"She who does not usefoul language, who is unaware ofmen's cunningness
(so she does not become their rival), and whose heart is occupied with
nothing but adorning herself for her husband and caring for her
children."
Know, my dear sister, that believing in Allaah The Exalted is the
essence of your happiness and the source of comfort and tranquillity.
Indeed, misery, suffering, and constant agonies are caused by
abandoning faith inAllaah The Almighty, and neglecting His
remembrance, thankfulness to Him, and failing to fulfil the due rights
of the acts of worship. Allaah The Exalted Says (what means): } "Those
who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of
Allaah. Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allaah the hearts are
assured." { [Quran 13:28 [H.S1 [
} "And whoever turns away from My remembrance – indeed, he will lead a
depressed life, and We will gather him on the Day of Resurrection
blind." { [Quran 20:124]
A young Muslim immigrant to theUSA narrates that he had worked for a
wealthy businessman who owns companies there. Whenever this
businessman passed by this young man, he would find him smiling and
appearing happy, whereas, the employer was sad, worried and gloomy all
the time. Once he asked the young Muslim man about the secret behind
his smilewhich reflects happiness and joy. The young man simply
answered him, "Because I am Muslim." Thenthe businessman exclaimed,
"WillI find this happiness that you feelif I embrace Islam?" The young
man answered, "Yes." Then he accompanied his employer to an Islamic
Centre where he embraced Islam and then burst into tears. When he was
asked about the reason why he was crying, he answered, "This is the
first time in my entire life that I have experienced real happiness."
] Tareek As-Sa'aadah (The Way to Happiness)]
A mother's advice to her daughter
When 'Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybaani, one of the most highly respected
leaders of the Arab nobility during the Jaahiliyyah , (pre-Islamic
era) married his daughter Umm Iyaas to al-Haarith ibn 'Amr al-Kindi,
she was made ready to be taken to the groom, then her mother, Umaamah
came in to her, and advised her daughter saying,
My dear daughter, you are leavingthe home in which you have
beenbrought up and were raised, to a home which you do not know, and
with a new companion who you are not accustomed to. By marrying you,
he has become your guardian and superior. Therefore, be a slave to him
and he will be a slave to you.
My dear daughter, maintain theseten traits and he will always support
you. As for the first and second trait: Be content in your life with
him and be an obedient companion.
The third and fourth: Continuously be attentive to what his eyes fall
on and to what his nose might smell. Do not let him behold you
unattractive, and let him only smell pleasant scentsfrom you.
The fifth and the sixth: Be attentive to the time of his meals, and be
quiet during his sleep; for hunger is agitating, anddisturbing one's
sleep arouses anger.
The seventh and eighth: Preserve his money, and look after his
household and children, for guarding his money is a good
characteristic, and looking after his household and children is a way
of honoring him.
As for the ninth and tenth traits: Never expose his secrets or disobey
his orders, for if you expose his secrets you will not besafe from his
betrayal, and if you disobey his orders you will make him angry.
In addition, avoid expressing happiness while he is sad, or being
gloomy while he is happy, for the first quality is an act of
negligence, and the second displeases him.
Honor him the best you can, and he will honor you the best he can.
The more you agree with him, the longer he will stay in your company.
Know, that you will not attain what you aspire for unless you favor
his contentment over yours,and his desires over yours whether
concerning something that pleases or displeases you.
Steps to marital happiness
· Remember that you are not a man:
Many wives face marital failure due to developing complexes about
their femininity. Such women are not proud of their femininity, and do
not acknowledge their husbands' roleof being in charge and their right
to lead the family. Such women are paranoid, constantly feeling that
their husbands are trying to subdue them and exercise their
masculinity over them. Consequently, such a wife will try to prove
that she is equal to him. These poisonous beliefs will ruin their
lives and turn it into a living hell.
Such a woman should know that men and women complete one another; men
enjoy the qualities that women lack, and similarly, women enjoy the
qualities that men lack. Men's right to take charge over women does
not mean humiliation or suppression;rather, it means leadership,
responsibility, wisdom, compassion, mercy and affection.By virtue of
man's right to take charge, he can take his wife through their life
journey tosafety and happiness.
· Search for the positive side:
Many wives do not feel happy in their marriages because of their
negative perspective of their husbands; they only see their flaws and
defects. Their husbands might have countless good qualities that
surpass their defects, but their melancholic perspective of their life
blinds them from such good traits, thusshe is only able to see her
husband's weaknesses.
A wise wife should look for her husband's positive traits, enumerate
them, try to foster them and praise him for them. Moreover, she should
be patient with his flaws and defects, and try to overlook them. Were
she toconfront her husband's abuse with kindness, it would deeply
affect him and perhaps drive him to change his bad behavior with her,
and replace his flaws and defects with positive qualities.
· Make sure of your husband's love for you:
Verifying your husband's love for you is essential for the wife to
attain marital happiness. On the one hand, a husband should affirm his
love for his wife from time to time. On the other hand, a wife should
remind herself of her husband's love for her and tryto find reasons
which could verifythat love; the first of which was his proposal to
marry her in the first place which proves his attraction towards her
and his love for her. Besides, the fact thathe is still married to her
also indicates this. Add to that, the fact that he financially
supports her, tends to her, cares for her, and feels protective
jealousy over her. All this highlights his love forhis wife.
· Your happiness lies in your contentment:
How many women have deprived themselves of attaining marital happiness
because of wishing for what others have? The wife pushes her husband
to satisfy herdesires by providing her with luxuries that are not
necessary at all, knowing that he cannot afford that. On seeing her
husband unable to provide her with what she wants, she loses respect
for him and sees him as alazy and passive person.
If such a wife were to judge her life fairly, she would have seen
countless positive points and the bright side of the pages of her
life, that can guarantee her happiness if she is content with the
blessings that Allaah The Exalted has bestowed upon her. In the past,
the Muslim wife would stand at her porch biddingher husband farewell,
as he wentto work and remind him, "Fear Allaah The Almighty, and
beware,beware of bringing back home anything that is unlawful; we
canendure hunger, but we can never endure Hell." It is worth
mentioning that a happy person is not he who gets all that he wishes
for; since one's desires cannot be fully satisfied, and wishes
continue until the last breath. Actually, true happiness isfound in
contentment.
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