whole life. I met a Muslim man from Afghanistan and we started seeing
each other and fell in love. I will call him "Fred". I have never met
Fred's family and he has never met mine.
Four Months into our relationship I became pregnant. I was happy,
butnervous and scared because we hadn't been together very long and I
wasn't sure how Fred would react. At first Fred seemed happy and then
one day he came to me and told me that he didn't want the baby and
said that I would have to choose between him or the baby. It hurt to
hear Fred say this or to even think of getting rid of the baby.
I'm not religious but I consider myself to be a spiritual person and
do not believe in abortion. I decided that abortion wasn't an option
and continued on with my pregnancy. We continued to see each other and
the discussion of my pregnancy rarely came up and when it did most of
the time Fred would be defencive and not want totalk about it.
While we were together Fred told me that he would be kicked out of
hishome if he told his family. As far as I know Fred still never told
them about thebaby and I feel that I have lied to them even though we
don't know each other.There were times when Fred would express
happiness and interest in my pregnancy and it would make me so happy.I
thought that his negativity was just fear and that he would embrace
our child after he was born.
I now have a beautiful baby boy who is almost a year old and he's the
joy of my life. Unfortunately Fred stopped seeing me shortly before I
gave birth and has never met our son. I have tried to contactFred
several times in attempt to have him involved in our son's life. The
few times we spoke he said that he would come see our son, but the
last time I attempted to speak with Fred he hung up on me without even
saying hello and has ignored my calls since.
We never really discussed our religious beliefs while we were together
and I don't have much knowledge about Islam other than what I have
recently researched online.According to my research pre-maritial sex
is frowned upon and having a child before marriage is not allowed. My
child would be considered a "Haram Baby" and he would not be accepted
as part of Fred's family because he was born out of wed-lock.
In my heart I believe that Fred wanted to have this child with me but
has been restricted by his beliefs. I know that he is a good man and
he truly loved me. I am still in lovewith him and hope that someday
we might be a family. I'm filled with sadness because my son doesn't
have a father.
I'm hurt because I have been left to deal with this alone without
explanation. I have done everything for my son andeveryday is a
struggle mentally, emotionally and physically.
I have been considering filing for child support, butI don't want
cause any confrontation with Fred orhis family. I'm not interested in
money, but I don't think that I should have to take on all of this
responsibility by myself. I was hoping he would eventually come around
but it's been about a five months since the last timewe talked.
I'm searching for an understanding as to why he hasn't taken
responsibility for his son and if there will ever be a possibility of
him being in our son's life??
I'm curious what might happen if I approach his family with this
situation and what it would mean for Fred??
I'm also curious if Fred is never going to be involved in our sons
life, what can I do to teach ourson about his culture??
I don't wish to offend anyone so please correct me if I'm wrong about
theinformation I've researched.
- Janet
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