prepared by Brother Aslam Patel
"You have never seen anything better than marriage for those who
love." (Ibne Mãjah)
Shaykh Muhammad Saleem Dhorat dãmat barakãtuhum advises:
1 . Every action is dependant upon intention. When marrying, both
partners should therefore make a firm intention to accomplish the
followingobjectives:
*. Following the Sunnah of our beloved Nabee Muhammad s.
*. Safeguarding oneself from sins.
*. Parenting pious children.
2 . When marrying, each becomes the other's lifetime companion.
Eachshould understand and appreciate that Allah S has brought them
both together and that their destiny in life has now become one.
Whatever the circumstances: happiness or sorrow; health or sickness;
wealth or poverty; comfort or hardship; trialor ease; all events are
to be confronted together as a team with mutual affection and respect.
No matter how wealthy, affluent, materially prosperous and
"better-off" another couple may appear, one's circumstances are to be
happily accepted with qanã'at ( contentment upon the Choice of Allah
S). The wife should happily accept her husband, his home and income as
her lot and should always feel that her husband is her true beloved
and best friend and well-wisher in all family decisions. The husband
too should accept his wife as his partner-for-life and not cast a
glance towards another.
3 . Nowadays, the husband reads about, and is well-informed of his
rights and demands them. Similarly, the wife reads of her rights and
expects them. However, both should concentrate on being aware of each
other's rights and then strive to fulfil them. This is the
prescription for a prosperous marriage andeverlasting love.
4 . During the first year ofmarriage, the couple must try and spend as
much time as possible together. This is especially true for the first
two months as it provides an opportunity to understand each other's
temperaments and establishes a firm foundation which contributes
towards securing a prosperous marriage.
5 . The couple (especially the husband) must make a point to arrive
home early after 'Ishã Salãh and scrupulously avoid the habit of
socialising with friends late into the evening. Wherever possible,
business, employment and other activities should be concluded
beforehand orcurtailed in order to set aside time for spending
together.
6 . Mutual respect between husband and wife should not be lost. They
should each be veryparticular about following the Deen right from the
initial stages of married life. This will alsoensure a religious
environment for the children to be nurtured in, contributing greatly
towards their successful upbringing.
7 . True and everlasting prosperity is only possible for Muslims when
they follow the Sunnah of Rasoolullah s in all affairs. The couple
too, should adhere to theteachings of Rasoolullah s in all their
matters and abstain from anything which contradicts them. Careful
attention should be given to this in their intimate relationship
too.Inshã'allah this will be anassured approach to acquiring the
blessing of pious offspring.
8 . In the initial stages of marriage, the love between the couple is
a physical bond, wherein emotional changes take place all the time.
Despitegreat passion and physical love for each other, affection
between the couple is not yet well established or on a rational basis.
Such rational love comes after many years together. It istherefore
extremely important for the husband not to succumb to emotional
weaknessesat the onset and let the marriage waver towards an
irreligious direction. Both the husband and wife should make a pledge
to each other to steadfastly follow the Deen, especially in the
performance of Salãh and in avoiding all sins.
9 . Marriage is like the weather, forever changing. Sometimes it
iscloudy and rainy, life appears gloomy, then thesun appears and rays
of happiness break throughbringing joy. At times, one experiences
rain, wind and sunshine all in one day. Such is life, and like the
seasons, we go through different experiences. The secret isto remain
devoted and steadfast to one's Deen and spouse.
10 . The husband should be sympathetic to the fact that his wife has
left her parents, brothers andsisters to start a new life with him.
Her sacrifice and her feelings should be respected and joy should be
felt by both partners at the expansion of their families.
Just as the wife should treat her husband's parents as her own, he
should also extend affection, courtesy and respect to his new in-laws.
11 . As soon as one experiences a problem, no matter how trivial,
which remains unresolved for more thanthree days, consult a person who
is both knowledgeable and yoursincere well-wisher.
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