5] Let Go of Grudges, for Your Own Sake

5]
"Pardon them and overlook – Allah loves those who do good." (Qur'an 5:13)
If we hold grudges, our spirits get stuck like trapped birds. We can't
fly the way we're supposed to, because our own resentments bind us and
hold us down. When you hate someone, they don't feel it . Only you do.
It affects only your own heart, until your heart hardens and your
vision narrows, and life loses its joy and zest.
We must forgive each other and forgive ourselves. Let go of
resentments from the past.Do it for your own sake, because letting go
and forgiving is the only way to be happy.
Whatever others have done against you, let it go.Consign it to Allah,
then forgive. Whatever you have done against others, apologize and ask
forgiveness, and ask Allah'sforgiveness as well.
The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) was seated in a gathering
with the Sahabah when he looked towards the entrance and said, "A man
of Paradise is coming." Atthat instance someone who seemed to be very
ordinary entered the masjid where they were seated. One sahabi was
curious as to why the Prophet had said such a thing about this man, so
he followed the man to hishouse. The sahabi told the man that he was a
traveler, and was invited to stay as a guest. For three days the
sahabi saw nothing unusual, so he finally told the man what the
Prophet had said and asked him what was so special. The man thought
for a long time and said, "There might be one thing — before going to
sleep every night I forgive everyone and sleep with a clean heart."
Mr. Evatt
I went to high school in Saudi Arabia, and I had an American teacher
who I really liked. He was my English teacher for two years and his
name was Mr. Evatt. He was from Georgia and had long hair and a heavy
Southern drawl. He lived in a very old neighborhood of Riyadh, and I
always foundit amusing when the bus would pick him up in the morning,
as he was standing beside flocks of goats and smoking a cigarette, and
his shirt already plastered with sweat at 7am. He used to call us
students, "Little wallets", which was his version of " walad ", which
means boy in Arabic. But was a good teacher and I respected him.
Sometime during the second year, I was passing by the teacher's lounge
and the door was open. I heard a few of the teachers talking about
Arabs. I paused outside thedoor to listen, and I heard Mr. Evatt refer
to his students as "sand-ni****s." I was very hurt. I think it also
fueled the beginning of a deep resentment and intolerance in me that
lasted for many years. I returned to the USA for college, and for a
long time, if I ever found out that one of my non-Muslim friends
harbored the least bit of bigotry against Muslims or Arabs, I would
cut that person off forever, and literally never speak another word to
him. I hadno patience for it. I also had an increasing sense that I
did not belong in American society. I had always been proud of being
an American, but from the moment that I overheard Mr. Evatt, I began
to feel that while I loved America, America didnot love me back. I
became restless and unsatisfied with life in America. My most
satisfying times were my trips abroad to Mexico or Costa Rica. Finally
I left the USA and emigrated to Panama.
I was happy in Panama. It was a peaceful, beautiful place. The people
there had no preconceptions about Arabs and Muslims. Ithink I was able
to finally relax, and breathe easily. I only came back to the USA a
few years ago, but I've realized that somewhere along the road, I let
go of the grudges I was holding.I'm more easy going with people now. I
have a martial arts teacher who has some anti-Arab ideas, but I am
patient with him. I have realized that it's notthe bigots' fault that
they are ignorant. They only need to be educated. Just the fact of
knowing me can go a long way toward dispelling stereotypes.
It's so much simpler to extend love to people, andshow them the way,
rather than react with anger. And it's better for my own soul. I feel
calm now, and balanced. Alhamdulillah. If I could see Mr. Evatt now, I
would thank him for being a good teacher. He must have cared about us,
or he would not have made the effort. And maybe I would ask him about
the statement he made. But I wouldn't blame him or getangry. I wish
him well.
Forgive Yourself
This is important. Forgiveness needs to extend in all directions, even
to yourself. Whateveryou've done against yourself, forgive yourself.
Don't hold grudges againstyourself. We humans all make mistakes.
Don't call yourself names. You are not stupid, shameful, or useless.
Just the opposite! You are bright, special and unique, with a special
mission in this life. If you feel that you have been corrupted by
sin,:->