Lines from the diary of a child speaking about his happy childhood,
"My father was always cheerful and his smile never left his face, even
in the most difficult situations. This smile meant a great deal to us
as it revealed how much our father loves us. This smile used to force
us to behave properly and avoid mistakes so as not to anger our father
and miss his smile even fora second.
My father's smile was the source of our psychological balance. It
provided us with warmth, confidence, frankness and courage in the face
of hardships. May Allaah reward him with the best."
Protagonists of the frowning approach:
Some parents and educators adopt the frowning method in dealing with
their children. Hence, they avoid speaking with them cordially or
smiling at them. They believe that there should be strict limits
between parents and their children so thatthey can succeed in their
upbringing.
They think that smiling and cheerfulness with children will spoil
them, while frowning and sullenness represent the discipline and
resolve that are necessary for any successful upbringing.
Unfortunately, we are sorry to tell such people that this is the
approach of the weak, who have not mastered the art ofentering into
the hearts, even thehearts of the closest people to them: their
children!
People with great souls are the only ones who can always be cheerful
with their children, while they control the process of upbringing in
such a way that ensures their children are close enough to learn from
them and obey their orders within a warm family environment.
The wise educator can direct his child through his smile and look,
embrace him compassionately, and treat his mistakes with patience.
This little smile may be of great importance and influence on the
child, especially that he receives itfrom his source of protection
androle model.
Cheerfulness is from the guidanceof the Prophet :
The guidance of the Prophet regarding cheerfulness, is amazing. He was
always cheerful and used to smile at his Companions. Jareer bin
'Abdullaah Al-Bajali said, "Whenever the Prophet saw me after I had
embraced Islam, he would receive me with a smile." [Al-Bukhaari]
This was not confined to Jareer as 'Abdullaah bin Al-Haarith said, "I
have never seen anyone who smiles more than the Prophet ."
[Al-Albaani: Saheeh]
Umm Ad-Dardaa' said, "Abu Ad-Dardaa' used to smile whenever he spoke.
So I told him to stop doing this for fear that people may think that
he was simple minded. However, Abu Ad-Dardaa' said, 'I have never seen
or heard the Prophet speaking without smiling.'" Hence, he used to
smile whenever he spoke in imitation of the Prophet .
The Prophet was very, caring, thoughtful and compassionate towards
children. It was never reported that he frowned at any child
throughout his life; rather, whenever he met them, he would smile at
them even if he was accompanied by his honorable Companions.
In a Hadeeth (narration) on the authority of Jaabir he said,"We were
with the Prophet when we were invited to have food. On our way, we saw
Al-Husayn playing with the boys in the street. The Prophet hurried and
opened his arms. Al-Husayn started running here and there while the
Prophet was laughing with him. The Prophet took him and put one of his
hands on his chin and the other between his head and ears, then, he
embraced and kissed him and said: 'Husayn belongs to me and I belong
to him, may Allaah The Almighty love whoever loves him. Al-Hasan and
Al-Husayn are two of the noblest of men.'" [At-Tabaraani] [Al-Albaani:
Hasan]
The Prophet also taught us that a smile may sustain others, especially
those who are under our care. The Prophet said: "You cannot please all
people with your money, but you could do this through your
cheerfulness and good morals." [Muslim]
Is there any of us who does not need to please his children through
his cheerfulness and good morals? Is there anyone who does not need to
do so today, when he sees that the educator's mission has become one
of the most difficult on earth? The protection of children against
immorality and other social problems have become issues that require a
great deal ofsupplication and great balance in the personality of the
educator, to be able to sustain his children and establish a
successful relationship with them. This relationship serves as gravity
thatalways attracts them to their good origins and strengthens them in
the face of the wild storms of immorality that blow from all
directions.
This is the default principle in dealing with one's children:
Smiling at our children is the default principle as we learned from
the Prophet while frowning should be an educational punishment that
should be used wisely and only when necessary. Certainly, cheerfulness
strengthens the relationship between the educator and the child, while
frowning causes the child to dislike his parent and weakens their
mutual love.
'Umar bin Al-Khattaab said, "One should be like a young boy among his
family, but when he is needed as a man, he should be so." The meaning
is that cheerfulness and good morals as well as joking with one's
family and children is the best way to lead them, provided that this
does not affect the parent's respect.
You may even use what is called (the angry smile) when you punish or
blame your child as a form of silent-yet-effective punishment. The
Prophet taught us how to use the smile even when we are angry. Ka'b
binMaalik narrated his story when he did not participate in the Battle
of Tabook without a valid excuse. He said, "When news reached me that
the Messenger of Allaah was on his way back from Tabook, I was greatly
distressed… I greeted him, he smiled, and there was a tinge of anger
in that. He then said to me: 'Come forward' . I went forward and I sat
in front of him. He said to me: `What kept you back?'" [Al-Bukhaari
andMuslim] Therefore, smile, dear educator!
Cheerfulness and smiling is important to have a calm child:
A sense of humor helps children get rid of the feelings of anger and
embarrassment. It also spreads happiness in the house and warmth in
the heart in addition to providing children with a feeling of safety
that they would miss if their educator was one of those who adhere to
the frowning method.
Good growth:
German psychiatrists' studies proved that laughter from the bottom of
the heart has a deep influence on the child's growth during his early
years. Based on the results of these studies, psychiatrists confirmed
that laughter is as important as food and that the child who laughs
much grows well.
Educational excellence:
Psychiatrists always stress the positive influence of a smile on the
educational process. They saythat fun creates a psychological
environment full of happiness and satisfaction, and this releasesthe
mental abilities to learn easily. That is because joyfulness prepares
the mental abilities to expand and grow contrary to the environment of
sadness and pessimism that gives a despondent impression about life.
Smiling attaches the child to his parents:
If your smile springs from your heart and expresses true love for and
admiration of your child, then it will have a good psychological
impact on the childand provide him with happy memories and strong love
for his parents, particularly if they use eye contact to convey their
true love and appreciation to him.
Dear readers and educators, this shows us that the more a parent is
cheerful, the stronger his relationship with his children willbe, and
vice versa. Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {Andif you had been
rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from
about you.} [Quran 3:159]
Do not forget to smile at your child when he enters upon you… when you
leave the house…when he leaves the house…when you receive him upon
returning from school…when you enter upon him returning from work…do
notforget to smile when you wake him up and let him see your smile
before anything else.
When you put him to bed, do notforget to smile at him to have thebest
dreams ever. Smile when you ask him about his faults so he can feel
safe and tell you the truth. Finally, smile to immunize your children
against feelings of fear and sadness and to turn yourrelationship with
them into an uninterrupted and wonderful series of successful
communication. In such a case, they will respond to your directions
and long to meet you. They will never think of doing anything that
angers you, because they do not want to loseyour sweet smile for any
reason.
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