He
Will Give you [something] better.}
## [Quran 8:70]
When Allaah The Almighty finds good intentions in the hearts of the
spouses, He will grant them success in their apparent behavior and
actions and bring about goodness through them.
Thus, the first advice given to the person who wants to live in
kindness is to have good intention. Some scholars said that the
husband has to renew his intention every day so that Allaah The
Almighty would increase his reward, particularly when his wife is
righteous or has an extra right over him, such as being his relative.
He should have in his heart a good intention towards her, and in this
case, Allaah The Almighty would reveal this intention through his
sayingsand actions. Similarly, the womanshould have in her heart good
intention towards her husband. Once this intention changes, Allaah The
Almighty will change the conditions of the spouses. Allaah The
Almighty Says (what means): #{Indeed, Allaah will not change the
condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.}##
[Quran 13:11]
When the spouses change their good intentions, Allaah The Almighty
will consequently change their conditions from good to evil, and from
better to worse. Thus, every husband should consider his intention
andlook into his heart when he suffers troubles with his wife. In
principle, good companionship emanates from good and righteous
intention, and from a heart that harbors goodness. Theeffects of these
things are reflected on a person's actions. The Prophet said:
~"Indeed, there is a piece of flesh in the body which, if it is sound,
the whole body is sound, and if it is corrupt, the whole body is
corrupt. Indeed, that is the heart."~~
Speech:
The second point related to goodcompanionship in one's speech isthat
just as man should have good intention in his heart in order to live
in kindness, his speech should also be in accordance with the Pleasure
of Allaah The Almighty. Some scholars said regarding #{And livewith
them in kindness}## that kindness is everything that is in accordance
with the Sharee'ah of Allaah The Almighty, and that evilis everything
that contradicts the Sharee'ah of Allaah The Almighty. Thus, the
husband, who wants tolive on good terms with his wife, should fear
Allaah The Almighty regarding what he say, and likewise for wife. The
principle that the Book of Allaah and Sunnah of the Prophet have
affirmed is that every believing man and woman should preservehis/her
tongue and utter good words. The Prophet said:~"Whoever believes in
Allaah and the Last Day, let him say something good or keep silent."~~
The signs of belief in Allaah The Almighty include controlling one's
tongue from saying anything but good to people in general and the
family in particular. Allaah The Almighty enjoined the believers in
the past,addressing us as well, Saying (what means): #{And speak to
people good [words].}## [Quran 2:83] Allaah The Almighty orderedus to
say good words that please Him, because good words benefitthe person
who says them both in this world and in the Hereafter.On the other
hand, bad words harm the speaker in this life and in the Hereafter.
When words emerge from the tongue, they never return, and when hurtful
and harsh words are uttered, they break hearts, ruin them and alter
affection and love to an extent that only Allaah Knows. Allaah The
Almighty therefore enjoined preserving the tongue in the Quran and
through the words of His Messenger .
Scholars listed the situations in which living in kindness through
speech occurs between the spouses:
1- When the spouses call one another.
2- When they request something from one another.
3- During discussion, conversation and jesting.
4- In disputes and arguments.
1- When the woman calls her husband or when he calls her, it should be
done in a nice manner. The Prophet would call'Aa'ishah saying: "O
'Aa'ish, O'Aa'ish." Scholars said that this manner of calling his wife
showed how the Prophet honored, jested and fulfilled his role as a
good husband to his wives. This is a method for Muslim husbands - to
use words of love and kindness when callingtheir wives. Harsh and
coarse addressing, which involves a coercive and forceful style on the
part of the husband or mockery and sarcasm on the part of the wife,
ruins love and severs ties of intimacy between the spouses. Thus, the
wife should call her husband by the best names and so should her
husband.
'Umar said that affection and love increases when a Muslim calls his
Muslim brother with the best of his names. This is one of the three
factors that strengthen intimacy among Muslims, so what would be its
effect on the spouses? It is a mistake when thehusband chooses for his
wife a name that embarrasses her or exposes her to ridicule or
belittlement. The same thing applies to the wife with her husband.
Some scholars would say that it is preferable that the spouses do not
call one other by their names; it is most honorablethat they call each
other by their nicknames (i.e. father of so and so or mother of so and
so). This is the best manner to adopt. Scholars have also said that
whena husband is used to calling his wife affectionately, she does the
same or even better since women were created inclined to affection and
love for gentleness, mercy and intimacy. So, when thehusband treats
his wife on that basis, she would react with him in a better way.
2- When the man requests something from his wife, he should ask her in
a manner that does not give her the feeling of servitude, humiliation,
contempt or belittlement. Similarly, when the woman requests something
from her husband, she should not overburden, hurt or harm him, nor
should she use troublesome words. This behavior helps to preserve
one's tongue and fulfill living equitably through speech. The Prophet
once asked 'Aa'ishah while he was in the mosque (Masjid): ~"Give me
the straw mat."~~ She said, "I am menstruating." The Prophet said:
~"Your menstruation is not in your hands."~~ [Muslim].
Just look at how the Prophet asked a Mother of the Believers for
something, and when she declined, she mentioned her Sharee'ah-based
excuse. She did not say no or that she could not without a
justification; rather, she said that she was in her menstruation,
awaiting instructions on what to do. The Prophet replied: ~"Your
menstruation is not in your hands,"~~ meaning that she could simply
hand it over since entering a hand into the mosque is not like
entering the whole body.
The lesson we learn here is kindness in calling or requesting
something. Marital problems mayarise due to frequent requests.
Scholars mentioned that when a man burdens his wife with many demands
and his manner of demanding is bothersome, this would be one of the
major reasons that ruin affection and love. A woman in this case feels
as if she is a humiliated servant inher husband's house.
Wise men, with the Prophet before them, advised giving reward upon
request, at least with kind words. For example, when the husband asks
his wife to do something, and she does it,he should say kind words to
her, such as supplicating to Allaah TheAlmighty to grant her goodness
and bless her. Once the wife realizes that her favor and goodness are
appreciated, thanked and not denied, she will appreciate this from her
husbandand will actively do good to him and fulfill his needs. This
will greatly help them live equitably together.
3- In conversations and jesting. The spouses should not talk to one
another at inappropriate times. Some scholars said that it is harmful
that a woman talks to her husband when he is tired andexhausted or
that a man talks to his wife when she is tired and exhausted. This
entails boredom and contradicts living in the kindness that Allaah The
Almighty enjoined. They added that when a man jests with his wife, he
should use the best words, and when he relates something to her, he
should select the best event that positively and fruitfully affects
her.
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And Allah Knows the Best!
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Published by :->
M NajimudeeN Bsc- INDIA
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