may show signs of fear when hearing a sudden noise, orif something
falls suddenly, and so on. A child may be afraid of strangers starting
from the age of approximately six months, and in the second year a
child may be afraid of many things such as animals, cars, slopes,
water, etc.
In general, females show more fear than males, andthe intensity of the
fear may vary according to theintensity of the child's imagination;
the more imaginative a child is, the more fearful he may be.
Several factors and reasons may increase a child's fears, such as:
- The mother scaring her child with ideas of ghosts and ghouls, or
soldiers, or shadows, or 'ifreets (jinn) or strange creatures, etc.
- Too much coddling on the part of the parents, or their being too
anxious and sensitive about him.
- Raising the child in isolation, keeping him within the four walls of
the house.
- Telling fairy stories that have to do with jinns and 'ifreets...
... and other reasons.
A child may be made susceptible to fear by picking up the fears of his
parents through what he sees. Fears acquired in thismanner are
characterized by their lengthy duration. Hence, setting a good example
plays a major role in training a child notto be afraid. What is
required here is an example of bravery in all kinds of different
situations, and not being afraid of animals that are not harmful or of
people in high positions when demanding one's rights, and generally
not being afraid for no reason.
In order to deal with a child's fears, the parents must pay attention
to a number of matters, including:
- Bringing him up from the earliest age to believein Allaah and
worship Him, and to turn to Him inall situations of anxiety and fear.
- Giving the child some freedom and responsibilities, and letting him
do things, according to his stage of development.
- Not scaring him, especially when he cries, with ideas of ghosts,
hyenas, thieves, jinn and 'ifreets, etc. This comes under the heading
of"better", as in the hadeeth: "The strong believer is better and is
more loved by Allaah thanthe weak believer." (Narrated by Muslim, no.
2664).
- Encouraging him from an early age to mix with others and giving him
theopportunity to meet themand get to know them, so that he will feel
from the depth of his heart that he is loved and respected by everyone
whom he meetsand gets to know.
What the psychologists and educationalists adviseis giving the child
the opportunity to get to know the thing that is frightening him, so
that if he is afraid of the dark, there is nothing wrong with letting
him play withthe light-switch, turning itoff and on; if he is afraid
of water there is nothing wrong with letting him play with a little
water in a small bowl, and so on...
- Parents can also tell him stories of the heroic salaf (early
generations of Islam), and train him to adopt the attitudes of the
Sahaabah, so that he will develop a brave and heroic nature.
But if the child's fear is a form anxiety, then its cause may be a
number ofinterconnected factors which according to the Sunnah of the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), should be dealt
with in a wise and careful manner. These factors include:
- Giving the child more to do than he is able, as the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "He who does not show mercy
to our young ones and acknowledge the rights ofour old ones is not one
of us." (Narrated by Abu Dawood, no. 4943; al-Tirmidhi, 1921; also
narrated in Saheeh al-Jaami' by al-Albaani, 5444).
- Not satisfying his need for success. It was narrated that 'Ali (may
Allaah be pleased with him) said: "I never heard the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saying 'May my
father andmother be sacrificed for you' to anyone, except Sa'd, to
whom I heard himsay, 'Shoot, may my fatherand mother be sacrificed for
you!' And I think that was on the day of Uhud." (Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, no. 6184; Muslim, no. 2411). This shows that parents
should encouragetheir children no matter what the level of quality of
their performance, so that they will motivated to do even better.
- Going to extremes in physical punishment and dealing harshly with
them. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "Whoeveris deprived of gentleness is deprived of all
goodness." (Narrated by Muslim, no. 2292).
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